life of a loner

LegacyUser

long story short basicllly iam a 20 year old male and i have no friends, it hasnt really bothered me much as i had friends in secondary school but to be honest they were a bad influence on me so after secondary school i focused on working and making money. i have done well for my self financially, have a good job, fancy car etc. but now i am finding it difficult to get a girlfriend. iam trying to get my life back together after been a loner for about 3 years, i managed to loose 4 stone i am back to a normal 12 stone in weight now so i have taken some effort into it but now i dont know what to do,i dont drink alcohol so i never went to pubs, never been in a nightclub etc i want to go out socializing now and try to get a girlfriend but i have no freinds. i promised myself i would go out once a week to some social event but where and if your single and a loner where can you go met people. i find difficult going out to places like the cinema because i have to go by myself, its not easy but i am willing to work on it.
any ideas would me much appresiated

karen3212

Hi,

I just wanted to say that you don't have to drink if you go to a pub. Many people go and have a good time, but they don't drink.

I do understand though that some people, especially young people might be taking the P*ss out of you because you don't drink, if so , then maybe tell them that you are allergic or something. I know it might sound cowardly, but if it works better for you then it's ok by me.

Also try sporting organisations, language classes, art/photography classes, all great ways of meeting people. If you pick something you are really interested in then I think you are more likely to make friends there.

Take care and good luck,

mikemac

Going to the cinema on your own is no big deal, I do it most Sunday mornings. My own litte routine.

And if you sit in a cinema and look around, I gurantee close to half of people arrive on their own.
Possibly Friday/Saturday night in the cinema will be different.

Head over to the fitness forum here. The lads have loads of advice and take no notice of their razor sharp wit and putdowns.:eek:

Jotter

what about tag rugby? you dont need a high fitness level to do it, its a team sport so youll meet people, most people join on their own so you wont feel out of place and its ment to be great craic! im sure if you google it youll find something on it.

red_ice

as far as going out goes, it might be a nice idea to get in with a certain click on the boards here that your interested with and go along to a boards beer with them!

Isnt that what those events are for? Meeting people you talk to on a regular basis?

LegacyUser

thanks for the replys
sports is a good idea i actually gave up sports at 15 but is something i might try again,i plan to go to college in a few months work related so hopefully ill make a few friends there.
as reguards alcohol i might have to start drinking soon try and fit in i sappose i did well to last this long without drinkin saved a load of money

Drift

I got the whole way through 4 years of sessions in college without drinking a drop OP and not one of my friends ever made fun of me. Quite a few people in pubs and clubs don't drink these days. There's nothing to stop you going out and partying without alcohol if thats what you want. Equally if you think you'd enjoy it there's no reason not to.

whiskeyman

timmy1234 wrote:

as reguards alcohol i might have to start drinking soon try and fit in i sappose i did well to last this long without drinkin saved a load of money

Don't do it just to fit in. If I met you, I'd actually probably respect you more if you told me you didn't drink. It's your choice, so a person who you'd like to be your friend should respect you for it.

With regards the rest, I lost or just broke away from all my friends after secondary school. All my friends now I got through college, work or sports clubs. Just be yourself and try and be confident to strike up conversation and spot common interests. Even if it's asking a group of lads 'hey, fancy going somewhere to watch the match?' I found a lot of the time, people just waited for others to make suggestions or invites. Sometimes you just gotta stick your neck out and make things happen.
Oh, and don't 'try' too hard getting a girl. I find it just happens best when your life itself is on the right track and your self confidence is high. You'll be feeling better and it'll be like an natural addition (should you want it). Best of luck.

Peyton Manning

Nothing at all wrong with going out to a pub and not drinking alcohol. Have a few cokes (not THAT kind), lucozade, 7-up - the sugar will get you as hyper as a 10 year old and you wont be able to leave the dance floor! Be confident, but not cocky - women love confidence but hate cockiness (in my experience anyway). And dont go out with the intention of getting a girl - if it happens, its a bonus. If not, dont beat yourself up about it.

honru

It think it's great that you've managed to improve your life thus far so congrats.

Now here's the thing: you need to stop judging yourself for being a "loner". I know this is something that is not very easy to do, but the fact of the matter is, when you stop judging yourself, the problem is gone.

You seem to be determined to make the change so good luck.

loadabollocks

don't pin your hopes of making friends on this college thing you are doing for work. In my experience these can be quite impersonal affairs.....people are tired in the evenings and often don't seem to want to communicate....belive me i've tried. Still it could turn out well.
good luck with it.
i think that tag rugby idea said above is a great idea.

Carsinian Thau

timmy1234 wrote:

i plan to go to college in a few months work related so hopefully ill make a few friends there.

When you start college join as many soceities(sorry, can't spell!) and clubs as you can. It's the best way to get to know people in college. Also, they'll have similar interests so friendships will form fairly easily.

kaalgat

whiskeyman wrote:

Don't do it just to fit in. If I met you, I'd actually probably respect you more if you told me you didn't drink. It's your choice, so a person who you'd like to be your friend should respect you for it.

Definately agree with this. I don't really drink myself, and have made many friends in uni who don't mind/care, and some others who don't drink themselves.
You don't need to drink to have a good time.

A friend would respect you for your choices.

LegacyUser

I want to get out of the whole drinking buzz and to be honest, the reason I want to is because I have a girlfriend now and I'm just not arsed, I have been going out for years drinking, taking down filth and then repeating the following week. I just don't enjoy drinking much anymore especially since I have a girlfriend, i find i can have more fun doing stuff with her (not sex) than just going out and getting **** faced like most people I know do...

red_ice

why would anyone care if you drank or not?

if your worried about your tollerance of drink, go to an offlicence, sample a few beers and see which ones you like and how long it takes you to get pissed. When people drink over the age of 18 they realise its not a race to get p1ssed.

a drink is a drink, its nothing big - if i dont want to drink i dont. If you need an excuse juse say your feeling iffy or something.

School mates are all well and good to carry on, but you will soon see that they aint all they are cracked up to be. I dont really have a basis for comparison on that tbh, i still see my mates from school - but the majority i dont.. I cant count how many mates i have in college. You just go to the events that are on and dont be afraid to talk to people and trust me when i say it will be a big turning point in your life.

join societies - paintball doesnt require any physical ability, thats a goodone to join, and its filled with sound people!