I'm afraid to go...

Chrissie

Hi guys, this isn't a very serious issue, so I'm sorry to take up your time, but I'm hoping for a bit of advice, suggestions, or just encouragement.

I'm a pretty shy person, actually very shy, sometimes I think I even appear snobish because of it.
When I'm with people I know well I'm normal, & with a few drinks on me I'd talk the hind legs off a stool.
I'm just not very confident, & always feel my opinions are stupid, that I've nothing valuable to say, of if I do say something everyone will laugh, think I'm stupid etc, which is why with strangers I tend to stay very quiet, which then prob makes them think I'm weird & odd.

Anyhow....

I'm going away this weekend on my own, to a place I've never been before, to join & live with people I've never met before & I'm feeling very uncomfortable about the whole thing.

I really don't want to crawl back under my shell, as I know that will limit what I get out of this trip & will make it less worthwhile, but I really don't know if I'll have the courage to participate equally like everyone else.

Add to that:- the reason why I'm going away is because I'm taking part in a language course, where only that language will be spoken & my knowledge of that language is very limited.
I can understand a fair bit, I just can't structure much to say back.
This is making me feel even more nervous.
I'm going to be SO afraid to make obvious & stupid mistakes, that I'm afraid I'll just sit in the background & not participate, but I know I'll get no benefit from doing that.

And, I've to live & share a room on my own with strangers. I'm a very private person. I've requested a single room, but will prob not get it.
There'll be a pub crawl with the strangers every night & I know I'd rather just hide away in my room myself, but again I know that would not be to my advantage.

I do know ideally what I need to do, I just don't know if I'll have the strength to actually do it while I'm there.

I'm proud of myself for booking this, & pushing myself so far out of my comfort zone (as I have been thinking of broadening my friendship circles with people with similar interests, etc), but the other part of me is so sorry I ever did book it as I really don't want to put myself through this.

I'm really not looking forward.
I know it could be one of the best experiences I'll ever have, I'm just so afraid & pretty sure, that I won't let it be purely through my shyness & oddity.

Thanks for reading.

funloving

hi,
where exactly are you going?
well i am not a shy person but when i moved in ireland i felt uncomfortable at the beginning with people coz i was terrified by the thought that what i was saying was wrong in english or that people could think i am stupid or an ignorant a s s h o l e...but i think when we face situations that are new to us we have the chance to grow up as human beings and improving ourselves.
I am sure you will have a lot of fun and you will thank god you took part of this language course...well...in the worst case scenario, if you really dont find at ease with yourself with these people you can go away...would that be possible?
I am excited for you...wish i was there to take part of this experience
ENJOY IT

XXX

Marksie

Chrissie wrote:

I'm proud of myself for booking this, & pushing myself so far out of my comfort zone (as I have been thinking of broadening my friendship circles with people with similar interests, etc), but the other part of me is so sorry I ever did book it as I really don't want to put myself through this.

I'm really not looking forward.
I know it could be one of the best experiences I'll ever have, I'm just so afraid & pretty sure, that I won't let it be purely through my shyness & oddity.

Thanks for reading.

and so you should be proud of yourself.

Believe it or not OP I was terribly shy in company, to an extent i still am. But i overcame it by not hiding and doing exactly what you did.

So yeah a little yes/no yes / no is ok. and perfectly natural.

It will go better than you think, i believe.

Don't forget being quiet isnt necessarily a bad thing, people do like to talk about themselves and you can get on with somene just as well in a companionable silence :-)

Also juts by indulging in a little people watching you can actually see how they interrelate and begin to learn by it.

Making mistakes is part and parcel of it, as you see others do so, then you will see its natural

well as for oddity! :-0 most people are in one way or another. Including yours truly here. Fact is accepting it as a facet of who you are is important, then it doesnt matter

humanji

Well if these people don't know you then you have a chance to experiment and be something you're not ie confident. You're not going away for too long, and it'll be over before you know it, so you've got nothing to lose.

And don't worry about making mistakes. You'll most likely find that most of the people there are just as nervous. Let your hair down and have a laugh. You'll be the better for it.

karen3212

I think it is a great situation to be in, if you are normally shy.

People will expect you to say little, people will expect you to make mistakes as that is natural and the way to learn language, they don't know you and you may not see them for a long time - so say and do whatever you like
also all people are odd



Go for it, if it's terrible for you- so what, it only lasts few days, and you will never see them again if you don't want

Goodluck and well done for booking the course

sweet-rasmus

i would feel exactly like you in this situation! i expect that if you ended up sharing a room you'd probably end up really enjoying it. it's just the dread that not everyone will get on, but they are probably thinking the same thing (though perhaps not worrying as much). if you get your single room you probably wouldn't benifit from the adventure at all as much.

one thing you can tell yourself is that you are unlikely to see any of the people you meet again, so you can't be worried you will make a fool of yourself (of course you wont anyhow) because it simply doesnt matter! you may be lucky enough to make a really good friend at the weekend, and that would be brilliant!

stay optimistic. don't let yourself worry about it. i hope you come back here and tell us about your wonderful weekend. you may just encourage other shy people like me to do the same

enjoy yourself!

Chrissie

Hi guys,

Thanks for your support!
Well, either way I'm going & yes, if it's really not my thing I can leave, but I highly doubt I would leave, I'm too thick headed to admit defeat like that.

I'm just going to keep saying to myself that I'll gain more by being more outgoing & so hopefully push myself to participate more than I perhaps would otherwise.
& it's true I'll prob never see these people again, so it prob doesn't matter what they think of me, but that's easier said than done.

I'll post back on Tue & let you know how I got on.

Hopefully I'll be saying how stupid I was to create this thread in the 1st place, that it was wonderful, the tutors were wonderful, the students were wonderful, I made lots of new friends, the course was so unbelievably beneficial that I'm booking my next one already!!!!

Wishful thinking, eh!!!

Wish me luck!

Thanks.

sweet-rasmus

ah, i'm glad you made the thread. i'd feel the same and you inspire people like me honest! i look forward to hearing about it!

jdivision

I used to suffer very badly from shyness but got over it by standing up in front of people enough times and speaking. Still find it hard enough to talk to people I don't know initially but if we're in a group after first few minutes it's fine.

Civilian_Target

I know quite a few people who have the same issues with shyness that you do, and they're all amongst the nicest, most reliable and best people I know.

Shyness is a manifestation of fear, but from what you've just written you've nothing to be afraid of.
You say you don't know these people at all, that's a massive benefit! You have nothing to lose because if you make a fool of yourself (which is nearly impossible to do by the way) you can choose to never see them again!

Go, relax, don't speak unless you feel you want to but don't hold back if you have something to say and don't shy away in your room! Who knows what nice stranger you might meet

5starpool

It is easy to convince yourself that things are not worth changing, and that you will be better off in your own company, but deep down you will always regret taking that path. Just be yourself in company, but try not to think too much about being self conscious (hard, I know).

In the past I was very awkward around people I didn't reall know as well, but by putting yourself in situations where you have to deal with things and where you can see that "this isn't so bad after all" can really help. I have learned to accept things about myself that in the past I saw as things that others might not like, and now if people don't like me then that is their tough luck, and I have stopped caring about that.

Whatever you do, enjoy yourself, and well done for your courage so far.

Black Swan

If I were you, I would focus on the language and not worry about what others think. I'll bet that there are others going on this trip that feel the same way as you do, so you will be in good company. With a language focus, you will not only learn more and accomplish the purpose of the trip, but it should shift the attention off you as a person and onto the purpose.

cooker3

Ok, this sounds pretty much like how I feel in this situation.

Think of it like this, if you see somone you don't know doing something out of the ordinary or even silly, what do you think of them. You probably smile and not take it too seriously. Would you judge someone because they made a silly mistake. I would hope not and judging by your post I doubt you would. This is what others would think of you in that situation if that happened so don't worry about it and anyway the chances are whatever fears you have will not come to pass.

I also think the languages thing could help, people are naturally going to be conscious of that fact that not everyone is completely fluent and may make mistakes, people will not mind and I'd imagine will be supportive of you. It's something you can talk about and once you start talking to someone then the hardest part is over and you can move on from there.

I hope you have a great time at it and think you will.
Best of luck

botvot

Thanks for your thread, I thought I was the only shy one! Because I don't talk freely to other people.
Do I want to? Yes, mostly, but I have NO CLUE what to say!!!

I also appear snobbish, but I'm really nice. And to top it off, I've done the language in a foreign country for a whole year! In the beginning it goes slowly, because everyone needs to work on their vocab, but as time goes by, it becomes easier.

Would love to know how it went.

And other posters: what do you talk about when you meet new people??? Really need advice, otherwise I will die old and alone, with so many thoughts. I like to think deeper and discuss serious things, although I can crack a joke easily. I just don't like small talk as it seems a waste of time.

Any advice?

Thanks

Carsinian Thau

The fact that you don't know any of these people makes it easier to deal with the problem. Just go there and pretend you're confident. They won't know any different and they'll all just assume that you are. Once they make the assumption it would actually require more effort on your part to break with it than to go with it.
As regards the language thing, the same was true for me the first time I went to EuroLanguages College. (In fact I couldn't even count properly). But if you just put as much effort as possible in, it'll become more natural after a while. Also, you don't need to get everything right. You're still just learning so getting it approximately right is good enough. Most of the time everyone will understand just fine and they're all there to learn as well.
So just project the type of personality you want to project and relax.

limklad

I know one particular girl like you, She went out foreign to the middle of nowhere (athlone) :eek: . On her first night there her Father had to go up there. She had the same fear and shyness as you. She started talking to people, Ever since then, you not could not get her to move back to Limerick!!
If she can get over it So can you.

Jackz

Agree with Limklad its like a switch in your personality try new things and do your best to chat to people if only briefly. I went from really shy to being able to talk in front of a room of people and chat with new people all the time (customers and socially) once you get past the part where your overly concerned about what your going to say and how your going to act and just go with the flow and be yourself. Don't try to be the perfect person who says the perfect things its the quirkes that people have that endere (sic maybe) them to others.

P.s. I tend to talk ****e about things like this so yea it could be ****e.

Miss Fluff

Chrissie wrote:

I'm proud of myself for booking this, & pushing myself so far out of my comfort zone (as I have been thinking of broadening my friendship circles with people with similar interests, etc), but the other part of me is so sorry I ever did book it as I really don't want to put myself through this.

You've answered your own question here. Stepping out of your comfort zone is ESSENTIAL to you and to your personal growth. You have to continuously challenge yourself, it will make you a bigger and better person. I'm leaving a fabulous life in Ireland next week to go and move 12,000 miles away on my own to a country where nobody has one word of English. Is it daunting? Christ, Yes. Is it exciting? Yes, now bring it on!!!!!!!!!:) Look at it as something that will build your character and present you with opportunities you wouldn't normally be presented with and hopefully plenty of stories to entertain people for years to come! Good luck.

Chrissie

Hi guys.

As you were all so good to post me words of encouragment, I thought I'd let you know how I got on.

It was absolutely Wonderful!!!! I had such a brilliant time, & I was sorry to go home.

From the moment I arrived, I was outgoing, but it was easy to be so, because everyone else was in the same boat.

Everyone else was also on their own & eager to make friends.
Everyone was so friendly & the craic got going very quickly.

The classes were tough, but enjoyable. There were lots of different classes at different levels, but by the end of the weekend, I knew everyone in every class, such was the way of the weekend.

We'd all bale into each others cars & go for scenic drives, to restaurants etc, as if we'd known each other all our lives.

I sang in the bars, played some music, the barmen, the locals etc, could welcome me by name.

We did activities as groups that in a normal situation you might think was a bit stupid, but in that environment was really enjoyable.

So, I'm hoarse, very tired, but very happy, with a pocket full of phone numbers for a pocket full of new friends.

Best of it is, I'm defo going back again. It's a place where everyone goes back & everyone meets up again as everyone enjoys their time there so much.

A home away from home really.

I'm a different girl today than I was last Thursday, that's for sure.
Not once did I feel like sitting in my room, or being by myself, or shying away from conversation.
It was all just SO easy.
I never once felt like I was actually there all on my own, not knowing a soul.

I would recommend to anyone to do something like this, to go away on a trip by yourself.
When you go with someone else, or with a group, you tend to stay in that little bubble, as you don't need anyone else to socialise.
But, when you're on your own, it forces you to meet a lot of new & wonderful people.

I'm delighted I went.
Thanks everyone

randomname2005

Hi Chrissie,
thanks for the thread, like others have said it is good to know that us shy people are not alone, and Im delighted that it worked out for you, inspiration for the rest of us 'shy-ies'!!

R

Tar.Aldarion

Glad to here you enjoyed myself. The missus has been annoying me to find out how oyu got on since she has no net access. I'll let her know.

sweet-rasmus

yey!!! am so glad! that sounded like great fun. i would have replied sooner, only i couldn't get on the net, but thankfully Tar let me know how it went a pocket full of phone numbers, eh? you would never have believed anyone who might suggest that would happen! yey

pclancy

Congratulations....:)

Even though ive no problem standing in front of 500 people with nothin but a keyboard and a mike in between me, in new situations i can feel incredibly shy and worry that Im not going to make a good impression with people or they take me up wrong....it takes courage to jump in with new people and when it works out well its fantastic. Well done for taking the plunge