Please help...jealousy

hatethisfeeling

I really need help. I have this friend who we'll call sam. Me and sam have been friends now for a few years and I would say that I am the closest to him in my group. Hes a very lively person and quite a few girls like him.

Normally i dont care but one of my friends(lets call her Jen)who really likes him. I dont like him in that way myself but I hate jen spending time with him. I think that she is always trying to get to be better friends with him than I am and its making me insicure.

She invites him to her house and she always texts him even tho hes made it clear he doesnt like her. I guess i just hate the thought of them 2 becoming better friend than he and I. Is that normal??I mean me and her are supposed to be friends but I know the only reason that she hangs around with me is to get close to him.

Ive mentioned this to him and he said that me and him will always be better friends but I hate them talking or going anywhere by themselves. I know im being stupid but I need help in getting over my jealousy and insicurity.

spurious

hatethisfeeling wrote:

I dont like him in that way myself but I hate jen spending time with him.

If you think about what you've written there, it either means that yes do do like him in that way, or you don't like him at all and don't want him to have the chance of being happy with Jen.

hatethisfeeling wrote:

I know the only reason that she hangs around with me is to get close to him.

Maybe he hangs round with you to be close to her?

hatethisfeeling wrote:

I hate them talking or going anywhere by themselves

Why do you hate it? Because he's not with you, because she's not with you? because you don't know what's going on?

I'm not sure what age you are, possibly quite young, but your post very much sounds like you like him a lot, not in a matey way and you're mad jealous of Jen who might be getting somewhere you wanted to be but never made the move.

Laslo

I'd love to tell you that everything's okay and that 'Jen' and whatever your mans name is are at fault. But it's you. You're jealousy seems to be completely unfounded, self-serving and you need to get over your mental problem before you lose both of your friends. I don't know how old you are... but I would advise you to grow up.

chump

Laslo wrote:

I'd love to tell you that everything's okay and that 'Jen' and whatever your mans name is are at fault. But it's you. You're jealousy seems to be completely unfounded, self-serving and you need to get over your mental problem before you lose both of your friends. I don't know how old you are... but I would advise you to grow up.

Agree with the above.
And how have you concluded that you aren't in to this guy? - you love spending time with him, you get jealous when other girls do, and maybe I'm reading too much into the post but I'm guessing from what you've said that he's a good-lookin guy.

LegacyUser

Woman, you need to sort yourself out. My girlfriends "best friend" who used to be a great friend of mine too used to be exactly like this, really jealous and overbearing that I would become closer to her friend than her and she would also be jealous that her "best friend" would become closer to me than I am with her(but sorry, it's bound to happen if the relationship keeps blossoming)...what did I eventually do?

I lost the head, and lost all contact with her. My girlfriend and her "best friend" are at their wits end in their friendship and it's looking like a serious make or break...(i predict break) sooner or later...it's been rough for a year now between them. I ask you for your sanity, to grow up and realise that things change...and just try be friends with both but realise if they end up going out and really like each other, it's acceptable and understandable that they want to hang out ALONE and together ok?

lizzyvera

It's always upsetting when the group dynamic changes and people pair off and get closer than they are to you. You'll feel left out or something.

Wibbs

TBH If you really cared for Sam, you have to want for him to find happiness with Jen or whoever. That's what true friendship and love should mean. At the moment it's all about you and your feelings of being "left behind". I suspect if you found someone new that you had feelings for you wouldn't feel as left out.

LegacyUser

Exactly...she needs to be careful otherwise she will end up with nothing...accept the changes or jump ship...