Going Crazy

little miss

Hi all. Would appreciate some advice. I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. I'm feeling ok about it, and tbh, I wasn't ready to be a Mum. There's also quite a few other weird things going on in my life that are stressing me but I'm trying not to let them get me down. However, I've started feeling really irrational recently and as though I'm going gradually crazy. I feel insecure, jealous, moody, and even started to hate the way I look. I feel I have to put full make up on just to have the confidence to go out, but to everyone else, they think I'm just taking better care of myself. My friends and family think I'm in great form, but when I'm alone, I just randomly start bursting into tears. I just keep obsessing over different things and making them into huge issues. Could be just the hormones going crazy but it feels like more than that. Last night seemed to be a breaking point. I was just insane. The person I was with actually thought I was drunk, and tbh, I know I seemed it. I'd had three drinks but that was it, and yet, I can barely remember the night. I know I wasn't drugged or anything. Just a weird mist seemed to come over me, and made me lose the plot. I just wasn't acting normal. My mind was just racing with crazy thoughts. Culminated with me getting an awful migraine and even getting sick.

I'm mortified today. Really don't want that to happen ever again. Has this ever happened to anyone else, especially after a miscarrige, and if so, how did you get through it? Any advice would be much appreciated.

b3t4

Hi little miss,

Sorry to hear about all that's going on for you.

My advise is head to your doctor and tell them all of this. They are the best people to approach about this.

A

Izzyone

Hi little Miss

It really must be a terrible time for you. Whether you were ready or not to be a mother, your body and mind have been throught the mill.

The miscarriage association have a very good support network but if you dont want to get into that maybe it might be an idea to register with magicmum.ie. There are alot of people on there that have been through the same trauma as you have so maybe you could get some advice.

I do agree that the doctor is probably the best person to speak to though.

Best wishes

Dudess

You poor darling. Sounds like you're suffering from an anxiety disorder - closely related to depression. While you think you're ok about the miscarriage, that's just how you feel on the surface. It has probably played havoc with your emotional, psychological and mental health.

Went through the exact - and I mean EXACT - same thing myself a few years ago. I didn't have a miscarriage, it was something else. But I was so, so stressed out. Little things which barely bothered me before that started to totally freak me out. I'd wake up in a panic during the night, I had a dry mouth all the time, even had a couple of panic attacks. And nausea like you had. I also started to experience serious feelings of self-doubt - again, like you're experiencing. This particularly bothered me as I'm usually quite a confident person (sure, I've a couple of insecurities like everyone else, but this went well beyond that).

Get thyself to a sympathetic doctor asap. Just having a chat will be a massive help. They may prescribe you something mild for anxiety disorder. Nothing wrong with that. You need to learn how to relax and think positively, but right now you're unable to do that alone, so get whatever help you need to put you in a position where you can help yourself.

Best of luck. Hope you feel better soon, babes. Don't worry - you'll definitely feel better at some stage not far from now.

Wibbs

I agree with Dudess on this one.

I also think that while you may be consciously fairly ok with not becoming a mum, a miscarriage is a very emotionally draining thing to go through. Add to all the other things that have happened to you and it's not hard to see why you would feel off balance. Anyone would. A lot has changed for you in a fairly short time. If you weren't affected by it you wouldn't be human.

Just be sure you will get through this and when you do you will get over it. It will take time and there's no quick fix, but you will be a better person at the other side.

_blank_

Maybe you should lay off ANY alcohol for the time being, until you get yourself sorted out.

There is an underlying issue, no doubt, and alcohol will only serve to magnify this.

Dudess

And little miss, just to put your mind at ease somewhat, you're NOT going crazy. Far from it - you seem very balanced.

boffin

Hi little miss, sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I agree with dudess as well about the anxiety disorder. I could go unreg for this but I feel that it is not something that anyone should be ashamed of. I suffered from GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and went through the same feelings you are having. You feel like you have just lost the handle on everything, I would worry about things that I had no control over or things that were not worth the concern I gave them. The anxiety got so bad that I would feel like I was going to die from worry /explode and I always just felt this need to release all of this built up tension. Although I knew that some of the issues I worried about were trival it still did not prevent me obsessing over them. I began to withdraw which was strange as I was a very socialable person. Also as part of it I could have highs which sound like which you described and then having extreme lows after it. The only thing I regret now is leaving it so long until I spoke to a doctor and counsellor. It was the best thing I ever did. It can develop into depression if it is left untreated for too long.

Although you say you are ok about dealing with your miscarriage - it is a fairly emotional time especially if you have other personal problems that you are dealing with. You may not have given yourself enough time and space to deal with it completly.

You should make an appointment with a doctor or a counsellor, I went to a counsellor first who then referred me to a doctor. Also from experience I would recommend that you stay away from alcohol completely while you are feeling like this.

I really hope you feel better soon

Nevyn

http://www.miscarriage.ie/

You maybe ok with not having akid but still it can have quiet a considerible effect on you both phycially and emotionally.

Some emotions experienced
following Miscarriage

Your Emotions


* Anger – Why me? Other women succeed effortlessly to have babies, what happens to you seems completely unfair.
* Disappointment, your hopes and excitement are crushed.
* There is often a reaction of pity from outsiders, which you may dislike.
* Guilt, had I neglected nutrition or rest ? Had I been too anxious ? etc.
* The difference between a woman who has had one miscarriage, to those who have had more, is the timing and intensity. Physical fear is part of every woman's experience.
* Feeling sad or depressed for weeks or even months after a miscarriage seems to be the norm. Many women say they were unable to get over their feelings of sadness until they were pregnant again. When we miscarry, our body hormonal balance changes as abruptly as they do after childbirth. Hence we are subject to as much chemically induced emotional disorder with none of the usual rewards. There is no baby, no happy visitors showering us with gifts and attention, no approval, no fun.
* Many women experience guilt and become detectives, continuing to look back for months after they have miscarried, looking for some probable cause in their own behaviour, just prior to the miscarriage. Some blame the doctors, feeling they could have done more.
* Many women after discussing their miscarriage with outsiders, made themselves feel guiltier.
* There comes a sense of relief period, that you have come out of it alive and that you can try again. But don't be surprised if after a period of relief you find yourself once again depressed, angry or sad.
* For some, the period of adjustment goes on for many years, whilst for others it is much shorter. There is no right or wrong interval, after which you adjust to your emotional feelings. All of us are different. About the best you can do is to be open to your needs and the needs of those close to you. If you need outside help, seek it openly.

There is no off switch it is a gradual change until you are having more good days then bad days you have to mind yourself.
As much sense as it makes to go get on with your life clearly your not there yet hence the

randomly start bursting into tears. I just keep obsessing over different things and making them into huge issues.

The link above will put youintconct with support groups of other women who have been through this and seeing a counsellor to talk through it may be of great help to you.

It get's better but it takes time and you have to give yourself that time to recover.

little miss

Thanks for all the replies - very reassuring. Will get myself to the Dr tomorrow. Its the memory blank from last night that really bothers me to be honest. Its really freaked me out. I honestly felt like I was having a serious meltdown. Not nice at all for the person who was with me. I think the complete avoidance of alcohol is also good advice. I've been careful anyway but none at all is a better plan. I've also found that I'm reacting really badly to caffeine too though that might be just a coincidence. Thanks again

Dudess

It makes perfect sense that you'd react badly to caffeine - something that keeps you awake is quite a strong stimulant. You're experiencing anxiety, caffeine is only going to make you more anxious. Nicotine would do the same if you were a smoker. And drugs like ecstasy, cocaine and speed are complete no-no's (not suggesting you take them, but just pointing it out).

little miss

Lucky I don't have those vices at least! I did have three red bulls and about four coffees yesterday too so maybe that was a factor. I'll check it out with my dr anyway. I hate feeling like this. Like loads of you who are posting, I'm also a confident and sociable person usually. Yes, I can be irrational at times. But everything seems exaggerated at the moment. Hopefully it will pass soon!

aibby

little miss wrote:

Thanks for all the replies - very reassuring. Will get myself to the Dr tomorrow. Its the memory blank from last night that really bothers me to be honest. Its really freaked me out. I honestly felt like I was having a serious meltdown. Not nice at all for the person who was with me. I think the complete avoidance of alcohol is also good advice. I've been careful anyway but none at all is a better plan. I've also found that I'm reacting really badly to caffeine too though that might be just a coincidence. Thanks again

I had a misscarraige last year in May and I found a brilliant site called www. rollercoaster.ie. It really helped me a lot to cope during that time. The reactions you are having are anxiety attacks. You need to work through these feelings. Stay away from alcohol, you wont be able to deal with it in this state. Finally I would like to say sorry for your misfortune and I know how you are feeling . I had exact same reactions, but it will get better with time.

little miss

aibby wrote:

I had a misscarraige last year in May and I found a brilliant site called www. rollercoaster.ie. It really helped me a lot to cope during that time. The reactions you are having are anxiety attacks. You need to work through these feelings. Stay away from alcohol, you wont be able to deal with it in this state. Finally I would like to say sorry for your misfortune and I know how you are feeling . I had exact same reactions, but it will get better with time.

Sorry you went through it too - will check out the webiste now. Thanks - its so reassuring to know its not just me and that others have been through the same and got through it.

boffin

Yeah caffeine is not a great idea if you are anxious - i should have mentioned that too. And red bulls can bring on anxiety attacks if you are anxious because of the high concentration of caffeine. So I wouldn't drink anymore of them.

I know how if feels when you think your are going crazy - but let me assure you that you are not.

The fact that you are going to the doctor is a very good idea. Tell him/her exactly what you have said here and any other feelings that you are having.

the bride

Hey Little Miss!...My heart goes out to you, I went through the same thing, I had a miscarrriage last year, and after I had it, I felt exactly the same things you are describing, I started picking on my boyfriend because he didn't understand, I kept crying all the time and the smallest little thing would bug the crap out of me for ages, I felt really really low and no - one could help me, I was soo depressed and alone. A month afterwards my boyfriend dumped me. I went to the Dr and he said I had a hormone imbalance brought on by the changes in my body due to the miscarriage and that's why I was so ratty and moody all the time...He said it would take a while for my body to settle down, he also suggested counselling which I went to and thankfully, I'm doing much better now!..I hope this is of some help to you and I hope you got to your Dr and get some help!...

Miss Fluff

Hello Little Miss, you sounds like you're having an awful old time of it you poor sausage. First and foremost, sending virtual TLC your way.:)

A friend of mine experienced a miscarriage some years ago and had a similar experience to what you're having. She likened being pregnant to being like the Ready Brek Kid and her body being enveloped in a warm glow of pregnancy hormones. When she miscarried, those hormones don't just disappear overnight, eventhough they are no longer required.

Hormonal changes manifest themselves in lots of different ways and try not to be too alarmed re your blackout yesterday. As per previous advice, get to a doctor tomorrow. Are you in Dublin? The Albany Clinic in town is really good, they specialise in women's health and all the doctors are women. Get an early night sweetheart and rest up as much as you can. xx

Dudess

So OP, just to avoid any confusion, and this is just speculation (obviously I can't make a diagnosis), but it seems like you may have an anxiety/panic disorder with some characteristics of depression, caused by hormonal changes.
A lot of teenagers who experience stress/anxiety and depression do so because of the hormonal changes that occur during those years.

Nevyn

This is not a medical forum, Dudess.

Kurumba

Hi Littlemiss,
You poor thing! First of all it's a good idea to go to the doc.
I had the same problem a year or so ago. I didn't have a miscarraige, however I was going through a rough time waiting for the results of tests that could have been a long term illness. Like you, all of the thoughts just spinning around my head, i went out one night with my bf and after 2 glasses of wine and many tears later , I woke up the next day feeling like i had 2 bottles of wine and couldn't remember much of the night at all.
Exactly the same as you describe, it was like it wasn't even me and a mist over the whole night. I think all of the anxiety and worrying came to a head that night. Alcohol just brings it all out I think.
It is probably the same in your case. Go to the doc and talk things through.
Lay off the booze til your feeling better anyway. It just makes you feel a lot worse.
Best of luck, you'll be feeling better in no time at all I bet

Dudess

little miss wrote:

Just a weird mist seemed to come over me. Culminated with me getting an awful migraine and even getting sick.

Bar the migraine, that's exactly how I felt when I got panic attacks a couple of times.

little miss

Thank you all - again. It really is making me feel better to know its not just me! I just want to stop feeling like this. Was driving about an hour ago, and actually had to stop the car as I just started bawling crying for no reason. Its just terrifying. I've always been pretty emotional, especially when I was on the pill, but this is worse than anything I've experienced before. I'm glad I posted earlier. Now know how to go about dealing with this.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote:

This is not a medical forum, Dudess.

How come you never point this out on birth control threads?

Boston

metrovelvet wrote:

How come you never point this out on birth control threads?

Not specific medical advice in those cases. Dubes is starting to make a psychological diagnoses of someone over the net.

Nevyn

metrovelvet if you want to dicuss that issue start a thread in the feedback forum not here as it is off topic.

stepbar

Have you been under pressure at work lately? Maybe its a holiday you need, some me time. Yoga might be another short term option also.

DeVore

Metro, dont do that.

OP... you had 3 redbulls and 4 coffee's and you are wondering if it had any effect?!

A single redbull (of which I am a fan, dont get me wrong) has more then 2.5 times your recommended daily allowance of caffeine.

This is not a medical forum as has been pointed out, but a doctor friend of mine has told me he treats loads of people on Monday mornings who think they are having a heart attack because they have over done the Redbull's and Vodka. Its potent stuff so perhaps you should avoid it for now!

Hormonally your body has put on the crash breaks and is reversing the car the wrong way back up a one way street. When I broke my leg I was on morpehine for a while with a lot of pain and 5 days after they put in nuts and bolts and metal I was very emotionally upset. Anyone here will tell you, um, I'm not much of a Kleenex kinda person but an orderly found me sitting on the side of the bed bawling and when he asked me what was wrong I could only splutter "I don't fnckin' know... do I!?"

Stay well, talk to a doctor or a counsellor or better still both.

Dev.

little miss

I've had the caffeine shakes before but this was different. Holiday would be nice but not practical at the moment!

Wibbs

DeVore wrote:

OP... you had 3 redbulls and 4 coffee's and you are wondering if it had any effect?!

Agree with this one. On one occasion I had a rake of red bulls to get me through the night and by mid afternoon the next day I was off the wall. Completely. And this is coming from someone who drinks at least 12 cups of strong tea a day. I'm well used to caffeine.

Hormonally your body has put on the crash breaks and is reversing the car the wrong way back up a one way street. When I broke my leg I was on morpehine for a while with a lot of pain and 5 days after they put in nuts and bolts and metal I was very emotionally upset. Anyone here will tell you, um, I'm not much of a Kleenex kinda person but an orderly found me sitting on the side of the bed bawling and when he asked me what was wrong I could only splutter "I don't fnckin' know... do I!?"

Similar again. After a jaw operation I was f*cked up on morphine goofballs for a few days and the same thing happened to me a few days after that. As far as I'm concerned it wasn't the morphine it was the body shock. I had a similar lapse in composure after I broke 4 ribs. A few days in I was crying like a baby and like DeVore I would be towards the more hairy chested, stiff upper lip brigade.:D Didn't help one bit. I was crying over the silliest things for about 24 hours. One part of me looks back and says "what a wuss". The other part of me, the more sensible part says it did me the world of good at the time.

You will be fine, especially if you get help. Given that you want help makes it even more sure you will get that help and be OK. Too many people are ashamed to look for whatever help they need. You're not one of those people. That says a hell of a lot about you. All of it good.

DeVore

little miss wrote:

I've had the caffeine shakes before but this was different. Holiday would be nice but not practical at the moment!

With all due thats like saying "I have light matches before and it never bothered me then.... why should it bother me when I'm drenched in petrol?"

The body's chemistry is more complex then anything known to man. Its one of the few systems we simply cannot even model with modern computers, its too complex. And thats during normal operations! You are recovering from a biological and psychological shock with hormones running crazy and all sorts of stuff going on in there, into which you happily tossed a few grenades worth of stimulant and then you ask "why did I go a bit whooooopwhoooppattang last night???" :)

You arent crazy, you might want to go talk to someone or to get a physical checkup to reassure yourself but might be an idea to lay off the caffeine and alchohol until the internal system gets back on its feet again.

Good luck!!

DeV.

little miss

thanks, that makes a lot of sense! God, the Dr is going to love me tomorrow!

DeVore

[Offtopic] you should go see my doctor. I walked into his office for the first time and told him I was having trouble with my stomach, had no energy, felt sick all the time and basically was a wreck. After a physical exam he asked me if I was stressed (my father was dying, my company was out of business), if I ate spicey foods (I cook a mean chilli) if I was sleeping (I was a professional poker player) and if I was stressed (see all of the above).

This 45 year old tweed wearing doc then looks at me and starts taking the piss out of me saying "so you stay up all night, you are stressed out of your mind, you eat either crap food or spicey food and then you have the nerve to come in here and tell me 'ohhhh doctor, I dont feeeeeeeeel well, my tummywummy is all owwie and I cant sleep... whats wrong?"
I gapped at this guy and he was soooo over the top that I couldnt help laughing because obviously he was right. I said "is that it? thats all your going to say?!?" and he said:

"No mate, that'll be 45 quid please". I've never seen another GP but him since.

The morale is that you probably already know whats going on, but everything is cluttering your clarity of vision. Posting here was a good idea. Talk to other people who have been through a miscarraige too. If you are still worried, talk to a doc and a counsellor. You sound perfectly normal and I'd be more worried if you werent a bit whacked-out tbh....

DeV.

Wibbs

DeVore wrote:

You sound perfectly normal and I'd be more worried if you werent a bit whacked-out tbh....

Nail on the head. The fact that whacked out though you may be, you're actively looking for solutions both here, with friends and with the doctor speaks volumes. That's some serious cop on you have there.

Nevyn

Using the tags [Offtopic] will not allow posters to post off topic even if they are site admin. Currently the use of [Offtopic] in the above post is erroneous as it is sharing a personal experience but anyone trying to use the [Offtopic] tag to get around the charter will find their posting privileges suspended.

stepbar

little miss wrote:

I've had the caffeine shakes before but this was different. Holiday would be nice but not practical at the moment!

Seriously, Even a 2 week holiday would refresh your body and soul even you have to take out a loan to do so. Sometimes getting away from the mundane things in life can do the world of good.

EDIT: As we speak im packing my stuff in preparation for a holiday in New York. I havent had a proper holiday in 3 years. To say im looking forward to it would be an understatement. Go for it!!!

little miss

Lucky you! I will go away in a few weeks but not right now. Had to take three weeks away from work when all this was going on, and have some serious catch up to do. So yes, I know I should but I can't. Unless I win the lotto this week!

stepbar

little miss wrote:

Lucky you! I will go away in a few weeks but not right now. Had to take three weeks away from work when all this was going on, and have some serious catch up to do. So yes, I know I should but I can't. Unless I win the lotto this week!

Look dont worry about work, any manager worth their salt will understand. Those who dont are not worth working for TBH. So take out that loan and stop hesitating. Just do it!!

Dudess

DeVore wrote:

You sound perfectly normal and I'd be more worried if you werent a bit whacked-out tbh.

Agreed. If you just carried on like nothing's happening and upped the alcohol consumption (which so many people do), then there'd be cause for concern. The way you're dealing with this, you've nothing to worry about at all.

little miss

Dr was lovely, got some anti-depressants and counselling sorted so feeling much more positive about all this. Surprise surprise, also told me to avoid caffeine and alcohol completely. So all of you were right! Thanks again.

boffin

Great to hear that you are feeling better little miss.

I'm not sure if your dr mentioned it but I would really recommend that you include exercise (a walk, jog, yoga) when you feel up to it. Of course you prob don't feel like it now but when you feel a bit better. It is a good way of increasing serotonin (the natural hormone that makes you feel good) and it also can help relieve anxiety.

little miss

I have been doing a bit of exercise, but will up it again now. I know it makes me feel better its just getting the motivation to do it. Comfort eating is so much easier when you're feeling sorry for yourself! I'll be in great form by the end of Summer!

boffin

I know what you mean! Its alot easier said than done but it made a huge difference for me..if you have good friend who lives near by - rope them in to be your exercise buddy then they can motivate you the days you don't feel like it!!

Dudess

Exercise is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your mental health, but yeah, it can't be too easy to muster up the energy at the moment. Even a fifteen-minute brisk walk would make a difference if you can do it though.

That's great about the doctor. And you did it so quickly too - nice to know you took our advice on board so promptly!