drunken flirting

LegacyUser

hi guys
i was out at the weekend and i met up with a great group of girls .
we went to a party and dranka lot . by the end of the night there was just me and one girl left awake ,chatting. we fell asleap in each others arms on the sofa but did not make out in any way.
i have never cheated on my wife but i feel really guilty about this .should i tell her ,maybe i have learnt enough

Santa Claus

The classic should I/shouldn't I tell her/him PI thread.

OP, it's up to you to decide whether your guilt or your wifes reaction will be worse...falling asleep with someone in your arms sounds pretty bad to be honest, so unless your wife is a saint I can't see her saying "ah sure you came home, no biggie!"

BrandonBlock

If it was a once off, then chalk it down to experience and move on.

It WILL hurt your wife, and it WILL seriously damage the trust in your relationship if you tell her.

You sound remorseful so if you have never done this before, and go out of your way for it not to happen again then it'll work out. So long as there's no way of her finding out?

axer

drunkfool wrote:

hi guys
i was out at the weekend and i met up with a great group of girls .
we went to a party and dranka lot . by the end of the night there was just me and one girl left awake ,chatting. we fell asleap in each others arms on the sofa but did not make out in any way.
i have never cheated on my wife but i feel really guilty about this .should i tell her ,maybe i have learnt enough

You didnt cheat.

Rb

axer wrote:

You didnt cheat.

Exactly.

No point in making a mountain from a mole hill, just keep quiet and don't let it happen again.

mickoo

it will sound worse than it is if you tell her-forget it and dont get in this situation again.

davyjose

mickoo wrote:

it will sound worse than it is if you tell her-forget it and dont get in this situation again.

Exactly - if you tell her, she'll never understand - YOU know there was nothing in it; YOU know you would never hurt your wife, so just put it behind you and give me her number (kidding about that last part)

LegacyUser

'thanks for the advice
i did not cheat but i did put myself in a stupid situation
it was my first night on the drink in a long time and i was mad for it and was wasted.
i wont put myself in that situation again'

smileysurfer

drunkfool wrote:

hi guys
i was out at the weekend and i met up with a great group of girls .
we went to a party and dranka lot . by the end of the night there was just me and one girl left awake ,chatting. we fell asleap in each others arms on the sofa but did not make out in any way.
i have never cheated on my wife but i feel really guilty about this .should i tell her ,maybe i have learnt enough

eh learnt enough???
what exactly have you learned??
that u can spend the nite on a sofa with some random girl and get away with it???
yes uv totally learnt ur lesson!

Papergirl 1

Dont tell her because you'll only cause yourself a whole lot of grief. You didnt cheat, end of story.

ntlbell

smileysurfer wrote:

eh learnt enough???
what exactly have you learned??
that u can spend the nite on a sofa with some random girl and get away with it???
yes uv totally learnt ur lesson!

get away with what exactly?

he hasn't done anything wrong, he was drunk and fell asleep so what?

bandit*baby

normally i would always advocate telling her but given the circumstances i am gonna advise you not to .....
you feel guilty and really you did nothing so chalk it down to experience and move on
on the other hand if you think this reflects deeper issues within your marriage well then it might be wise to discuss it with her

Mrs_Doyle

Nothing good will come from telling her.
Just try not to make a repeat performance.

smileysurfer

ntlbell wrote:

get away with what exactly?

he hasn't done anything wrong, he was drunk and fell asleep so what?

a married man falling asleep with some girl in his arms isnt really all that innocent!!!!!

biko

OP don't worry.
Don't tell wifey and mind yourself in the future.

Mrs_Doyle

No, it isn't, but he didn't kiss her, or even try to, he didn't sleep with her, or even think about it.

He made a mistake, but not a huge one. If he tells his wife he might clear his conscience, but he also introduces a lack of trust to his relationship.

Now, from what he has posted so far, it would seem as if this was a one off, and not an example of typical behavior - so why introduce a lack of trust when there is no real need for it?

Bottom line, if I was your wife, I'd rather not be told.

Mr. Incognito

Don't tell her. Pointless, hurtful excercise.

Maple

Don't tell her. You didn't "do" anything per se but it would still hurt your wife to hear about it. Just put it down to drunken stupidity and move on. Try not to let it happen again.

CaroleLynch

drunkfool wrote:

hi guys
i was out at the weekend and i met up with a great group of girls .
we went to a party and dranka lot . by the end of the night there was just me and one girl left awake ,chatting. we fell asleap in each others arms on the sofa but did not make out in any way.
i have never cheated on my wife but i feel really guilty about this .should i tell her ,maybe i have learnt enough

Did you go back alone or with your friends........ and did you just meet the girls out that night.....

In fairness you have a wife so you shouldn't be acting like a single guy... Think about how you'd feel knowing your wife fell asleep in another mans arms.....???

Sometimes the more innocent an act the more intimate they actually are....

nobodythere

As others have said, you didn't cheat. You'd only be attempting to alleviate your own guilt if you said anything about it. Mountain out of a mole hill as one poster said.

CaroleLynch

come on grasshopa you can't really believe that..... how would you feel if your other half fell asleep in random people's arms... and blaming the drink for doing it........ next he'll be posting saying had a drunken one night stand and the guilt is tearing me apart......

Victor

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

he didn't sleep with her

Yes he did!

Euphamisms these days. :rolleyes:

bug

generally if a person feels guilty its for a reason.

Did you fancy the girl and is that what you feel guilty for?
Is it the potential that you can't trust your own actions and maybe you would have gone further with it?
Do you feel like a dick for getting comfy with someone for a little intimacy?
Or were you just looking for a bit of a heat?
Were you wrapped around her in a sexual way, or was it someone falling asleep on your chest?

I can't answer those questions because I wasn't there and don't know why you feel guilty.
Technically, you didn't do anything wrong and there isn't anything to tell.
But then again only you can access your own motives and thoughts, not us.

In short, technically there isn't anything to tell, but you really really should look at why you feel guilty, and take this as a yard stick of your own behaviour.

...By the way, drunk can't be an excuse for bottling someone in the head, or running someone over in a car so I never understood why people use it as an excuse for possible infidelity, even if it was a near miss. It's ridiculous.
Perhaps you should go home next time or you might wake up cuddling your mates dog next time.

Able

bandit*baby wrote:

so chalk it down to experience

What a great phrase!!:D

builttospill

"If it was a once off, then chalk it down to experience and move on".

Hahahahahahahaha. I had a good chuckle to myself when I saw this. It appears to be the standard advice for every single problem. Keep up the good work.

bandit*baby

builttospill wrote:

"If it was a once off, then chalk it down to experience and move on".

Hahahahahahahaha. I had a good chuckle to myself when I saw this. It appears to be the standard advice for every single problem. Keep up the good work.

not every single problem just the one's that are a once off :rolleyes:

hanni1234

You didnt do anything ya mad thing

Mighty_Mouse

jesus potentially ruin your marriage or at the very least never be able to go for pints on yer own again with out the missus being suspicious.

For what!!
A massive row and a hell of an effort to proabably never properly convince her nothing happened?

Why would you tell her?

DD

I agree!!!

mickoo wrote:

it will sound worse than it is if you tell her-forget it and dont get in this situation again.

Melski

Papergirl 1 wrote:

Dont tell her because you'll only cause yourself a whole lot of grief. You didnt cheat, end of story.

You have to decide whether telling is really just about making you feel better about you. Obviously it's not going to make your wife happy.

Reku

You did nothing wrong IMO. You were drunk (thus making you more likely to fall asleep anyway) and ended up falling asleep wrapping your arms around some girl. Should you tell your wife everytime you hug a female friend? Do lads on the tare consider themselves bi if they should happen to get drunk and fall asleep on top on one another?
As long as you didn't kiss or grope the girl then nothing happened. No sense in giving your wife unwarranted insecurities.
If you must tell her, I would suggest asking her to come with you in future so at least if you do doze off you can have her in your arms and not some random girl.

Femelade

i would hate to think my boyfriend went to sleep with some random girl in his arms, it would be heart breaking, and i can only imagine what it would be like if he was my husband..

smileysurfer

smileysurfer wrote:

eh learnt enough???
what exactly have you learned??
that u can spend the nite on a sofa with some random girl and get away with it???
yes uv totally learnt ur lesson!

Didnt realise falling asleep was such a big deal.........Im glad not everyone is as uptight as u. He learned the lesson that he cant be fallin asleep on couches with strange girls.



OP, you didnt cheat, end of story. U did something naive yes but u didnt cheat. Just dont go round fallin asleep with random girls all the time, otherwise somethin might happen next time.

Semele

Don't even think about telling! Nothing happened that your wife needs to know about. In situations like this telling is the most selfish thing a person can do- its not about your wife's "right to know" or any other moral cr*p, its about making you feel better. It would only hurt her unnecessarily and you'd probably regret it anyway once the row kicks off and time gives you perspective. Damn right you feel guilty now but consider that your punishment/warning and just be glad thats all you have to feel guilty about!

carnival_joe

don't tell her, but don't ever go back to a strangers house like that. or invite tehm bck. you're MARRIED. act like it. it is cheating, itamcy with a strange girl? this isn't the same a sugging a friend. this is falling asleep with a woman you don't know in your arms.

what if your wfe did it? maybe there is a lack of intimacy and communication in your marriage. whatever, talk to your wife and sort the problem without telling her why.

live with your guilt, your wife doesn't deserve the pain of being put through your mistake.

innocent? yeah, right. innocent would have been chatting in the pub/club and going home to bed with your WIFE. not a a house party with a different woman.

how much longer till you kiss? grope? shag? someone else. cheaters start somewhere, and you just started. stop now, while you still can