ditched?

LegacyUser

right i'm a 23 yr old girl and i suppose i'm just looking for advice, maybe someones been in this situation before?
As long as i can remember i've never had any real friends, just aqaintances, i suppose because i never really had anyone in my life i felt i could truely trust. i find it very hard to 'click' with people. I was never 'girly' enough to be friends with the girls but never enough of a 'ladette' to be friends with the guys.

over the past 2 years though i've been making an effort and trying to be more open with people, and i'd made pretty good friends with one particular girl 'jane' in my college course, possible the closest i'd ever come to having a 'best friend', and through her became friends with 3 other girls. About 6 months ago i got chatting to a guy on a night out, john, and we just absolutely clicked, we get on so well together, i'd trust him completely, i can tell him anything,i never realised how fantastic a true friend could be. Around the same time however jane started hanging around with one of the 3 other girls in our 'group' a lot more, and i gradually seemed to be getting pushed out of the group, i found myself having to invite myself on our group nights out. At first i though maybe they felt put out by my new friend, so i stopped hanging round with him as much, but i'd still have to always be the one to ring them to see if they were going anywhere. It just got to the point where i felt as if i didn't make the effort to contact them they wouldn't contact me so i stopped. And just as i thought they never bothered telling me if they were doing something/going somewhere, i'd just is end up hearing them talk about it in college the next day. The thing is though they're still being friendly to me, its horrible, theres only about 4 other people on my course, having to sit there in college listening to them everyday constantly out of the loop.

i saw them all passing my house tonight going somewhere, i just feel so hurt that they don't even think to invite me anymore. One part of me thinks its not worth the effort trying to make friends with them again. The other thinks i must be my fault
i don't know what i did wrong?

Drift

It doesn't sound like anything deliberate to me OP. I think maybe you got a bit disconnected from the group when you started spending more time with the guy friend and then things kinda snowballed so that now you're not spending as much time with him but you haven't got back into a routine with the group.

I'm only guessing but from what you say about them still being friendly etc. I don't think they'd mind you joining back in things again. Maybe organise a trip to the cinema some day after lectures or something? Or just tell them that you haven't had a right night out with your girly friends in ages and organise a friday night or something?

Either way I just think it doesn't sound like they deliberately excluded you, especially if they're still friendly.

Kell

lostgirl wrote:

The thing is though they're still being friendly to me, its horrible, theres only about 4 other people on my course, having to sit there in college listening to them everyday constantly out of the loop.

You didnt do anything wrong. A couple of years ago I went out with someone and was away every weekend to the point that my mates just stopped asking me out at weekends or making plans.

You just have to keep putting yourself out there until you build the relationship back up again. Thats it. Not rocket science, just have to be prepared to slog it for a while.

K-

biko

Don't confront them but talk to Jane and say that you feel a bit left out.
Maybe they felt left out when you started hanging out with John?