Anyone In Process of Adoption

yop

Guys,
Do to medical conditions my wife and I are currently looking down the route of adoption.

Is there anyone on here who is in the process of or have adopted into Ireland?
Would love to hear how they got on or getting on..

Apologises if I am posting out of order.

Thanks

CathyMoran

We are not as far down the road as you but we are also looking into adoption at some stage in the future. My husband is adopted so I feel that he will be able to help our future child(ren) more. Let me know how you get on.

yop

Cathy, We are in the middle of another process at the moment which after a number of goes has not been successful so we are looking at the other options.
Only at the investigative side of things really and adoptions from abroad seem to be the only option but again we are not clear on this.

Gabsdot

Mt dh and I have a 3 year old ds who we adopted from Russia 3 years ago. The process is long and stressful. The first thing to do is get on the assessment waiting list. To do this contact your local Intercountry adoption services section of the HSE. If you are in the Dublin area then the number is 6201100. You have to fill a form out and attend an info meeting and then you get a number and start waiting. It will be about 2 years before you hear from them again and then the assessment process takes at least a year and involves, paperwork, a preparation course and numerous meetings with a social worker.
Then you get a 'declaration of suitability and eligibility' from the adoption boad and can apply to whatever country you have chosen. The waiting times and process varies from country to country.
I would recommend joining a support group, the IAA, (international adoption association) is a good one, www.iaaireland.org.
I'd be happy to talk to you further, pm me if you want to.
our son is wonderful and we're hoping to adopt a daughted in the next 12-18 months or so. It's a hard journey but is so worth it in the end.

Isanythingeasy

Hi all,
We've also tried the ivf route, to no avail thusfar. We're now starting to seriously consider the adoption route, but it really does seem like an incredibly long process, I just have a few quick preliminary questions:
1. Timescale, how long does the process take from start to finish?
2. If we want to adopt more than one child, do we have to start the process over again, or are we fast-tracked, basically, i'm asking how long it would take to adopt another child after we've adopted the first (if we make it that far).
3. Cost, what sort of cost is involved, I've seen that 45K figure being bandied about, is that typical, is that per child? Obviously it has to be a consideration too, no matter how crass it may seem, still, I suppose it's cheaper than new SUV, and a bit more rewarding too.
4. Is there anyway of fast tracking the process, ala Madonnna, Jolie et al? How have they managed to seemingly fly off, grab a kid and come home (I know little about what they've done btw).

I know there are many more considerations (more emotional than anything else probably), and we're probably going to contact the adoption board this week to register, so I'm just wondering what anyone else has found, any advice or points gratefully accepted, BTW, we're both 33.

martinf

Hello all,

I know that this is slightly off the topic but could I suggest that if possible you also talk with people who have been adopted to get some ideas of the questions that may come up later on. I'm an adoptee and I think that forewarned is forearmed and at least you'll know that you've thought about this aspect beforehand. I was talking with a friend of mine who made a great point - that we don't adopt a baby because they're only a baby for a short space of time. We adopt a child who will grow up with questions and their own ideas like all children. There is a monthly meeting on in Lucan (14th January this month) to support those affected by adoption. Last month we had a prospective adoptive parent there and it was great to get both sides of the story - including just how long it takes to move through the process. Wishing you all the best of luck.

Best wishes

Martin

MaryMagdalene

My brother fostered (long term hopefully which will lead to adoption) two beautiful little Irish girls (2yrs and 4yrs). This was their first Christmas together and it was great. There are lots of older children out their that also need homes. Fostering/adopting older children can have fresh difficulties but it can also be so rewarding. To see how they are blooming in their new home is just so fulfilling.

I wish you all luck in whatever you decide to do but as Martin has said above I would urge you to research the effects for the future. Be ready to deal with the questions and a possible reunion and the effects on the adoptee but also on you yourselves as their parents.

Isanythingeasy

Hi guys,
thanks for the responses, we appreciate that the whole process can be extremely challenging on both sides of the process, hopefully the rewards outweigh the challenges. Really, it's the same as natural parenthood, fraught with difficulty, and since we've already tried that route, hopefully we'll be able to deal with whatever challenges come our way.
Thanks.

huney

hi all

we adopted from Vietnam in 2006 it took us 3.5yrs and would say to anyone that is thinking of adoption to put your name on list now even if you still doing IVF as it takes up to 18mths to ket started, we just didnt tell them we still dong treatment, the cost of adoption varies, Thailand is nothing Vietnam is €11,000 or something close to that, you do not have to have €40,000 in the bank like most people think, feel free to ask any questions and i will try to answer or go to Rollercoaster.ie and on the discussions board the is a good adoption thread that will answer all your questions hth

No Problem Kid

Very interesting post. Did anyone try this organisation?http://www.manchesterfertility.com/

kathy finn

hi,
as an adopted adult i find the whole thing of adopting a baby as a last resort after a number of failed ivf,s a bit offputting. it,s like not being able to have what we really want so we go for second best.....kathy

Gabsdot

Please don't feel like that Kathy. My husband and i can't have bio children but we put and end to that and have been totally committed to adoption for 8 years. We adopted our son 4 years ago and hope to adopt another child soon. My son is certainly not second best. I know that it was meant to be. I wouldn't change anything. We talk to our son about his adoption and his birth family and we have total respect for them.
I know lots of adopted families and they would feel the same way as we do.

Mulan

Hi All

I think that adopting, cherishing and nuturing a child is one of the most courages, loving, fantastic things a couple can do together.
Sure, there are alot of difficulties, hard times, challanges etc before and after a baby arrives but I think thats kind of the same for everyone really.
Well done to everyone who steps up to the marker and gives all for a child.
Best Wishes

kathy finn

hi all,
my point was that after spending thousands of pounds on ivf and failing the next step seems to be adoption, i believe nobody has the fundamental right to be parents, if you want to adopt a child it should be to give them a good home and a better chance in life not to fill some void in your life..kathy

Gabsdot

I totally agree with you Kathy. I've been involved with an adoption support group for several years and every now and then someone comes along who has been given a negative recommendation for adoption my the HSE, is naturally very upset and wants to know 'their rights'. The truth is no one has the right to be a parent. although every child has the right to have a loving family. And if a person/couple don't meet the standards them that's the end of it.
In most case I think it's a win win situation. In our case it certainly was although our motives for adopting were to have a family not particularlyto give a child a better life. However we have done that (we think so anyway). He now has parents, hopefully soon a sister, big extended family who adore him, a home, education, health care, love, stability.

kathy finn

i too have been involved in adoption support over the years but it has been groups that support the adult adoptee and a lot of us feel we have been treated unjustly by the whole adoption process.
in the whole adoption process the only person who is innocent is the child, we did,nt ask to be born and given away,we did,nt ask to lose our idenity.
i don,t agree that this is a win win situation i feel i lost out on a relationship with my brother/father who i am only now getting to know and a mother i will now never get to meet.
im sorry if this sounds harsh but it,s the way i and a lot of adopted people feel......kathy

The_Conductor

Kathy- I don't think that what you are saying is harsh, a little blunt perhaps, but entirely true. The adoption process is supposed to be in the best interests of the child in all instances. Unfortunately in Ireland, the children being adopted were often viewed as a solution for childless parents, a problem for single mothers that had to be solved, a burden that needed transferred elsewhere. This was often re-inforced even by the names of some of the agencies- "The Catholic Rescue Society" for example. While different people had different experiences of their adoption, one thing remains a constant- we were taken from our birthmothers, and brought up by another couple, taking their name and in most cases subsuming their history as our own. Whatever about the relative merits of adoption- wiping people's entire identity in one swoop, is an incredibly high price for anyone to pay- leaving many adopted people to feel almost like half-imposters for the rest of our lives. Different people handle it in different ways. That is not to say that we were not loved by our adoptive families, nor that we love them in return- just simply that a vital part of who we are is fantasy for many, often of almost fairytale proportions.

If you read the media, or specialist studies, much is made of problems adopted people in general have with bonding (in general) and there is much speculation regarding the nature of how this developes and how to address it. I think a lot more work could be done to try to help children/teenagers/adults come to terms with accepting their adoption- but even more importantly, accepting who they are. You have no idea how many adopted people are apologetic for their very existence- we didn't do anything wrong, we were innocent little children.

Just a few early morning thoughts.......

Pique

Hi All,

My wife and I are planning on applying to adopt also. However, we have looked at as many sites as possible and most of the information seems to be aimed at adoptees (finding natural parents etc) and information for those looking to adopt is mainly limited to "contact the HSE".

Can anyone give some detail aon the process involved, especially the assessments by the social workers? I have no doubt that we 'should' be passed as (obviously) I feel that we would make great parents/adoptive parents, but I would like to have more information. Basically, asking questions like "what kind of tests/checks/medicals/credit checks are carried out on us?" could possibly make a social worker think that we're hiding something (which we're not, btw) and raise their suspicions.

Thanks for any help.
pique.

kathy finn

hi pique,
maybe before you consider adoption you should look into how to raise an adopted child.
i think a lot of couples adopting just consider taking home a baby and the rest will be plain sailing and most often it,s not.
have a look at the adoption board website, that should give u some info and maybe try to talk to some adopted adults ......kathy

Pique

Hi Kathy.

Thanks for your reply but that's not what I asked.

We have been on numerous adoption sites regularly and done as much research on-line as we could. Talking to adopted people is not relevant to what I asked. We are not so naive as to think it would be plain sailing, but we are willing to give a child a loving family and future, as well as the personal satisfaction that it would give us to see a child develop and grow into a (hopefully) healthy and mature adult.

Back to my previous post....can anyone help?

kathy finn

pique,
im so sorry i did,nt answer your questions, but the advice was given in good faith.
since you will be most likely adopting from abroad why don,t you try the international adoption sites online and as i said before the adoption board website will give you some idea of whats required of adopting couples and which countries you can apply too, hope this answers some of your questions......kathy

Gabsdot

Pique
You will have to have an assessment done my the HSE. There is a long waiting time so get on the waiting list ASAP. If you're in Dublin the number to ring is 6201100. If you're in another part of the country ring that number anyway and they'll point you in the right direction.
The process is lengthy and stressful. There is a training / preparation course, paperwork, interviews, medicals, police screening etc.
There is a good adoption forum on www.rollercoaster.ie. Also check out www.iaaireland.org.
Good luck.