pyscho girl

LegacyUser

Right to make a long story short, I was going out with a South American girl since Christmas, I told her I wanted nothing serious, just casual as I might be moving soon to a different country, all well and good, we send a few texts and meet up the following week or a week later anyway 3 weeks ago she told me her period was late, she has been sick recently and stressed because of a family illness.
Then i ask her if she might be pregnant, she doesn't know, I ask why can't we buy a test and see but she says she doesn't trust them, fine then go to a doctor, says she doesn't have time. besides she thinks she can feel her period coming on, 2 weeks later and no test done, and according to her no period.I don't know what to think, i tried calling her but she is evasive, is she trying to mind f**k me. I have had no experience of anyone like this before.
I don't want to see her anymore after this, it had made me realise how stupid it is to have sex with someone on a regular basis with someone you don't love or hardly even like at this stage. any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks

GhostInTheRuins

I think you're right there about her trying to mess with your head. She doesn't thrust pregnancy tests is a lame excuse imo, she has no reason not to try find out unless she's messing with you.

AnonoBoy

She doesn't trust pregnancy tests and doesn't have time to go to a doctor? Pardon my french but that's bull-f*cking-sh*t. She's playing mind games and is counting on your inexperience to get away with it.

Buy a pregnancy test yourself and bring it to her house. Tell her you're worried and that even if she doesn't trust them it would put your mind at ease if she took it. If she refuses then you know she's just a head wrecker. What harm could it do just to take it? None. So she either takes it or not.

I've had experience with this sort of girl and I had to do much the same thing as I've outlined above.

biko

Jaysus, that's a tough one! I think you should get a test for her like outlined above.

LegacyUser

'Hi OP here again, believe it or not I do not know where she lives. Everytime I walk her home she says goodbye at the corner...despite numerous hints that I would like to see her place, cook her dinner at her place etc but she fobbed me off with the excuse she likes her privacy so I never protested that much, seeing as I was getting 'it' on a plate.
Come to think of it I have been really naive here, I am kicking myself for getting with her in the first place. I am in the last year of college and well this is wrecking my head. Tried calling her several times tonight, no answer as usual.
There is no way that I want this woman (aged 34) tto be the mother of my first child, if in fact she is not pregnant, if not she will be told in the nicest possible way to go find someother unfortunate. Is it possible that if she is pregant she is doing this in the hope of forming a long relationship with me? If so I have already told her many times I have no interest in a relationship.
Sorry for the muddled thoughts, its just like my head at the moment, and feel in a daze to be honest.'

metrovelvet

She may be sticking her head in the sand or she has decided that if she is pregnant she will deal with it on her own one way or another since youve made it clear all you wanted was something casual.

I wouldn't assume she's deliberately head ****ing you.

And by the way the doctor uses the same tests they sell in the chemist.

thefinalstage

Or she may have another boyfriend/husband at her house and its his baby?

Wibbs

guest9450 wrote:

Then i ask her if she might be pregnant, she doesn't know, I ask why can't we buy a test and see but she says she doesn't trust them, fine then go to a doctor, says she doesn't have time. besides she thinks she can feel her period coming on, 2 weeks later and no test done, and according to her no period.I don't know what to think, i tried calling her but she is evasive, is she trying to mind f**k me.

Sounds like a mind**** to me. In fact it sounds even more like unbalanced psycho behaviour on her part.

I have had no experience of anyone like this before.

Life is like a box o chocolates alright. Every so often you bite into a nut..

I don't want to see her anymore after this, it had made me realise how stupid it is to have sex with someone on a regular basis with someone you don't love or hardly even like at this stage.

Whatever about like or love, knowing them would be a good start. We all screw up, time for damage limitation.

'Hi OP here again, believe it or not I do not know where she lives.

NOT a good start. As thelastangryman points out you could be her bit on the side. Bail out now. really. Walk to the nearest exit. Block her phonecalls/txts/etc.

metrovelvet wrote:

She may be sticking her head in the sand or she has decided that if she is pregnant she will deal with it on her own one way or another since youve made it clear all you wanted was something casual.

At 34 you would think she had copped on somewhat beyond the game playing stage. At least a little. Also while the OP was casual about the "relationship", she was positively evasive about it. She wouldn't even let him know where she lives? Either way the OP should steer well clear.

I wouldn't assume she's deliberately head ****ing you.

Best case scenario, she's head****ing herself and he's getting the fallout. Worst case scenario, she's simply head****ing him. Either or, she's, from the OP's description of events nuttier than squirrel shít.

And by the way the doctor uses the same tests they sell in the chemist.

Exactly. Even more of a reason, if one were needed to disbelieve her.

AnonoBoy's plan is a good un', if you want to be sure. Personally I'd leave her to it.

Miss Fluff

guest9451 wrote:

believe it or not I do not know where she lives. Everytime I walk her home she says goodbye at the corner...despite numerous hints that I would like to see her place, cook her dinner at her place etc but she fobbed me off with the excuse she likes her privacy so I never protested that much, seeing as I was getting 'it' on a plate.

Sounds like she already has a partner. Highly possible she could be pregnant but would question whether it's yours.....

Kell

guest9451 wrote:

Everytime I walk her home she says goodbye at the corner...despite numerous hints that I would like to see her place, cook her dinner at her place etc but she fobbed me off

Have you thought about an STI test too if you were having unprotected sex with a nutjob who wont let you see her place?

K-

layke

Agreed with the Fluff.

Seriously dude, i'd bring that one up.

Beetlebum

As a woman, if there was even a hint that I might be pregnant I'd go straight to the Chemist or the Doctor. Even if she doesn't think they're accurate, she could take one for your peace of mind. She's definetly trouble...

Zambia

never see her again, delete her number, move to that country you where going to ,,, walk away she is just mindf**king you

Lesson learned

tbh

assume she's not pregnant (and act accordingly*) until you get concrete proof to the contrary. She can only head **** you if you let her.



*DTMFA

Catari Jaguar

thelastangryman wrote:

Or she may have another boyfriend/husband at her house and its his baby?

I would be inclined to agree with this, chances are you are her bit on the side and thats why you were never allowed in her house etc.

It MIGHT be his baby (if this baby exists), it might be YOUR baby. But does she want to risk her relationship being ruined by you coming around and demanding to see your child etc? No.

Then again, why would she tell you in first place if she wants it secret. Maybe she's not that smart.

metrovelvet

Wibbs wrote:

At 34 you would think she had copped on somewhat beyond the game playing stage. At least a little. Also while the OP was casual about the "relationship", she was positively evasive about it. She wouldn't even let him know where she lives? Either way the OP should steer well clear.

B it.

Are you kidding? Its not game playing, its avoiding harrassment. You don't know women who've gotten pregnant and done this? Especially if the father is some pesky 22 year old.

As for not letting OP know where she lives, OP how old are you? She may not trust you and thats why she wont let you see where she lives. This doesnt sound that crazy to me, but I'm from New York, where not letting people know where you live is not uncommon. You just dont know who's going to show up with an ax dressed as a fireman or who will show up demanding pregnancy tests because your period is two weeks late.

[Jackass]

Here's the craic OP.

She is pregnant, but she has a BF/Husband in the gaff.

She doesn't want to do the test with you because she is preggers and she doesn't want you to know for sure because you will automatically assume it's yours and she is thinking/hoping it's the BF/Husband.

She's a avoiding you because she is freaked out and doesn't know what to do or say at the moment.

I wouldn't be suprised if soon she will sugest ending it and go back to her guy, forget all about it and pray it either is his or he never finds out.

If I was you that would wreck my head because I may never know if I have a kid out there. Even if I really REALLY didn't want one with her, I'd still want to know about it and maybe see and meet the little dude/girl...that's your blood, a piece you!!

But don't freak out, if you were having protected sex (condom) then there is a 99.99999% chance it's not yours.

She probably was only using the pill with the other guy if it's a bf/husband.

Anyway, say it to her...look you wanna know what's going on and tell her you don't care if there's some other dude or whatever, just what's the big picture.

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote:

Are you kidding?

Nope

Its not game playing, its avoiding harrassment.

Avoiding harrassment? No it's playing games or it's stupidity for not realising where things like this could lead.

You don't know women who've gotten pregnant and done this?

Frankly no and if I did I would give the same advice that I gave to the OP. Walk away. Especially if he's too young to deal with this kind of thing. Hey he admitted to being a bit naive about the whole thing so that's a point in his favour. He'll be more careful in the future. Getting it handed on a plate is one thing, but often there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Especially if the father is some pesky 22 year old.

Or the woman is a "pesky" 34 year old being suspiciously evasive. She's more the "adult" here or at least should be.

As for not letting OP know where she lives, OP how old are you? She may not trust you and thats why she wont let you see where she lives.

She trusts him enough to sleep with him. If someone has problems with trust about letting someone know where she lives, then I would suggest sleeping with them is not a great idea.

This doesnt sound that crazy to me, but I'm from New York, where not letting people know where you live is not uncommon.

I take your point but this isn't New York. Which seems to be a good thing.

who will show up demanding pregnancy tests because your period is two weeks late.

Well then she was a bit thick telling him that it was late in the first place. She should have realised she was dealing with someone younger who may have taken this to heart. She told him remember. Now his apparently reasonable question about a possible pregnancy is one thing, but then her coming out with the guff about not trusting pregnancy tests is a bit much. She could have gone off and checked it for herself and deal with the consequences afterwards. She could have simply said no I'm not pregnant and left it at that. What does she say instead? "I don't know". Yea very smart altogether. It's the kind of thing most people would be concerned about enough to find out. If she had handled this better there would be little chance of harrassment. She didn't though, did she? She sounds both a bit slow on the uptake and evasive. Regardless he needs to put her out of his mind at this stage and if she does come over the horizon in the future claiming it's his I would be asking serious questions, especially if he used protection.

My gut feeling is similar to others here. I suspect she does have someone else.

Caliden

Sounds like she wants a keeper baby. Get her to take a pregnancy test. They can give false negatives (usualy when taken too soon) but never ever give a false positive.
This is another one of those mindgames women play and it's quite sad she had to resort to that. Call to her and bring a test with you and find out asap, no excuses.

metrovelvet

Wibbs wrote:

.

She trusts him enough to sleep with him. If someone has problems with trust about letting someone know where she lives, then I would suggest sleeping with them is not a great idea. .

Maybe not but people do it all the time.

Wibbs wrote:

.
I take your point but this isn't New York. Which seems to be a good thing.Well then she was a bit thick telling him that it was late in the first place. She should have realised she was dealing with someone younger who may have taken this to heart. She told him remember. Now his apparently reasonable question about a possible pregnancy is one thing, but then her coming out with the guff about not trusting pregnancy tests is a bit much. She could have gone off and checked it for herself and deal with the consequences afterwards. She could have simply said no I'm not pregnant and left it at that. What does she say instead? "I don't know". Yea very smart altogether.

Wibbs wrote:

.

Yeah ok. That would make sense. But if she said no, she could later be accused of lying if it turns out she is pregnant. Now she is guilty of evasiveness.

Saying that you dont trust pregnancy tests sounds to me like a blow off. I doubt she believes that herself.

Wibbs wrote:

It's the kind of thing most people would be concerned about enough to find out. If she had handled this better there would be little chance of harrassment.

I wouldnt be too sure about that. Very hard to guess.

It doesnt sound to me like shes too interested in a relationship with OP, and in fact probably doesnt want to face the reality that she might be pregnant or doesnt think its a big deal, that there is a simple solution to it that she can take care of herself.

I would place money on you knowing women who have done this but you dont know they have.

Unfortunately there is very little OP can do. He cant force her to take a test. He cant stalk her and see if her belly grows. He can walk or not. But he should assume she is not until there is evidence that she is.

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote:

Maybe not but people do it all the time.

True but it makes her a bit thick on the evidence so far. This is not a moral call btw, it's just bad practice to leave yourself open like this.

Yeah ok. That would make sense.

Makes a change for me...

But if she said no, she could later be accused of lying if it turns out she is pregnant.

Well now she could have not metioned it in the first place, or after she mentioned it she could have found out one way or another.

Now she is guilty of evasiveness.

That and a lack of cop on.

Saying that you dont trust pregnancy tests sounds to me like a blow off. I doubt she believes that herself.

So why did she say it, I wonder? Genuine question. I don't get the reason.

I wouldnt be too sure about that. Very hard to guess.

No offence, but hardly hard to guess. I mean, she finds her period is late, she doesn't mention it, but she takes a pregnancy test. Two outcomes; she's not up the duff. Sweet. No problem. She is with child. Difficult but she then has the info required to make a decision, either with or without the father. Much simpler and much less chance of harrassment. Now she may get harrassed over something where she doesn't even know the start point.

It doesnt sound to me like shes too interested in a relationship with OP, and in fact probably doesnt want to face the reality that she might be pregnant or doesnt think its a big deal, that there is a simple solution to it that she can take care of herself.

In any of those circumstances he is well rid of her.

I would place money on you knowing women who have done this but you dont know they have.

Possibly but I would genuinely be surprised. I have 3 very very close women friends. they're more like sisters to me and me to them(brother of course ).I have been through similar stuff with 2 of them and in each case they made far better choices than this woman.

Unfortunately there is very little OP can do. He cant force her to take a test. He cant stalk her and see if her belly grows. He can walk or not. But he should assume she is not until there is evidence that she is.

He can walk. Best bet. I mean what is there to gain from staying in touch with this woman, save for the occasional romp in the hay? I can't see it really.

metrovelvet

Wibbs wrote:

True but it makes her a bit thick on the evidence so far. This is not a moral call btw, it's just bad practice to leave yourself open like this.
Makes a change for me...Well now she could have not metioned it in the first place, or after she mentioned it she could have found out one way or another. That and a lack of cop on.
So why did she say it, I wonder? Genuine question. I don't get the reason..

When people panic they don't think straight and say or do stupid things. It's not a rational situation so there is no point applying reason when imagining what she or OP is thinking.

The statement of not trusting pregnancy tests is more excuse making, more procrastination, etc etc more of the "neither confirm or deny" strategy so you dont have to commit to an answer but you cant be accused of lying either.

Wibbs wrote:

No offence, but hardly hard to guess. I mean, she finds her period is late, she doesn't mention it, but she takes a pregnancy test. Two outcomes; she's not up the duff. Sweet. No problem. She is with child. Difficult but she then has the info required to make a decision, either with or without the father. Much simpler and much less chance of harrassment. Now she may get harrassed over something where she doesn't even know the start point.
In any of those circumstances he is well rid of her..

Right. If she's not then no problem.

If she is - its incredibly difficult to predict how a man will react and if that reaction will change. He will either pressure her into abortion or pressure her into not having one.Either way - she'll have to deal with pressure [from a man in his last year of college].

Wibbs wrote:

He can walk. Best bet. I mean what is there to gain from staying in touch with this woman, save for the occasional romp in the hay? I can't see it really.

And just what the world needs, another fatherless child.

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote:

When people panic they don't think straight and say or do stupid things. It's not a rational situation so there is no point applying reason when imagining what she or OP is thinking.

Of course it's a rational situation. All situations are if you have the wherewithall to see them as such. Otherwise you just store up unneeded worry for yourself. Her period is late, yet she doesn't do a simple thing to remove the stress of thinking it's because of pregnancy? The OP seems to be more rational by asking her the obvious(and simple) and he's the "kid".

The statement of not trusting pregnancy tests is more excuse making, more procrastination, etc etc more of the "neither confirm or deny" strategy so you dont have to commit to an answer but you cant be accused of lying either.

Huh? Sorry I see what you mean but that wouldn't wash with me. Either are silly excuses. Take the test. If she's not, no harm done, if she is then deal with it. If I thought I may be pregnant, surely the quickest way I would find out and remove that panic is to take a test. Then you deal with the outcome. The longer she leaves it the worse it's going to get regardless. It's not rocket science. Plus this isn't some 15 yr old girl. She's a grown woman or at least should be.

Right. If she's not then no problem.

and a simple test will remove that doubt in minutes.

If she is - its incredibly difficult to predict how a man will react and if that reaction will change. He will either pressure her into abortion or pressure her into not having one.

True enough.

Either way - she'll have to deal with pressure [from a man in his last year of college].

That's part and parcel of the responsiblity when you enter a sexual relationship for both genders. The world's full of pressure, it's how you react to it is the thing. As I said, she's hardly a naive teenager.

And just what the world needs, another fatherless child.

I meant walk, unless she's carrying his child. Which BTW I doubt. I still suspect he's the other guy.

seahorse

I seriously doubt this woman is trying to trap the OP into a relationship. If I was interested enough in a man to want a relationship I reckon I wouldnt have a problem with him knowing where my home was! I'm pretty sure I can say the same for ALL the women I know.

metrovelvet

I cant see this as a trap into a relationship. I'm seeing it more of strategies for getting out of one or any possible hassle should there be a pregnancy.

Yeah she should take a test. Why wouldnt she?

1. She's afraid of the answer.
2. She's been late many times before and this is normal for her especially under stress.

Other possibility: She has taken it and does know.

Many women do not want to have to deal with the pressure and hassle of being pregnant on top of the father being an irritating prick. So they don't tell them and they go and do what they need to do. It may not be fair, but that is what happens. They are not in a serious relationship so there is no expectation of support or demand. This is what HE asked for from the beginning. He wanted it casual and this is part of the contract of casual.

seahorse

metrovelvet wrote:

Many women do not want to have to deal with the pressure and hassle of being pregnant on top of the father being an irritating prick.

LOL, how true that is...

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again,
Thank you all for your replies, it has helped me a lot. To answer some of the questions, I am 25 years old (worked abroad for two years after first year in college) I always wore condoms with her and was always careful, thus an STD test I feel is unnecessary.
I am not an ignorant person and would never pressure anyone into having an abortion. I would try my best to look after the child but I would never stay with a person just because we had a child together.
I felt I was truthful and honest with her from the start, I laid out the 'rules' and she seemed happy to comply.
All I know is that I am not going near her again, I called her tonight and laid things on the line, I told her to take the test, she sais she could feel her period coming on, I was a little more insistent and she said that it had happened before that she had been late when sick or stressed. I also told her I didn't want to see her like 'that' anymore and that it would be best just to stay friends. I don't like hurting people, so I didn't tell her I couldn't care if I never see her again if she is not pregnant, if she isn't, then I will have learnt a damn good lesson from this. No more casual sex ever!
Thanks again for all the replies, hopefully I can tell you all soon the outcome.

metrovelvet

^ I bet she isn't pregnant, or at least not by you. If she was seeing someone else or married that doesnt mean she was using protection with them.

And by the way you can catch things through oral too.

Marksie

metrovelvet wrote:

^ I bet she isn't pregnant, or at least not by you. If she was seeing someone else or married that doesnt mean she was using protection with them.

And by the way you can catch things through oral too.

I agree with metrovelvet on this. Until your last post, i guess we had presumed that you had been having unprotected sex. Now it transpires you were using condoms, and now probably wracking your brains trying to think of any possible time it may have burst, come off or not been put on correctly.

I think that you have made the correct decision in the end OP.

A friend of mine was having a casual relationship with a girl who did fall pregnant. He asked my advice as something didn't gel (the conception date) and said to ensure a paternity test (she was going to have the baby). When she realised that he was serious she admitted it was her b/friends who had walked out a little later.

There are so many possible reasons which would account for this behaviour, but now you have experienced it I guess not getting into it again is the best one you could make

pickarooney

Maybe she knows she's pregnant, doesn't want to keep it and is afraid you might try and insist on her having it (abortion not being exactly legal in Ireland) or making a big fuss about it and having her husband find out. Although the obvious thing to do would be to tell you she had a (negative) test and let you go your way. Unless she's having a hard time deciding if she should keep it...