it's a mans world

Fridaygirl

I am a 31 year old girl working in a very male dominated profession. I have a group of about 25 clients, that are all fairly good looking, business men and who i have very good rapport with. All of them married, families. There is a lot of socilising and staying in hotels in this business. I would know these for at least 6 years. However, the last year, i seem to be getting hit on a lot by these guys. I usually shrug it off and at the start i was very shocked, but then I told myself I was naieve etc. This week, i had a meeting with one of these clients, he was the least guy i expected to do this and i ended up with him. I am kicking myself cause I can't believe i let it get that far, and how am i going to face him professionally again? I am dying with guilt pangs. Any advise please?

meglome

You're only human at the end of the day so things can happen. You don't say but imply that you are not married so you aren't the cheat here. It may be embarrasing to see this guy again and being with a married man isn't the way forward but you obviously care which he seems not to. So chalk one for the don't do that again column and forget about it.

LegacyUser

Fridaygirl wrote:

I am a 31 year old girl working in a very male dominated profession. I have a group of about 25 clients, that are all fairly good looking, business men and who i have very good rapport with. All of them married, families. There is a lot of socilising and staying in hotels in this business. I would know these for at least 6 years. However, the last year, i seem to be getting hit on a lot by these guys. I usually shrug it off and at the start i was very shocked, but then I told myself I was naieve etc. This week, i had a meeting with one of these clients, he was the least guy i expected to do this and i ended up with him. I am kicking myself cause I can't believe i let it get that far, and how am i going to face him professionally again? I am dying with guilt pangs. Any advise please?

Don't worry about it you have nothing to feel guilty about. It was he who did the cheating

Fanny Cradock

Fridayboy wrote:

Don't worry about it you have nothing to feel guilty about. It was he who did the cheating

Eh... that's some bizarre logic.


Anyway, OP, for a million and on reasons in your (and his) personal and professional life you should not let this happen again. It is just not worth the guilt and hassle.

LegacyUser

You should be more worried about the damage you may have done to your credibility. Men talk/brag just as much as women and word is gonna get around that you were with him - hopefully other men wont imply that they have been with you too.
I had a friend in this situation a while ago and all the rumors and gossip nearly destroyed her.
Best of luck.

Fridaygirl

Thanks for the advise. I am feeling bit better today. I have to just get on and put it behind me. I do feel myself attracted to a lot of these guys, and that's the hard part. The sex was incredible with him. I suppose it has been building up a long time on his part he told me. I had no idea. These clients are kind of competitors to each other business and tell each other nothing plus as he is married and very respectable, he has a lot more to lose than me being single. I have decided I am not going to do as much socilaisng, and when I do I am going to stay on the water. The guilt pangs nearly destroyed me yesterday. It really is not worth it! Lesson learned! He text me yesterday and I just kept the reply short and sweet. So that's the ice broken again!

biko

Make up some excuse for giving this client over to someone else.

vandermeyde

Fridaygirl wrote:

I do feel myself attracted to a lot of these guys, and that's the hard part.

Attraction is natural, there's nothing wrong with that. These are people who's relationship with you is professionally based, you'd do well to keep that at the front of your mind when dealing with them. Don't let lust cloud your judgement because lust won't pay the bills.

Fridaygirl wrote:

The sex was incredible with him..

It's a tad worrisome that you feel the need to mention this. Given a similar set of circumstances you may well end up doing the same thing again if these kind of thoughts are uppermost in your mind.

Fridaygirl wrote:

I have decided I am not going to do as much socilaisng, and when I do I am going to stay on the water.

Good idea. Alcohol and attraction are a potent combination but in these circumstances its potential career suicide.

Best of luck!

'm 22 and I've been working fulltime approx 2 years and the amount of married/attached men I've had flirt with or come onto me, even outside of work!

Having said that I can't say anything as I have in the past once or twice maybe more times had a thing with a guy who I've known has been attached although never a married guy (but I say that like who the hell knows as wedding rings come off!)

It really does make me wonder how realistic monogamy is in today’s society because from what i've seen it's rare
Don't feel guilty and carry on a professional relationship but don't let it happen again
Men do talk (and jesus christ do they bitch) and their words are always more fierce than any women's.

Fridaygirl

I am also now believing that it is rare in men. I guess there is more opportunity. I made a mistake. I hopefully have learned from it. Yes It's hard being professional and very attracted to them and I think my hormones have gone mad since I hit 30.

vandermeyde

Fridaygirl wrote:

I am also now believing that it is rare in men.

I think its rare these days full-stop. I'm married myself and when I'm out its amazing how many times I get hit on; if anything, I think the ring, seems to attract more interest. A bit different for you as its not some johnny randomer but a client so the rules are different!

Fridaygirl wrote:

I think my hormones have gone mad since I hit 30.

30 is the new 20

DD

I think u should talk to him and let him know that was only a mistake and u are sorry about it and thats all, then only professional ...
Its bad if guys start talking and people finds out, but if this doesnt happen, then u had a great time but be sure it wont happen again with someone married from work.

LundiMardi

to be honest the only thing i'd be feeling about it contributing to the possible failure of a marriage and destroying some childrens hearts... but hey, that's just me

Fridaygirl

I work in such a specialised area and I actually left the company and joined another one, and one of the main reasons was I could not cope with the professional/personal line. What has happened is that all of these clients have come on board this company and so I am dealing with them even more now so. The reason, i have a lot more newer clients and these "old" clients are now wanting to meet up with me in evenings etc, as I am flat out with the newer ones. It's a funny old world and I just have to accept that's the way it is. My new company has instructed me to look after these clients. I can't win :-( and there's not many other companies I can go with!!!

Dragan

Fridaygirl wrote:

as he is married and very respectable

Married, yes. Respectable? Nope.

Anyway, get back to acting like a professional and leave the love interests outside of work.

LegacyUser

A friend of mine always says
"Don't get your Honey where you get your money"
I think its a good rule to follow!

Bottle_of_Smoke

LundiMardi wrote:

to be honest the only thing i'd be feeling about it contributing to the possible failure of a marriage and destroying some childrens hearts... but hey, that's just me

If it wasn't her woulda been someone else. His marriage isn't her responsibility

Marksie

LundiMardi wrote:

to be honest the only thing i'd be feeling about it contributing to the possible failure of a marriage and destroying some childrens hearts... but hey, that's just me

She isnt the first and wont be the last that he will sleep with so i doubt he has much qualms thinking about it, in any event you are assuming a lot about the guy and his relationship dynamics.

Fey!

If he does start to brag, then deny, deny, DENY!!! (as in, "wtf are you on about? I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole!")

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Carrigart Exile

Marksie wrote:

She isnt the first and wont be the last that he will sleep with so i doubt he has much qualms thinking about it, in any event you are assuming a lot about the guy and his relationship dynamics.

Do you know him or was that a sweeping generalisation that flew overhead

Fridaygirl

Thanks for all very kind replys. I was very wrong. I am pang free today. I just have to get on with it. Simple as..but it's so hard not to be so tempted. It must be the hormones. And the funny thing is that I am not that experienced in the whole sex area. I was a late starter..I don't think he will brag, as i said in previous posts, they are competitors. What would he have to gain? If he did. I would not make good business for him in my area, simple as. As i said he was the least I thought would ever do such a thing. I guess human nature is fascinating. Again guys, thanks for being kind and gentle with me, and not judgemental.

PeakOutput

find a younger guy completely unrelated to work and get those pangs sorted quicksnap is the best solution imo

Fridaygirl

I was on a date last night with a younger guy and all he did was talk about himself and his opinions. I could not get away fast enough. Younger guys i find talk, talk and talk and talk a lot of rubbish. I'm sorry but that's what i find. It's hard finding someone, hungry, passionate and mannerly these days in younger men! The hunt goes on but there is some right bores out there! I'm not saying i'm the most interesting person but some people never know when to shut up!

seahorse

coolsmileygirl wrote:

...I can't say anything as I have in the past once or twice maybe more times had a thing with a guy who I've known has been attached although never a married guy (but I say that like who the hell knows as wedding rings come off!)

Yes wedding rings can come off - only thing is the marriage doesn’t come off with them.

coolsmileygirl wrote:

It really does make me wonder how realistic monogamy is in today’s society because from what i've seen it's rare

If monogamy is rare within marriage it's because there are so many husbands willing to get into bed with women who are not their wives, and so many women willing to reciprocate by getting into bed with men who are other women’s husbands.

Yourself and the OP may find your 'what's the big deal' attitudes take a dramatic shift when you are both married.

Fridaygirl

It is a big deal, that's why i felt so bad!!!!

seahorse

Fridaygirl wrote:

It is a big deal, that's why i felt so bad!!!!

Look Fridaygirl, I'm not trying to paint myself as any kind of saint here, but I have to tell you this 'oh now the deed is done I feel so bad' attitude doesn’t wash with me at all. Yes I know we all make mistakes, but nobody can try to tell me that they didn’t know sleeping with someone else’s husband was the wrong thing to do before they did it. The reality is you did know before the fact, but just didn’t care enough to stop yourself. There's no point feeling guilty now, that's not going to make a damn bit of difference re the damage done to this mans marriage. There is now a huge gulf of emotional distance between this man and his wife, and please don’t try to tell me that you are innocent in helping to create that. That's 50% your responsibillity, and you sound a long way from guilt ridden by the way, while you’re still banging on about the “great sex”. Someone earlier in the thread said that this mans marriage is not your responsibility, and they were right. This mans marriage is none of your business, and you had no right to influence it in any way.

I've a close friend who was driven to the edge of suicide by her husbands workplace fling, so I have no patience for this sort of thing. If you could see the depths of depression that threw her into, and the deeply emotionally damaging effect on their young kids, you'd get where I'm coming from here. Of course her husband made the decision to cheat on his wife, and of course he should be held accountable for that; but his female colleague also made the decision to inflict that type of pain on a women and innocent children she didn’t even know, and I despise her for her decision to do so.

Fridaygirl

I totally agree with you seahorse, I really do. i knew he was married, i knew all the facts. One stupid moment of madness and I was wrong I know that. I know the consequences. I am going to steer clear of all this, it's just not worth it. I did not mean to bang on about the sex either.

seahorse

Fridaygirl wrote:

I totally agree with you seahorse, I really do. i knew he was married, i knew all the facts. One stupid moment of madness and I was wrong I know that. I know the consequences. I am going to steer clear of all this, it's just not worth it. I did not mean to bang on about the sex either.

Well, I'm glad you've decided not to repeat it, but I have to query you on a couple of the things you've said here. First of all it wasnt "one stupid moment of madness"; I'm assuming it took many moments to have sex with this man, unless it was the most regrettable sexual experience of your life for reasons other than his matrimonial status!

Also you've said that you "know the consequences". You only know the possible consequences for you Fridaygirl, you dont know the consequences for his wife and family, because you're not going to have to suffer them. If you'd ever had to listen to five and six year old kids wondering "why mammy hasnt gotten out of bed for weeks" I wouldnt need to say another word.

Again, I'm not trying to style myself as any sort of saint, I've made innumerable mistakes in my life; I'm just glad to say none of them involved another womans boyfriend/fiancée/husband.