What to do

LegacyUser

Ok heres my story

Basically ive been seeing a girl for about 2 months now (were both 22 and about to finish college). When I say seeing its more like dating. We meet up when out, I bring her out for dinner, we meet up around college etc. Were not really going out.... although we do talk pretty much everyday.

When we first started seeing eachother she talked about not wanting anything serious which I was ok with. In the time since theres been a few nights where shes got upset... from bumping into an ex as far as I can tell. I asked her about it but she didnt want to say.
There were also a few kind of mumbled comments that I dont think she meant me to hear... basically about how her ex didnt appreciate her etc. Im begining to think she has probably been hurt before and is kind of afraid of getting into anything serious.

Problem is im really begining to fall for her. We have great fun together, shes so easy to talk to, funny and really beautiful. I also feel like at least some of it is mutual.

Now Ive been playing it cool as I dont want to scare her off but sometimes ide just like to tell her how great I think she is. (Ohhh I should mention there was also a night where a friend of hers kept dragging her away and asking her why she was with me and saying he was so much better and what could he do to show her how he felt etc etc..... basically an obsessive). Hopefully I dont come off like that as I dont think this is obsession

What im wondering is, should I ask her out properly... i.e. to be my girlfriend? How exactly should I go about doing it?

The whole point is to find out where I stand more than anything. If she wants to keep things as they are then I can live with that.... ide just like to find out without scaring her off.

Ohhh and I should probably mention that she is moving to Galway for the summer and I start a job in Dublin in a few months. Having thought about it... I would still like to give it a go if she is willing.

Apoogies for the long post... took longer to explain than I expected.

spinandscribble

it seems strange that her friends dont like you. maybe they feel you arnt that in to her since you say you dont compliment her or say nice things. maybe thats because she feels your already going out since its been two months and just assumed you believed the same.

tell her how you feel. personally i wouldnt be dealing with someone for that long if they were literally still crying over their ex. rebound!!

is there a chance all these mumbles about feeling not valued were about YOU and not a ex. wouldnt that explain what her friends were saying?

LegacyUser

Her friends like me actually..... infact a few of them are in my class. The one friend who was draggin her away is a little obsessed with her.... she isnt interested in anything but friendship but he wont take the hint.

One of her close friends even commented that she wouldnt like many guys going out with the girl but I would be one of the good ones.

I do compliment her whenever I get the chance. I just dont bring up how I feel...... I guess im just being wary considering what she said in the begining.

I dont think its a rebound situation.... shes been single for a good while as far as I know.

No the mumbles were definately about another guy.... I heard his name and everything

Ok so..... considering that any other advice?

Fey!

S&S; my reading of it is that a guy dragged her away saying how much better he was than the OP!

OP; tell her how you feel; what have you to lose? If she feels the same, perhaps discuss getting a job in Galway instead, or her getting one in Dubland (although with seperate accomadation; you don't want to freak her out!!)

biko

So basically you want to move from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone?
There are two ways to go about this, the easy and the hard.

Hard, tell her how you feel. Risk rejection.
Easy, get hammered with her. Try to snog her. Risk rejection.

In either case you risk rejection. Put yourself in her shoes and picture some friend you are not interested in (male or female) coming on to you. How would you react? Chances are she will react the same way.

DawnMc

OP, my advice would be to be honest with her. Not brutally honest but tell her you like her and are prepared to take things slow. I wouldn't get too hot and heavy about it.
Also, why not express that you don't understand why her friends don't like you.

LegacyUser

Ok..... Ive obviously done a lousy job of explaining the situation

Im definately not in the friend zone.... We kiss all the time and I have slept in her bed with her on several occasions (No sex yet though). Theres no doubt that were into eachother.

My problem is im not sure what zone I am in.... Its not friend but not quite boyfriend either. Just wondering where I stand really. I dont think shes just messing me around either.... just a little wary I think.

And her friends do like me.... well as far as I know. There was only one guy that had a problem and I use the term friend loosely there. Hes obsessed with her.. They went out previously but he got too clingy

Kell

Question before I start. Have you got physical AT ALL i.e. a snog? If not, you are NOT dating or SEEING eachother. She see's you as a mate and nothing less. Who brings her for dinner, I might add.

Dillema123 wrote:

Im begining to think she has probably been hurt before and is kind of afraid of getting into anything serious.

So you want to launch yourself into trying something with someone who hasnt really got beyond the trappings of an ex? Not clever. Really, dont go there.

Dillema123 wrote:

What im wondering is, should I ask her out properly... i.e. to be my girlfriend? How exactly should I go about doing it?

No. No you shouldnt. Theres no need to work out how.

Dillema123 wrote:

Ohhh and I should probably mention that she is moving to Galway for the summer and I start a job in Dublin in a few months.

You want to start something with a girl who's who hasnt quite gotten over her ex and who is moving to another county. You dont set very high standards for yourself do you?

Fey! wrote:

perhaps discuss getting a job in Galway instead, or her getting one in Dubland

And that Wont freak her out? Hmmn.

K-

LegacyUser

Ok I posted here lastnight but it never went through for some reason.

I obviously didnt explain myself very well.

1) Her friends do like me... it was just that one guy

2) I dont think it thats shes hung up on an ex per se..... just that shes been hurt before and is a little nervous about getting into a relationship

3) Yes we have gotten physical.... We kiss all the time, ive even slept in her bed with her (no sex yet though)

Ive decided that im just going to ask her what the situation with us is.... not gonna put any suggestions in her head. Just wanna find out what the story is and maybe how she feels.

Oh and theres no way im getting job in Galway.... the one in Dublin is great. I would never expect her to move somewhere just to be with me. Ide be willing to try make it work even if we are in different counties..... Ireland really isnt that big after all.