What to do?

jellie

Hi all,

Im currently trying to study for exams (for my masters, so theyre pretty important exams), living in student accomodation. The girl in the room beside me is doing a research phd so is generally out of the apartment from 9-5/6 most days so i thought great, studying at home will be perfect.

But recently shes got a new bf (or back with an old one, im not sure, i cant keep up with her..) who stays the night a lot & then stays here during the day while she is in college. Normally this wouldnt be a problem, but hes been here since sunday evening and spends all day in the room beside me either talking - im presuming on the phone or skype - quite loudly or listening to music. Yesterday I asked him to turn down the music and he was quite apologetic & did so, so id feel like a b***h saying it again but hes really loud in there even talking and im finding it really difficult to concentrate.

I dont know what to do. My instinct says to say it again, this is my masters, & its my apartment over his so surely someone who doesnt live here shouldnt be allowed to make so much noise? I dont want to cause any bad feeling because ive to continue to live with this girl until july. I am quite tempted to ask her this evening if her bf will be here tomorrow and make a point of saying that i cant study with the noise hes making.

Advice anyone?

rediguana

He's being rude and inconsiderate. You've asked him once, try tactfully broaching it with his girlfriend.

biko

Bring it up with her tonight. Just ask her to have him out of the house during study period, afterwards he is welcome to hang around.

And tell him as many times as necessary to keep it down. You live there, he must respect that.

rediguana

He sounds like a moron. Anyone who's so loud in someone else's house after being asked to keep it down must be. He doesn't even have the excuse of drunkness as it's daytime.

tbh

he probably doesn't realise he's being so loud. As Biko says, just explain that normally you wouldn't care, but it's an awkward time of year - he's welcome to stay, but he has to keep the noise down till the exams are finished. Don't apologise for asking him to stick to this!

Cateym

I am not trying to be smart here but use ear plugs. I found them great for studying when in a noisy environment.

jellie

Thanks for the replies. I pretty much knew i was going to talk to her but i think i just needed assurance i wasnt being unreasonable. Im going to try get her on her own tonight.

Cateym: thanks for the suggestion. i had considered earplugs but to be honest i dont really like them & i dont see why i should have to wear them to block out the noise of someone who doesnt even live here.

Mighty_Mouse

Have had this problem for before.
Short story is nobody should be invited around when the person who did the inviting isnt there themselves!!!

I presumed this would be basic cop, but some people have to be told.
Make it a house rule.

Mighty_Mouse

Mighty_Mouse wrote:

Have had this problem for before.
Short story is nobody should be invited around when the person who did the inviting isnt there themselves!!!

I presumed this would be basic cop, but some people have to be told.
Make it a house rule.

Indeed, I was surprised the bf of the housemate would be staying there when she wasn't. I'd feel highly uncomfortable being in my bf's house when he wasn't, and I get on very well with the housematers.

MrSquishSquash

I had the same problem more than once, often found it pointless as you end up fighting with someone in the end. Personally i find houses (especially student accommodation) is for living in, not studying! As long as they're not making noise at night you should try and deal with it, best way use the library,labs or whatever other facilities are available to you. Study during the day and relax at home in the evening!

Higgsy

If you are paying rent, then you are fully entitled to mention to your flatmate. If she is reasonable then she will understand.

So go forth and move that muppet out of your study area.

Chinafoot

MrSquishSquash wrote:

Personally i find houses (especially student accommodation) is for living in, not studying! As long as they're not making noise at night you should try and deal with it, best way use the library,labs or whatever other facilities are available to you. Study during the day and relax at home in the evening!

Have to say, I hated using the library to study when I was in college. Much easier and quieter to do it at home. Everyone is different and maybe the OP is more comfortable at home where she expects the peace and quiet that she's entitled to. This guy doesn't live there and, presumably, isn't paying rent so she's well within her rights to ask him to not be there at all when his girlfriend isn't there.

My advice would be to sit down with your flatmate and just tell her what you've told us here. You don't have to be confrontational or bitchy about it, and judging by how bad you felt asking him to turn the music down I don't think you would be. Your flatmate is doing her PhD so she has to understand that, like her, you need time and comfort to get as much work/study done as possible and if doing it at home works for you she needs to respect that.

Is avoiding a potentially uncomfortable conversation worth messing up your masters?

jellie

MrSquishSquash wrote:

I had the same problem more than once, often found it pointless as you end up fighting with someone in the end. Personally i find houses (especially student accommodation) is for living in, not studying! As long as they're not making noise at night you should try and deal with it, best way use the library,labs or whatever other facilities are available to you. Study during the day and relax at home in the evening!

If you ever tried studying in the DCU library youd understand why the library is not an option. But that is irrelevent really.

She is the only person in the apartment not studying for exams. the other 3 of us study at home. If it was her making some noise i would not be happy about it but perhaps i could live with it, but its the fact thats its someone who doesnt even live here/pay rent thats disturbing the study. I have discussed it with another housemate (who would be even more reluctant to bring it up than me) who has noticed the noise as well, so i know its not just me being oversensitive.

Im gonna try discuss it with her tonight. Not looking forward to it though