Her Family Getting in Way

LegacyUser

Basically i met this girl a few months ago.. got chatting, exchanged numbers etc.
To cut a long story short she is still living with her parents and her brother.

Her brother took and instant disliking to me from the moment he saw me and threatened me physically, basically saying he would kick the sh*t outta me in more descriptive terms.
He has also told her parents im a pervert and should be with girls my own age and other things like that and in doing so has damaged my relationship with them.

Im 23 and have my own house and shes 18. Ive put forward the idea that she could move in with me if she wanted but she doesn't want to yet because of college commitments and she doesn't think she will get enough study done.

Im a nice guy and have never pressured her into anything and have done nothing against her brother.

How can i make the situation dissapear ? thx

davyjose

Talk to her about it. Get her to explain to her family. Presumably she knows the full extent of what's going on, but remember, its not her family you are with, it's her. Good luck.

biko

Wait until she is out of college and holds a job before asking her to move in again. She's only 18 still.

Try to get invited to dinner with just her & parents and do your best to impress them and make them see you're really in love with their teenage daughter. Remember that they want what's best for her rather and are just being protective I think.

My 2c

bug

352525dxdrsr3se wrote:

Basically i met this girl a few months ago.. got chatting, exchanged numbers etc.
To cut a long story short she is still living with her parents and her brother.

Her brother took and instant disliking to me from the moment he saw me and threatened me physically, basically saying he would kick the sh*t outta me in more descriptive terms.
He has also told her parents im a pervert and should be with girls my own age and other things like that and in doing so has damaged my relationship with them.

Im 23 and have my own house and shes 18. Ive put forward the idea that she could move in with me if she wanted but she doesn't want to yet because of college commitments and she doesn't think she will get enough study done.

Im a nice guy and have never pressured her into anything and have done nothing against her brother.

How can i make the situation dissapear ? thx

18 & 23 is not a big age gap.
Her brother is obviously a bit strange...and her parents are weirder to listen to him, dependant on whether they still see her as a little girl.

Concentrate on your relationship with the girl herself and leave the parents and brother to a later stage, when you are going out a bit longer.
I think asking her to move in after a few months at that age is a bit odd. Best leave it and see how it develops.

There is no point in trying to get on with her parents at his early stage, just try and prove you are responsible to them, by making sure she comes to no harm etc...

For now I think thats the best you can do, you don't need to be all pally wally with the parents, just let them know the basics, ie we are going here, we'll be back at roughly.. etc.

Miss Fluff

352525dxdrsr3se wrote:

Her brother took and instant disliking to me from the moment he saw me and threatened me physically, basically saying he would kick the sh*t outta me in more descriptive terms.
He has also told her parents im a pervert and should be with girls my own age and other things like that and in doing so has damaged my relationship with them.

Are you sure you are not leaving anything out? Have you had past dealings with the brother? Why would he take an instant disliking to you? What reasons did he give??

LegacyUser

If I had an 18 year old sister and she was going out with a 23 year old, i'd be wary...but wouldn't do anything nearly as bent as that guy did...

the_syco

cheesedude wrote:

If I had an 18 year old sister and she was going out with a 23 year old, i'd be wary...but wouldn't do anything nearly as bent as that guy did...

I agree with this one. OP, its not that we disagree, its that she's just started her life. Would you have liked to be tied down at 18? I doubt it.

dRNk SAnTA

Are you really suprised at how her brother has acted? The age difference between the two of you is more than 1/4 of her life. If you want to ever get on with her family the last thing you should be doing is asking her to move with you.

Talliesin

I'm afraid there are plenty of weirdos out there that think 23 & 18 is a bit of an age-difference.

Sometimes they get the shock of their lives when they find themselves being in a couple with that age difference and we see them here going "ZOMG! What will I do???!!!!!" and then they chill out when people say "that's not an age difference" and then click off to read threads from people with real problems.

Now, this experience delivers a clue-by-four to those people and they buck up their ideas a bit. However, you've got an unreconstructed weirdo in the case of her brother.

However, if you don't turn out to be an asshole (which of course maybe you will for all I know) then her parents will probably mellow to you in time.

bilbo79

bug wrote:

18 & 23 is not a big age gap..

She could be an immature 18 and he a mature 23-then this is an issue. but either way im sure you'll say she is mature!

sidneykidney

TBH you are going out with her not her family,as said earlier i would try to show her parents how much you love their daughter. As for the brother fcuk him. The parents are bigger fools if they listen to him.

seahorse

OP, you should ingratiate yourself with the parents here. If you manage to do that sucessfully the brothers opinion wont be worth ****e. As for the age gap, that's barely worth commenting on; when I was 18 my bf was 30 and we had a a great relationship that lasted seven years.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote:

Are you sure you are not leaving anything out? Have you had past dealings with the brother? Why would he take an instant disliking to you? What reasons did he give??

Nope... ive talked to him before he knew anything and he was fine with me... guess hes just a tosser ^_^
He gave no reasons just basically told me to stay away from her in a not so polite way...

LegacyUser

dRNk SAnTA wrote:

Are you really suprised at how her brother has acted? The age difference between the two of you is more than 1/4 of her life. If you want to ever get on with her family the last thing you should be doing is asking her to move with you.

To clear things up.. it wasn't a serious proposal and her family knew nothing about it...

basically what i said was...

"If things get too tough at home u can come crash at my place for a bit."

Not ..

"We've been going out a few months... move in with me!" lol

MojoMaker

All sounds very plausible so far, however would you be of a different social background to this girl by any chance?

LegacyUser

MojoMaker wrote:

All sounds very plausible so far, however would you be of a different social background to this girl by any chance?

Im middle class from a fairly well off family..... same religion etc
the only thing different is that im english... which i doubt would be a problem unless some irish still have their neolithic ideas about the english ?

Gary ITR

The brother sounds like he is just being overprotective. There are plenty of guys out there like that, he could also be one of the moron types that protested about the english playing rugby in croker that would have a chip on his shoulder about the english

jellie

Her brother is clearly extremely protective of his sister. My bf and his friends are like this about their sisters - i understand the protectiveness, but not the overprotectiveness to the point of threatening a bf or potential bf (which 1 of my bfs friends has done). The way it was explained to me was that he sees all the young girls around town with their useless bfs, and the huge amount of them that end up pregnant as teenagers and theres no way hes letting his little sister end up like that.

Now i dont condone the threatening, but i in some way get where hes coming from, he wants the best for his sister.

I think you need to prove to the brother and the family that you have the best interests of your gf at heart. There is no quick way to prove this, itll take time, and basically you need to give them a chance to get to know you and trust you.

Asking an 18 yr old girl to move in with you would look extremely bad to the family. Not only are you taking her away from her family, youre moving her into a place full of distractions at a time when she needs to concentrate on studying. and to be honest asking someone to move in with you when youve known them for such a short time is a huge pressure.

You need to take it slower and stop with the huge move-in-with-me gestures

Binomate

Her brother is obviously an idiot. Ignore him and continue the relationship as things are.