Summer Lovin'

LegacyUser · 25-05-2007 7:43pm #1

Hey all, I am pretty bummed out at the moment. I recently started going out romantically with a good friend of mine and its been a blast despite the initial worries about what would happen(to our friendship) if the relationship imploded but as I said we've been having an amazing time and really getting on well. Anyhow here comes the crunch, being both first years in college we decided to go away for the summer, the problem is we are going to different places. So anyhow we met up before we head off our different ways and I asked "what now"?
I had been wondering for the last week or so how this would play out but I always put it to the back of my mind and said to myself f*ck worrying about whats to come and enjoy the moment, However I can no longer escape the reality that the person who I am developing quite strong feelings for (and is my friend none the less) is going to be gone for 3 months. Up until now we had been joined at the hip.
When I asked her what the deal was I didnt know myself what I wanted really. I wanted to go away and have a good time(I dont mean sleep around) and I wanted her to go away and have a good time and not worry too much about what each of us is up to (i.e. no pressure) but at the same time I was really freaked out that I might loose whatever was developing between us. I suggested the idea we stick together and be exclusive and she was willing to go for that but we didnt really make a decision on it and went to bed. Then I explained to her quite openly that my previous suggestion may have been born some what out of my own insecurity and I decided to sleep on the matter. When we woke up we talked again about the situation and I then I suggested we don't be exclusive enjoy the summer have a good time and what not and see how we feel when we get back. I didnt suggest this because I want to go mad where I'm going but because I made the most sense and was fairest on all parties. She was still unclear about the whole thing and thought that my line of reasoning was the best plan.
We left it at that I went home pretty sad cause I wasnt going to see this amazing girl again for a couple of months but at least I had confirmation on where we stand.
But then I was like "you idiot John(thats me) you should have secured the deal, always be closing!!",as I said I felt that by making us non exclusive I was afraid I might loose her. However maybe she(and I) need to be out and see whats on offer with other people to see if we really want to take what we have any further. I guess my head is just melted cause one of my closest friends and the young woman with whom I have experienced some truely amazing things with is going away and I'm just upset and insecure about it.
I am glad I had the balls to say "you know what, lets take it easy have fun and see how we get on when we come back", instead of being really clingy and coercing her into not looking at other guys. It made the most sense and was fair, but still have my doubts :P LOL! I guess my question is did I do the right thing? Or have I made a balls of it?

*Angel* · 25-05-2007 8:35pm

I think if you want to stay together tell her, there is no point in giving her mixed views because this might lead her to think you're not interested in the relationship continuing or can't be bothered kind of feeling.

As I was potentially going to be in the same situation as you this summer I talked to my boyfriend about it, told him the truth and we discussed it. I think you should do the same. What I'm trying to say is that it shouldn't just be you deciding what's gonna happen! Has she given you no response or view of her own? If you told her that you want her to have fun this summer I personally would take that as you want to have fun and you don't want to be stuck in a relationship. Which possibly made her shy in telling you what she wants.

LegacyUser · 25-05-2007 8:48pm

Well to behonest I wont see her again so I dont know how we'll sort it out (call her?). I must stress we were in the early stages of a realtionship and weren't technically boyfriend/girlfriend but were doing all that those titles entail. She seemed very unsure about the whole thing so when I suggested the non exclusive thing this morning she just agreed and didnt give much imput. It made sense to just leave it as is and not try and force it but my heart still didnt feel at ease. Otherwise I wouldnt be writing this. I guess its a conflict of mind and heart.

Rnger · 26-05-2007 8:30pm

im in an almost identical situation.. i fcukin sucks dosent it!!

~nop~ · 26-05-2007 9:02pm

I think maybe you should have listened to what she had to say... but too late now. Have a good summer anyway!

LegacyUser · 26-05-2007 11:31pm

Well to be honest she didnt have much to say on the matter. I still have a few hours window, I'll call her tomorrow and ask her how she feels about the whole situation.