Should i just pack up and leave?

LegacyUser

Hi all, is really need some advice. I have been with my current girlfriend for 3 years. Shes nice and sweet and only has eyes for me. To be honest she bores me senseless. Sex is always the same and maybe twice a month if i'm lucky. We've been having sex before and she has just rolled over and went to sleep!!

I have always though i was pretty decent in bed and i have spoken to a few ex girlfriends about this and they said i never dissapointed them.
I have tried to speak to me gf about this but she says i am sex mad or that i am never happy with what she does in bed which at this point i am not if i were to buy her underwear she would probably exchange it for PJ's! She had a very catholic upbringing in the country.

So we are both mid 20's and tbh i have cheated on her a few times with a couple of ex's (i know its terrible) but frankly i just wanted some good sex for a change.

I love her and she loves me but in all aspects of her life she is rather catious she wont go for promotions in case she doesnt get it, she wont watch scary films, she wont go swimming,she wont do anything that seems to have a bit of risk in it!



So now now here is my dilemma, My gran left me her house when she died it is worth approx 1 million (i know i am a lucky bugger) So basically myself, my girlfriend, and 2 of my friends live there. I do not charge my GF rent but my 2 friends i charge 300 a month for rent and we all split the bills 4 ways.

I have a good job and i have a lot of international contacts through it. I was working on a project recently with a particular project manager and i have worked with him several times over the last 4 years. He has IT/Telecoms project management consultancy in Vancouver and has just opened an office in california and one in NY.

He wants me to come to vancouver and basically be his understudy for 6-12 months and then take over one of the new offices he has someone else starting as his understudy aswell. So ill be working pretty closely with these 2 guys and then i will have first choice on the office i want which will be NY.

I havent told my GF this and he needs answer by end of june. With me to start in august.


TBH i am thinking of just packing up by bags and leaving my gf is nice and sweet and safe but there is just no passion with her. She'd be a great mother and she has a good job with good money. But i know if i break up with her she'll be devastated and i dont want to feel responsible for that. I get on great with her family and her friends and i would miss them if we broke up. Also i know she would probably want to come to canada with me but i would like to go by myself.

As i said above she is very catious where i am a risk taker. I am 26 but i earn 80K a year i put myself through college working back breaking hours in pubs and supermarkets and to get this job would be fantastic. The salary would be close to 160K euros i would have a flash car and a great spacious apartment and other benefits. I do not want to say no to that just to keep her happy but i also dont want to hurt her.

I have no responsibilities here, i could sell the house and take a million or so for it but i would prefer to keep it and rent it out as ireland will always be my home.

I have 3 weeks to make a decision i have only told a couple of friends about ti and they think i should go, my girl friends think i should go and bring my Gf with me but i am at a loss.

Any advice will help

Lola123

Sounds to me like you're going to go. You just don't want to feel guilty. I reckon it's worse to stay with someone and be cheating on them, because not only are you cheating on them with other girls, you're cheating your girlfriend out of being with someone who actually does want to be with her.
As for missing her friends and family, you'll be living in a different country, so you're going to miss people anyway.
I think it's only fair that you finish with her.

subway

i think its fairl;y obvious to take the job.
its up to you if you wnat her with you or not.

would you be happy if she came with you or would you prefer a clean start in a new country?
you know you could talk her into going (i think you might be worreid that she wouldnt go because of not being a risk taker) but at the end of the day do you really want to?

Shes nice and sweet

you waited 4 more paragraphs to say you love her.
most people would clarify that they loe someone before going into their faults.
that you do it the other way round suggets you may not be sure you love her

PinkPrincess26

I think you would be a tad bit stupid now to turn down an opportunity like this........

Passion is very important in a relationship and you obviously have none with your girlfriend.... (no excuse to be cheating though by the way)

Life is to short, dont settle down with someone who your not a 100% happy with..... so you get on great with her family and she'd be a good mother but does she ever make your heart skip a beat.... obviously not......

you and only you can decide whats the best decision for you....

jubi lee

u cheated on her several times-- u don't fancy her---sex is ****---- she bores ya

---

whats the problem with deciding?

i don't envy her being stuck with a bf like you TBH...maybe you bore her in bed??

davyjose

I would advise you to go - not for your sake, but for hers. Having sex with an ex because she's a little on the quiet side in bed is pretty much disgraceful and yet you claim to love her. TBH, I was shocked when I'd read that you'd discussed this with exes - then when I read on I was pretty much blown away. You say you "love" your girlfriend - then move on and take your money!!!

LegacyUser

davyjose wrote:

I would advise you to go - not for your sake, but for hers. Having sex with an ex because she's a little on the quiet side in bed is pretty much disgraceful and yet you claim to love her. TBH, I was shocked when I'd read that you'd discussed this with exes - then when I read on I was pretty much blown away. You say you "love" your girlfriend - then move on and take your money!!!

I have always remained friendly with my ex's partly because none of my relationships have ended badly.

Mighty_Mouse

Sure yer still bangin yer exes!!!
Whether you go or not this relationship is dead.

You dont love this woman. Its just comfortable, non-challenging etc etc
She be better off meeting some quite-ish farmers son from down the country that remain with yuo and be hurt repeatedly

Long-term ye just arent a match by the sounds of things

Beruthiel

emigration? wrote:

So now now here is my dilemma

I'm not seeing any dilemma.
You've cheated on her more than once, she bores you senseless you say, so exactly why are you still with her again...?
Do her a favour, finish with her and go, from your post above, that's clearly what you want to do.

John Mason

errr......my god go.......you have nothing keeping you here - be gone

jubi lee

op - staying friendly with the ex's is one thing, sleeping with them behind ur gf's back is quite another. obviously if ur sleeping with them and asking them about ur sexual prowess, they're hardly going to say ur crap are they? maybe u just don't excite ur gf...

leave the girl be and give her a chance to find someone who actually genuinely cares about,respects and loves her

conical

Go. You'll always regret it if you don't.

-C

The Hill Billy

Regardless of whether you stay or go - you should seriously consider whether your relationship is worth saving. I'm guessing that it probably isn't.

Money Shot

jubi lee wrote:

op - staying friendly with the ex's is one thing, sleeping with them behind ur gf's back is quite another. obviously if ur sleeping with them and asking them about ur sexual prowess, they're hardly going to say ur crap are they? maybe u just don't excite ur gf...

leave the girl be and give her a chance to find someone who actually genuinely cares about,respects and loves her

Of course all his ex's will be sniffing around - he's catch of the century. He's loaded and has a good job. He's also aobviously very intelligent as he's got the whole putting himself through college and ending up with dream job offers - Abroad too. Add to this, the fact that he's great in bed and exciting in general - you've got the total package. Basically, your way to good for your girlfriend - your in a different league.

I'm not trying to be smart, but rightly or wrongly, this is what I read into your opening post. From the information given, I think you are looking for validation from people for your view that you are too good for her. You sold her badly (has she any good points ?) and you oversold yourself (have you any bady points, apart from the cheating, which I think you feel you deserve anyway) I might be way off the mark here, so apologies if my take is way off the truth.

Miss Fluff

Run for the Rockies and fast, too good an opportunity to pass up and sounds like you are in an unmerciful rut with someone you don't really love tbh. Go and grab the opportunity with both hands.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote:

Run for the Rockies and fast, too good an opportunity to pass up and sounds like you are in an unmerciful rut with someone you don't really love tbh. Go and grab the opportunity with both hands.

Thanks for the posts guys. I know i am a bit of a prick to cheat on her, also the girls i ask about sex with me are different to the ones i have slept with.

Just chatting to a very good friend of mine there and he's made me see sense its time to end it and i am going to do it tonight.

finbarrk

Definatley take the opportunity, you wont regret it. There are plenty women out there.

Wibbs

Funny enough I see Money Shot's point. I think that is a lot of the problem.

I knew a bloke that was once quite a bit of a fatty. More than quite a bit. He had a very good job and loads of dosh but the appearance part let him down(or so he felt). Now he had a girlfriend. Very good couple. Loved her to bits. Basically he gave up the ciggies and bad diet, hit the gym with a near religious fervour and now is very well built with no fat on him at all. Subsequently he got lots and lots of female attention. The big difference with him is that he's still with the girlfriend regardless. Looks wise and job wise he is now "out of her league" in some peoples eyes, but the thing is they actually love each other.

You don't love this woman, pure and simple. The sex problem is simply that you're not compatible. I mean if you were such a catch I would have thought she'd be hangin out of you at every possible moment. She may be far more into sex with someone else. She may subconsciously pick up your lack of interest and react accordingly. Women can be very sensitive to those kind of things than men in general.

Go and take this job. If you don't you'll resent her. If you don't you'll kick yourself down the line. She deserves better treatment from any boyfriend.

Mr. Presentable

Yeah, whether you go or not you have to be honest with her and set her free

silvine

I think you know your answer, yourself.

Go Go Go! And leave her.

LegacyUser

'Hi all, told her last night about job offer in canada and that i didnt think we were clicking anymore.

She was upset but i think she knew herself that our relationship was pretty much just rolling along with no purpose. So she will stay in my house, but pay rent and get one fo her friends to move in once i leave. I didnt tell her about the cheating but i did get some answers she says the reason she didnt really get into sex was that she felt she wasnt wild/experienced enough for me and she just retreated into her shell.

Anyway its a happy ending and one gf who will remain a friend. thanks boards'

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Not for a few months anyway!! But hey once i move to NY i will be looking for a good PA/driver!! No but seriously one of my friends works in london same age as me. His first day he got a secretary, hes a high risk trader, great money f**king stressful job though. He said for the first week what was the point in having one, week 2 made him see different! So he has told me to make sure i get a good one and whether its a man or a woman they need to be competent!

Caryatnid

emigration? wrote:

I have always remained friendly with my ex's partly because none of my relationships have ended badly.

....and mainly because they are useful to tell my most intimate relationship detais about, and to have sex with when I am bored with my gf.

I'm with everyone else on this when I think there is no dilemma here - you don't want to be with the gf, you do want to take the job. The only reason you seem to want to stay with the gf is to avoid the guilt. You've already discussed your sex life with exes and slept with them. If I were here, I'd prefer you give me the dignity of dumping me than doing those two things.

Additionally, you have a life-changing decision to make and it seems she is the last to know. It just seems so clear that she is not the girl for you.

Wibbs

I agree with Caryatnid 100%. Frankly the woman is better off without you. I'm quite sure she'll find someone that she'll come right out of her shell with.

Cateym

Mate why do we need to know about how much you earn, how much money the house your granny left you is worth etc? Totally superfluous! Blatant boasting of the worst variety!! Only room for your ego in that relationship and thats the problem here as far as I can see! She doesn't worship your ability in the sack so your ego is injured. Grow up!!

davyjose

emigration? wrote:

I have always remained friendly with my ex's

Of that, I have no doubt.

Ok, I see what your saying, but I'm saying it is insensitive and crude to your current g/f, to discuss her sex-life with a former lover. This is before we actually get to the matter of you sleeping with her....