Jealousy problem with GF's ex

LegacyUser

OK, so I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now, and things are going really well. Everything is great sex wise and we get on like a house on fire, just having a laugh the whole time.

Here's the problem, and it's bothering me quite a bit that it is a problem. I never thought I'd be the jealous type, but I'm finding out now that I am. She is still incredibly close to her ex, they went out for about 2 years, breaking up about a year ago, but remained good friends afterwards. I trust her entirely, and her ex is an incredibly nice guy, we actually get on quite well, but I still feel a bit jealous about it all whenever they spend time together! It's driving me nuts, I really want to just be cool with it all because I know nothing will happen between them and I really like the guy, but I can't help feeling the way I do!

I haven't said anything to either of them about it because I don't want to change anything, I'd never ask her to stop seeing him or whatever, I'm just looking for advice on how to change my own feelings on the situation. I know I'm being unreasonable, I just can't help it! Has anybody had any similar problems, will the jealousy thing go over time?

free2fly

It sounds as if you're a bit insecure. It is still early in your relationship. Perhaps you are jealous of their friendship? I'm still best friends with my ex and his new gf doesn't like it very much, even though she likes me. I think she is jealous of the fact that my ex and I have a closer friendship than she has with him at the moment. But, my ex and I have known each other for a long time. They have only been dating for a few months. They will grow closer as friends as time passes. Do you think this could be your problem?

SarahSassy

I have an ex with whom I use to have a very serious, passionate and intense relationship.. We are now just friends. I am going to visit him soon (he lives abroad) and I will sleep in his apartment and I know for a fact nothing will happen. He is even coming to a family wedding with me but its totally platonic.

She liked her ex cos he is a nice guy and you actually like him too - if he is a nice guy and didnt treat her badly then there is no reason she should go off him as a friend. Most likely the chemistry disappeared. It has happened to me.

Just relax and enjoy the relationship. You have nothing to worry about it.

davyjose

My current Girlfriend is recently just divorced from her ex and has a child with him, she lives a hell of a lot nearer to him than to me (she moved to a small little town with him when they married) and she is in daily contact with him (because of the child), and get this: She gets jealous about my ex, with whom I was with for about a year, and didnt even live with.
Yeah, I do get stupidly Jealous too occasionally, but the point I'm making is this: it really isn't about her or her circumstances, but it's about you and yours. You gotta realise that she loves you, and he was just a step on the road to meeting you; if you can't accept it, you're in trouble, I'm afraid

Marksie

The issue stems from within yourself.
To some extent it is not unusual or strange to feel this as you have been going out with her for 4 months and she has known her ex for a lot longer. So it is still an adjustment period.
The really great thing is the trust is there. That has come across unequivocally.

How do you handle these jealous feelings?

Well you are on your way to doing that, you have accepted them for what they are. But you are really surprising yourself in that you are having these feelings.

Don't suppress them, allow them to surface, not dwell in the mind and then pass through you. How you do it is up to you..you may mentally say, well here is another jealous feeling i will let it pass, it is groundless and has no hold over me.
you may laugh at yourself for feeling that way.. whichever suits.

It is important however that you do not brood on it.
But to be honest..i think you know that :-)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah I think you've hit the nail on the head free2fly, it's definitely a problem with my own insecurities. They are really close, and although I have a great relationship with her I sometimes feel like we're not quite as close emotionally as she is with him.

I suppose it will get better over time, it's still all relatively new, and I do trust her and we've talked about their relationship and she says they were never really sexually compatible, so there's absolutely no chance that anything will happen.

I'm just going to have to bite my lip and get on with it, if the situation doesn't improve I'll no doubt be back on in a few weeks!

ELLIEJ

IsThisStupid? wrote:

if the situation doesn't improve I'll no doubt be back on in a few weeks!

Not saying that we dont want to hear from you again but its up to you to make the situation improve. By your comment it sounds like you have read all the replied but not taken any of them onboard.