What next?

LegacyUser

About 2 months ago I was diagnosed with depression. I had been seeing a counsellor before but always denied that I was depressed but have now been to my doctor and been officially diagnosed. I didn't want to take antidepressants as I was afraid of growing dependent on them and also my depression is periodical. I'm not always down and sad, sometimes I'm really really happy so as a result I didn't want to to take antidepressants. My doctor has referred to the pysch. unit in my local hospital for evaluation but has warned me that they probably won't see me after my inital evaluation because 'I'm not depressed enough'...

So I ask, what do I do then? I can manage my depression for the most part. I've had to. Sometimes though it gets too much. This week has been a bad week. I've been extremely paranoid, sad, irritable and just plan unhappy. The best way to explain it is that literally nothing will make me happy, even if it should. This morning I woke up livid for no reason. Was slamming doors and hitting myself just out of pure anger and it scared me. I'm wrecked as well because I don't sleep properly when I have an 'episode'. I find these times really tough and don't know what to do. I have called the Samitarans and was told, believe it or not, that they were too busy to talk to me. I won't be ringing them again. I tried talking to my Mum and she told me to cop on and that I wasn't depressed. I tried ringing Grow but never got an answer. I talk to my boyfriend and he's great, always sorts my head out (albeit temporarily) but I want him to be my boyfriend not my counsellor. I can't go to support groups because my work hours clash. I can't afford to see a counsellor or psychiatrist privately.

I'm lost. I find my paranoia crippling more than anything else and my anger this morning really scared me but I have no idea where to turn next for help. Any suggestions?

film_gonzo

Hey OP,

I was in your situation till about last year.I was depressed for many years before that but never admitted it. I think admitting to yourself that there's an issue is the first positive step to getting better.

nextoption wrote:

my depression is periodical. I'm not always down and sad, sometimes I'm really really happy

That's the way it works. Crushing lows and dizzying highs. It's still all depressive mood swings. It's unhealthy not to have a middle ground where you feel content in yourself.

nextoption wrote:

I can't afford to see a counsellor or psychiatrist privately.

Even though you say you can't afford it I would still strongly recommend you to find the money. €60 every two weeks for an hour does seem like alot but, for me anyways, it was the best I've ever spent. I feel more positive about my life then I've had in years.

I think the biggest thing I learned through my sessions, and it seems like such a small silly thing, but the realization that you control your thoughts and moods. Nobody and nothing else. You need to constantly force yourself to stay positive. Banish the negative feelings away. It can be done.

I wish you the best of luck . Although it may not seem like it now, there's always the chance of a positive outcome to every situation.

The_Scary_Man

Depression can be difficult to deal with. The anger you felt was probably rooted in your own frustration. Depression is basically frustration and anger turned inwards when your coping mechanisms don't work any more. Self destructive behaviour is another thing though so if you get the urge to hurt yourself or if the anger becomes too much to handle then you should contact someone, preferably a health professional.

If I was you I would have a chat with your GP about some form of medication. There are a lot of options out there and one of them might suit you. Most are non-addictive as far as I know but discuss it with your doctor.

I'm surprised that GROW and the Samaritans didn't listen to you but your mother's reaction would be quite typical. In my own experience it is difficult for a parent to admit or face up to the fact that their child might suffer from depression. Partly because in their generation there is still some mis-understanding about depression and partly because they can feel it reflects on the job they themselves did as parents.

Talking to your boyfriend I'm sure helps but you are right to look elsewhere for the kind of support you need. You need to be able to talk frankly and openly about everything without any sense of responsibility or guilt. In this kind of accepting environment you can start to examine the frustration that is manifesting as depression.

You say that you can't afford to see a counsellor but I really would urge you to try. A lot of counsellors operate a sliding payment option so that people on lower incomes can be facilitated. You wouldn't walk around on a sprained ankle rather than see a doctor

Remember this is not who you are. You are not depressed, you are feeling depressed. Theres a difference. Just as you have felt happy or sad in the past this will pass. I myself went through years of depression, withdrawal and anger before I decided that I needed to take back control of my life. I saw a counsellor and my situation and out look slowly changed for the better. I was so impressed with the counsellor that I've started training to be one now myself.

Sometimes taking a step like going on medication can be very difficult because thats the point at which we finally admit to ourselves that this is too much to cope with. Raised as we were to be self sufficient many of us find it difficult to put our hands out and ask for help from anyone never mind a stranger.

One last point you can feel happy at times and still be depressed. The meds will regulate your mood not just give you a lift.

I think you are already on the path to overcoming this. Looking for solutions is the first step, finding one that suits you is next.

Take Care

b3t4

I'm actually not suprised by the Smaritans. My sister and I both had similar experiences in the past with them so I'm very unlikely to recommend others to ring them. Your mother's response is also quite common so try not to concentrate on that.

Is there any chance you could head along to your GP again? Anti-depressents can take a while to get into your system and when they do they might not even suit you. A change of the anti-d's might help elleviate things but that's up to your doctor to do.

If you can't afford counselling at the moment then I suggest you start writing. And by this I mean long ranting essays about everything and anything that pops into your head. If you'd be concerned about anyone finding this then tear them up or burn them.

For anger try hitting a pillow as hard as you can against a wall. It's a save method of getting your anger out and might help you to figure out what you are angry at. You'd also be surprised at how good it feels

You control your mind and don't forget that. You control how you feel and how your react to your feelings. Learning positive ways to cope with your feeling is the best way forward.

I would advise counselling as it truly can help but in the long run it will be up to you to cope with what's going on in your head. It can be done even if you think right now it can't.

Best of luck with things,
A