I could use some help

LegacyUser

I'm a second year student in trinity college and lately things haven't been going too good. I hate my course and I want to drop out, I recently had my end of year exams which I tried to fail by handing up blank exam booklets so that I'd have an excuse to drop out. I'm too afraid to tell my parents though so right now I'm considering telling them when I go to canada (going for the summer with my friends). I spend half of everyday feeling like crying (but I can't) and the other half of the day felling numb and I've been like this for weeks. I can't talk to the councillors in trinity because they'll ask me if I'm suicidal and somedays I feel like it's the only way out and I haven't felt like this since I was getting bullied in secondary school and if I tell them that I'm afraid they might put me on suicide watch or tell my parents or something and then my parents will know that not only am I an educational failure but I'm also an emotional failure and they might try to stop me from going to canada with my friends. So now they're going to find out when I'm in canada and they're going to kick me out of the house which means I'm under a lot of pressure to save money over in canada so that I have enough to live off when I get back home which is stressing me out even more. So I just feel like I'm in a corner and I've no way out.

Victor

I think you are putting way too much on your own shoulders. You seriously need to talk to someone about this - friends, family or professional.

What is worng with the counsellors asking you if you are suicidal, if you actually might be?

Its quite possible that you are suffering from depression and it might make sense for you to talk to your GP (or college GP).

There are lots of support groups out there from www.aware.ie to the www.samaritans.org 1850 60 90 90

Alter-Ego

If you really hate your course then drop out. Its not the end of the world. I've done it and never looked back and i'm starting a new course in september.

Don't be afraid to tell your parents. Tell them how unhappy the course was making you and that you had to drop out. They'll have to like it or lump it.

They wont see you as an educational or emotional failure, OP. Most parents want whats best for their children. If you're feeling suicidal and cant talk to the tcd councillors then please talk to your GP.

LegacyUser

Hello tcdhelpme
i can understand where you are coming after being bullied and starting a college course that you ended up hateing,and the frustration that brings
but at the end of the day its better to leave and find something you want to do be it work or another college course because feeling numb everyday and the constant pressure doesnt help.

I suffer depression for 4 years now i have good weeks and bad weeks and panic attacks at the thought of doing things and was suicidle for a long time its not a nice place to be but not telling anyone isnt going to help you
if you dont feel that you can talk to a councilor in trinity and are afraid to tell your parents you sholdnt think about it and just say something to one of your parents im sure they must value your well being than some certificate from a college.

College isnt the be all and end all of life like its made out to be,
its not for everyone .

St Bill

Hi tcdhelpme, Victor's right, you have taken a lot on your shoulders. You do need to talk to someone, posting here is a start. Things always, always seem worse if you don't talk it over with someone else. You say your parents will kick you out when they find out how you did this year? How do you know this? Is it possible that everything has been blown out of proportion? Don't forget that your recent exams might have caused you some stress, and things might seem much worse than they really are

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

Hi tcdhelpme.

You might need some sort of anti-depressant pills to sort you out. Go into the doctor in TCD and ask them for a prescription - the doctors are very good. It would be a shame if some sort of chemical imbalance was the reason for all of this.

You could also try talking to your tutor, or the SU Welfare or Education officer.

If you go to the doctors or counsellors, they will ask you if you are suicidal, because they have to do this. But, you shouldn't let this scare you, they are just trying to help.

Also, not sure if nightline (student telephone counselling) is still open during non-term time, but they are very good.

I wouldn't be too worried about the exams. If you get yourself sorted out, and decide you want to continue studying, the tutors/exam appeals board can be very sympathetic when they are given a good reason for why you might have failed your exams.

Hope this helps, and keep strong.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

Just a quick other thing - if you would like the email address of some people who are familiar with how college will deal with you failing your exams, please send me a PM and i'll send you some email addresses of people who used to deal with exam appeals representing students like yourself.

tcdhelpme

Alter-Ego wrote:

Don't be afraid to tell your parents. Tell them how unhappy the course was making you and that you had to drop out. They'll have to like it or lump it.

They wont see you as an educational or emotional failure, OP. Most parents want whats best for their children.

I don't nessaryly think that's true of my parents, when i was in secondary school and did my maths higher level mock for LC my I only got 46% and my mam shouted at me and called me a dissapointment till I cried so then I went to my room to continue studying and she kept coming up, banging the doors and asking me why I was bothering study. Why didn't I go and play my computer since that was all i was good for until I called her a whore and tried to throw my PS2 out a window.

tcdhelpme

Roundtower2 wrote:

You could also try talking to your tutor, or the SU Welfare or Education officer.

Unfortunatly I can't really talk to the welfare or education officer because they're good friends of mine.

projectmayhem

you're putting too much pressure on yourself. ease up, pick another course and off you go. i did the same before (put loads of pressure on myself), not for me though, for my parents. then after a little discussion about college i found out that my parents were supportive of whatever i do, and i don't think i'm a special case.

have a chat with the folks to clear the air, go to canada, have fun, come back fresh and decide what YOU want!

(also, strangely enough a friend is in TCD and going to canada with other TCD guys for the summer... coincidence?)

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

maybe you could talk to a past education officer who isn't in TCD any longer, but knows the situation - that way you can keep annonymus (sic). Most of them are on boards.ie so you could even talk by PM. PM for email address, or you could post about the exam situation on the TCD forum on boards.ie.

dame

Hi tcdhelpme,

Both of my sisters have dropped out of college courses and started new ones. The eldest has finished now and loves her job. Both think changing course was the best thing they ever did. They just hadn't put any real thought into what they'd leki to do with their lives before they sat their leaving certs. It's not the end of the world. Our parents did ask the first sister why she wouldn't finish the course and then do something else when she had one thing under her belt, but do you know what - if a course isn't for you, it's not worth the hassle. I'd suggest taking this next year out, working at a job, thinking, getting your life and health back on track (because this stress will have affected you badly), think about what you'd really like to do, then go for it.

The Black Oil

I don't know if the Graduate students union has people to talk to, maybe worth a try if they have people in welfare and education positions as they could give you pointers and the same support if you'd rather your friends didn't know. As for dropping out, I've been there and done that and am now a postgrad of sorts. I can probably think of at least 7 people who've done it or staggered their degrees and taken a year off, nothing wrong with it in my opinion so if you hate your course get out now.

Trinity has a mental health forum so you might find it helpful to post there, think you can send a message to a counsellor anonymously https://www.cs.tcd.ie/~drichar/Online_Mental_Health/html/

Please try not to isolate yourself, you need support.

Caliden

Do whatever makes you happy, not what will make your parents happy.
They will support you with whatever you decide to do, don't be afraid of them and tell them what's on your mind

Miss Fluff

tcdhelpme wrote:

I'm a second year student in trinity college and lately things haven't been going too good. I hate my course and I want to drop out, I recently had my end of year exams which I tried to fail by handing up blank exam booklets so that I'd have an excuse to drop out. I'm too afraid to tell my parents though so right now I'm considering telling them when I go to canada (going for the summer with my friends). I spend half of everyday feeling like crying (but I can't) and the other half of the day felling numb and I've been like this for weeks. I can't talk to the councillors in trinity because they'll ask me if I'm suicidal and somedays I feel like it's the only way out and I haven't felt like this since I was getting bullied in secondary school and if I tell them that I'm afraid they might put me on suicide watch or tell my parents or something and then my parents will know that not only am I an educational failure but I'm also an emotional failure and they might try to stop me from going to canada with my friends. So now they're going to find out when I'm in canada and they're going to kick me out of the house which means I'm under a lot of pressure to save money over in canada so that I have enough to live off when I get back home which is stressing me out even more. So I just feel like I'm in a corner and I've no way out.

OK, you are in the lucky position that you have a problem but you also have a solution and can do something about it. You haven't actually faced up to it and you won't enjoy your time in Canada if you have exam results hanging over you and the wrath of your parents to contend with. Go and speak to your Department head or someone else in TCD who will be able to help you and get the ball rolling. People change courses all the time, you are young, do what you want and follow your dreams, life is too short for college to be like a prison sentence. Are there other courses you could tranfer to/are interested in? You might also like to think about moving out of home if at all feasable.

louisecm

Do whats right for you and your parents will understand.

As I've said here before, I felt I was in the wrong course in college - had no interest in it at all. But it was the course they had done, and they were so proud of me going to the same college and doing the same course they had. So, I pretended to sit my exams (at that stage there was no hope in me passing as I hadn't attended a lecture or tutorial in months), and never let on anything was wrong. Later in the Summer when the results came out, I was in Greece with my friends. I hadn't mentioned the results to my parents, but my dad went to look and see how I'd done (not sure how he got around the whole candidate number thing...can't remember as it was almost 6 years ago), and then called the college to find out what the story was. Anyway, long story short, the truth came out and they were really disappointed in me. Not that I didn't like the course, or that I had failed, but that I had deceived them. End the deception now and come clean to your parents - it will be much better in the end I promise. I have now followed my own path and am successful in my field - my parents are probably more proud of me than they would have been had I suffered through a degree I didn't enjoy at all. Best of luck! x