putting on weight

miles teg

Lots of heated debate in P.I over boyfriends/girlfriends putting on weight. Opinions seem to generally fall under
a) put some effort into losing it
b) you should love me even if i'm fat
I'm interested in seeing how differently guys and girls think about it.

men please use the male: options and women please use the female: options

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

miles teg

i'd agree with you on a few pounds, but the threads in PI at the moment are talking about a stone weight. Some people think that's not very much after how many years but I think it's a large amount compared to overall bodyweight

Femelade

well, i am constantly trying to lose weight...when i say trying, i mean, just cutting down on fattening food and doing a bit more excersize, i dont have a plan or anything. But my boyfriend tells me i dont need to, that i'm perfect the way i am, and he wouldnt want me to be too skinny. i'm a size 12 so i'm not terribly unhappy with my body but its nice to know that he doesnt care for me to be a size 10/8.

But i suppose if it did bug him if i put on a bit of weight, i would like to try and lose it to make him happy/keep him keen. There would be nothing worse than knowing the person you love hates your body as much as you do yourself.

miles teg

I would say my girlfriend is slighty more heavy than I would ideally like. But I have to say I'm perfectly happy because she does put the effort in to at least make sure she doesn't put any more on. I think it's inconsiderate if someone does nothing at all and expect a partner to be perfectly happy with it.

If my girlfriend is reading this, hey hunny... love you

BigTommyBomb

Pounds can matter when you are trying to dip below 5% bodfat and to look shredded. Thats the regime I deal with and that I try to get my girlfriend to do (although its 10% for her.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

brown*eyed*girl

I didn't pick either option because I'd probably be somewhere in the middle & wouldn't really think they'd HAVE to lose the weight but would like them to try. I think a lot of it would depend on their attitude towards the situation - if they were like I'm going to eat as many pies as I want & weigh whatever I want so live with it I'd probably walk away but if they were trying to cut down & genuinely just put on the weight out of bad habits I'd try help them to cut out the junk & exercise more. So really I think it would all depend on their attitude towards their weight gain.

miles teg

I agree with you completely and the options were intended to be that people should try to lose the weight... i'll have to be more accurate in future

Don't think I can change the poll options but can mods change option to:
"partner should try to lose weight gained" ?

jester77

I'm of the opinion that it's easier to not put on excess weight in the first place. Takes a bit of effort to knock on a stone or two, doesn't just magically happen!

BoozyBabe

Those in PI insulting the OP & saying he's a pig etc, are just sticking their head in the sand cos it's a subject too close to home for their liking.

The ops gf was a size 8 & is now 2 dress sizes bigger at a sie 12 & had been a sizw 14 at her heaviest.

I don't care what enyone says, that's a LOT!!!

I'm somewhere in the middle too, though I did choose the 'lose the weight' option.
I don't think you should just love someone just as their are.
If you starting dating a stunner & she put on several stone after that, you shouldn't be expected to stay happy with that.

At the same time, a weight gain of a few lbs should be accepted.

I gain weight all too easily, but I lose it again, both for myself, but also for my bf. Why just because he loves me & has vowed himself to me should he be left sitting beside blobby for the rest of his life!!!

Cuddlesworth

If my partners weight gain becomes overtly un-healthy and begins to affect the way that I view her physicly then I would hope that she would make the effort to lose the weight.

But I d'ont like skinny women either.

Plug

Theres nothing like a bit of 'cushin for the pushin' but putting on a few stone is scary.

greenkittie

BoozyBabe wrote:

I gain weight all too easily, but I lose it again, both for myself, but also for my bf. Why just because he loves me & has vowed himself to me should he be left sitting beside blobby for the rest of his life!!!

HAHA like it

Wibbs

BoozyBabe wrote:

Those in PI insulting the OP & saying he's a pig etc, are just sticking their head in the sand cos it's a subject too close to home for their liking.

I agree with you in a lot of ways. While being obsessive about slimming is bad, sticking your head in the sand is also daft. The whole "fat is a feminist issue" is getting a bit old at this stage.

The ops gf was a size 8 & is now 2 dress sizes bigger at a sie 12 & had been a sizw 14 at her heaviest.

I don't care what enyone says, that's a LOT!!!

Agreed again. 8 to 14 is a bit of a jump. It would be very noticable. Even if the woman was underweight at size 8 and looked good at size 14, to suggest it wouldn't be really obvious is clearly daft tbh. If we were talking about a woman with medical problems, major hormonal changes, in her 40s or after having children, that's a whole other ball game. In somebody much younger that's really not on. Look at old photos of your ancestors. People didn't pork up until much later in life if at all.

Beyond the fat and more to the point the beginnings of doubt about that aspect of their relationship are there for the OP in the PI thread.

I don't think you should just love someone just as their are.

For me I love someone, because of who they are, who they want to be and what they want for themselves and me to make us both happy.

If you starting dating a stunner & she put on several stone after that, you shouldn't be expected to stay happy with that.

People change over time, mentally and physically. I wouldn't and shouldn't expect a person to stay pickled for all time and look the same the way she did at the start. That would be bloody boring. That said I don't like bigger women. Never have. I just prefer a slimmer toned woman(not underweight). Others do differ. I have a mate that does like big women. Al his exes and current GF are quite short and over size 18. His current is a size 20. That's his cup of tea. I actually asked him way back over a few male truth drugs(beer), what would he feel if his girlfriend went away for a while and came back a size ten. He said for him he would still love her, but he would be less sexually attracted to her. There you go, that's from the other side.

For me it's not just the weight it's often the attitude behind the weight. It could be a case of taking the others acceptance for granted and/or common or garden laziness. The former would píss me off more TBH. Gaining weight because of eating too many pies gets little sympathy from me, especially if they start complaining about it. Now it could be emotional issues. These could range from her own feelings or even my feelings and actions towards her. If I've throttled back and am not putting the effort in(in all sorts of ways), that could cause her emotional stress. In that case it would be up to me as much as her to sort it out.

kizzyr

BoozyBabe wrote:

Those in PI insulting the OP & saying he's a pig etc, are just sticking their head in the sand cos it's a subject too close to home for their liking.

The ops gf was a size 8 & is now 2 dress sizes bigger at a sie 12 & had been a sizw 14 at her heaviest.

I don't care what enyone says, that's a LOT!!!

I'm somewhere in the middle too, though I did choose the 'lose the weight' option.
I don't think you should just love someone just as their are.
If you starting dating a stunner & she put on several stone after that, you shouldn't be expected to stay happy with that.

At the same time, a weight gain of a few lbs should be accepted.

I gain weight all too easily, but I lose it again, both for myself, but also for my bf. Why just because he loves me & has vowed himself to me should he be left sitting beside blobby for the rest of his life!!!

But what if at a size 8 she was too skinny? For years I weighed about 7 stone and this together with being failry tall (5' 9") meant I was very very skinny. This was down to being young and you tend to be skinny then and afterward being on a very very restricted diet for a few years. Once that diet finished and I was getting older (something mad happens to girls once they reach 25 / 26) I put on weight. Now I weigh 140lbs and have a BMI of 21 which is healthy, I also exercise regularly so its not fat. This weight gain meant that my dress size also changed but if my boyfriend told me that he wanted me to go back to being that skinny I'd be really annoyed.
Back OT though, if someone has put on a noticable amount of weight i.e. fat, and the clothes sizes start going up then I think it fair enough that they be expected to do something about it, mostly for themselves and their health rather than it simply being about asthetics for their OH.

ali.c

TBH i think it can be dangerous topic to bring up. Its a bit like families, we all moan about them but get kind of offended if anyone agrees with us :P I have ex's make some snide remarks about my weight in the past, which were the most unhelpful kind. You see its all how you approach the issue, if someone approachs it from okay hun you have a problem what can i do to help rather than i have a problem with you fix it! you have a workable situation. The first one is supportive the second one is blatantly a put down.

I have recently changed my diet and took up weight-training, see loads of great results and i am delighted and so is my bf. He is delighted because i am happier and more confident (even if it did take him a while to get used to my love of iron). I wasnt in the best shape before, but i was active and thought i was eating well.

Some people maintain leaness with little effort, for some of us its more effort for a variety of reasons. It pisses me off when people suggest that going hungry is the answer when they are apparantly stuffing there faces with all kinds of ****.

Oh and on the guy side of things, when my bf is stressed he loses weight. He is not always happy with build. I figure when he's stressed he is stressed and the last thing he needs is me telling him to sort it out, so instead i'll cook and help him get his kcals and protein intake up.

In relationship the good comes with the bad, our partners are not always going to be perfect and a little support can go along way. Illness, injury child birth increased stress are facts of life. Considering they are the ones we get naked from both sides its important to be sensitive and to not further increase the problem.

Black Swan

I like to be fit and tend to date those who are also fit. There's just so much you can do together, and lack of fitness can pose limitations on such fun.

little miss

I was heavier than I am now when I got together with my bf by about 3 stone, and the thing I love about him is that my weight never makes a difference to him. He's always made me feel sexy whatever size I am, and even though I moan about my weight and I would love to be thinner, it would be for my benefit not his as I truly believe he likes me just as I am. I've never felt any pressure to slim for him, and not having that pressure I think helped me lose weight in the end as I wanted to do it for me. I'd hate to be given an ultimatum - I think it would make me eat more tbh just to be stubborn! I'd prefer a partner to be far more subtle, suggesting we do more exercise together and eat more healthily rather than telling me outright.

ali.c

BigTommyBomb wrote:

Pounds can matter when you are trying to dip below 5% bodfat and to look shredded. Thats the regime I deal with and that I try to get my girlfriend to do (although its 10% for her.

Seriously are you for real? risking osteoporsias (sp) lack of periods and infertlity there. Its not a healthy level for anyone women to maintain. Hows getting your girlfriend on board working out for you? Sounds awful controlling IMO!

Crumble Froo

to be honest... me and my guy are both recovered (/recovering) from eating disorders... and though im not exactly skinny, and he's not exactly slim...

wehn we look at each other... it truly is the most beautiful thing either of us have ever seen...

ali.c

narco wrote:

to be honest... me and my guy are both recovered (/recovering) from eating disorders... and though im not exactly skinny, and he's not exactly slim...

wehn we look at each other... it truly is the most beautiful thing either of us have ever seen...

Thats lovely, well done to you and your partner by the way I am sure the road to recovery wasnt easy!!