A question for straight guys... (and a follow up for teh gayz)

element05

Howdy,

Please forgive a bit of contextual backstory - skip the next paragraph if you just want to get to the question

So there's this dude I know that I really really like - good looking, great personality, yadda yadda yadda. I know him from work, and I'd say we were friends as much as two colleagues can be. As far as I'm aware he's straight (long term girlfriend), I don't have any evidence to the contrary. Everything was grand until one week in February when my gay-Spideysense went into overdrive. The two of us were working on a once-off project at work for the week, and were spending most of our time working side by side. Normally I'm totally rubbish on picking up on other people's feelings, but for the course of that week I felt like he was looking at me all the time, looking *into* my eyes as opposed to just looking at me, he was mirroring my posture, he was standing within my usual personal space a lot, etc... just got a really stong feeling that he was digging on me. Since then he's kind of been on my mind a lot... I don't know if I was just imagining the whole thing out of wishful thinking, or if there was really something going on that week or whatever. We're colleagues, and I'm professional enough not to bring sex into the mix at work. However I'm trying to decide whether or not it would be a good idea to say something to him should one or other of us ever end up leaving the department/company.

So my question for straight guys is: if a gay friend of yours tells you that they really like you, and that if you ever felt bi-curious or anything that they'd be interested, would you take it as a compliment? Or would you be totally offended/freaked out/whatever?

And a followup question for gay guys: have you ever been in this situation, and if so how did it turn out for you?

Cheers!

limerick_man

Straight Answer: If your not always around him (eg good friends, or work closely) then i would be more likely to say go for it. But before you do... check to see his stance on the whole 'gay thing'. Personally, if i knew the gy was gay beforehand... i'd probably take it as a compliment as long as he wasnt pushing it too much.. if he was pure getting into it i'd probably get uncomfortable.

azezil

As far as I'm aware he's straight (long term girlfriend)

That says it all really, hands off, go find someone else to play with!
Its more than likely wishful thinking on your part anyways.

MicraBoy

There are so many things wrong with this situation.

(1) He's straight (even if he is bi/curious/in the closet, the following points over ride it).
(2) He has a girlfriend - puts him off limits if you are any kind of friend.
(3) He is a colleague - don't sh1t on your own doorstep.
(4) He is a friend - are you willing to risk the friendship over this?

I think this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Out of curiosity are you out to him and do you talk freely about being gay in his company?

element05

Cheers for the feedback guys

I am indeed out in the office, came out about a year and a half ago. And don't worry, I know enough not to do anything while either (a) we're both still working in the same place or (b) he has a girlfriend; but I was just wondering if I should ever say anything to him about it should both of those conditions cease to be true some day.

And yes, I understand the risk of loosing him as a friend in the process and indeed that would suck to the max - I'm not making decisions here, just looking for feedback from any straight guys out there on how they would react if a gay mate told them they totally would (in a nicer way, of course!)

silverharp

element05 wrote:

Cheers for the feedback guys

I am indeed out in the office, came out about a year and a half ago. And don't worry, I know enough not to do anything while either (a) we're both still working in the same place or (b) he has a girlfriend; but I was just wondering if I should ever say anything to him about it should both of those conditions cease to be true some day.

And yes, I understand the risk of loosing him as a friend in the process and indeed that would suck to the max - I'm not making decisions here, just looking for feedback from any straight guys out there on how they would react if a gay mate told them they totally would (in a nicer way, of course!)

As someone who is straight my only observation is that for the 1 or 2 obviously gay people I have worked with in the past, I found them interesting to talk to and there wad less talking bollox about footie etc. But If one of them had made any overtures I'd have done the cartoon bit of running through the wall. So maybe he is letting his "macho" guard down a bit and you are misreading this.

Boston

The thing about a situation like this is that ever if he is curious he might very well decide after something happens that he's infact straight. You're leaving yourself open to be messed about.

Bottle_of_Smoke

silverharp wrote:

As someone who is straight my only observation is that for the 1 or 2 obviously gay people I have worked with in the past, I found them interesting to talk to and there wad less talking bollox about footie etc. But If one of them had made any overtures I'd have done the cartoon bit of running through the wall. So maybe he is letting his "macho" guard down a bit and you are misreading this.

This guy knows his stuff. I reckon a guy I used to be friends with who was gay made this mistake with me. Now he didn't actually tell me or anything - fell out over something else. Had he told me I don't *think* I'd have cared but it might have made me feel awkward. Probably not though.

Tell him when you've both had a few drinks(not locked) but make it clear you didn't presume. He won't like that!

Marksie

To be honest its a couple of big "what ifs" there. Just let it go by and drop from your thoughts.

Then again i have strict personal policy of not involving myself with anyone i work with.
There are as the saying goes, plenty more fish in the sea rather than piddling in your own pond.