Am i being a paranoid fool

LegacyUser

My gf was at a hens party over the weekend. She was a bit quiet when she got back and told me how bad the group she was with were. Married women bringing blokes back to the hotel for sex. She told me that nearly everbody had cheated on their bloke. She did say she was talking to lads (who were in the same hotel) and one or two copped a feel but she told them where to go. I was a bit gobsmacked at the whole thing and the storys she was telling me (some of these girls i would know quite well and would never have expected to go that far) but something deep down is telling me she has done something. She was almost in tears telling me about the weekend altough she said it was a good weekend. I dont know!?! Is that a sign of guilt?!? am i being a paranoid fool?

Silverfish

Sounds to me like she was quite upset at the behaviour of the others, and I wouldn't think anything happened if she told you what was going on, as if she had done something, she wouldn't have told you anything that would have made you suspicious.

Kell

I'm with Silverfish on this one. I hate it when mates of mine do the dirt on their GF's while I am around. Makes me want to smack them one.

K-

AnonoBoy

Obviously none of us can know for sure but I'd be inclined to agree with Silverfish - if she had done something then it seems unlikely that she would have told you about what had gone on for the weekend.

The tears could be a combination of things - a bit of shock at how her friends acted and a post-booze/other substances come down.

BadCharlie

I'd agree with the others.

galah

well, did you ask her directly if anything went on? If she has nothing to hide, there shouldn't be a problem - and if she has, you'll find out by her reaction...

simple as that, really...(don't want to make you more paranoid, but I always find that direct questions will get you the answer you need...)

drdre

Dont worry ,it looks like you are paranoid.Just trust her.

DeepBlue

Yes, you are being paranoid and foolish. She wouldn't have told you anything if she had done the dirt on you.
Although you've made me a bit paranoid about hen parties now - I wonder if the behaviour of her mates is common? .

~nop~

It sounds like ye have a good relationship where she's frank with you so I'd say if she actually had done anything she would have told you about it. She sounds like she has a conscience and the actions of her friends upset her but she doesn't want you to worry which is why she told you it was still good.

miles teg

In general, if I ever want to be considered innocent of something, I cast a doubt on myself so that others ask why i would do that if i was guilty.
Not sure if I'm making myself clear there but if I was your girlfriend and had done something, that's exactly what I would have said to you.
Another possibility is that a group of people seem to have gone astray, maybe she's getting a positive story through to you before you hear something worse in a bitching free for all.

This all sounds very paranoid of course so you should try to be objective about it. You know you girlfriend best... would you have considered to be the same as her friends or do you think her more trustworthy. Perhaps try to confirm some of the things she said to you with anyone if you can?

OS119

miles teg wrote:

In general, if I ever want to be considered innocent of something, I cast a doubt on myself so that others ask why i would do that if i was guilty.
Not sure if I'm making myself clear there but if I was your girlfriend and had done something, that's exactly what I would have said to you.
Another possibility is that a group of people seem to have gone astray, maybe she's getting a positive story through to you before you hear something worse in a bitching free for all.

This all sounds very paranoid of course so you should try to be objective about it. You know you girlfriend best... would you have considered to be the same as her friends or do you think her more trustworthy. Perhaps try to confirm some of the things she said to you with anyone if you can?

pretty much agree. by getting the behaviour of her 'hen' friends out in the open she's getting her version in first - and she's getting you to think 'bunch of durty hoo-ers' - so that should you hear something later on about your GF, half a dozen male strippers and a party-pack of condoms you'll dismiss it because a) it doesn't correspond with what you believe to be true - it takes more to change our minds than to make them up in the first place - and b) your view of the people telling you about your GF's alleged gang-bang will
be prejudiced by you thinking of them as cheatin hoo-ers and as such much less likely to believe them...

it is of course entirely possible/likely that your GF is entirely innocent and purely filled with moral outrage.

on the other hand, never trust anyone who bleeds for a week and doesn't die.

jebusmusic

OS119 wrote:

on the other hand, never trust anyone who bleeds for a week and doesn't die.

So, in other words, never trust women?

You're so cool

bombidol

I would reckon that if she was telling you about all the women cheating she probably hasnt cheated herself. however you are the only one with direct experience with her so you would know best. more than likely shes quiet as she is dissapointed with her friends.

cold_filter

TBH i would trust her, my gf went to 2 hen nights last year within a month of each other, the first one was your usual piss up but the 2nd one she was sharing a room with a girl who is getting married next year, the girl had disappeared earlier in the night my Gf got back to the room to find her getting boned by 2 lads on a stag night!! I was going to ask my GF why didnt she join them but i didnt want a handbag across the face!!

When my gf got home she just walked in and told me some of the antics that went on and i thought it was hilarious but she was pretty disgusted that these people could treat their partners this way.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I told her i was having doubts and maybe she wasnt telling me everything. Not very pleased with me now but i just had to say it, i needed to get it off my chest. She actually said that it wouldnt bother her if it all came out into the open because she has nothing to hide. For the sake of my mates i hope it never comes out. One of the married girls was more annoyed with herself because she had been seen by another who she doesnt like rather than what she had done on her husband. Thats what makes me angry.

What the other girls did is none of my business really but their boyfriends/ husbands are good friends of mine so it does actually hurt a bit knowing what those sluts did. Jaysus if it was a kiss or something it wouldnt be too bad but to have blokes knobing them all weekend is a real piss take and stepping well well beyond the line.

It makes you think all the same. You really dont know people as well as you think you do.

101 km/h

Although you've made me a bit paranoid about hen parties now - I wonder if the behaviour of her mates is common? .

Sorry to be old fashioned but I'd have to be a bit dubious about the concept of "hen parties" these days...
What exactly do they stand for?
Seems to me as if they are now interpreted as some sort of temporary moral licence to shag everything in sight - married, engaged, in a relationship or whatever.

Although they do go to prove that women are every bit as good at cheating as men!

ELLIEJ

Not the case - Ive been to numerous hen parties and the hens haven't cheated on their other 1/2's....

I think if they will cheat on a hen night they will do it any night if they get the chance......

liamdubh

I love reading these stories. To be fair, if it was blokes on a stag weekend and they were up to their knees in it it would all be a great laugh. I've been there. It is a great laugh. But because it's women they are all sluts. That might be the case but there is definitely a double standard.

Diemos

Liamdubh, no need to get your knickers in a twist over double standards, no one here said if it had been guys that it would be cool, infact Kell wrote about how annoyed he gets when his mates cheat on their GF's.

Speak to most people working in the hotel trade and they'll tell you that it's freakishly common for stags and hen's to bring back randomers.......makes you wonder why they want to get married in the first place.

OP I hope this blows over quickly for you and your gf, good luck.

Personally if my mates GF was acting like a whore, I'd have to tell him, my loyalty is to my mates not to their cheating gf's or bf's (which ever the case maybe), sure it'd hurt like hell but better that than the alternative.

kittenkiller

OP, it's quite possible that your girlfriend had a really crap weekend and that's why she was so upset.
If I went out with my friends for a girly weekend and found myself left alone while they all went off slutting around I'd be pertty pi$$ed off and upset too.

You owe it to both of you to give her the benefit of the doubt.

LegacyUser

This country is well and truly in a terrible state of chassis. Have we lost all sense of self respect or what? Just my opinion... I'm sure I'll be slated by the sluts (both genders) who seem to be able laugh at this stuff and then go home to the wife or husband. I'm with Diemo on this one... if someone did it to my mates, I'd be telling the mates right away. Same goes for any women friends of mine... If I knew their man was acting the bo11ocks I'd make sure she finds out.

To the OP, I reckon your girlfriend told you because she actually wants the men to know that their wives are indeed complete slags. She probably wants you to eventually open your mouth...

liamdubh

Yeah you're right. It is a disgrace really that this is if not the norm for everybody, certainly the norm for quite a lot of people. But that's modern society. Having girlfriends/boyfriends or even wives/husbands doesn't seem to mean a whole lot.

chump

I don't think it's "certainly the norm for quite a lot of people" tbh. It is normal for some people no doubt but I'd say the majority of partnered up adults don't go a banging on a stag/hen.

Patricide

Ridiculous state of affairs ffs, if theres one thing i would never do no matter what itd be cheating on someone regarless if i were going out with them for a day or 10 years.

LegacyUser

Well to be honest i think the whole going away for a weekend as far away as possible from your other half is dodgy. Gone be the days when it was a night out on the town then home at the end of the night.

ELLIEJ

liamdubh wrote:

Yeah you're right. It is a disgrace really that this is if not the norm for everybody, certainly the norm for quite a lot of people. But that's modern society. Having girlfriends/boyfriends or even wives/husbands doesn't seem to mean a whole lot.

Its not at all the norm for everybody - bottom line if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas - take of that what you will. I have been to MANY hens and there has been no cheating and as I said I believe the same people would do it any time they got a chance when on a stag / hen or not!!!!! Time we copped on to that fact.

ELLIEJ

Dib dab wrote:

Well to be honest i think the whole going away for a weekend as far away as possible from your other half is dodgy. Gone be the days when it was a night out on the town then home at the end of the night.

Ah hello !!!! Dodgy??? Come on - the main reason years ago for having these parties close to home was financial. Also most people were not living with their partners back then so no 'break from the norm' was needed.