After 1 year, my ex is still consuming my thoughts

LegacyUser

Hi all....

I started seeing a guy in November 2005, him in Dublin and me down the country. As it transpired, I was due to move back to Dublin in the January to start a new job. We got on very well, but our 'relationship' was almost purely based on texting and phoning, due to the nature of his job and long hours he worked.

In June of last year, I had had enough of being put on the back burner and coming second to his job. I asked him if it was possible us to see each other more often, but he actually thought this was asking me for commitment and i think he got scared. We never done anything a normal couple does. when we did meet, it was a case of coming to mine, where i cooked for him and had a few hours chat (which was predominantly revolved around his work).

I am not a demanding person- i simply wanted him to fit me into his schedule and i really invested a lot of time, energy and effort into it all, only to get feck all back in return. Yet I stuck at it because I really liked this man.

Anyhow, in June last year, he said that we were "both on different levels and that he could not give me the commitment I needed". That was it. Over. However in August of last year, he texted me one night randomly (when he was drunk) saying he missed me and if i could call over. I responded by saying No. All the time, this guy has been on my mind, and although we live quite close, I had not seen him. November last year and I find myself texting him saying "hi, how are you", just he had been on my mind a lot and i wanted to genuinely see how he was getting one. He asked to meet me on the Friday night, but then cancelled due to work. Then he asked to meet me the following evening as he was off work, so I got ready to meet him, but the phone beeps and i have a text saying that he is in town, if i want to meet hime, come in now, as he has to work at 6pm. I received this text at 4.30pm. I could not understand why i was being trated like this. I tried calling him, but he would not pick up. In order to prevent this episode from hanging over me, I sent once final text to him saying i was not prepared to be treated like a b****x and to never contact me again. This was very difficult on my part.

So why am I still mad about this person? Why have i not been able to pick up the pieces and move on? I have seen him on 3 separate occasions and each time, my heart sinks.

Please please can anybody offer some advice so that I can try to move on and find some nice guy and stop thinking of this selfish person who messed with my feelings badly. i'm an old fashioned romantic and I know I can meet a nice guy, but having this hanging over me is detrimental in many aspects and holding me back.

Thank you.

estar

i think you have a case of gamblers fallacy here

which is the more and more you invest in something,
the more of a return you seek - and when you don't
get the return rather than leave what you have invested
you try and try again.

you invested a lot in this man, to really have none of it returned

or sometimes to have it returned and other times it was like
you never existed - you deserve far more respect than this
even for the friendship and time you gave this man,even
if he doesnt want a relationship, he should have grown
some b88locks and actually sat you down and explained this to you

this man is an emotionally stunted time waster and you
cannot save him or change him. instead of seeing it as a lost
love - see it for what it and he really is, a waste of time

a compassionate emotionally giving lady such as yourself
will not find it hard to find another person to love once
you let go of the hold this virus has had upon you

find your anger, woman!!! see him for what he is, and even if
it means acknowleding finally that he wasted your time

at least he won't waste any more.

good luck!