Contacting an ex?...opinions...

LegacyUser

Hello denizens of PI…

So this is one of those pretty boring inconsequential relationship posts, but I thought I’d throw it out there and see what the response is…

Bit of background – my ex gf and I broke up about 2 ½ months ago. We were only going out for 6 months but it was quite intense. Basically, towards the end, we were both really busy with other things and kinda fell apart from neglected the relationship. I know the pressure of those things didn’t exactly make me the easiest person to be around then!

One weekend I think we just saw more differences than similarities between us. I wanted a break, she wanted to break-up. It wasn’t messy but it did take a bit of getting used to, but I can honestly say it was a relief.

So 2 months later and maybe it’s the hot weather (& probably a bit of nostalgia!) but I’m torn about something as simple as contacting the girl. We need to give back some stuff to each other – well I need to get stuff back from her really so just wondering what has people’s reactions been to an ex contacting them?

azezil

You broke up on good terms, I fail to see the issue in saying hi?

Depends what you're after I guess, if its just to get your stuff back, fair enough, if its to try making another go at it... from my experience I'd advise against it, has never worked for me, I got back with 2 ex's after a relatively short period of being apart (couple of weeks / month) and it was weird and awkward, didn't even last a week the second time with either.

biko

By all means meet up, get your things, have a chat and a coffee.

metrovelvet

Depends on the ex.

LegacyUser

'That's the thing...she's a pretty cool girl, when we broke up my mates seemed genuinely shocked (even after 6 months...soppy gits!). I guess a part of me wants to just talk about it - get things out in the open and maybe get some closure.

But I've worked her out of my system and part of me thinks there's no point in talking about what happened...cos, well it's happened.

We could be great mates but that I've never had that happen.

D*mn you couples in the park....'

Attol

If you're sure you can face her and won't try get with her then go ahead. You broke up for a reason I'm sure. If you're over the romantic side of things then there's no harm in being friends with her or contacting her imo.

Stench Blossoms

I wouldn't but thats just me. Ex's are ex's for a reason.

joesoap1976

believe me you should just leave it. It took a while for that to sink in for me.

Wibbs

orla wrote:

I wouldn't but thats just me. Ex's are ex's for a reason.

It depends on the situation and the couple. I know of one couple who split up(quite badly too) for over a year. They got back together and now they've been living together and planning marriage 5 years later.

jellie

You have a reason to contact her: to get your things. You can use this contact to see how things are between you. seeing her or speaking to her (even just for the few minutes to exchange things) would probably tell you better what to do about the situation than some strangers on the internet

Stench Blossoms

Wibbs wrote:

It depends on the situation and the couple. I know of one couple who split up(quite badly too) for over a year. They got back together and now they've been living together and planning marriage 5 years later.

I suppose its just me, or maybe its guys i was previously with that i don't want to have any contact with them.

joesoap1976

perhaps its different in this case as both partners maybe open to reconciliation. You are right in that sense. I just think in most cases is a lost cause. It was for me on both serious occasions. Move on. Thats what i am doing.

MayMay

You should have gotten your stuff back at the time....unless your posessions are really valuable I'd leave it be.

LegacyUser

Thanks all...

I guess I'm just making an issue out of something which ain't really that big deal in the overall scheme of things. We didn't really talk that much about the reasons when we split so maybe that explains the apprehension.

We have been in contact over the past couple of months - mainly about getting each others stuff back but haven't managed to get around to it yet! I dunno, maybe we just needed some space and time for it not to be so raw.

I'm not that bothered about getting the stuff back, but I don't want to sound childish and tell her to just keep it.

Wibbs

From my reading of it, it doesn't sound like it was a deep relationship(she may be the "one" kind of thing), so going back probably won't accomplish much.

metrovelvet

I dont get what the issue is. It shouldnt be a big deal .... unless of course you still have feelings for her... do you?

Your fear makes it sound like part of you wants her ... you know how fear and desire are two sides of the same coin?

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote:

I dont get what the issue is. It shouldnt be a big deal .... unless of course you still have feelings for her... do you?

Or he's a bit lonely for a relationship, it's summer and he's horny?

Your fear makes it sound like part of you wants her

Or he simply isn't sure that he wants to call her for any number of reasons. Simple curiosity could be most of it.

you know how fear and desire are two sides of the same coin?

Huh? Funny coin collection ya got there. How is fear and desire two sides of the same coin?