Friend has me stressed

LegacyUser

I apologise in advance for long post and any bad spelling.

Well here's my deal,
I am in this group with who I geniunely considered to be my close friend for nah on ten years now. We got close about 5 years ago.
For the passed 3 years our roles have changed and we are running a sub team in the group which was great.
We supported each other and I helped her with anything I could. Just us against the world.
She lets call her Mary has always been in charge of the group, and that is grand she made a point of telling me its on paper only,
she wants this to remain the same.

But recently I have been covering way up on beyond my call of duty, with all the work I put in. I have had to do her job and my own and try and smooth things over for her with the bosses and other members of the group(who had issues with her).
She doesnt even say thanks all I get is the third degree, why did I do this or that??.

I have had some serious health problems and school issues this year and she bearly calls me or considers me unless she has a question.
I know people are busy but for f*ck sake, I am and always was there for her.
I may have to stop doing what I love because of this and more, she doesnt seem to care.

I have tried ignoring it, talking about it, even getting angry about it but to no use. I hurts me so much that it seems that I and the group are an afterthought, that my feelings mean so very little to her.

I value her friendship but its a two way thing, I am not her slave or baby sitter so she can have a good time with her boyfriend.

jellie

im confused: is this a group of friends? a work group? whats the group?

spurious

People change and friends drift in and out of our lives.
Perhaps 'Mary' has other things going on in her life?

I'm not sure why you are covering up for her at work though - it seems to be adding to your stress about the whole thing.

Carrigart Exile

I am confused on the groups thing as well, but I must ask are you jealous she has a boyfriend?

LegacyUser

Its a group for club activities I guess, part- time we all got other jobs.

I am not jealous of her boyfriend, he's a nice guy, but I resent things being sprung on me at the last minute so she can go out with him, like waiting till the last minute to tell me shes got tickets to somethin can I cover??

So she has things go on in her life, everyone does, am I asking to much for a bit of consideration

Carrigart Exile

Stressed?? wrote:

Its a group for club activities I guess, part- time we all got other jobs.

I am not jealous of her boyfriend, he's a nice guy, but I resent things being sprung on me at the last minute so she can go out with him, like waiting till the last minute to tell me shes got tickets to somethin can I cover??

So she has things go on in her life, everyone does, am I asking to much for a bit of consideration

Can I suggest you actively look for a life outside that group and when she next springs something on you you can tell her 'sorry I alraedy have plans'. In fact even if you do not I suggest you say that next time

LegacyUser

I do have a life outside small though it is.

I will start to turn her down now.

My point is it is annoying it has come to this

Carrigart Exile

Stressed?? wrote:

I do have a life outside small though it is.

I will start to turn her down now.

My point is it is annoying it has come to this

When you are madly in love your head is up yer whatsit; that's probably where she is right now. Good to hear you are going to be a bit tougher with her, good luck mate

LegacyUser

I will go unreg for this as the other posters may recognise this,

Hi I think I know where you are coming from.
Someone you reconsidered close to you, has done what feels like a betryal.

You talk to them and hope for the best and compromise for the stake of the friendship. Maybe though you should consider removing yourself from the situation.

If it does feel like a friendship It probably isnt. Give her her space. You have made the first move, if they want to save the friendship they will have to make the effort.

If you have tried your best, know that and leave it at that.

Good Luck