Settling a newborn

Itsfixed

Hi

New to this forum. This question has probably been asked a number of times here, and if there is a previous thread on this subject, do let me know.

We have a two week old daughter who is in great health, no colic as far as we can tell, but who has become increasingly difficult to settle. Naturally she sleeps a lot, but she is remaining awake longer and longer as the days go by, which is also to be expected. But even after nappy change, a feed and a good burp, (after which she will look sleepy) she will often prove impossible to put down in her cot, during the day or night.

I think we do all the right things, including sometimes bathing her and relaxing her before bedtime. All the books say that newborns often will just cry for no good reason but jaysis, last night she took hours to settle for bedtime and drove me a bit nuts. Doesn't like soothers, but will settle after a walk in the buggy or a drive in the car everytime.

I did make the mistake of rocking her in my arms to sleep for the first few days, which may be part of the issue because I've put paid to any cot = sleep associations. That's what the books say but is the child not too young to make this association?

I'm the dad, by the way. My wife seems to be coping with it ok, but personally I'd feel better if I knew there was something I'm doing wrong.

any advice much appreciated.

Davidth88

Hi,

CONGRATULATIONS !

I am not an expert, but just thinking back to when my daughter was little. We used to hold her until she stopped crying and then put into cot.

She now ( 15 months later ) settles herself ok.

Sounds like you are doing everything right.

One point, and this I think is quite important , is the room she is sleeping in totally dark ( and I mean so dark you cannot see ) ?

Also , when you are doing the nighttime feeds , do them in subdued lighting , and don't talk to her.

Hang in there , the first 2 months are pretty hard I found .

Itsfixed

Hi David88th

thanks! the room is not totally dark, now that you mention it, but the curtains are drawn and we keep a dim light from the bathroom on just illuminates things enough to see what we are doing. Its a small room and our bed only just fits, so if it was totally dark, i'd probably trip over things.

Not sure if having the room totally dark would make much difference but we've never tried it. Often the light from the window means that it is not possible for the room to be totally dark, as we try to put her down from about 7 or 8pm.

Kashkai

Hi there,

You are not alone. We have twins who are now 18 months old and have only started sleeping through the night. Up to 4 weeks ago, my wife and I were usually up 2 or 3 times a night to each of them. All kids are different and will do their own thing so there's no right or wrong way to go about parenting. You'll find something that works for you eventually even if the sleepless nights can drive you mad.

Davidth88

Hey

Thinking about it , she is still only 2 weeks , so I suppose you are in the same room, but maybe consider some blackout blinds anyway .

I did make the mistake of rocking her in my arms to sleep for the first few days, which may be part of the issue because I've put paid to any cot = sleep associations. That's what the books say but is the child not too young to make this association?

Two points to make:-

a) I am sure your daughter is a bright little girl, but I guarantee she has not read the books

b) Why shouldn't you hold in your arms while she dropped off ? ENJOY it !

Perhaps she is picking up your stress ? As you get more stressed because she isn't settling ... she doesn't settle because she feels your stress ..... nice little circle

Try to relax , and enjoy a special little girl who when she smiles for the first time at you everything will seem worth while ........

Itsfixed

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she was picking up on my abundant stress alright.

I haven't much to complain about, in fairness. She's lovely and healthy and is breastfeeding well.

We've been feeding her a 3-4 hour intervals, which is apparently what you are supposed to do when establishing a strong breastfeeding routine, even at nighttime and it means sometimes having to wake her, but our doctor today told us to let her wake herself up as she's actually putting on more weight than expected. Which figures, as my back is complaining from all the rocking in my arms.

I was v glad to hear about this advice - letting her wake herself up could be great news for our sleep.....:-)

thanks for all the comments.

Snowbie

We use a technique called a "papouss" i think thats the spelling.This is a certain way of wrapping the child up using a blanket to make baby more secure and cosy just like in the womb.It has worked on our 4 childers when they where newborn up to about 5/6 months.4th baby being only 1 and half weeks old,breastfeeding and settles about 11pm and feeds at 5am and then more regulary during daylight hours.Already has increased his lenght of sleep at night from 4am last week to about 5am.

This has worked on the lot of them and is gospel to us.Seems to work.

shrapnel222

is she in a cot or a moses basket? babies can dislike large spaces and like to feel confined. You can get little ring pillows (not sure if that's the best description but...) which make for a smaller space around the baby. We had one for our little one and we always found him pressed in tight around the edges during the night, which gives them a sense of security.

Khannie

Itsfixed wrote:

I did make the mistake of rocking her in my arms to sleep for the first few days, which may be part of the issue because I've put paid to any cot = sleep associations.

I did this for the first few months. :eek: actually worked out really well. The warmth etc. puts her right to sleep. I started putting her down then when she was basically, but not quite asleep, so she knew that the transferrance from my arms meant sleepy time. Now I can just plop her down when she's fully awake but bedtime (she's just over 4 months old).

2 weeks old = basically still traumatised from birth IMO, so I think they need more comforting at that stage. Just my humble opinion.

Davidth88 wrote:

Hang in there , the first 2 months are pretty hard I found .

So so true. You hit the bottom of the curve at about 2 months, then they start sleeping more consistently but it takes you 6 weeks to recover from being so fecked.

ArthurDent

Khannie wrote:

So so true. You hit the bottom of the curve at about 2 months, then they start sleeping more consistently but it takes you 6 weeks to recover from being so fecked.

6 weeks :eek: :eek:
My eldest is 8 and I'm still trying to get over his birth! Admittedly his 8 month old little sister hs now taken over as the "let's see how many times we can wake mammy up in one night" champion - I lost count after 9.....zzzzzzzzzz

Gerilee

Hi there,
I'm mom to an 8mth old little man who was incredibly demanding at night for his first few weeks. However, my sister in law saved me, she's a midwife and bought me a book by Gina Ford called The complete sleep guide for contented babies and toddlers - something like that, anyway. It saved my life. I never read it from cover to cover, but it has these guidelines at various places in the book for the feed/sleep/awake routine you should be setting up with your baby at different stages, from newborn onwards.

At first I thought it was a bit OTT, getting a newborn into a routine, other people tell you to let the baby dictate his own routine, but believe me this really helps if your baba is getting into a bad sleeping habit at this stage.

Also, she has a section on something called "controlled crying". Basically she says it's ok to leave baby to cry for a while if all his/her needs have been met. Eventually baby will cop on that night is for sleeping, and the night feed should stretch to a later and later hour until, hey presto, they should be sleeping through the night at 8-10wks old, if not before.

I was very uneasy with leaving my baby to cry, and it took a while to break the bad habit I'd got him into of coming into bed with us (worse than rocking), but as long as you check that they're not getting sick or too hot, you can soothe the baby in the cot and eventually the message should sink in.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Davidth88

Gerilee,

I hestitated to reccomend Gina Ford's book ( Guide to Contented baby ) because some people sware by it ( myself included ) some people HATE her.

We found that what the book did was help us build a routine , which obviously we modified/changed somewhat as our confidence built and we grew more comfortable. I thought that it seemed too early to build a routine at 6 weeks , but what it did was bring structure to our lives which really helped.

We found that working by this book at 8 weeks we were getting basically a full nights sleep ( ie from 10:30/11pm until 7:00am ). However I think we are incredibly lucky that our daughter is a placid/ happy little thing.

Itsfixed

funnily enough, i think my sister is posting me her copy of that book or some book that she swears by.

opinion does seem to vary about when is the best time to instigate a sleep routine but we believe that starting now can't do any harm.

Baby woke herself up a bit more often that usual last night, but seemed happier, more placid and - dare i say it - easier to settle after we elected yesterday not to wake her up for feeds and just let her do that herself. Wake herself up, i mean, not feeding. :-)

Its only one night, so too early to tell.

I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again

Khannie

Oh yeah, definitely wouldn't be waking baby for feeds unless they're under weight. Are you bottle feeding?

Itsfixed

No she's breastfeeding and by all accounts its going well to the point of overfeeding, our doctor told us on tuesday, so no more waking her, that's for sure.

anyway, i don't what was wrong with her last night, but since 2pm yesterday she screamed her head off, went to sleep two or three times but each lasting no more than an hour and usually no more than 15 minutes, to the point where we got into one of those cycles of overtiredness that we only broke by about 11.30pm. Its sounding very like colic at this stage unless there's something we're missing Drove us a bit mental.

She woke at 2am, had a feed and change and slept all the way until about 8am this morning, i think.

I don't know. Considering going to the doctor again tomorrow but we'll see how she gets on today.

Gerilee

Hi again,

Just out of interest, has she shown any signs of having a reflux problem, as in, would she bring up a lot of what she's drank on a regular basis? (Although it's less common in breastfed babies.) The reason I'm asking is that my little man had a problem with spitting up bottles for a few months and it caused him to have some really 'off' days where nothing I did would pacify him - very tiring, I remember. He also had a lot of wind, but my doc told me that modern science is saying there's no such thing as colic anymore - it's usually this reflux problem or an umbrella term used if your baby cries more than what would be considered as 'normal'.

Saying that, I am NO expert, and I remember how worrying it is with a newborn if they're out of sorts and you don't know if they're ill or not. If you are in any way concerned, head to the doc, mine told me that the main alarm bells for a sick baby would be temperature, lethargy and appetite loss.

BlazingSaddler

Hi Itsfixed.
I am a father to a 13 month old, however I remember that first couple of weeks well, we had terrible trouble settling her until we gave her a soother and started swaddling her. The change in her was instant. We swaddled for about 8 weeks.

kmick

Hi There,

Have a three month old boy who was similar a few things to remember and a few bits of advice.

1) In the beginiing breast fed babies (as ours was) need to feed more. Every 2.5 hours our boy needed to be fed day and night. At about 6 weeks their stomach starts to get bigger and they can take in more. That allows them to feed more during the day and less at night. Up to 6 weeks you just have to live with it. Our fella sleeps 9pm to 5am now so thats great.

2) Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. Babies are used to confined tight spaces (think womb). Vast open spaces like cots and baskets upset them. Also they have a startle reflex in which basically they jump in their sleep and sometimes whack themselves with their hands etc. This can wake them up. We swaddled our guy for the first 2.5 months and he slept much better. We tried not swaddling for a while but he slept much better swaddled. Most books show you how to do it and it can be found on the interweb as well.

This worked really well for us.

3) We have blackout blinds on or bedroom and they are brilliant. Try and dark proof the room for night time and early morning. A large piece of cardboard cut to the shape of the window works a treat. In the morning I really notice it if I open the blackout blind at all he wakes but is back to sleep straight away when I close it.

4) Let them cry for a while (10 minutes is all right) once they are not too upset. Its hard but it tires them out. when they get over tired it is very difficult to settle them but swaddling is a godsend here. It calms them.

5) Enjoy it its great. well done to your wife for breastfeeding. Our fella is thriving a lot more than all the bottle fed babies that were born at the same time.

Itsfixed

Gerilee wrote:

Hi again,

Just out of interest, has she shown any signs of having a reflux problem, as in, would she bring up a lot of what she's drank on a regular basis? (Although it's less common in breastfed babies.) The reason I'm asking is that my little man had a problem with spitting up bottles for a few months and it caused him to have some really 'off' days where nothing I did would pacify him - very tiring, I remember. He also had a lot of wind, but my doc told me that modern science is saying there's no such thing as colic anymore - it's usually this reflux problem or an umbrella term used if your baby cries more than what would be considered as 'normal'.

Saying that, I am NO expert, and I remember how worrying it is with a newborn if they're out of sorts and you don't know if they're ill or not. If you are in any way concerned, head to the doc, mine told me that the main alarm bells for a sick baby would be temperature, lethargy and appetite loss.

Hi thanks but no, definitely not a reflux problem, as someone did mention this before. She rarely brings any milk back up at all, actually.

Yes, i think we're slightly less worried now as she was ok last night. Yes, temperature, lethargy and appettite loss are not issues at the moment so we should be ok for now.

I'm wracked with guilt this morning as i was trying to clip her fingernails as she's been scratching her face off, buy unfortunately she wriggled a bit and i ended up nipping the skin one of her fingertips, causing a bit of bleeding. ouch! Wasn't very impressed. I think swaddling more tightly might well be a good idea.

it was her fault, honest

Nevyn

Well it used to be before the invention of baby siccors for cutting nails that a parent would bite off the nails of the baby as they were often to soft to be snipped.

undecided

Hi there I feel for you! It can be hard for the first few weeks! But it gets easier. I remember handing my newborn to a friend that was visiting and walking out of the house....and that was my second! not much you can do in the first few weeks except make sure there fed, changed, warm, and have attention and do your best.

Things I did with both that worked really well:

after feeding and changing talk, sing until they are relaxed and sleepy then put them down.

Dont let them sleep in your arms put them down just as they are dozing if your child cries stroke and talk gently.

repeat if necessary dont let them into hysterics there is no need to leave crying.

Two things I would say to start now :

1 when child sleeps during the day let him/her sleep in living room lets them used to noise! and after the latest feed approx 11pm put them down in bedroom. Any night feeds to be done in the bedroom helps them make the difference between night and day. as the child gets older bring bedtime back to suit ie. when goin on solids

2 some babies love to be cuddled day and night try get your child into the habit of being put down and talk to him/her from a distance.(not saying dont cuddle just dont over do it)

both mine slept through from approx10wks and from 1yr bedtime was 7.30 with so probs still love their bedtime and they 6 and 4 still 7.30 bed!

hope this helps congradulations!