cant let go of the past

LegacyUser

hi there,im having a problem at the moment. i have a girlfriend,i love her to bits but i cant trust her because of what happened before,basically we got together at start of last year spent the whole year together( and i mean all day everyday whether we had work and college or not).

in the run up to last xmas things got bad between us and we pretty much stopped talking,we met up just before xmas a few times and tried to talk things thru,eventually on xmas eve we broke up.

the upside is we got back together on valentines day and were all happy, but in the months after shes begun to tell me bout what she did over xmas.

the problem includes 2 guys,one an ex of hers and the other a guy who is mad after her.she told me she and her ex were texting over all of december and spent stephens nite together though didnt have sex,aah!!,she said it was just a casual thing but i feel so betrayed coz when i was trying to keep her she was texting him,the day we broke up she went out with him that nite and of course they spent the nite together on stephens nite.fine it was just a brief fling she said.

the other guy is her best friends brother,he as i said was interested in her, in january she went to the cinema a few times with him and they kissed,fair enough,but she was doing this as she was back in contact with me about getting back together.i heard thru friends she was seeing this guy and i sat her down and said to her if there is anyone else in the picture then i am not interested,she said no their wasnt, which is a lie

a third bugbear was the weekend before we got back together we had sex for the first time since we broke up,that day we did it she had a ball that nite where she preceded to score with yet another guy,her claim here that her drink was spiked and she didnt know what she was doing,she genuinely believes this yet admits also she was drinking on an empty stomach which may explain why she was so drunk.

now i dont know what to do,i dont trust her, her closest gang of friends worry me,they are a bunch of girls who in order are:one is having an affair with a married man whilst having a boyfriend,another has had a longstanding fling with a man twice her age and also has a boyfriend but this didnot stop from coming on to 2 of my housemates ,another has a venereal disease picked up from random picking up men in a club sex and the other girl gets drunk and gives blowjobs to anyone.

now i know what your thinking why are you talking bout her friends like that?they are nice girls although a couple of them have an intense dislike of me,i worry coz they are all going away to a sunspot for two weeks in a couple of weeks time with my gf and she has said to me several times her friends have pushed her to score with guys and take drugs get more drunk etc!!

but back to my main problem,can i trust her?reading what i just typed it really doesnt paint her in a goodlight,but i have to say she can say some unflattering things about me,ive never cheated on her but ive done plenty of other things(no violence!im a niceguy)she has to repeat exams in august and she blames us for this(after we broke up originally she didnt go to college for a good few months) but to be honest i blame one of her friends who took her out drinking everyday(the venereal disease friend).

now the past few months have been ok,but she seems to be operating a double standard with me, i have some friends who are basically male versions of her friends,she has asked me directly why i hang with them and that i shudnt hang with them,of course i said im not getting rid of my friends but i have decided to clean my act up(giving up drugs and drink) and that does entail not spending as much time as i used to with them(example last nite they went dropping acid i stayed at home and read my book)but if i even dare mention my concerns about her friends its all "dont tell me what i can do and cant do" when all ive said is hey can i trust them with you?as well with the texting im used to texting her and not getting a reply for hours but when she texts me if there is any delay in replying she gets odd with me.

im saying all this coz over the past month or so ive had a few panic attacks(one whilst driving!)which scared me!i went to the doctor and he said yes give up drink and drugs(i smoke an awful lot of weed,or i used to smoke an awful lot of weed i should say) and i have felt a quite a bit better bout myself.

last week we had a big argument and i asked her did she want to break up?i was taken aback by the force of her response she said she loved me and she wants to be with me,she did say we shud go on a break for a week for me to think bout things which we have done, and to be honest i have had a great week,just reading exercising getting back in contact with other non druggy friends.but were due now to meet up on wednesday and we have been doing a lot of texting,shes been doing the same things (getting pissed all the time with her friends) but ive had a nice week just not thinking or worrying bout her,and i dont know if im ready to go back to dealing with her again full time and back to whether i can trust her or not?

p.s. i apoligise for this turning into a longwinded get it off your chest rant!

dudara

TBH, she sounds like a young woman who is going through the process of working out what she wants and likes. We all went through that phase.

While you were broken up, she could do as she pleased. She had no responsibility to you, only to herself, and you need to accept that. Other men probably came onto her, and she was flattered.

As long as she didn't cheat on you, you either have to accept her as she is, and move on, or else, leave her alone.

Mighty_Mouse

she did say we shud go on a break for a week for me to think bout things which we have done,

Ye seem to take breaks as a remedy for arguments?
Which is a bunch of crap really. Either yer going out seriously or finished seriously.
Lot of people waste so much time messin.

For you the break seems to be a genuine opportunity to get your head together. Stay in touch with her but let arguments cool down.

For her, its an opportunity......(maneater!)

Depends what type of woman you want in your life.
Which is what you need to decide.

Personally I'd be rid