Boyfriend cheated on ex

LegacyUser

OK so I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months. Seemed a very decent guy, said he had only had 2 long term relationships, wasn't into casual stuff, and could be pretty judgemental about those who had. I'd had a one night stand previously and to be fair, he took it well when I told him, but I know he doesn't really approve and to be honest he made me feel bad about it. I felt sorry I hadn't only had sex in a relationship like him and felt quite bad about myself for a while.

In recent conversations, it has transpired that he DID have a casual hook-up (oral sex) - wouldn't normally bother me much, but with his judgemental attitude it left me feeling like he was an enormous hypocrite for making me feel bad for the same. And then it came out that he had cheated on his ex by kissing another girl. His defense was that he didn't really consider kissing cheating (I do), he was drunk (I hate that excuse) and that the relationship was going really badly, as well as being very long distance (I believe that, but it's still not really an excuse). He claimed he regrets it and would never do it again but it's planted the seeds of doubt in my mind. He's done it once, he could do it again. Then again, everyone makes mistakes and people change. I'm just finding it difficult not to be annoyed with him, since he gave me such a hard time about my casual sex, when I view cheating, even just kissing, as much worse since its a betrayal.

I do love him, I care about him a lot, and except for this he's a good boyfriend. Should I just forgive him, making it clear that I will not accept any cheating at all, even kissing, if we end up being long distance? Should I tell him how annoyed I am that he lied and has such double standards? I would like him to explain why he cheated on his ex and why he told me he'd never cheated, but I don't know if there's any point in stirring things when it's otherwise going well. I thought about going on a break to think about things but came to the conclusion that I'd miss him - I love his company and I know I don't want to dump him. Or am I being overdramatic about the whole thing and it isn't even a big deal, and I should just drop it?

GhostInTheRuins

As long as he's not cheating on you then I don't think It's such a big deal. Just lay down the rules as to what you consider to be cheating/not cheating to him and that you see a kiss as a betrayal and see what he says. I'm sure that if you're both happy together then he won't have a problem with it and will understand where you're coming from, even if you end up long distance. Don't dump the poor fella

Carrigart Exile

You are being overdramatic and its looks like you have both got into the tit for tat nit picking rather quickly..........it took me and the missus years to get there

Ruthy23

I wouldn't get too worried, a lot of people have skeletons in their closet - at least you know his history now. I would perhaps ask him the questions that you want to - just to get it off your chest and it seems to be annoying you. Give him a chance to respond and then leave it at that. you both seem to analyse and discuss things a lot at such an early stage though, you should be enjoy the whole fun dating aspect instead of worrying about things! it sounds like it's going well but you're nitpicking! time will tell!

Boston

Should you forgive him for something he did, that's nothing to do with, you prior to going out with you. Also scoring someone isn't in the same league as having sex with them.

LegacyUser

I know its nitpicky. I was having a bad time when we got together and just wanted to be happy and have fun but he wanted it to be quite serious. He expected me to be a virgin, when he wasn't and stuff like that which I guess is what has always gotten to me. He can't live up to his own standards. I think taking the whole thing too seriously is the reason its started to go a bit downhill recently. When we just think 'feck it' and have fun together its great. The reason we do discuss and analyse is that he says he was hurt by his ex (but now I know he cheated on her I feel much less sympathy to be honest), they didn't have good communication and that he wants to be really open. This is good in some ways - we're extremely close and can talk about ANYTHING, but bad in another ways - finding out stuff about each other we'd rather not know!

LegacyUser

"Should you forgive him for something he did, that's nothing to do with, you prior to going out with you. Also scoring someone isn't in the same league as having sex with them."

Well, a lot of people say 'once a cheater, always a cheater.' It's not uncommon to avoid someone you know has cheated before. In this case, I do believe he is sorry but I'm angry he claimed he'd never cheated, and that he judged me on MY past.

Boston

He doesn't owe you an explanation of anything that happened in a previous relationship. He can hold a view that one new stands are wrong, regardless of his own history. You say yourself he regrets his actions.

LegacyUser

He expected me to explain what happened with my past, and I explained. Why shouldn't I expect the same? I wasn't betraying anyone. I'm just curious about the circumstances and want to be sure he won't do it to me.

Laslo

ConfusdGirl wrote:

He expected me to be a virgin, when he wasn't and stuff like that which I guess is what has always gotten to me. He can't live up to his own standards... he says he was hurt by his ex (but now I know he cheated on her...

He doesn't sound like a particularly nice person TBH.

LegacyUser

I wonder sometimes. He's definitely not as nice as he appears - everyone thinks he's such a lovely guy but he has his faults like anyone. He can be mean and unfair sometimes but then in other ways he's a much better boyfriend than my exes. He's very reliable, very caring, puts up really well with my anxiety problems and things. When I get annoyed with him I think about all that, and then I get confused! Relationships are so complicated! I sometimes feel like we'd make better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend but it's kind of got too far now...

King of Kings

Laslo wrote:

He doesn't sound like a particularly nice person TBH.

seconded.


he appears (from what you said) to parade about on his high moral horse while not exactly living that life himself.
How dare he make you feel bad for having a casual encounter? or expect you to be a virgin....he sounds like he belong in the stone age.
I suspect he is a control freak (the way he dictates what's what and what is acceptable - just my opinion based on 30 years life exp) and will seek to take more control of your life as time goes by.
I'd avoid.

LegacyUser

Hehe it's amusing how some people are saying 'it's fine, stop overrreacting' and others are saying get rid. I've never felt such a dilemma. Most of the time it's really good but sometimes I feel like I don't like him - usually when he's on the high horse. I'm not shy and meek or anything - I do tell him what's on my mind and make it clear what I do and don't approve of as well. I may have a touch of 'grass is greener' syndome thinking everyone else has it better (which I know isnt true, my best mate's boyfriend cheated and she took him back and another mate is dying to find a boyfriend) and I tend to be a bit harsh on people and expect too much. That's why I find it hard to judge if he is out of line or if I'm being neurotic.

Another complication is we're going away together this summer and it cannot be cancelled now. Therefore we stay together or we have to go as friends. Ditching him and forgetting about him isn't an option. I think we'd get on as friends but a) would be awkward and b) we're really into each other sexually and it would more than likely end up as a 'f***buddy' type thing, which I don't really want.

LegacyUser

ConfusdGirl wrote:

Relationships are so complicated! I sometimes feel like we'd make better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend but it's kind of got too far now...

You have problems by the looks of things with this relationship...no such thing as "too far now"...relationships end if there not meant to be.

LegacyUser

ConfusdGirl wrote:

Hehe it's amusing how some people are saying 'it's fine, stop overrreacting' and others are saying get rid. I've never felt such a dilemma. Most of the time it's really good but sometimes I feel like I don't like him - usually when he's on the high horse. I'm not shy and meek or anything - I do tell him what's on my mind and make it clear what I do and don't approve of as well. I may have a touch of 'grass is greener' syndome thinking everyone else has it better (which I know isnt true, my best mate's boyfriend cheated and she took him back and another mate is dying to find a boyfriend) and I tend to be a bit harsh on people and expect too much. That's why I find it hard to judge if he is out of line or if I'm being neurotic.

Another complication is we're going away together this summer and it cannot be cancelled now. Therefore we stay together or we have to go as friends. Ditching him and forgetting about him isn't an option. I think we'd get on as friends but a) would be awkward and b) we're really into each other sexually and it would more than likely end up as a 'f***buddy' type thing, which I don't really want.

I think ppl who say you are over reacting are doing so with respect to your "should I forgive him for cheating on his ex" comment, it's really not for you to forgive. It does, obviously make you question your ability to trust him. But that's something only you can decide.

But I agree with the others, you've got the very early signs of a control freak there, Imposing impossible standards on you, berating you when you can not live up to them while all the time operating on a different set of standards for himself. Kiss another guy infront of him and see if he still thinks its not cheating.........Guys like this only get worse not better, so while the world thinks he's sweet as pie, his nasty side gets vented on you more and more over time.

And it's never too early to put an end to things, so what if you cancel your vacation? You'll lose a few euro maybe but the world is not gonna end.
As for being **** buddies, that's entirely your choice but there is also the option of cutting all contact, may be tough at first but could make things easier in the long run. Ditching him and forgetting bout him is an option, always.

I was like you, expected too much of people and myself and I cast judgment far too quickly, that changes with age and with being happier with yourself and your faults and realising that nothing in life is black and white.

There are some many wonderful people out there dont have anything to do with anyone who puts you down or holds you back.

LegacyUser

'Yeah we're having problems right now alright, but at the same time it was going well until a couple of weeks ago. When I think about it logically I think maybe we're not that compatible but then I'm pretty sure I love him (haven't told him so yet), the 'spark' is definitely there, I'm happy to see him, he makes me happy, etc. In general I'm happier than I was when I was single. I don't like giving up on things either - we've both put a lot into this. The imposing standards thing was at the beginning really, as I said, he's OK with the one night stand once I admitted it. I was afraid to tell him because of his view but he was OK about it.

It's not as if I want to cancel the trip either. I've been looking forward to it for ages and I do want to go with him. It's a question of whether we stay together or go as friends, which I think could be awkward since yknow we've slept together and all that. I've never really stayed friends with an ex before. I wouldn't mind being friends for a bit and then seeing where it goes but he might feel like that's messing him about.

I wish I could know if I'm just being nitpicky or expecting too much or if there actually is a problem. I have an awful habit of seeing the worst in everything and everyone. My mum thinks I'm fussing over nothing but obv I haven't told her all the details.'

Wibbs

ConfusdGirl wrote:

'Yeah we're having problems right now alright, but at the same time it was going well until a couple of weeks ago. When I think about it logically I think maybe we're not that compatible but then I'm pretty sure I love him (haven't told him so yet)

TBH It sounds to me like you have a fair bit of doubt, given that it's only a 5 month relationship. At this stage you would think that the honeymoon period would be in full effect. The danger sign for me would be your idea that you may not be compatible yet you're pretty sure you love him. Compatibility is a big one.

the 'spark' is definitely there, I'm happy to see him, he makes me happy, etc. In general I'm happier than I was when I was single.

Sparks are ok, but I've had sparks with women before that were a disaster relationship wise. No fault on either of us, just that pesky compatibility again. Basically the sparks part is physical mostly and the excitement of the new.

I don't like giving up on things either - we've both put a lot into this.

Fair enough relationships need work on both sides, but there has to be a deeper bond and hope for some sort of future together for that work to be worthwhile. The work on it's own is no guarantee of anything.

It's not as if I want to cancel the trip either. I've been looking forward to it for ages and I do want to go with him. It's a question of whether we stay together or go as friends, which I think could be awkward since yknow we've slept together and all that.

Yep. Difficult. A few drinks in and naturally the "spark" would kick off.

I've never really stayed friends with an ex before. I wouldn't mind being friends for a bit and then seeing where it goes but he might feel like that's messing him about.

If you explained this to him and stuck to it, it could work. If there is genuine love and affection there he will stick around, for a while at least.

Your previous post on the matter seemed to me to be confused(hence your user name doh! I'm slow give me time..:D )

He's definitely not as nice as he appears - everyone thinks he's such a lovely guy but he has his faults like anyone. He can be mean and unfair sometimes

True everyone has their faults. It depends on what you can put up.

but then in other ways he's a much better boyfriend than my exes.

If your exes were knobs that doesn't mean this guy is great just because he's a little less of a knob.

He's very reliable, very caring, puts up really well with my anxiety problems and things.

Points in his favour certainly.

When I get annoyed with him I think about all that, and then I get confused! Relationships are so complicated!

They can be. It depends why you're in the relationship in the first place. If it's just because of the spark or it's because you're afraid of being on your own they can get very complicated. How long were you single before this guy, if you don't mind me asking?

I sometimes feel like we'd make better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend but it's kind of got too far now...

Not really. You both started down that road and if it's better for both of you to stop, you can. Why be in a relationship whose very structure you're worried about?

funloving

hi confused girl,
my post is a bit different from the rest.
the description of your boyfriend reminds me of my current one.
I came back home in my own country5 months ago and before i moved to dublin we had a very long distance relation.
Anyway we are still together and as well as you boy he told me the same thing about cheating on his ex with another girl only kissing her.
then you decribe him ibn the same way as my boy appears to people...
im starting to be really worried coz i know that he could do something like that especially coz lately he is really weird.
can you please tell me what do u mean with long distance relation and the first letters of his name and surname?
if you want, send me a private message

Petey2006

OP, to be honest, you both sound like you need to grow up a little. And this really applies to both of you, so don't think I'm just pointing the finger at you alone.
One night stands aren't the end of the world, and if he's done it in the past, so what? One hook-up?! Well run for the hills, ma baker. What if he told you it was more than one? What if you'd been number 25? Or more? The fact of the matter is, he's with you now, and you alone. The one night stand was just that. And it's in the past. You've both had em, move on.
And if he cheats, dump him straight off, no excuses, his loss. Feel free to tell him that. I don't see why you'd need to though. Cheating is rotten, and most people are perfectly aware of this and don't need to be reminded. If he doesn't realize that all ready, you gotta ask yourself if this is really a guy you should be with.

funloving

i dont think i need to grow up..i am still in a relation and i dont care about his past..i do care about his present though coz i dont want my boy to lead a double life having one girlfriend abroad and another is his own city..
i just need to know..

Petey2006

Funloving, I wasn't talking to you, I was replying to the OP.

funloving

sorry about that...since i read confusedgirl's post i have smoked5 cigarettes and i am really nervous and worried..the whole description fits my situation and i just wanna know if he is him or not...if so....well...he is into troubles

Petey2006

funloving, read your post there. Just because your boyfriend cheated on someone in the past, doesn't mean he'd do it to you. This whole 'once a cheater, always a cheater' thing isn't true. I went out with a girl for a long time who had cheated on an ex of hers. At first, I too was concerned. But then I found out the kind of guy her ex was and why she'd cheated, and it made me feel better. She told me she loved me and would never cheat on me, and I believed her.
If you talk to your boyfriend and tell him your fears, he should be able to put your mind at ease. Because he's 'acting weird' doesn't mean he's cheating on you. There could be thousands of reasons he's off-sorts. I hope everything works out for you.

funloving

i know what you mean but this guy confusedgirl is talking about is maybe my boyfriend. i fear he is going out with her and at the same time with me.
i only hope this girl logs in and tell me if we are "sharing"the same boy at the moment..I came back home 5 months ago so it's possible he's meeting another girl behind my back.He could have told her we broke up but actually we haven't and we are still together.

LegacyUser

Funloving your a ****ing fruitcake...get a grip on reality because you have seriously lost the plot.

funloving

how do you dare cheesedude to say i have lost the pilot?do your own fu...ing business

Wibbs

While it's highly unlikely that there's any connection, it's a small world and stranger things have happened. Given your last thread on this subject funloving I would suggest that this long distance thing and this man may not be the relationship you need at the moment. Plus you need to let go a bit in this or future relationships.

LegacyUser

I'd hate to be your boyfriend, snooping around behind my back trying to find out if random people on an internet forum have any relations with my boyfriend...mental!

Zombrex

ConfusdGirl wrote:

He expected me to explain what happened with my past, and I explained. Why shouldn't I expect the same?

I'm with you 100% that cheating is worse than a one night stand (I don't consider a one night stand bad so long as both people enjoy it and are not hurt by it)

I think your problem is that you are expecting your boyfriend to realise that he is a hypocrite

Unfortunately that probably is not going to happen. In my experience people who are judgmental of others over things like sex are doing it more out of insecurity themselves than some "high standard" that they hold themselves and others to. Your boyfriend is more likely to have insecurities than some high moral standard when it comes to sex. The things that make him insecure are the things that he things are bad, such as you have one night stands. I would imagine that he would probably have a one night stand if the opportunity presented itself (and him being single of course), and not feel bad about what he had done, but if a girlfriend of his had one then he would be judgmental.

He is most likely being judgmental towards you because he doesn't like to think of you and other men, or that you can and have had casual sex. This makes him uncomfortable and this discomfort manifests itself as him being annoyed at you, when really it is his problem.

At the same time you are insecure over him cheating. You probably want him to do the above as you want him to realise that he did a "very bad thing" because you want to reassure yourself that he won't do it again.

It all sounds a bit complicated. At the end of the day you can only be responsible for yourself. Don't let your boyfriend give you a hard time for stuff that happened before you met him, that is his problem not yours. Equally its your problem not his if you cannot deal with the idea of him cheating on someone before.

funloving

fortunately to me you are not my boyfriend and it happened that i was reading this thread and it reminded me of something...
anyway you are very rude and you shouldn't write i am mental...

DarkJager

Funloving, you are recieving honest feedback from people on this forum as regards the post you made. Nobody here is going to sugar coat their replies to make you feel better, and to be honest your post does sound like you need to step back a bit as its slightly scary.

LegacyUser

Thanks to those who gave advice. Wibbs, I'm actually not one of those girls who has to be in a relationship - I've been single through most of college and with my exes it was nothing serious. I broke up with my last bf last April and I wasn't bothered, wasn't really looking for anyone else but I met my current one and we really liked each other so decided to give it a go. I was quite lonely to be honest, I could deal with it but it wasn't that nice. I took a year out of college so barely have any friends, and my friends from home have moved away. I suffer from anxiety problems and I'd be holed up in my room alone worrying about something ridiculous. My boyfriend deals with it really well, reassures me, I had a panic attack a few days ago and he came over to talk to me for a few hours even though he needed to study for an exam (final). I really appreciate this.

It's just so strange, sometimes, most of the time we get along really well but then other times not. Perhaps this is normal? I've never been in a serious relationship like this before to really know. Petey2006, It's not that I'm bothered about any hook ups, I'm bothered about the cheating. I just wanted to know if people thought it was likely to happen again. He assured me he felt bad about it, it happened because of the circumstances of the relationship, which was going really badly, and that he'd just break up with me if he ever started feeling like that. Right now he is very happy with me, it's me whos having all the worries. But then I worry about everything so it's hard to know if I'm just being neurotic!

Marksie

ConfusdGirl wrote:

He expected me to be a virgin, when he wasn't and stuff like that which I guess is what has always gotten to me.

Pity people don't come wrapped in cellophane with virgin on the packaging isn't it.

ConfusdGirl wrote:

This is good in some ways - we're extremely close and can talk about ANYTHING, but bad in another ways - finding out stuff about each other we'd rather not know!

You can talk about anything, but neither of you like what replies you are getting.
So in effect it isn't open
Being open is about accepting the other person for who they are now, via where they were.

There is nothing to forgive in what happened in BOTH your pasts before you knew each other.
There are double standards and obviously he has expectations that go above and beyond the actuality, however. Those cannot be changed and he should realise this.

You can either clear the air in one of your "open" conversations or agree to disagree or end it if it is affecting you so much.

he has to overcome his "dislike" for people who have different standards
and you have to overcome your penchant for seeing the worst.

Why do you feel the need to be in a realtionship? As an emotional crutch, or a desire to be wanted, loved or needed.

Methinks that both of you have similar issues, step back and analyse yourselves before each other.

funloving wrote:

fortunately to me you are not my boyfriend and it happened that i was reading this thread and it reminded me of something...

Cheesedude probably thinks something very similar, and there is no evidence he is cheating either

funloving wrote:

anyway you are very rude and you shouldn't write i am mental...

So was telliong him tom f*ck off

Funloving: Where did that come from, because it Sounds like your b/friend, doesn't mean it is.
If you have doubts about your b/friend than ask him not some poor individual who has no connection at all (very probably).
I think you have to look at yourself and ask why you suddenly freaked like this. your mindstate is not balanced

funloving

I think you have to look at yourself and ask why you suddenly freaked like this. your mindstate is not balanced[/QUOTE]

i think i am perfectly sane and none of you can tell me my head has to be examined....

metrovelvet

I sufferred many things in my life, some of which actually happened. - Mark Twain.

Kell

ConfusdGirl wrote:

I've never been in a serious relationship like this before to really know.

The things that stood out to me, and other people, was his obsessiveness over the past and trying to push his standards onto you. If he has insecurities over the past, thats up to him to address and not to project onto you.

I love one of my closest friends. You have pretty much described him to a tee and I have watched him destroy relationship after relationship for the last 12 years because he cant let go of his insecurities. He knows them, but just hasnt done anything about them.

Dont be a victim of this guy being unable to deal with his skeletons. I have been really badly treated by ex's too but does it make me question every new girl that comes along. No.

K-

LegacyUser

'funloving you sound like a loon. Do you think my boyfriend is the only guy in the world who doesn't really consider kissing as cheating? I very much doubt he is your boyfriend if you really want to know, since his ex, although she was from another country, never lived in Dublin. So if you have, you're not her.

I think you are right there Kell. He admits he's insecure and it's obvious. I know he tries to stop it, and he usually does a good job, it creeps up every now and then. He has asked me about stuff like if I think his penis is small when he has nothing to worry about. I'm not good at giving compliments so I probably don't help in that way either. I'm starting to get better at telling him what I like about him and that I appreciate him.

I had a talk with him today anyway and it was pretty difficult. We both agreed that bringing up the past is totally useless and upsetting for both of us. I told him I felt we might not be that compatible (for various reasons I havent really mentioned here) and as I expected he got pretty upset. He texted me later saying he really really wanted it to work between us and that he was prepared to do his best. I said I wanted it to work as well but I needed time to think about it and he accepted it. I really do enjoy his company but not the jealousy and other things that came when we started going out. I've decided to just relax about it and see what happens. I've had enough of worrying and stressing cos he got in a mood with me over nothing, or something of the sort and let him know that. We'll see what happens I suppose.

And as for the cheating he promised he did regret it and would never do it again and I believe him on that.'

SarahSassy

Boston wrote:

He doesn't owe you an explanation of anything that happened in a previous relationship. He can hold a view that one new stands are wrong, regardless of his own history. You say yourself he regrets his actions.

Hear Hear, he sounds totally manipulative. He has double double standards and how dare he make you feel bad about having a one night stand when he effectively did the same when with his ex....

Does he try to control you in other ways?

funloving

ok..i made a mistake and maybe i have jumped to conclusions that are obviously wrong...
can you stop calling me loon,fruitcake and so on anyway?
many threads are full of post of people having problems or of people that simply wanna write about a problem that can have..
I dont believe all the people that judged me so heavily have never been irrational or oversentitive about something so plz,if you can, dont write about me anymore...i am already paying the consequences of what i did in my private life and i think it's enough
thanks

Kell

ConfusedGrl wrote:

He admits he's insecure and it's obvious.

I forget how old you said you are, but its reasonably early twenties. Now, do you want an insecure person projecting their insecurities and inadequecies onto you?

There arent too many well adjusted, secure in themselves type people wandering around, but try and find them. Life is just so much easier when you surround yourself with people like that. Trust me.

K-

LegacyUser

What do you mean control me in other ways?

To be honest I find it hard to know when I'm being oversensitive and irritable and when there really is a problem, as I've already said. I find it hard to get along with people in general and I may have the same issues with anyone I go out with. I finished with my last bf because we just got annoyed at each other too much. This relationship has definitely changed now anyway, for better or worse I'm waiting to see. We both want to forget the past and stop worrying about everything. I am still annoyed he lied to me about cheating and a few other things and it will take a while to get the trust back. I've told him where he stands and he is insisting he wants to work it out, so I'll give him a chance I guess.

metrovelvet

There are two main reasons people lie:

1. They are ashamed

2. They dont want to deal with your reaction

People lie all the time in varying degrees, from the lipstick we were to the responses we give when asked how we are today. Its a part of life.

When the type of lie your talking about gets delivered, you have to ask why?

Are you a critical person that makes it hard for people to be open with you?

Or did teller want to make you think he was one way when he was another? If so, then everyone or nearly everyone is guilty of that to some degree or another from push up bras to curriculum viates, disillusionment is part of the relationship process, it is what turned infatuation and lust into mature love, when we see each other for the monsters we are and can still love.

Kell

ConfusedGrl wrote:

What do you mean control me in other ways?

Not control you, but project an insecurity at you.

Example- he is insecure about your past i.e. the one night stand and because of this you end up feeling that he may have cause for complaint. He doesnt.

If you project an insecurity at someone or are on the receiving end of same for long enough, the recipient ends up thinking that even completely irrational cráp might actually be their fault.

K-

metrovelvet

^ So true.

It is controlling OP because he's shrouding you in feelings of persecution and guilt to make you feel bad, like you are a bad person. He's placing cops in your head.

You boyfriend should make you feel good and secure, not like your in a situation where you cant be yourself.

LegacyUser

Hmm not really. The thing with the one night stand was that he said a lot of negative things about them before he knew I'd had one. Once I told him he was OK about it. The virgin thing bothered him at first. Like I said, he admits he doesn't want to be compared to other guys etc, that he is insecure and his other girlfriends were virgins so he's used to that or whatever. He doesn't make me feel like a bad person, in fact he makes me feel better than I did before I was with him with loads of compliments etc. I go to his house a lot in his family make me feel really welcome and I feel as comfortable there as in my own house to be honest.

I think metrovelvet is totally right about the lying though. I think all those things apply. Mostly he was giving an impression of himself that wasn't accurate, I assume because he thought I wouldn't like him if I knew the truth or something. The funny thing was the stuff he told me wouldn't have put me off him or even bothered me too much if he'd told me at the start. I assumed he'd had his fair share of girlfriends, he's a goodlooking guy and very outgoing. I just feel a bit betrayed that he presented himself as this inexperienced guy who had only had 2 girlfriends and then it turned out it wasn't true.

I'm just changed my mentality not worrying about it anymore. If it's meant to be it will work out, if it isn't, it won't. He definitely has his good points, he's a very good boyfriend in most ways and to be honest I still think I'm happier with him than not with him. I'm planning just to see how it goes.

watna

I hate to be negative about these things but I would worry if my bf had cheated on someone before me. My ex cheated on me with his ex (yes complicated!) after we had been together for two years. It was just a kiss, but that doesn't hurt any less. I think it's just as bad. Anyway, he got back together with his ex after we broke up, and yes he cheated on her too. After saying that he thought she was the one he was supposed to be with. You'd think my ex was the loveliest guy if it wasn't for this. I gues he was a little immature and confused about things. If I found out that my current bf had cheated on someone.. even with a drunken kiss. I'd be pretty upset about it, maybe only because it's happened to me.

Perhaps talk to your boyf and check out his feelings on it? Tell him what you think of cheating (even drunken kisses), sound out his feelings on things. I'd be a bit uncomfortable if my bf had been all moral about one stands etc and then had cheated on his girlfriend. Having a one night stand, doesn't harm anyone, if you're careful but cheating on people causes all sorts of hurt.