Parents Arguing

LegacyUser

The past few years my parents have been arguing a lot, I always put it down to the usual marital disputes.

Im now 18 and have moved away to go to university but i have noticed that it is now a lot more and my mum has been really upset and my father has begun to invade my mums privacy checking her phone and asking about her finances etc. I dont want to interfere because i dont want look like im taking sides, which is what my father will accuse me of. I feel my father is in the wrong but if I confront him he will believe he is not doing anything wrong and tell me to stay out of it

From what I can gather the reason for the problems is that mum feels as though she cant talk to my dad and refuses to says anything to him this obviously annoys my dad for obvious reasons. This is also affecting my two younger brothers and im also getting distracted by it.

My mum has no one to turn to as her parents live in Pakistan but has still threatened to leave on several occasions in the last year but wont because of me and my brothers, my mum is getting more and more depressed and my dad is pushing her away with his actions I really dont know what to do I feel i need to do something but dont know what????

Beruthiel

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time, it's difficult to be stuck in the middle and not being able to do anything about it.

ParentsProblems wrote:

This is also affecting my two younger brothers and im also getting distracted by it.

Then you can at least point that out to them, perhaps they do not realise how much of an affect they are having on you.
Other than that, there is not much you can do, it's really up to your parents at the end of the day.
Sounds to me like they could do with seeing a professional, if your father is keeping such a close eye on your mother there maybe more to it then you know.

my mum is getting more and more depressed and my dad is pushing her away with his actions I really dont know what to do I feel i need to do something but dont know what????

Do you have any time where there is just the two of ye? Could you just talk to her, ask her if she's doing ok because from where you're standing it doesn't look like it.

You are right not to take any sides, at the end of the day, they are both your parents and it's best to leave them sort out what ever is going on.

sweet-rasmus

any chance you could get your mum to see a councillor? it may help her to sort out everything to be able to talk to somone about it. i'm sure it would lift the weight off her shoulders. many parents in this situation find it helpful to see a councillor.

LegacyUser

I know there isnt anything else to it and i have sat down with my mum when iv been home and its the same conversation "your dad has done this he is doing this he wont listen" The only time i confronted my dad about it he accused me of taking sides and not to get involved

dame

ParentsProblems wrote:

I know there isnt anything else to it and i have sat down with my mum when iv been home and its the same conversation "your dad has done this he is doing this he wont listen" The only time i confronted my dad about it he accused me of taking sides and not to get involved

Then don't get involved. You've tried to talk to your parents and all you've been hearing is the same old thing. They're adults. Assuming one of them isn't holding the other against their will or beating them up, then really, just leave them to it. If one of them really wanted to leave, then they would.

barrett1965

I feel for your situation as I too grew up with parents constantly arguing. I think though that your support should go to your mother.

Carrigart Exile

barrett1965 wrote:

I feel for your situation as I too grew up with parents constantly arguing. I think though that your support should go to your mother.

Hmmm noy sure that is best; it sounds like your dad suspects your mum is seeing someone else. Can you take your dad out for a beer and talk it through with him, find out what it is that's changed his attitude? It might be something that can be simply remedied by someone not involved in the argument

LegacyUser

I really dont want to take sides and I have to get involved because it is tearing my family apart and it is having an effect on my two younger brothers. I know that my mother is not seeing someone else my father is not physically beating my mum but psychologically its a different case.
My father is not the easiest person to talk to and taking him for a beer is out of the question because neither of us drink and he would never admit to any wrong doing.
Also seeing a councilor is another thing he would never agree to due the expense as well as his stubborn nature.
I have to fix this myself because im getting sick of this and their continuing arguing is making it harder for me to completely leave home because my leaving would really hurt my mum and in the state she is in at the moment it would be like I was abandoning her and it would push to a point I really dont want to see her at

Carrigart Exile

I am sorry to hear that. Very sneaky I know but could you accidentally leave your diary lying around for him to read; of course after you have populated it with your thoughts about how much his treatment of your mum is hurting you and the family

LegacyUser

I dont keep a diary and im currently away from home studying at university so even if i did i wouldnt be able to do something like and even if i did it would not make a difference unfortunately

Carrigart Exile

ParentsArguing wrote:

I dont keep a diary and im currently away from home studying at university so even if i did i wouldnt be able to do something like and even if i did it would not make a difference unfortunately

So what would make a difference? Is there a wider family member you can speak to who would have influence over your dad? Oh, and for the phrase take him for a beer change it to coffee/coke/whatever

LegacyUser

'Talking to my father directly wouldnt work he is a very stubborn man and in terms of wider family members there is no one unfortunately that he'd listen to and that includes his parents who would just take his side anyway. I need a way to indirectly make my father realise the effect of his actions.

Thank you all for your help'