breaking up

LegacyUser

before my current girlfriend i was going out with a girl for 3 years . At the end of our relationship i was living in another county (one of those horrible long distance things), yet once i realized she wasn't the one for me i still found it very hard to break up with her at a 120 mile distance.

now 2 years into a relationship with my current girlfriend i've hit a brick wall. i am no longer happy, and i no longer find my girlfriend attractive. we live together, and we made plans to move to another county together soon i dont think she wants to go as all her friends are where we live now and ive lived in the other county before, but rather is going 'for me'. my girlfriend is very dependent on me and would like to do everything with me, she hates when i go out on my own and sulks, i notice she changes her life plans to fit around mine. i am starting to feel trapped.

to make matters worse i find myself lusting after her best friend and have reason to believe she likes me too...... in my previous relationship i found myself in this same situation a few times ( not with my girlfriends best friend but more mutual friends) and i gracefully passed up these chances even though i was having my doubts about the relationship. looking back now its something i regret.

my girlfriend knows things haven't been right lately- we almost never have sex and we don't talk that much anymore but i don't think she sees this coming. i don't want to hurt her but at the same time i'm not happy- plus it would be an extra kick in the teeth if i ended up going out with her best friend.


any advise for making this as easy as possible on her would be greatly appreciated.

thanks for listening.

Yakult

Well as much as she loves you I dont think she deserves what you will put her through. You obviously dont have anymore feelings for her, but she still does for you. Personally I think breaking up would be the best thing for both of you. Because theirs no point in leading her on to nothing.

Also if her "best friend" really is her best friend she wont accept your offer. She would just lookat you as being a sorta greedy person!

Its a tough choice, but go with your heart.

LegacyUser

its not like i made or will make an offer to her friend, there is just something there- if you know what i mean and i find myself attracted to her. im sure my girlfriend is aware of this too....

the other night she asked me if i thought her friend was sexy and would i sleep with her- what an awkward moment............


i know that is some thing did happen with her though my girlfriend would not be impressed- i feel however i've let myself down in the past by thinking too much about others- i would have to say unfortunately if something did transpire i would had to please myself as selfish as that might sound.

Caliden

She deserves to know the truth before your relationship goes any further

Xterminator

If you break up now, you can honestly say your not seeing any1 else, and look her in the eye. Your not responsible for her (at least not whne your broken up), but you can try to act in a way that wont make the situation worse.

X

estar

to make matters worse i find myself lusting after her best friend and have reason to believe she likes me too...... in my previous relationship i found myself in this same situation a few times ( not with my girlfriends best friend but more mutual friends) and i gracefully passed up these chances even though i was having my doubts about the relationship. looking back now its something i regret.

i notice an over-use of the word I in your post

I feel trapped
I want to move countries
I passed up these opportunities

sounds like you only think of yourself

- your girlfriend deserves better - it sounds like you are lacking the courage to follow through on your convictions - be a man and end it properly.

- the reason you gracefully passed up on these chances to get with
the best friends is that it is fundamentally wrong to do that. it is a huge
abuse of the trust your girlfriend placed in you, and would really reflect
very badly on your character. there is nothing to regret there. it most
certainly should not be an avenue to follow now. have some honour, sir!!!

- you need time on your own now, so don't jump into another relationship.
you have been going out with people for five years straight, take a break, be single, enjoy the move to a new country alone, and take the opportunity
to find out what you really want from a relationship

i think you need to be single for a while.


its time to think of your girlfriends feelings and not just I, I, I,

so lose the lust for the best friend (some best friend)
and be nice when you break it off.

good luck.

LegacyUser

'hi ester, thanks for the insight. i am well aware of the moral implications of my actions, im not looking for moral guidance however , i to make my decisions on principals- and some time they have to benefit me- not others. i never said i was an angel but you make me sound like ans insensitive player. i will be weighing up my decision very carefully though. ppl should get used to the fact that others have no control over who they like and if someone is single youre best friends ex or not they have a right to do what they want within reason (no rubbing it in someone face). if we all but signs on ppl says 'off limits' soon enuff , depending on how many ppl you know everyone will be.'

bug

notgood wrote:

'hi ester, thanks for the insight. i am well aware of the moral implications of my actions, im not looking for moral guidance however , i to make my decisions on principals- and some time they have to benefit me- not others. i never said i was an angel but you make me sound like ans insensitive player. i will be weighing up my decision very carefully though. ppl should get used to the fact that others have no control over who they like and if someone is single youre best friends ex or not they have a right to do what they want within reason (no rubbing it in someone face). if we all but signs on ppl says 'off limits' soon enuff , depending on how many ppl you know everyone will be.'

There is a difference in between looking after No. 1 because you feel like you've given too much to others in the past, and going to the completely selfish extreme.

I mean, its not like this was a fling and then your going after her mate...
Its a two year relationship.
Besides who knows whether the mate will even want you when it comes to the crunch?

Either way I'm hoping your about 15 years old, and this is not a mature relationship.
If you don't want anyone to direct your moral compass then I fail to see the reason you are posting.
I doubt anything will make you doing her mate after you dump her "easy" on her.. assuming she cares about you, any gob who reads the problem pages in the sun could tell you that.

estar

you sound like an insensitive player mate,

im sorry if that seems harsh

and your girlfriends best friend is morally off limits.

hopefully this whole best friend scenario will have just
been a fantasy in your head

as if the best friend actually was with you, she would
be dumped by all your mutual friends, as would you

so definitely think hard

if you think listening to me is difficult

imagine listening to your girlfriend.