Getting "old" & apathy

LegacyUser

I turned 26 a while ago. It might seem like a major overreaction but I've always thought of myself as "young" and getting to this age is a bit depressing. It's stupid but it's how I feel. The first half of my 20s feel like a complete waste of time. Looking back I've done very little with those years with regards college and a job, I've never really applied myself to either and I still don't feel like applying myself to anything. It's basically just a feeling of overwhelming apathy towards just about everything and everyone, bar close family and my girlfriend, that I've failed to shake for years now. I did the bare minimum to survive in college and only just scraped by, had to repeat 2 years (not that I really cared, I'd prefer college to going to work) and it's the same with regards work. I'll do as little as I possibly can without not getting away it. I have a good job, a great girlfriend and I can do excellent work when I put my mind to it, people regard me as intelligent and very capable, even in work. My job requires some skills that nobody else in the company has so I can generally bluff my way through it and everybody thinks, wrongly, that I'm busy. I get away with murder but as usual, I calculate exactly the bare minimum I need to get by and just do that. I have the skills and the ability to go much further in work & in my career but I don't push myself to get involved in anything serious in work. Like big projects. People know now not to involve me as I'd sit as far back from it as possible and take the least amount of responsibility that I can. I'd prefer just to work by myself. I don't like engaging with other people in work or outside work except a very small number of people I've known for years. Socially, if a new person comes along with the group I'm out with or if I'm out with my girlfriend & her friends I really have no interest in talking to them. I come off as quite rude and distant but I prefer that to actually having to talk and getting to know "new" people. Just couldn't care less. Since I've left secondary school I've been like this. Does anybody else feel the same?

I'd prefer to go out drinking or waste my days reading books, watching films & TV and so on. I work flexi-time so I can pretty much stroll in when I want. Which is usually quite late as I'd stay out/up late drinking regularly! If I had my way I'd sit at home all day and collect the dole but my parents would probably have something to say about that. But at 26, I think I should have some motivation in life with regards work, travelling, socialising (properly, not just going out getting drunk in the same place with the same people everytime - and I'd never even go to lunch with anybody in work even when they ask and work dinners or nights out? Forget about it) but I don't have any whatsoever. It's worrying. I'm not depressed (I don't think) and certainly not suicidal or anything, I do enjoy things like spending time with my girlfriend and what I've described above, but that aside I just can't be arsed.

Anybody else in the same boat?

zervi2003

If you had something to drive you, then you wouldnt be long whistling a different tune.

Working flexi can be a good/bad thing. It can make you very lazy.

LegacyUser

MY god you just described my life exactly, as it was a few months ago anyways. Now i've lost the girlfriend and lifes just a downhill spiralling pile of putrid cow crap.

damonjewel

What you describe sounds familiar enough to me, I have a friend in a similar situation, however he channels his energy into playing music and stuff, he sees his job as a means to fund his hobbies. Obviously you are not that career driven but feel a void in your life, so maybe get into some kind of hobby or pastime (Cooking, Travelling, Music, Cars, whatever)

Miss Fluff

In the nicest possible way, sounds like you need a good kick up the arse OP. Look for a new job that involves a non-flexi 40 hour week doing something you enjoy. Sometimes one can have too much time on their hands and over-analyse and over-think issues and become very self-absorbed. Sounds like you need variation. Meeting new people can enrich your life and broaden your mind, stop going to the same pub every night with the same people.

muppetkiller

I was in the same boat until recently when I read Change your life in 7 days by Paul Mckenna. It's a very good book and states everything you already know but it does mention that unless you set short term and long term goals in your life your going to get apathetic/depressed and lazy. So ask yourself what are your goals for the next 5 years.. If you don't have any ..well get cracking

[Jackass]

You're lazy and couldn't really give a sh*t about anybody! Ha! I love it!

What's wrong with that OP? You have a good job, a good family, a handfull of close friends and a girlfriend you love, sounds to me like you've got it all!

The only thing is being lazy means you have no motivation, so now you're bored.

My suggestion. Make a decision. Talk to your girlfriend or some close friends about my suggestion and see what they think.

You're gonna start saving up money properly, now is the perfect time. In alittle over six months you should have a fair bit...then january rolls around, it's cold miserable and christmas is over, everything is crap, nothing to look forward to, so why don't you go away with your girlfriend for six months to OZ!! It'll be their summer, great craic, you can booze, sit on your arse, drink have the craic and see and experince some amazing things...it'll give you motivation and something to look forward to for now, you wont be bored or feel this way over there, but make the decision then that when you get back you'll have had your fun and teen/early 20's kicks out of your system, and it's time to have different goals.

Either go back to your old job or a new job with a view to career progression, impressing people and realising your potential...when you get praise, recognition and a promotion there's no better buzz and you'll really get into it and motivation at that stage wont be such a problem!!

With the socialising, if you go I'm sure you'll be chatting to lots of randomers in pubs etc and having the craic with them then never seeing them again, maybe you'll be able to apply that attitude when you get home too!

LegacyUser

To be honest it sounds more to me like its just guilt. You assume that you should be doing more, be more driven, more motivated because you're at a certain stage in your life and see others doing it around you.

But you say yourself you prefer and enjoy to read, spend time with the girlfriend, etc. Ya just sound like a normal laid back happy enough 26 year old to me, and if you can stop focusing on what you think (or are told) you should be doing, you'll be more generally satisfied within your life. Enjoy!

rockbeer

You sound as though you need to discover what it is in life that you are passionate about. If you don't mind me saying so, you're still very young. Many people don't find out what fulfills them until they're way older than you are now.

The danger is that by doing a dull job that holds no interest for you, and letting life pass you by, you are getting no closer to discovering the thing that drives you and that makes you want to get up in the morning.

Is there anything you wanted to do when you were young but didn't? Is there anywhere you always wanted to go? Or some form of creativity you wanted to use to express yourself? Writing? Painting? Music? Building sandcastles?? Maybe some childhood desire or dream that was denied to you?

I don't know the answer, but you need to look within yourself and find the spark, and then, while you're still young enough, and before your present apathy becomes genuine depression, follow it.

Personally I see no reason at 26 why you should be worrying about money, a career or a long-term relationship. Youth is for discovery. And since school and college are pretty much useless for helping you fulfill your potential, especially if you're intelligent, then you have to try to learn how to do it for yourself.

hth. Good luck.

Zaph

First off I'd stop thinking of 26 as "old". I'm 40 this year and still don't consider myself as old. You're a young man, and young men don't always know what they want in life. But that said, I know some not so young men who don't either, life's like that sometimes, not everyone has to be a high-flying, career-minded go-getter to get on in life. You have a lot of positives in your life, most people would kill for a job where they can do the bare minimum and people still consider them "important", and to have a girlfriend who loves them despite their lack of motivation. All you really need, IMO, is a bit more variety in your life and be a little bit more friendly towards new people. As has been mentioned, travelling may be just what you need to sort yourself out, both from the point of view of doing something different and meeting people, and if you decide you like it well then you have the prospect of further trips to motivate you and look forward to every year.

LegacyUser

'i can very much relate to most of what you've said. i've always done the least possible to scrape by but always at a high level. im in college now and there is a massive deadline on monday but here i am typing away like i give a fk. ill probably pass and go on to work at a highly skilled deskjob like the one you're in. i thought i'd have more motivation if i had a girlfriend to impress but i don't and obviously it wouldn't make a difference if i did from what you've said.

however, I , am going to south america next week and i'm going to have a brilliant time because there a few lads who are great craic coming too.

as always happens when i go away, i will come back full of energy and with a new appetite for life. i suggest you do the same, otherwise you'll go nuts.'

jimmycrackcorm

If I were in the Op's shoes I wouldn't be bothered about being in that position. What'll most likely happen is in his thirties he will start to feel the need to change. We all get different perspectives on live as we get older and let's face it, 26 isn't very old at all. After all it's only a couple of years out of college, it's not like he should be worrying about his pension.

Fabio

Try supporting your local football team...a League of Ireland team...

You can become suprisngly passionate about it and meet many new people and see new places both here and on the continent...

cooker3

Fabio wrote:

Try supporting your local football team...a League of Ireland team...

You can become suprisngly passionate about it and meet many new people and see new places both here and on the continent...

Lol, what a humourous way of just advertising the eircom league and using an old thread at that.

Op post sounds just like me. Except I am in the college part and rather not spend the days drinking. I have my final year project demo next week, it was supposed to be done weeks ago yet I haven't bothered.
I imagine in 3 years when I reach 26, I will be similar, doing as little as possible to get through the day.
The only thing for it is to find something you love and do it, be it music sport etc and find a career in that. It's what I hope for anyway.

Dudess

OP, I obviously can't make a diagnosis, but unless you smoke a lot of dope, I think you might have mild depression. Even you added "I don't think" to "I'm not depressed". Depression the illness doesn't necessarily mean feeling "sad". A lack of interest in anything and just wanting to stay in bed all day is a major characteristic of it. The fact that you find the idea of being on the dole and doing nothing all day more appealing than actually getting out there and doing stuff definitely smacks of depression to me. We all like to unwind and chill, but doing it seven days a week would certainly drive me insane. I freelance and I found myself with nothing to do quite often when I was starting out. It actually made me feel so miserable. And all of those in whom I confided agreed that they'd feel the same.
Punishing yourself constantly is also symptomatic of depression - which is what you're doing by being so critical of yourself (viewing the years since you did the leaving as a "waste"). That's being very hard on yourself. Also, preferring your own company to that of others is fine in certain circumstances, but it seems to be the case for you at all times. Not wanting to get out there and engage with others is definitely symptomatic of depression. It seems you're experiencing stuff which affects everyone from time to time, but it's taking over your life.
As for your age, the feeling of getting older is awful, but seriously don't worry about it. It's unnecessary worrying about the future because when you actually get to the age you dread, things are absolutely fine. And with age, you develop more confidence. It's all relative anyway. When I turned 26, I thought, ****, I'm older than I want to be etc. But now I'm 29, I'd love to be 26 . It's actually a great age. Of course you don't see that at the time though, but try to appreciate it - there isn't a whole lot else you can do when it comes to age anyway.

This apathy you speak of is obviously a problem for you, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. I might be wrong, but as I said, it seems like depression.

My advice would be to make an appointment with your GP or another sympathetic doctor. Even chatting to someone can make a big difference. Or they might prescribe you something mild to lift your mood for a few months. No harm in that either.
Also, get out and do some exercise. I can't stress how beneficial it is - it lifts your mood, you feel a great sense of achievement after it, it increases energy levels, and it also helps to make you more focused and motivated. There is a certain level of pushing yourself needed too. I have no advice on that front, other than just get up off your ass and do it. You can reply "I can't" all you want, but you can. You're physically healthy and in your prime. You've got to be hard on yourself and make yourself do difficult stuff too. But I appreciate you might need a little help getting there though, so make that appointment with the doc asap.

Best of luck.