Asking a guy out

Leonita

Hi all,

This is my first time posting on the site. Sorry if this is a long post. I just want to fill you in on the whole story. Basically I need some relationship advice. I've known this guy for over 3 years now and have always liked him. We did go on a date once but nothing happened (not even a peck on the cheek:( ) We've been texting one another constantly for the past 3 years. I have moved away from the area where he lives and now live down the country. I do go up to visit friends from time to time. When I meet him out with friends he seems to give me all of his attention, never lets me buy a round of drinks, nothing. I have tried to insist paying several times. He just spends the whole night talking to me and nobody else. I'm not imagining this because all of our friends have noticed it. From what friends have said to me he is interested, but doesn't seem to be making any moves. I did send him a text once telling him that I liked him but it was very late at night and I was drunk. He has not referred to that text ever. In fact he didn't send me any text for 2 weeks after that. He has never let more than 2 days go by without texting meI have met up with him since also. He has never referred to the text. My question is what do you folks think is going on? How can I get this to develop into romance? How do I get him to "open up"?? Thanks:)

Zaph

No point in beating around the bush - just tell him straight out that you've always liked him and ask him if he'd be interested in going out with you next time you're up to see where it might lead to. And call him to ask, don't text.

seahorse

Some men havent a clue, honest to God. He certainly seems interested since when you're around he wont let you out of his sight, but then it seems strange to me that he never referred to that text.

Why not wait until the next time he has a few drinks on him and refer to it yourself? That might be a way of breaking the ice...

Wibbs

Well I reckon you know the answer.:D Tell him basically. Tell him that you feel a little more for him than you do with other male friends. I wouldn't go too much beyond that. Ask him what he thinks.

Be prepared for a rebuff from him though. I'm a little suspicious of the non mention of you drunken text. Then again, it's probably nothin' Worse case, he will see it as a compliment.

Suck it and see

And good luck

Saruman

You could try.. eh asking him out... its possible he is not interested and sees you as a good friend.. or he is just scared....

Can i just ask though... are you male or female? I would think female but your username suggests otherwise....

Nordie

Has it crossed your mind he might be gay? Has he had relationships with any other girls?

Leonita

Saruman I'm female. Leo is my star sign! The last time I was up 2 weeks ago I did ask him if he wanted to meet up for coffee. He said yeah straight away. I asked him to go to my friends wedding with me last year and he came with me. He did all of the driving and gave we went halves on the pressie. What more can I do? How would I even broach the subject of that text message again after 4 or 5 months? I might not even see him for another month again because I'm working most weekends:mad:

Saruman

You could always get him drunk.... guys do that all the time

On a more serious note though.. just tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel.
It could be the distance is putting him off?

As for the text.. thats easy... just say "remember months ago i sent a drunken text telling you i like you? Well een though i was drunk i meant it".

Something like that.

Oh and if Leo is your sign (same as mine) is 78 when you were born?

Anyway stop with the texting if you want to be more serious and call him.. better yet talk face to face where he has no where to hide.

jellie

you'll never know unless you ask him. he doesnt sound like hes going to say anything to you, he had the perfect opportunity with the text.

worst case scenario: he doesnt like you, but hey he lives miles away and its not like youd have to cope with the embarassment of seeing him everyday

Leonita

Nordie wrote:

Has it crossed your mind he might be gay? Has he had relationships with any other girls?

From what I've heard he has had a few girlfriends in the past. I've seen 2 of them for myself but don't know them. Also I know that since I've met him he hasn't gone out with anybody or been with anybody. We have a lot of friends in common and they have informed me of this. Unless he has turned gay suddenly

Leonita

sar84 wrote:

you'll never know unless you ask him. he doesnt sound like hes going to say anything to you, he had the perfect opportunity with the text.

worst case scenario: he doesnt like you, but hey he lives miles away and its not like youd have to cope with the embarassment of seeing him everyday

I will have lost a good friendship in the process and I don't want that to happen:(

challengemaster

zaph wrote:

No point in beating around the bush - just tell him straight out that you've always liked him and ask him if he'd be interested in going out with you next time you're up to see where it might lead to. And call him to ask, don't text.

quoted for truth. Just say it.. whats the worst that can happen? I mean you already seem to know the answer...

Look, you're either going to do it, or going to regret not doing it later on. Personally, I'd prefer to take a chance then wondering 'what if' later on.

You?

brianthebard

Just make sure that he knows you are serious and not taking the p!ss or something...I had a girl hitting on me for ages, but she only decided to clearly spell it out for me after a month of nonsense...I thought she was trying to mess with my head. So make sure you are clear about what you want

Nordie

Perhaps he hasn't come out yet. It was just a thought.

You really need to ask him how he feels about you, is it just friendship or does he want more. He could be insecure about himself and very shy in taking it further, some guys are like this regardless of how close the friendship is. Pick a moment when you feel you are both comfortable together and he'll open up.

BaZmO*

leo78 wrote:

I will have lost a good friendship in the process and I don't want that to happen:(

Well what's better, the possibility of losing a good (but that won't happen if the friendship is really as good as you say it is) or the frustration of pining for him every minute of the day?

Life's too short, just ask him. If you're embarrassed to ask him just ask him when is he gonna ask you out on a date. That way it's kinda said as joke.

Leonita

brianthebard wrote:

Just make sure that he knows you are serious and not taking the p!ss or something...I had a girl hitting on me for ages, but she only decided to clearly spell it out for me after a month of nonsense...I thought she was trying to mess with my head. So make sure you are clear about what you want[/QUOTE

Did she just say it out to you or did you suddenly realise she was serious? How will I get him to realise that I'm not messing with his head? I'm useless with this kinda thing.

jellie

leo78 wrote:

Did she just say it out to you or did you suddenly realise she was serious? How will I get him to realise that I'm not messing with his head? I'm useless with this kinda thing.

boys generally dont get hints. i dont know this for sure since im not a boy but i have been told numerous times by them they just dont get them.

you can either tell him or not tell him. if you tell him make it clear. if you dont then try get over it & move on & spend your life wondering what might have been..

King.Penguin

Just wondering, and this may sound completely ****, but are you compatible looks wise? Like, is he really good looking and you not so? Or the other way around?

I think you should come up and meet him next weekend and be as direct as possible about fancying him and wanting to go out. If it goes wrong I think the relationship will be salvageable, if it works out, it could be the making of a successful hugh grant film.

Dalfiatach

sar84 wrote:

boys generally dont get hints. i dont know this for sure since im not a boy but i have been told numerous times by them they just dont get them.

We get hints when other fellas are hinting something. What women consider "hints" are usually so vague, conflicting, non-specific, or just plain weird that we just write it off as "random irrational female behaviour"....

Don't "hint", because you'll only end up confusing the poor fella. Just tell him straight. Most fellas can't stand mind-games - and yes, lots of obscure cryptic comments and odd behaviour designed to "hint" something to us will just get classed as either average female lunacy (if yer lucky) or mind-games (in which case you immediately go in the "bunny boiler" column)

Wibbs

Dalfiatach wrote:

We get hints when other fellas are hinting something. What women consider "hints" are usually so vague, conflicting, non-specific, or just plain weird that we just write it off as "random irrational female behaviour"....

QFT

kryogen

just call him, or wait till next time ur up, tell him u have realised that u have feelings for him and u want to know what he thinks, are u ok with staying friends if thats all he wants? if so u have nothing to worry about, it may b akward for a couple of weeks if things dont go as ud like, but trust me with the distance between u in terms of ur living arrangements things will return to normal as long as ur both mature enough and have a real friendship

Loomis

Dalfiatach wrote:

We get hints when other fellas are hinting something. What women consider "hints" are usually so vague, conflicting, non-specific, or just plain weird that we just write it off as "random irrational female behaviour"....

Don't "hint", because you'll only end up confusing the poor fella. Just tell him straight. Most fellas can't stand mind-games - and yes, lots of obscure cryptic comments and odd behaviour designed to "hint" something to us will just get classed as either average female lunacy (if yer lucky) or mind-games (in which case you immediately go in the "bunny boiler" column)

You've no idea how true this is. The girl I'm seeing now said she was throwing signals at me all day on our first 'date' and I hadn't a clue. Apparently picking up a piece of popcorn and putting it in my mouth is a sign she wants to kiss me. Here was me thinking both my hands were full carrying the cinema goodies and she gave me some popcorn to be nice. Later she offered to show me this trick she had about licking your neck that we'd talked about before. Again I thought she was just showing me since we'd mentioned it. Seriously, I genuinely didn't think she meant anything more by it.
Had she not told me "she wasn't finished" and leaned in we woulda went home that night and I'd still be wondering if she liked me or not. From what you've said the glaring clues you've sent him may be totally lost on him just like I didn't pick up on the ones I was sent.

Interested to see is there any news on this

aye

ask him out. if you don't ask you don't get. simple as.

Niamho!

Agreed on the asking him out straight. theres no other way you're gonna know.
If it was me i'd have done it a long time ago and made sure he didnt ignore it.

Cionn

I think if he lives down the country you should be "passing through the town Friday night" on your way to (invented function). Ask him if he wants to meet up for a beer. Tell him you have booked a hotel in the town, if he insists your stay at his decline but go on the pi** together. You will be on his turf away from mutual friends and if its going to happen anywhere or anytime it will be then.

while your both hammered I can guarantee the subject will be brought up by one of you. I have been on both sides of the fence in the past and even the one that didn't work out meant I had a great night out.

Canis Lupus

Dalfiatach wrote:

We get hints when other fellas are hinting something. What women consider "hints" are usually so vague, conflicting, non-specific, or just plain weird that we just write it off as "random irrational female behaviour"....

My missus used to sit with me on the couch... After we got together after (her finally just asking me if I liked her) she pointed out all the "hints" she dropped one of which was rubbing me with her leg when we were stretched out. I A: don't remember this and B: if I did notice it I'd think her leg was itchy and she was just scratching herself.

These hints are a complete bane.... Anyway what I always say to women is if you're half way good looking and the bloke is single then just point blank tell him you fancy him and chances are you'll go from there. It's us blokes that normally have to do all the sodding work and be rejected all the time....

LegacyUser

Mr. Anderson wrote:

You've no idea how true this is. The girl I'm seeing now said she was throwing signals at me all day on our first 'date' and I hadn't a clue. Apparently picking up a piece of popcorn and putting it in my mouth is a sign she wants to kiss me. Here was me thinking both my hands were full carrying the cinema goodies and she gave me some popcorn to be nice. Later she offered to show me this trick she had about licking your neck that we'd talked about before. Again I thought she was just showing me since we'd mentioned it. Seriously, I genuinely didn't think she meant anything more by it.
Had she not told me "she wasn't finished" and leaned in we woulda went home that night and I'd still be wondering if she liked me or not. From what you've said the glaring clues you've sent him may be totally lost on him just like I didn't pick up on the ones I was sent.

There are a few quotes like this in the thread. And let me just say that after rolling around laughing for a few minutes (to be honest, I wouldn't be adverse to dropping 'hints' like the ones above ; )), I have to hand it to boards. What an insight to the minds of men!! Never mind 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'...any girl can get all the info she needs right here!!
OP, I think you will have to say something about how you feel to this guy. It's been going on for three years and here you are with it still on your mind. Do you think you're just going to wake up one day and stop thinking about him? Not likely....going by what you say, he sounds lovely. And as others say, he would probably take it as a compliment

Puddleduck

hey, almost the same thing happened to me and then he stopped talking to me and dosent really talk to me anymore coz he's busy. But its all good, Ive some one new Im seeing that Im happy with

Um...the only advice I can give you, dont drop hints, men dont get it, you can dry a couple of stonking obvious ones like when he talks keep looking at his mouth, but if it fails, just say something like 'hey, you, me, behind the bike sheds? up for it?'

~nop~

Wait till you're up and you're both slightly drunk etc, and then just ask him what's going on here.

I think the texting thing could be awful for him as someone could of just nicked your phone, etc, and you don't seem to have mentioned it since either.

A lot of the guys i know seem to get put off when a girl asks them out, so I'd try to avoid that one personally, especially if you were going to do it by text.

Beelzebub

Ask him if he would like to go out for a drink and before either of you get intoxicated, don't anyway, tell him how you feel about him.

A girl that I kinda liked, I thought she was cool, though I never said that to her once said to me "You're a nice guy". She was no beauty but then again I'm no Brad Pitt either...
It was at a party and I was with some friends and she just walked by and said that to me.

Now I don't know what the hell she meant by that but I guessed from that that she didn't really like me as much as I liked her so I stayed away from her after that for fear of rejection and making a fool of myself.
We worked in the same building and didn't see each other very often.

So whatever you do don't be ambiguous about it!

You see us guys have such fragile egos, actually I don't think I have an ego...it was crushed long ago...

Leonita

Hi folks!

Thanks for all the replies and advice! Well I went up one weekend a few weeks ago to visit some friends. We all went out and had a few drinks. Things were going very well. He hugged me several times during the night and even pecked me on the cheek a few times. To cut a long story short I tried to kiss him at the end of the night. He said that we were friends and that was it. I havent heard anything from him since. Apparently he lost his phone since but got it replaced. The only contact I now have with him is a few email forwards. 6 weeks has now passed and he hasn't spoken to me. Can I take it that the friendship is over now?

Garret

okay, im obv late

but i wouldnt have been so straight, id have asked one of the common friends ye have, if when yis are out he never lets pay for rounds, pays you loads of attention, then his mates will have asked him, and probably know the answer as to whether he likes you that way

i wouldnt think the friendship is over, give it time

K-9

Beelzebub wrote:

"You're a nice guy"

Oh, the wall of death for a man!

Or as in Fr. Ted's words, you're a "lovely girl".

I've heard men still try and act like Daniel O'Donnell around women and expect to get somewhere!

Still Leo78, move on, plenty off fish and all that. Don't be surprised if he might still be interested. You reply to any of the emails? Sometimes a wee sign from you wimim! helps:D

CliffHuxtabel

Sorry to hear he didnt take the bait.
The friendship probably isnt over but it might need some air to revive itself.
Dont text him or email him. He'll contact you when he wants to interact with you again.
Sure you may have even triggered off some feelings in him that might develop to your advantage in the near future.
Full marks for bravery tho

4Xcut

leo78 wrote:

now live down the country.

A strong possibility why he isn't doing anything even if he is interested is that he knows the distance thing will make things too difficult. Long distance can be hard and it really is the worst way to START a relationaship. Just a hunch.

On the asking him out, well if you want to come across as a confident person who lives in the year 2007, then yes, go for it.

Leonita

CliffHuxtabel wrote:

Dont text him or email him.

I thought that it might be polite to return a few email forwards so I did thinking that it might break the ice a wee bit. As regards texting him no way until I hear from him first. I know that sounds really childish but tbh I just want to give him space and not let him think I'm a total bunny boiler!

Star Lord

Well time to just say to him "Hey, things have been a bit strained this past while, and I just wanna know are we still cool as friends?"

I'd say most people have been in some kinda situation like this at some stage or another, and it happens. Just broach that it has been kinda akward, maybe make a joke about it, get things going again as friends, because chances are you're both feeling a little akward, as in "Well he/she might take this as me coming on to them...". Just laugh it off, and all will go back to normal in no time.

Drift

Sorry to hear that Leo78. On the up side though the fact that you're getting email forwards from him is is a sign he still wants to be friends but just needs a little space to get past things. I'd say in a few months time things will be cool between you again.

Best of luck you'll find someone even better I'm sure.