Head melted - Is this the end of the road for us?

LegacyUser

Don’t know where to start. Lately my partner and I have been arguing a lot. I read this a lot on these pages, and its true, its amazing how much it can affect both parties.

These little ones are kind of, you could say, after shocks of bigger arguments. I always end up feeling that it is my fault as well. That I’m the nutty one.

About a year ago, 6 months into the relationship, he went off one weekend with his mates. Grand. But by Sunday evening I hadn’t heard from him, so I rang and text. Didn’t hear anything. I was worried. Monday, didn’t hear anything either. Eventually I rang him Monday night and he answered. I was devastated – didn’t know what was going on/what had happened………we talked about it and sorted it out, or so I thought……..

Crop up old feelings and memories. He plays sports practically 365 days a year. I always feel second to this. He has a load of things coming up and, as usual, I feel left out. Last night all this came out. He cant understand where I am coming from. Thinks the past should stay in the past – I have no argument there – it SHOULD be left in the past, but my brain has gone into over drive. All these things in the past are coming back to haunt me.

We are now at breaking point – he sees what I said last night as “you cant go out anymore”, which is not what I meant at all……I am delighted to see him head off and happy, but sad for myself.

Is there anyway around this? At the moment he is not talking to me. I do love him, a lot. But I’m thinking maybe we are just not suited. The thoughts of being without him make me so sad. These issues keep dragging us down – rather it feels like I am dragging us down, as I seem to be the one not coping. I don’t know what to do. He wont talk to me at all now.

ntlbell

have you much going on in your own life?

Do you have your own hobbies and intrests?

What do you do when he's out at sports?

karen3212

I don't know really, but 365 days of the year seems a bit much to me. I know you are probably exaggerating, but......it must be a lot if you are so annoyed.

What do you do together? Do you have interests in common, things you can do together, other than watching tv or eating together?

Perhaps you are ill-suited but you may find you have some things that you can do together.

Let us know

Ishindar

it sounds like u want a close loving relationship where u spend a lot of time with your partner and grow in love and spirit together. share your thoughts and feelings of your experiences as you pass through life together enjoying mutual interests and taking pleasure in each others happiness.

your partner wants to enjoy his sport and have some where comfortable and stable to return to afterwards to unwind while he dreams of his acomplishments and plans his future sports meets etc.

its really important to be aware of your partners needs and wants in life and to satisfy them as best you can in a balanced way. its also important that when there is an issue in a relationship that both of ye negotiate a solution that ye are very happy with and move on from there with a clean slate.

I would recommend that ye have a heart to heart chat and try to understand each others needs and wants in life and make a commitment to tune into each other and try to fullfill those needs as best ye can. it can be hard to open up these converstations so maybe just tell him your vision of life and how u would like to live it ideally and whats in your heart. encourage him to do the same and try to understand what he needs and fullfill those needs.

Victor

I think you need to agree something like one day a week you are exclusively together, one day exclusively apart and a sliding scale in between.

vorbis

OP, how much of your time revolves around your bf? tbh the comment about the weekend where he didn't contact you is way OTT. It portrays you in a very needy light.

I encourage my gf to hang out with friends and to do activities. Without her own things to do, she wants to see me 5 / 6 times a week which is a bit much for me. I believe its healthy for both people to have their own interests.