Human vs Dog

OTK

How do you fight off a dog? I came across a dog the other day that looked like he was considering attacking me. An untrained German shepherd. Got me thinking.

Roper

Carry sausages in your pocket. Just as the dog is coming at you, take them out, and eat them for the extra energy you need to run away!

SBG Ireland

what if it was a trained german shepherd and he had sweet bo staff skillz?

Roper

Don't even go there, there's no amount of sausages going to get you out of that one.

Dermot Nolan

Roper wrote:

Carry sausages in your pocket. Just as the dog is coming at you, take them out, and eat them for the extra energy you need to run away!

lol!

I heard about someone asking a jiu jitsu teacher this once. He told the guy to wait until the dog jumps for your face, grab it by the paw and get him in a tasty wrist/paw throw. Problem solved!!

HashSlinging

hmm round house kick

arybvtcw0eolkf

OTK wrote:

How do you fight off a dog? I came across a dog the other day that looked like he was considering attacking me. An untrained German shepherd. Got me thinking.

Untrained in what?

BJJ, Judo, Muay Thai...........?

You have to be so careful these days.

Tar.Aldarion

So is this dog just a street fighter?

dlofnep

I see alot of dogs on the streets on a saturday night. Just avoid them. They've had way too many.

PeakOutput

a labrador went for me last week as i was walking across the green in my estate............i just stood my ground and put my arms out to make me look bigger and it stopped in its tracks barked a few times and went of whimpering

dog 0 peak 1

SBG Ireland

he might know judo :eek:

OTK

ha ha

yip catch dog by paw and whack him on the ground might work.

But who wins in human vs big dog? Would big dog win every time or is there something about humans that means they always win. (no sausages or weapons allowed). I'd say it's really hard to beat a dog once the fucker has bitten your hand.

when I said untrained dog I meant it wasn't a police dog who are of course trained to bring you down by the arm. It was a dog owned by some random gobshite with an iq of 9

as it's friday afternoon I may just have a look on youtube for dog vs human fights.

I had a paper round as a kid and i kept a supply of pebbles in my pocket. if a dog went for me I would walk towards it roaring and chucking pebbles at its head. gave me a rush.

Have any of you had a fight with a dog? How did it go? And no I don't mean a skanky bitch. I'm sure we all fight them every weekend.

what about grab front paws and yank apart. then kick in the nuts?

Is there a bullfighter trick you can do on a dog with your t-shirt?

Khannie

Human has agility and strength....dog has teeth. In a 1v1, both untrained and unarmed, it's hard to say where I'd put my money in a fight to the death. Probably the human.

400 quatloos on the newcomer!

Marathon Man

How to beat a dog:

Shoot for a quadruple leg take down, work for the mount and finish with a classy paw bar. Easy.

Nothingcompares

Man fighting wolf with no weapons results in the Wolf winning 99 times out of 100. Wolves' have bone crushing teeth and are skilled in the pursuit, catch and kill of large mammals (Caribou etc.). Wolves almost always work in packs so it would be rare for 1 on 1 with a wolf.

However, dogs, even big dogs, are not wolves. The bone crunching trait largely has been bred out. Dogs can still give you a nasty bite, a rottweiler, doberman, Alsation etc., could still maul you if it was really inclined to.

However, the other question is, why on earth would you be fighting a dog (or any thing for that matter) unarmed. The distinct quality that separates humans and other animals is our use of tools to kill prey and protect ourselves. Therefore, without a baseball bat and your coat, you chances of 'victory# are severely diminished.

Next, for a dog to actually want to stand there and actually attack you rather than running off and just barking at you, you'd have to be causing it great stress and intimidation. You would have to invade its territory and not back off once warned (intruder versus guard dog). Again if you start throwing dog against a dog with kicks and punches, he'll going to take you down and asphyxiate you out.

cowzerp

Leave the dog alone-dogs usually sense asss holes a mile away-if you get a rush out of hurting animals your a loser, pretend to pick up a stone and throw and most dogs will back off-if not your probably somewhere you should not be.

HammerHeadGym

Nothingcompares wrote:

Man fighting wolf with no weapons results in the Wolf winning 99 times out of 100. Wolves' have bone crushing teeth and are skilled in the pursuit, catch and kill of large mammals (Caribou etc.). Wolves almost always work in packs so it would be rare for 1 on 1 with a wolf.

It's not that I don't appreciate the info, but the fact that you know so much about the hunting habits of wolves is a bit weird...

Anyway, there is a rather detailed description of how to do it some world war two, prisoner of war, Colditz inmate autobiography. They trained several guys to do it for when one of them was making an escape. It's basically wrapping a lot of cloth with some meat on or near the surface, around your hand in a ball, stuffing that into the dog's face and the when it bites, you pull back, thus creating a game for the dog. Next you pull you leg over the dog, using it's resistance as leverage and slip one arm behind it's head, the other under the chin and break it's neck. Pleasent.

Hope this helps. LOL

Feral Mutant

OTK wrote:

what about grab front paws and yank apart. then kick in the nuts?

Tried that once. Didn't work. The little bugger was neutered.

takeda shingen

Boru, stab a dog with a pen til it dies! no its not pc its hilarious. unless you are talking abou a tactical pen Watch out here comes Paris Hilton with her rabid chihuahua, wheres my Montblanc? I'll write the dogs obiturary with it when i'm finished

columok

It's not that I don't appreciate the info, but the fact that you know so much about the hunting habits of wolves is a bit weird...

Nothingcompares is one of the several MMA Zoo-mo-lologists so expect constant updates on how to armbar an aphid (Jim) or how to frighten a liger (mick)

Spectator#1

Tell it to sit.

takeda shingen

its funny that you would think it would work. its not dog kata! i cant believe im typing this. the dog isnt going to stand there and wait for you to attack him with your pen. you wont beat as in win a large aggressive dog with out a big stick or a shot gun. or the old stand em down show no fear routine. the latter is best and works if its genuine. not bullsh1ting you just have been around all the standard "agressive breeds" since i was a babby
by the the way its very easy to harai goshi a malamute

Roper

I believe that this thread sums up what this forum would be like without the sports discussions. There people arguing about how to best defend yourself against a dog. Say it to yourself over and over and allow the absurdity to sink in.

rossedge

by far one of the best posts in a long time......Classic!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

our german shepard (aptly named, judo) attacked me a few years back.. I was 14-15 stone at the time wasn't watching where i was going and stood on his hind leg, putting all my force on it. He flipped out. Turned around straight away whipping the leash out of my hands (I'd relaxed in shock as I realised what I'd done, thought I'd broken his leg), had a look of bloody murder in his eyes and leapt for my neck.

I put my left arm over my neck, which he dutifully grabbed and started chewing on and grabbed his neck with my right hand and squeezed, while trying to lift him slightly off the ground to discourage further biting of my other arm.

granted this was the family pet, and he probably wasn't trying to murder me.. but it's always left me with a complete lack of fear towards dogs.. no matter how big they are, it just cannot be that difficult to fight them off if you stay calm and think about what you hasve to do.

nuts, or neck. Alternatively I've heard if you grab both front paws and give them a serious pull in opposite directions you can do serious damage to the dog's chest.. but that's cruel, and if you hve the strength to do that kind of **** you have the strength to kick the dog in the nuts and run away.

cold_filter

Hi all, i have about 2 years of kenpo so i'm a bit of a novice. I have a german shepherd and theres a picture of him in the pet forum, he's a might big fella.

While out walking we have been attacked twice, once by a pit bull which i just grabbed by the neck and choke slammed it to the ground and held it there til the owner came over. Though pitbulls are viscious little buggers they are not the biggest.

Another time we were walking on the beach and this massive staffie came running at my dog so i let my dog go and jumped towards the staffie punching the ****ing s**t out of it and i bit its leg i had a few teeth marks in my arm and leg nothing major but if you get a dog by the neck it cant bite also it helps if you weigh more than the dog.

Another time i was out walking my dog, in an area noted for scumbaggery and i was walking through a lane that was shaped ) like the bracket sign, it was late enough say midnight as it would be the only time i would let my dog roam free anyway the dog was about 40 foot behind me sniffing something and there was bout 4 lads in the lane hoods up and they said loud enough for me to hear "lets kick the **** out of the next person who walks by us" so anyway they were looking at me pretty menacingly i just whistled for the dog and he came running past me and when he to to where the lads were i said "stop sit hold" he's pretty well trained and does what he is told so i took my time walking by and at this point he was sniffing the crotch of one of these chaps and i told him he could well bite his balls off cue.. "please mister we were only messing" and waterworks, made my ****ing night!

wet-paint

If the dog has been trained, then it can do a few things, if it's an attack dog as opposed to a guard dog. Wrap a jumper round your forearm, offer that to him, when he takes it, belt him on the head with a kosh, or reach under and crush his windpipe.

Roper

cold_filter wrote:

cue.. "please mister we were only messing" and waterworks, made my ****ing night!

You're a lovely fella, probably a bunch of 12 year olds ripping the mick out of ya.

cold_filter

Roper wrote:

You're a lovely fella, probably a bunch of 12 year olds ripping the mick out of ya.

12 year olds out at midnight, must be a great estate where you live buddy

HammerHeadGym

Well, I think we've exhausted this line of enquiry.

Next, let's discuss the best way to beat a monkey, armed with a pair of scissors. I say a roundhouse kick to the solar plexus, followed by a poisoned banana related deathmove.

Hiiii-YA!

Clive

Just to clarify, does the monkey have the scissors, or do I?

Also, ring or cage?

BOOM. BOOM!

cowzerp

Clive wrote:

Just to clarify, does the monkey have the scissors, or do I?

Also, ring or cage?

BOOM. BOOM!

This sounds like a classic street fight, no ring or cage here!!

That was MY dog, his name used to be scooby but he legally had it changed to Fedor after he earned his black belt......I warn you, he has a 5th degree black belt in Kung Fu under Sensei Wong. But he also follows the philosophy of only fight out of self defence. You're actually very lucky u didnt make a move.....Your BJJ would be nothing against my dogs Kung Fu.

HammerHeadGym

HammerHeadGym wrote:

Well, I think we've exhausted this line of enquiry.

Next, let's discuss the best way to beat a monkey, armed with a pair of scissors. I say a roundhouse kick to the solar plexus, followed by a poisoned banana related deathmove.

Hiiii-YA!

Id let my Kung Fu dog beat up the monkey. Unless the monkey also had Kung Fu, then i'd be in trouble. As a last resort id call Edward Scissorhands

johnnysmurfman

German Sheperds are normally slow to defend against the Kimura.

johnnysmurfman

johnnysmurfman wrote:

German Sheperds are normally slow to defend against the Kimura.

They are however blessed with fantastic natural takedown defence.

loz

cold_filter wrote:

Another time we were walking on the beach and this massive staffie came running at my dog so i let my dog go and jumped towards the staffie punching the ****ing s**t out of it

Maybe it wanted to say hello - as dogs do sometimes with each other ? - ie bumsniff ?

cold_filter wrote:

and i bit its leg

Please never enter any mma events,

waterford mma

i guess head stomps are out of the question since the dog has four points on the ground ?????

cold_filter

loz wrote:

Please never enter any mma events,

I bit a guy on the sac before, though he ans his friend were kicking my ass i just seen his crotch and and i bit down hard very hard that got him off me!!

Moral of the story: If your kicking my ass... i will bite you anywhere

loz

cold_filter wrote:

I bit a guy on the sac before, though he ans his friend were kicking my ass i just seen his crotch and and i bit down hard very hard that got him off me!!

Moral of the story: If your kicking my ass... i will bite you anywhere

erm - ok ?


................


Note never let a dog take your back, especially if the lipstick is out

arybvtcw0eolkf

This thread makes me feel very uncomfortable!.

rcaz

Haven't you seen Resident Evil? Long, cold stare, then when the dog lunges at you, flying roundhouse! He should fall right out of the air like a dodgy animatronic...

crazy monkey

I love dogs and most other animals especially if I'm cold
If dog jumps whack him a punch
If dog just growls sprawl on it...your weight should break its leg then try to rear naked choke the dog if that fails....bite out his throat...
I think that's what Chuck would do...if it was the 70's...
Times where cooler then...flares, beards, chest hair and the was no such thing as animal rights!!!

PS dog judo LMAO.....