Embrassed

FranchisePlayer

Well I'll make this short its just that I have a bit of a problem talking to girls I think this is mainly due the fact that I have a small lack of confidence because of the condition I have(U.C) and also that I go to a country high school and since the death of my brother Tom(otherwise known as Laguna on boards) some people just blantanly avoid talking to me and its not that I'll talk about tom all the time I think they are just being rude.
rant over

I-like-eggs,mmm

U.C. as in ulcerative colitis or what?

FranchisePlayer

Yeah man thats it pretty awful disease:(

Marksie

It may not be rude Franchise player, they may not know how to handle things

For example, my dad dies about 6 weeks ago. One of the managers at work went to say something and then giggled at the end of it. It wasn't callousness, juts genuinely couldnt handle people.

I-like-eggs,mmm

Awh, yeah it's not easy.. You're not on your own though, it's becoming so common in young people.

As for the girls part, I suppose try not to worry too much about it (easy for me to say, yes), it's something that's part of you and always will be so you'll have to try accept it some way. You will meet girls, but don't let your condition get in the way, if she is any sort of a decent person then this shouldn't be an issue.... she should be understanding.

Concentrate and focus on the good things about yourself and the things you like about yourself, people/girls will fall for you as a person. They'll see you for who you are and like you. Hope that helps.

Sorry to hear about the death of your brother, I agree with marksie that some people can't handle it and it can make them feel a little uncomfortable but have you any close friends you can talk to about it?

estar

please excuse my ignorance but i dont know what
ulcerative colitis is

sorry to hear about your brothers death

people can be pretty crap about handling bereavement

a lot of people just don't know what to do - when my friends
brother died tragically, a lot of people just avoided her as
they just didnt know what to say to someone who had such
a lot to deal with, they had no way of relating to that pain
and were afriad of upsetting her by saying something wrong.

people used to ask me how she was

once i told them that she still had the ability to speak
and just wanted to be treated as normal

they got better.

perhaps you can approach people and talk to them - they
will be relieved - its not your fault they are useless
but maybe if you start the ball rolling they will follow
and go back to normal/

im not sure how your illness affects you, but girls are just
people, they love being listened to also.

be friendly and relaxed around them if you can, and
don't let your nerves stop you

estar

shamed by my own ignorance

i looked it up

actually a friend of mine has a similar condition

he couldnt eat a lot of foods, had asthma and
suffered a lot with cramps. he couldnt eat out etc. etc.

he was quite shy. he has a girlfriend now though.

it ended up that girls loved him because he was
shy and quiet and listened to them.

he ended up with more female friends than male.

make the most of your nice personality.

not all girls want someone to overpower them with confidance

just someone to listen and take an interest in them

Beruthiel

Marksie wrote:

It may not be rude Franchise player, they may not know how to handle things.

That's exactly what I also thought when I read Franchise's post.
Tom's passing is still very fresh with you and some people just don't know how to act or what to say to you to help.
It's easier for them to avoid you as they do not know how to handle the situation. That of course is very difficult for you, if you miss them, make the first contact with them and ask to hang out to do whatever ye did before.
As for your U.C. don't allow yourself to loose confidence over something like that, it's no biggie and none of us are perfect. It does not make you the person you are today.
Take care.
a

CathyMoran

Some people just do not know what to say after a death and are avoiding you rather than facing you...give them time.

In terms of the UC, well, my husband told me that he had Crohns within 5 minutes of meeting him (he had to go to the bathroom more than most people), it has never been an issue. It will not be an issue with any decent girl.

FranchisePlayer

well thanks everyone fot thge replies I suppose you right about they do not know what to say part I just wish there wasn't this awkard silence a soon as I stop talking about anything.
on a lighter note it is nice to see Cathy moran posting again I hope your okay after what happened:D

DeVore

I'm terrible with women.

I dont think your condition will put off any prospective girlfriends though I know it probably overly concerns you given that you are a teenager. You're probably being a bit sensitive about "silence" after you stop talking. I know how you feel though, everyone creeping around on eggshells is actually the most seriously annoying thing for them to do. Been there, got the t-shirt.

You are, as far as can be told from your post, a perfectly normal teenager with concerns, who is having a rough time right now. "This too shall pass."

Everyone is broken in some way or other. Some people conceal that fact and live unhappy lives. Some confront it and realise that whatever it is, its a minor trait rather then a personality type. The latter get perspective and get on with life.

There is a whole human being wrapped around that colon. It sounds like its quite an interesting one too....

DeV.

Marksie

Franchiseplayer: Have a gander at the long term illness forum as well. You may get some support and help in there.
i have IBS which is much milder of course, but i found it useful.

davyjose

My Girlfriend has UC, in fact she has it pretty tough right now. We're only going out a few months and she was extremely embarrassed to tell me about it at first, but you know, once she told me about it, all I cared was that she was ok - I could see no reason for her embarrassment.
Don't worry about it - nobody will care what it is. They'll just wanna make sure you're ok.

Schlemm

My Uncle has UC and it can be a pretty nasty disease alright.

Maybe try different treatments for it, I know that my Uncle's doctors were a bit all over the place with it for a good while. Talk to your doc about it. And be careful with your diet, a good diet can really make a big difference.

csm

yeah i've had UC for about 5 years now and had good relationships within that time, including during the worst of it. there was embarassment on occasion (as there always is) but they were very understanding and tbh if they weren't i wouldn't have wanted to be with them.

now that i think about it, i've been single now for about the same time i've been in remission. maybe i just kept meeting women with weird fetishes...?

i also know another guy who has it much worse than me that started a loving relationship in the midst of it.

don't worry about it. i find honesty is the best policy and if you play your cards right you can come off looking like the troubled hero who battles on through regardless

C.D.

I actually suffer from U.C. myself, but I have in the last few years managed to get it under a certain degree of control.

At my worst times, I was in so much pain I could barely walk and I would be affected about once every three weeks. As you know yourself, it can be a serious hindrance to one's social life! Fortunately for me I've always been very outgoing, and have had a rather colourful love life- though it is hard to have to explain yourself when you need to rush to the bathroom and spend the next 30 mins there.

Since then, I suffer from mild cramps and a bit of diarrhoea once every three-four months, so it basically doesn't affect my social life at all, the long term gf knows about it and it doesn't particularly bother her (just remember to open the bathroom window..)

On a serious note, I found regulating my diet to be the most successful option, though everybody has different foods which will "set it off". After meticulously recording what I'd eaten etc. I now know what to avoid:

1) Indian food (I don't know why, but whatever the primary ingredients are affect me very badly- though I eat plenty of spicy Asian food)

2) Large quantities of greasy food- crisps, deep fried food.

3) Junk food and fast food are also terrible culprits, I now only have small quantities.

4) Soft drinks.

5) Large amounts of alcohol. I will have a max of 4 pints when out.

On the other hand, I find plenty of fibre and fruit works wonders.

If you haven't already, seek medical advice, if you have and your doctor hasn't recommended experimenting with your diet... find another one!

C.D.

Just for those of you who don't know:

Wiki on UC:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulcerative_colitis

It can be very debilitating if left to develop, with chronic patients having little mobility and poor quality of life. Apparently sufferers are 20 times more likely to develop colon cancer, and UC can prove to be fatal.

csm

don't want to go OT here, as we're supposed to be discussing the OP's lack of social confidence, but I've got to take you up on the inflammatory (get it?:)) remarks on cancer and mortality.

there is an increased cancer risk but only for patients with symptoms throughout the entire large intestine who have been sufferers for > 10 years. it is still a small risk but with regular colonoscopies it will be caught early and, in that case, the prognosis is good.

also, UC will only be fatal in the rarest, most acute cases when treatment is not administered. therefore, someone who has already been diagnosed is aware of the condition, is probably already being treated and is highly unlikely to die from toxic megacolon or the like.

just in case someone reading this with a rumbly tummy was getting nervous

if you're worried about symptoms, go to your doctor.

now, back to the OP's concerns...

C.D.

csm wrote:

don't want to go OT here, as we're supposed to be discussing the OP's lack of social confidence, but I've got to take you up on the inflammatory (get it?:)) remarks on cancer and mortality.

there is an increased cancer risk but only for patients with symptoms throughout the entire large intestine who have been sufferers for > 10 years. it is still a small risk but with regular colonoscopies it will be caught early and, in that case, the prognosis is good.

also, UC will only be fatal in the rarest, most acute cases when treatment is not administered. therefore, someone who has already been diagnosed is aware of the condition, is probably already being treated and is highly unlikely to die from toxic megacolon or the like.

just in case someone reading this with a rumbly tummy was getting nervous

if you're worried about symptoms, go to your doctor.

now, back to the OP's concerns...

You're absolutely right, I just didn't want anybody to misunderstand or underestimate the potential social consequences of UC!

That said, there is no known "cure", just a raft of treatments with varying success, so it is a case of (insofar as I've been told) learn to live with it!

FranchisePlayer

C.D. wrote:

Just for those of you who don't know:

Wiki on UC:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulcerative_colitis

It can be very debilitating if left to develop, with chronic patients having little mobility and poor quality of life. Apparently sufferers are 20 times more likely to develop colon cancer, and UC can prove to be fatal.

I know thats why the doctors want me to have an operation because of the condition and because my brother got colon cancer at the age of 21 with no polyps or bowl condition one in a million chance of it happen but it did:(

C.D.

Hmm, that is a very tough choice nad difficult place to be. I'm not a doctor, nor an expert, so take whatever I say with a pinch of salt! Personally I'd consider surgery as a last resort. I'd definately seek as much medical advice and support as I could, and possibly get in contact with people who have had whatever type of surgery you are considering and talking to them (try long-term illness perhaps?). If you haven't tried experimenting with your diet, I'd definately reccomend it, it worked wonders for me.

My uncle and grandmother both actually suffered from colon cancer, but both made full recovery- you have my sympathies! Hopefully whatever course of action you take, you'll be able to manage your UC.