Is this normal, 25 never had gf

LegacyUser

Just looking for some opinions on this. I'm 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. Been involved with I.T. since I was 17 when I started a college course in computer science, and then I have worked in a computer programming job since I was 21.

The point I am trying to make is going through college there were only 3 girls in my class out of 75 students, and 2 of them were foreign with really bad english.

Also in the department in my job it consists of all males, and 1 middle aged woman. So I have very little contact with girls.

I go out to nightclubs sometimes on special occasions, like friends birthdays or new years. But never really try to "score". Wouldn't know where to start. To be honest it doesn't really bother me in my day to day life I am generally very happy, have a good job, good friends & family, good health etc I have no reason not to be happy but this pops into my head every now and again that the situation I'm in is not right.

I would appreciate any input or advice on my situation, thank you.

Victor

ClickHereToLo wrote:

Is this normal

What is "normal"? There is no such thing as "normal", pretty much everyone is different although many people have similarities.

Your situation is unusual, I suppose, but that doesn't make the situation or you "bad".

If you want, come along to the next boards.ie beers or just join some social / activity group that you might be interested in. It won't magicly get you some burd, but it might give you the tools and connections to do so.

Frelance

I agree with Victor.

If you want to find yourself a girl you could try going out more.
Go out with a group of friends and see where it leads.:)

LegacyUser

Been there, done that... all worked out ok in the end....

Marksie

In agreement with victor on this. Working in an environment which is essentially male dominated does nothing to improve social skills with members of the oppsoite sex.

It is up to you to get out and interact with people more even on a standard footing. Regardless of the need to "score" or not.

On the subject of talking to the female sex, just be confident in yourself and don't try to be anyione you are not. In the end its the best way. Don't be frightened of not knowing what to say. If in doubt ask them about themselves, and do so with the ijntention of listening to what they say. then the conversation can go from there.
You are going to get loads of advice about social clubs and the like, whihc is grand, but you know yourself, you have to decide what you like to do in a social setting then go and do it. Personally, i am in agreement with you in pubs and clubs.. but if you practice or even just listen to what people are talking about in general, then you can apply it.
regards
mark

sobriquet

Agree with Victors' advice++

ClickHereToLo wrote:

I'm 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl.

Me too, except the never kissed 'em part. Well had a kind-of sort-of start to one a while back but that didn't work out and I wouldn't even think of her as an ex tbh. In the same boat otherwise, education/career wise. It's unusual sure, but I'm at the point where I'm quite comfortable with it and myself generally. After that, no one really cares.

ClickHereToLo wrote:

... never really try to "score". Wouldn't know where to start.

Scoring is what happens when you cross fairly normal socializing with women you fancy who also fancy you, and you do something about it. The thing to work on is the 'normal socializing' bit. Get comfortable chatting and dealing with teh wimmins in any situation, the rest gets an awful lot easier.

LegacyUser

It'd surprise you how many people are in the same position as yourself; I for one, am too. I'm in an IT background too. I pretty much bypassed meeting the opposite sex in school/college. Everything changed for me when I was 24, started getting friendly with a girl through mutual acquiantences. Started dating, then became girlfriend and boyfriend, engaged and now soon to be married. She's the first and only girl that I've ever been with and I couldn't be happier.

The only thing is, I'd be conscious about telling anyone (even herself) that she's the only girl I've been with. That's my prejudice though!

Give it time and you'll be grand.

limklad

Builder labours have the same problem too. Hard to find decent women in building sites, desperate isn't it!! They do not seem to have any problem in picking up women. Be yourself and you will meet someone. That only if you talk to them!!

Crazy Christ

it's a load of bollocks anyway. you've got a good job and you're happy with it that is the best thing you could have

Victor

sobriquet wrote:

Agree with Victors' advice++

Oh noes!!! teh world is doomed!

The Roach

OP, I was in a similar situation as you up until a few months ago. I'd never had a serious relationship; holiday flings were about the height of it, and even they were tame and casual. I also wouldn't be the best at talking to women, but in the end that didn't really make a difference. Oh, I'm 24 by the way.

I went out one night with my housemates to watch a football game in the pub, and one of them had brought her new manager out. We all spent the night just chatting and joking, and I found myself talking to my friend's manager more and more; just casual chat about anything, not an attempt to pull. I won't bore you with all the details, but the end result is that I've been seeing her for months now and am madly in love and couldn't be happier.

So don't worry about trying to force yourself into encounters with women, they'll often happen when you least expect it; a night of watching football with the lads resulted in my finding my gf! Just go with the flow; you say you've got a good life/job/friends/family, enjoy all that and let a relationship happen when it happens.

vorbis

i'd echo other people's advice. As a late bloomer myself, its important to realise that never having kissed a girl at 25 is not normal. I'm taking normal as the average sexual level for 25 year olds. Theres no need to be disheartened about it, I'm 25 and have a gf of 4 months who is my first proper girlfriend.

The important thing is that you need to both go out more and talk to girls more. Its good that other aspects of your life are good, however for me the girl side of things did come together without a conscious effort to be more social

spurious

These things tend to happen when you least expect them and often when you're not 'trying'.

You're certainly not the only 25 year old in your situation - there's nothing wrong with you.

Schism

spurious wrote:

These things tend to happen when you least expect them and often when you're not 'trying'..

I'd agree with this, most of the relationships i've been in have started out of chance. i.e getting chatting with a friends friend just being polite, getting to know them and discovering that you like each other. I very rarely went out "on the pull" but went out with friends for a laugh. Try to be more outwardly sociable and things will fall into place.

Elessar

OP, you say the issue doesnt bother you and you are quite happy with life as it is.

So why do you feel you need a girlfriend? Is it because other people will not think you are normal? That is certainly no reason to have one.

I mean, if you're happy with everything, why change?

davyjose

Elessar wrote:

I mean, if you're happy with everything, why change?

Well, just because he's happy doesn't mean he doesn't want to find love now, does it. You can be happy and still long for something.

What irks me, and it's slightly OT, is that it all boils down to meeting someone in a bar. Sure i've had 'nights' with women I've 'scored' with, but i can honestly say the longest relationship I've had with a girl I've met in a bar is 3 dates, on 2 occasions. Is it really sage advice to the OP to be telling him to meet chicks in bars? Surely there must be another way???

karen3212

Hi,
I'd say it's fairly usual, a lot of people don't think about gf or bf till they are out of college and have a bit of money. I've been warned constantly that I shouldn't even tink about having a steady bf until I was past 25, something to do with personality settling around then, smth to do with the brain.

Anyway it seems like you might be thinking about it, I'd say if you want to chat to girls, just ask them questions, the usual , where are you from etc. ..

I think you'll have to get advice from men on when to make a move if you like one, but if you get chatting to them when you are out, well you can always get a phone number and then ring them if you want,

Up to yourself though, everyone is different

BrandonBlock

Well, if and when you do meet a girl (which you more than likely will some day) have you thought about what to tell her regarding your past? It's just they might think it's a bit weird.

joeybloggs

I don't think its a case of what your 'missing out ' of,but more of what you have yet to experience.Love, scoring, relationships etc. brings with it the full array of human emotions.Its magical, dangerous, hurtfully and very complicated and i wouldn't have it any other way. Anything worth having in this world is never easy so try dipping your finger into this pie because you might find this part of life fairly sweet!

CrazyTalk

I'm kind of glad a post like this came about, because I was half thinking of making a similiar one. I'm in the same position, but am younger than you, 20 years old.

I have never been with, or kissed a girl, but unlike what you said in your post I am actually very unhappy about the situation, and have been since I hit puberty all those years ago.

I am going interrailling through Europe with five of my friends for six weeks this summer, and am terrified of being lonely for a lot of it becuase most of them are the complete opposite of me, as in they are very good at picking up girls and the like.

I have to agree with what someone said (cant remember who it was, sorry!) earlier, that clubs aren't the only place to meet people of the opposite sex.

But yeah, I'm still not comfortable about the situation. Thats my piece anyway

timmywex

women tend to mess with your head anyway...

Marksie

Timmywex: Off topic/ unhelpful posting will result in a ban
regards
mark

Drift

In a similar situation myself OP so you're definitely not alone. Nearly 25, haven't had a gf yet. I have scored before but only a few times and it never lead to a relationship. I don't have any real advice but I just want you to know that there are plenty of us out there like you.

This thread has surprised me and made me feel better if I'm honest due to the fact that a significant number of guys seem to experience the same thing (it seems to be only guys, probably because its usually guys who initiate these things).

doubtfir3

I was never really in a relationship when I was younger and then hit college and kinda came out of my shell.

Now I'm finished college since 2005 and haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years - I have a few close friends and some female friends but I think that there is a big trend/tendancy towards 'retreating' into a coccoon-like existence going from work-home-work unless you're proactive about your social life.

I work in IT but am lucky in that I'm in a shared office with three women so get to interact with them.

I personally don't play sport, but enjoy a run every couple of evenings but find that I tend to prefer to sit in at weekends rather than go out and 'score'.. tbh even the practice of chatting women up in pubs/clubs doesn't really appeal to me.. its more roaring than serenading her with my dulcet tones.

The best thing OP is to just relax and let it happen.. take up invitations to go for a drink with friends/acquaintances and watch the soccer/play/other and you'll be surprised who you might meet.. you are quite likely to meet someone in the most un-conventional of ways in my opinion!

Get out there, join a library, go to a play or attend a talk about something which is of (even mild) interest to you and you never know who'll cross your path.