Torn between two lovers

LegacyUser

Two of my ex boyfriends want me back- and I cant choose between them.They were both a very big part of my life and i love them both very much.

So i am asking for advice- Going to put things down about them(Money means nothing but ill put it down anyway)

Ex no 1

Was with him for 3 years.
He adored me though had trouble communaciting espically in arguments- he would just shut me out.
Met his family- They loved me except his mother she took an instant dislike to me.
Hes very fit- He goes to the gym 3 times a week and has a great body
He has a great Job and is very sensible with his money
Im not sexually attracted to him
He never cheated on me or hit me and never looked at another girl when he was with me
Recently I lost a bit of weight and when i told him he said "You know your gorgeous anyway no matter what size you are.
Was always very romantic- told me he loved me 20 times a day and even if i was in the next room hed send me little "i love u" texts

Ex No 2
Was with him a year and a half
He adored me but became distant and wouldnt contact me for days at a time
Never met his family
Hes a rugby player and has a good bit of weight on him
He has a brilliant job- 20 grand in the bank and is inhereting 2 houses
I am very sexually attracted to him
He did cheat on me and he had text sex with other women when he was with me
Recently I lost a bit of weight and when i told him he said "Im so proud of you"
Was romantic at the start-But that faded-Became addicted to sex and stopped saying he loved me

I know those facts are trivial and id like to point out looks weight and money mean NOTHING to me. I just have them in for empises.

I am leaning more towards ex no 1 even though life with him was boring he is sensible and never looks at anyone else- where as no 2 says hes changed but Im very wary of him as he really hurt me

Im an idiot when it comes to these decisions and im just scared ill make the wrong choice

bolliwoodi

number one is the obvious choice

r3nu4l

Do you love either of them? That's more important than anything else tbh.

easyontheeye

i agree, surely you love one of them (putting money aside which im not convinced you are)

Kinetic^

Neither of them.

LegacyUser

Yes i love the two of them very much

Never reliased you could love two people at the same time

BoozyBabe

The mind boggles!!!!!

Why would you choose EITHER of them??????

They're ex's for a reason. You may still of feeling for them, big deal!!!
There are other single men on this planet you know?

Number one is sweet & lovely, but you don't fancy him.
Why settle for someone you're not attracted to?

Number 2 is a cheat & hurt you a lot, but you fancy him.
Why settle for someone you don't trust?
You'll always wonder if he's back to his old ways, so you'll never be at ease.

Why is it that you've decided to limit yourself to these two men only?

If I were you, I'd choose neither.
I'd go out & find a man I'm crazy about, who's crazy about me, who loves me & who makes me laugh etc.

It is possible to have both you know.

boffin

You have a third option too - neither of them.

Why would you stay with someone who bores you which No 1 obviously does and you deserve better than a guy who would cheat on you No 2. Both also are distant which seems to bother you as well.

There is a reason why you broke up with them both - they were not right for you and to be honest from the way you have described them it doesn't sound like this has changed. Ask yourself whether you are you just looking for the easy option by going back to an ex instead of finding a relationship with someone else?

Zulu

tornbetween74 wrote:

Two of my ex boyfriends want me back- and I cant choose between them.They were both a very big part of my life and i love them both very much.

So i am asking for advice- Going to put things down about them(Money means nothing but ill put it down anyway)

Ex no 1

Was with him for 3 years.
He adored me though had trouble communaciting espically in arguments- he would just shut me out.
Met his family- They loved me except his mother she took an instant dislike to me.
Hes very fit- He goes to the gym 3 times a week and has a great body
He has a great Job and is very sensible with his money
Im not sexually attracted to him
He never cheated on me or hit me and never looked at another girl when he was with me
Recently I lost a bit of weight and when i told him he said "You know your gorgeous anyway no matter what size you are.
Was always very romantic- told me he loved me 20 times a day and even if i was in the next room hed send me little "i love u" texts

Ex No 2
Was with him a year and a half
He adored me but became distant and wouldnt contact me for days at a time
Never met his family
Hes a rugby player and has a good bit of weight on him
He has a brilliant job- 20 grand in the bank and is inhereting 2 houses
I am very sexually attracted to him
He did cheat on me and he had text sex with other women when he was with me
Recently I lost a bit of weight and when i told him he said "Im so proud of you"
Was romantic at the start-But that faded-Became addicted to sex and stopped saying he loved me

I know those facts are trivial and id like to point out looks weight and money mean NOTHING to me. I just have them in for empises.

I am leaning more towards ex no 1 even though life with him was boring he is sensible and never looks at anyone else- where as no 2 says hes changed but Im very wary of him as he really hurt me

Im an idiot when it comes to these decisions and im just scared ill make the wrong choice

If you really "love" number one, then you know you need to let him go. To get back with him would be totally selfish and cruel to him. He's looking for a partner that is sexually attracted to him, not someone who's choosing him as a "sensible" choice.

Glowing

tornbetween74 wrote:

I am leaning more towards ex no 1 even though life with him was boring he is sensible and never looks at anyone else- where as no 2 says hes changed but Im very wary of him as he really hurt me

Ehhh, neither!!!!

Why do you feel you have to pick one of these guys at all!!!!

WellyJ

One sounds like a sap and two sounds like an asshole,

To be honest you should be looking for something in between,

Like a mix between both,

Also, very strange thread, its like you are ordering a boyfriend online or something

Marksie

tornbetween74 wrote:

Yes i love the two of them very much

Never reliased you could love two people at the same time

Its entirely possible. Its known as polyamoury.

biko

Your mistake was asking strangers on the internet - we don't know these people at all. We can only go on what you say.
Ask someone you trust in real life to help you choose.

I'd say/suggest go with number 1. Number 2 won't change his ways.

jdivision

I wouldn't suggest either. You're not sexually attracted to one and you've been cheated on by the other. Why don't you try being single and meet somebody else - too many people feel they have to be in a relationship.

Beruthiel

Torn between two lovers

Are you sure about that?
No. 1 sounds like a great guy, but a relationship without sexual attraction is never going to work.
No. 2 cheated on you and will probably do so again.
I have to agree with the others, let both of them go.

silvine

If weight and money mean nothing to you, who do they feature so prominently in your comparisons? Clearly they are a factor - nothing wrong wrong with that!

suemary

Are you for real?

Just move on, there's plenty of men out there.

And also, how can you love someone you're not even attracted to??

Seems to me, your opinion of love is warped.

Kattyboy25

Never go back, only move forward, just because an ex wants you it doesn't mean you should accept defeat and go back. Hey, they are ex's for a reason. Your true love will come along one day, and there'll be nothing "ex" about him and never will be. Wait for him!

Bottle_of_Smoke

you'll feel less guilty with number 2, not sure it's a good idea but I certainly wouldn't go with number 1

LegacyUser

Your not very sensible and you seem to LOVE the thrill of being hurt...

1) You can't go out with someone you are not attracted to, that would be horrible

I'd go with number 2, you would have more fun and then he would **** you over but you seem to accept that so go for number 2...

davyjose

bolliwoodi wrote:

number one is the obvious choice

How can you say that? she's not sexually attracted to him - a necessity in ANY relationship.

SueMary is spot on with her analysis!!!

spinandscribble

um why must you pick one? gun to your head prehaps?

number one sounds like a nice guy who loved you but had trust issues. leave him be, who wants a bf or gf who doesnt fancy them? if you actually loved him, you would. let the poor guy be.

number two sounds like a b@stard and maybe you want what you cant have and thats from this "love" comes from. i wouldnt be surprised if his new found interest in you is related to you losing a bit of weight.


the fact you included money brought to light what you find important which is sad really. if weight/appearance/money werent important to you you wouldnt havnt typed that out or use them in your evaluation.

you sound like you want a boyfriend and are just going over your options. :rolleyes:

kensutz

I think she prefers number 2 because of this:

He has a brilliant job- 20 grand in the bank and is inhereting 2 houses

Sherifu

I'd choose neither for the same reasons others have pointed out.

1. no attraction
2. cheater

Tar.Aldarion

What rkm said, which is a surprise.
1, he doesn't deserve that.
2, he cheated on you and sounds like a worse guy, but you could possibly go for him.

LundiMardi

Good god.... Money obviously means a lot more to you than you let on if they even feature in your list, even if it is for our benefit. I just hope you choose to follow the advice given to you in this thread and pick neither.

LegacyUser

the money does not have any influence on my decision- i stuck it in as i was thinking of the future(ie kids and a house etc) If money was such a big issue to me id have gone straight for number 2, I have plenty of money so its not important to me. Just trying to emphisise that they arent jobless bums

estar

you arent sexually interested in the first

and the second CHEATED ON YOU

once a person has the capacity to cheat, in a long term relationship
they never lose it, as its something I would never do, and none of my
friends would. if tempted seriously they would just be single.

avoid number two. and number one deserves someone who
is attracted to them.

Sherifu

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

What rkm said, which is a surprise.

Are you saying we don't always agree?
Perish the thought.

davyjose

It's like a bad episode of Blind Date

Can we watch the bit where you slag each other off at the end?

Dublin14

I really want to know why you think you need to pick one of these guys... My advice - Leave both of them in the past where they belong....!!

Mighty_Mouse

Supreme example of the simple fact that women love a bast*rd!!!

Why would you want either?
But I reckon male logic doesnt apply in this situ

BoozyBabe

tornbetween74 wrote:

the money does not have any influence on my decision- i stuck it in as i was thinking of the future(ie kids and a house etc) If money was such a big issue to me id have gone straight for number 2, I have plenty of money so its not important to me. Just trying to emphisise that they arent jobless bums

Why reply to this point when we haven't heard a cheep out of you with regards to why it HAS to be one of these guys?

Come on OP, tell us your reasoning behind this one.

Caryatnid

BoozyBabe wrote:

The mind boggles!!!!!

Why would you choose EITHER of them??????

They're ex's for a reason. You may still of feeling for them, big deal!!!
There are other single men on this planet you know?

Number one is sweet & lovely, but you don't fancy him.
Why settle for someone you're not attracted to?

Number 2 is a cheat & hurt you a lot, but you fancy him.
Why settle for someone you don't trust?
You'll always wonder if he's back to his old ways, so you'll never be at ease.

Why is it that you've decided to limit yourself to these two men only?

If I were you, I'd choose neither.
I'd go out & find a man I'm crazy about, who's crazy about me, who loves me & who makes me laugh etc.

It is possible to have both you know.

OP, listen to the voice of reason.
They ar EX's for a reason.
Cop on and stay away from people you already know it doesn't work with.

limklad

Do a Frankenstein, Take the best from the two and put it together, better still go out and find that man for yourself!

There are billions of men out there in the world, so why dwell on two that have become your ex's? They are ex's for a reasons or else you be still dating.

Many people go back to their ex's and not fix the previous problems properly when getting back together, and they keep breaking up and making up. Do you want that type of releationship? It is always your choice what you do and do not be forced into it.

Wibbs

If you had to choose(and I emphasise had to) between those two people number one would be the less damaging to you in the long term. Over the years sexual spark can come and go and there are ways to help that, but only if the underlying connection, friendship and intimacy is there. Option two is exiting but untrustworthy and beyond his bank account is not a good bet. You would fun for a while but you would always be looking over your shoulder(unless you like that sort of thing. Some do).

Cateym

At the risk of incurring the wrath of every woman on the site for saying this (I'm a woman so I reckon I can say i1!) Are you OP in your mid-thirties and all your mates are getting married and you're feeling you need a man?

It's the only logical reason someone would 'settle' for either of these guys coz you're settling!! Why you would even consider either of these guys is beyond me. Its like a mail order description!

My opinion, chose neither and get out there and enjoy yourself. Life is too short for settling!!

Gerry1995

Dump both of them, your not sexually attracted to the first one and the second is not particularly sexually attracted to you. One is a hanger on the other can't wait to see the back of you.
Come on give yourself a chance and say thanks but no thanks

spinandscribble

you think you love them because you want to. i dont think its possible to love two ppl at once at least not like this.

G&T

Do they know about each other?
This sounds like the current love triangle in Greys Anatomy
tune in there and see what happens,might give you some ideas.

Seriously,why do you have to choose one of them.
Last i looked there were more than 2 nice single men in the country.

IMO you should leave no.1 to find a nice girl who wont wreck his head and turn him into guy no.2

LegacyUser

either neither of them or why not to talk them into polyamory and have them both?

LegacyUser

You should not choose either of these men. Although number one sounds like the kind of guy every girl needs, he is obviously not for you as you don't fancy him. As for number two he is looking for someone to put up with his cheating ways and as you put up with it in the past and know about- he thinks you will behave same in future. Is it not better to be on your own? I think if you have to choose I would rather worry about mortgage payments than my husband cheating on me and do you want to bring kids into the equation with a cheating man?

muppetkiller

It's very simple really choose number 2.

YOU DON'T DESERVE NUMBER 1 he can do much better for himself.

Number 2 is a Cheat and deserves someone like yourself ...eventually when he cheats on you again ( after finding out why you married him in the first place) you get to take one of his houses and 10 grand ...then you can go back to number one but at that stage please god he'll have moved on to better things...

Oh if your torn between two lovers your sleeping with both at the moment ya ? All I can say is those lucky guys :rolleyes:

Oh and if your not interested in money and property etc,....what do you bring to the relationship that these men would be sooooo lucky to have you ?

justsomebloke

As it has been 5 months since this thread was posted I severely hoped she has picked between the 2 of them by now so I really don't think people need to give her anymore advise

Latchy

Marksie wrote: »

Its entirely possible. Its known as polyamoury.

Mary Mcgregor once had a hit with it ' Torn between to lovers '

pookie82

Is this a p**s take??? This is the most ridiculous post I've ever read. I can't believe you're actually sizing up two exes based on bodies and money and how they react to your losing weight etc. You broke up with both of them for a reason, why are you limited to just choosing between these two? Is it just the thrill of them wanting you back? Go out and find someone you're actually attracted to you and who doesn't treat you like dirt and stop agonising over two guys, neither of which fully fits your criteria. It would be horrible to get back with someone who you're not physically attracted to because of the safe option, and equally silly to go back to someone who cheated on you. And you begin both lists by saying "he adored me" but clearly number two didn't.

Marksie

pookie82: leave the modding to the mods.

This is a bumped thread. I am locking it.