Suicide, always the wrong option ?

LegacyUser

Well.

Lifes very bad at the moment, imagine if you won the euromillions and found the love of your life. Now imagine you lost all the money, lost the love of your life by your own stupidity and everything else.

I don't know what to say really except i'm feeling like i should just end it all. I'm not thinking about it but i've being dreaming about it and i am absolutely miserable so that doesn't help.

I don't want to sound like a complete loser but its really getting to the point where i am thinking it may not be the worst option to consider.

tbh

Unregguy wrote:

Well.

Lifes very bad at the moment, imagine if you won the euromillions and found the love of your life. Now imagine you lost all the money, lost the love of your life by your own stupidity and everything else.

I don't know what to say really except i'm feeling like i should just end it all. I'm not thinking about it but i've being dreaming about it and i am absolutely miserable so that doesn't help.

I don't want to sound like a complete loser but its really getting to the point where i am thinking it may not be the worst option to consider.

if you feel like dying is a better option than living, you really need to speak to a professional, because nothing we can say will be good enough. Even if you feel like it's a pointless excercise, you owe it to your family and loved ones to at least try. This could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be sorted out with meds. I'm not going to tell you you can't kill yourself if you don't want to, but I will say it should be the very very very last option.

if you feel like chatting, I'd be happy for you to pm me. today is nearly done. Tomorrow will probably be better. You should at least stick around to see.

Kell

tbh wrote:

if you feel like dying is a better option than living, you really need to speak to a professional, because nothing we can say will be good enough.

Absolutely agreed.

tbh wrote:

you owe it to your family and loved ones to at least try.

This is where we disagree. Adding guilt over the effect suicide has on relatives really doesnt help matters.

OP- the only person you deserve to stay alive for is YOU. YOU deserve your life to be brilliant again. YOU deserve to find love again. YOU CANT CHANGE IT ONCE ITS DONE. THERES NO SECOND CHANCE.

Please please please dont end what is the most precious thing you'll ever have. Although it may seem pretty god darn awful at the moment, you have opportunities all over the place to make good again. Take the chance to give it another go.

K-

tbh

Kell wrote:

Absolutely agreed.



This is where we disagree. Adding guilt over the effect suicide has on relatives really doesnt help matters.

Just to clarify, I wasn't saying the op should stay alive for their family - only that they should seek help - i.e. even if they don't think that talking to someone will help, they at least owe it to their family to try. What they do after that is their business, IMO. I agree with you that you can't stay alive for the sake of others.

Rowley Birkin QC

My long term gf died tragically last year and I can't say that the thought didnt enter my mind immediately afterwards. She was buried on a thursday and I was in the black depths of despair. That saturday night I heard of a 16 year old kid that killed himself in the locality. I have never felt so much anger well up inside me that he could inflict that much pain and suffering on his family and loved ones knowingly. He would have known of my gf's death, it was all over the national media, and would have seen first hand the terrible toll it took on her family and loved ones.

I knew then that suicide is ALWAYS the wrong option, get a grip, get some help and live your life. Too many people die needlessly in this country everyday without people willingly ending their life.

Cancer-chick

OP what kell said is the truth.. Your life is worth something but you need to see that for yourself and right now for whatever reasons you cant

And if it comforts you to know it .. No-one i know personally (including myself) has not felt as you feel now .. Neither seeing or feeling joy in anything and generally just seeing no point in life ..

But its what you do with that feeling that is important mate .. No-one should tell you not to commit suicide and im certainly not going to but i strongly think you should give life a big shot before you do something so definite .. The fact that you are thinking about it means that you cant and shouldnt deal with it alone..

Have you anyone in your life you would trust to talk to or would u consider calling aware or looking for a local counsellor.
If you really cant face the thought of going to a stranger would u talk to your GP in case it is a chemical problem..
Im not saying that your sadness in your life or recent events isnt real but sometimes when we have had to deal with sustained stress it is a fact that our body chemistry can change including the brain

I know if someone had said this to me at my darkest point i would maybe not have listened but there are alternatives ..

Please PM me if you want to talk but if not .. Please let someone know how down you feel .. I know if you were my mate or my brother id damn well want to be there even if its just a shoulder ..

I really hope this helps

All the best

Sean7

I suppose from an absurdist viewpoint suicide is a solution when confronted with the futility of living a life devoid of all purpose. However if you're just feeling down and think life is **** then I wouldn't recommend it. Better off talking to someone you trust and trying to sort out your problems.

Moss

OP, you should read Tony Bates book 'Depression: the Common Sense Approach'. Its written for people who are feeling at the worst and it could be a real help.

Your're obviously feeling very low now but you're mood will lift. You should think of getting professional help.

tbh wrote:

This could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be sorted out with meds.

I disagree. More likely it has to do with self-esteem issues/patterns of negative thinking/life experiences and current circumstances, but the OP will have to decide for himself.

tbh

I disagree. More likely it has to do with self-esteem issues/patterns of negative thinking/life experiences and current circumstances, but the OP will have to decide for himself.

probably best to talk to a doc.

The Bollox

OP, I have felt like this before, maybe not to the same degree, but I was in a seriously depressed state of mind. Nothing I did seemed to be working out for the better, only for the worse. I considired suicide over and over in my mind. the idea never appealed to me, but I just wanted to end all the misery. I am so happy I didn't take the easy way out and kept fighting. So my point is: don't throw away what you have been given, keep fighting and eventually all will work out for the better, you just gotta have faith whether you're religious or not.

karen3212

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.

I hope you can find someone to speak to, and that you might realise how valuable you are.
People sometimes don't realise how precious their lives are.

I also think going to a gp is an option, people really care about other people even if they don't always show it.

I don't think what I say will be much help, but I see death as so final, there is no trying it out, as cancerchick said it is irreversible.

I hope you can hang on and find out that things may not be as bad as you think now.

cooperguy

Suicide = A long term solution to a short term problem. No matter how hard it feels right now it is not the end and things can get better.

Cancer-chick

I know this is a bit off topic but if the OP is there could u let us know if u are ok

I hope the replies have helped a bit ..

Wibbs

Cancer-chick wrote:

I know this is a bit off topic but if the OP is there could u let us know if u are ok

I hope the replies have helped a bit ..

Me too. Suicide is not really a good solution. You will lose the most precious thing, you. Forget about your family at the moment. Think of a future without you in it and the things you will do. Chances are you will fall in love(and out:D ). You may have kids in the future. The littlest thing you may do(and have done in the past) may help someones life for the better. Just because it may not feel that way to you now, doesn't mean it's not true. All that potential is gone if you're not around. It would be such a waste to lose you.

Elessar

Hey OP,

Suicide is a deeply personal choice. But don't do it. Ever. I know everything sucks now, but just think back for a second to your family and all the love, care and attention they gave you and all the effort they put into you when you were growing up. Could you really just throw all that away? Could you just spit into your mothers face and tell her that all meant nothing and you dont care?

Don't mind the girlfriend. Everyone loses someone who means so much to them at some point, just like you. I know it's hard but try to take your mind off her with other things you enjoy, things you did before her.

Think for a second and really ask yourself do you actually want to die? I bet you really don't, because most suicidal people don't. You just want to end your pain and misery. Let me tell you, there are other ways of doing that.

Go and see your doctor. Explain how you are feeling and ask for a referal for councelling! He/she may offer you medication but you must talk about these things aswell.

Check out www.sosadireland.ie and www.console.ie - and the multitude of other sites set up by desperate families after unfathomable suffering when one of their own takes his life. Read the stories and know that you have the power to not do that. I get the feeling that most suicidal people don't realise just what a grave and enormous thing taking ones own life is.

But get help. It's absolutely understandable for what you have been through.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice lads.

Its not that i'm thinking about it, sort of. Its that i'm feeling it. I'm dreaming about it all the time. Its actually seriously freaking me out, i barely sleep anymore and when i do i wake up sweating after one of a dozen dreams where i just end everything.

Its being a good few months since i lost my g/f but i'm in more pieces now then i was the first week. I still love her beyond any way of describing it.

I tried talking to a friend and his "advice" was along the lines of "Don't do what that guy in waterford did". Brilliant ****ing advice and even though i'm sure u all think i sound like a complete loser and tosspot i could never do anything like that to anyone i cared about. Especially to her.

Its not that life in general is bad, i'm a highly qualified professional with mostly good friends. I actually have had girls after me since, very attractive and nice girls but they mean nothing to me.

I'm just so in bits about this and i never thought i'd be one of those "weirdos" talking like this. I feel so bad for even saying it here on an anonomous message board.

Its just I ****ed it up with her, I caused it all and i can't seem to live with that. I just can't, its tearing me apart. I've being trying to forget about it for so long, i'e being trying to do everything to get it out of my head and its just ****ing me up so badly every day is a constant misery, every nite is a nightmare.

I just don't know what to do, i know i can't live after what happened, what i did to the best thing i ever had or ever will have. I can't even explain it in words, i might as well be dead as the way i am right now. I think i'm already dead and my body just hasn't caught up with the rest of me yet.

As for the "talk to a doc" advice, its not something i'm going to do. Family history and other stuff, i never want to be the guy who has to "take his pills" just so he can go to bed and wake up the next morning without trying to cut his wrists or jump off a bridge.

I would rather die then be on anti-depressants or whatever, i've seen what they do to people. I don't care what anyone says, people on them are not the same people they were before they went on them and they never are again.

I'm so sorry i'm talking like this because i've never felt anywhere like this before, i've never being depressed i've never contemplated this before.

I'm going to go make friends with a nice bottle of Jameson and smoke a few hundred cigarettes so i'll be back tomorrow.

Thanks for listening to my rubbish. I know myself i've never had patience for people talking like this, i just never understood before now how bad it can really get.

Drift

Hey OP, I don't know if you're in Dublin or not but I heard of this place in Lucan recently. Its a "Suicide and Self-Harm" Centre and you can just ring them up to get an appointment with a counsellor, no need to go to your GP or any intermediary. Its also confidential so no-one in your family need know if you don't want. Details below.

I don't have any personal experience in the area but its clear from the fact that you posted here that you'd like to get some advice on how to work your way out of the depression. Everyone here would love to help and will in every way we can. There are people though who know a lot more about the causes and effects and how to work your way out of it than us here. Its great that you came here for advice because it shows you want to make a change if you can so please don't just stop with our advice there's plenty more out there for free and most (if not all) of it is NOT tied to you taking pills its just advice that you can listen to or ignore if you want.


Pieta House, Old Lucan Road, Lucan, Co Dublin, can be contacted at (01) 601 0000, from 9.30am to 5pm.

And these are some news websites about the opening of the centre:
http://www.oneinfour.org/news/news2006/lucan/
http://www.irishhealth.com/?level=4&id=10911
http://rte.ie/news/2007/0129/suicide.html

karen3212

Hi I think Drift is right. Talking to someone confidentially sounds like a good idea to me. I hope you can manage to at least try the people he mentioned. Please try.

Unregguy1

Unregguy1 wrote:

As for the "talk to a doc" advice, its not something i'm going to do. Family history and other stuff, i never want to be the guy who has to "take his pills" just so he can go to bed and wake up the next morning without trying to cut his wrists or jump off a bridge.

I would rather die then be on anti-depressants or whatever, i've seen what they do to people. I don't care what anyone says, people on them are not the same people they were before they went on them and they never are again.

This stupid bull**** opinion cost me 4 years of my life.
Depression took away the person I was, made me a prisoner inside my own living death.
I thought anti-d would take away the few precious painful feelings I had left leaving me a zombie , but actually they had the opposite effect, they made me feel everything again.I was so numb I hadn't felt pms for years had to learn to deal with all over again. They took away the mountain and with a level playing field and I was able to work my way out of problems. It is likely the person you know who you felt changed wasn't on an effective anti-d and the effect that worried you was the depression itself.
I am off them for over a year and not only am I totally myself again. I have been through hell the last 3 months and it hasn't come back because I know how to see it coming now and fix it before its to the point where I can't do it myself.

I do think your depressed. Your lacking perspective, nothing you did to the girl could so bad that its worth you feeling this way.
You might not need anti-d's, mine was purely biological it was never going to improve , but you have a reason and its possible to stop the rot now.
Acknowlege the problem, seek counsilling and be totally honest with them and yourself about what is happening to you.Talking about depression is the single best medicine.











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joesoap1976

I feel for you. I really do. The feelings you are having are not unique to you so you are not alone in this sense. Lost love very difficult. I am going through this myself at the moment. However, countless numbers of people are in the same situation are you and I. Trust me its been a few weeks and i already feel a little better. Please believe me it gets easier with time. Contact me anytime for support or if you need it speak to your doctor who can recommend someone to help you through this.

Unregguy1

Unregguy1 wrote:

As for the "talk to a doc" advice, its not something i'm going to do. Family history and other stuff, i never want to be the guy who has to "take his pills" just so he can go to bed and wake up the next morning without trying to cut his wrists or jump off a bridge.

I would rather die then be on anti-depressants or whatever, i've seen what they do to people. I don't care what anyone says, people on them are not the same people they were before they went on them and they never are again.

...

I'm going to go make friends with a nice bottle of Jameson and smoke a few hundred cigarettes so i'll be back tomorrow.

Listen, if you won't take pills you sure as hell shouldn't be taking alcohol. It's a depressant. Makes you feel numb at first, but you'll end up worse.

I completely understand the family history and aversion to pills, but talking to a doc can start off with just counselling. I know how hard it is to bite the bullet and just go and do this simple-seeming thing, but you need to do this.
It might help you regain some perspective on things. You might not think you need to, but still.
Please go talk to a counsellor. And don't drink again for a while.

LegacyUser

'As much as suicide may seem a consoling thought you should consider that you will not end your pain, you will just hand it down to someone else, so should you decide to top yourself perhaps you could minimise the selfishness by

1. Not making a mess for others to clean up

2. Not doing something during rushhour when people are trying to get to work to make money to support their families or urgently trying to get to the hospital or doctors appointment

3. Leaving enough money for your family to cover funeral expenses, keeping in mind that cremation is initially more expensive but grave maintenance can cost more over time.

4. If your family is catholic, choosing a method which will not deface you so they can have an open coffin funeral.

5. Leaving a note apologising for how selfish you are and iterating that this is not your family's fault, although they wont believe you and will have to spend years in therapy'

StormWarrior

You really need to go to your doctor asap. If you are dreaming of suicide and your doc prescribes anti depressants, take them! Why keep torturing yourself like this? Anti depressants nowadays are much better than the old ones and won't turn you into a zombie at all.

On top of that, studies have shown that depression can be caused by a lack of essential fatty acids in the brain. Taking a good quality, high dose of fish oil supplements every day can help relieve symptoms of depression. Not cod liver oil though, as that is something different. Visit your doc immediately, but maybe start taking fish oil as well.

LegacyUser

talk to someone about it, seriously its so much easier in the long run to confront your problems than to drink them away. i've been in the exact same place as you (and attempted suicide once: stupidest thing ive ever done) but now im happier than ive ever been and i got here by talking, without antidepressants(same as u i didnt want to be "that guy") but no one is going to make u take them unless you really want to.

Saintly

ahem wrote:

'As much as suicide may seem a consoling thought you should consider that you will not end your pain, you will just hand it down to someone else, so should you decide to top yourself perhaps you could minimise the selfishness by

1. Not making a mess for others to clean up

2. Not doing something during rushhour when people are trying to get to work to make money to support their families or urgently trying to get to the hospital or doctors appointment

3. Leaving enough money for your family to cover funeral expenses, keeping in mind that cremation is initially more expensive but grave maintenance can cost more over time.

4. If your family is catholic, choosing a method which will not deface you so they can have an open coffin funeral.

5. Leaving a note apologising for how selfish you are and iterating that this is not your family's fault, although they wont believe you and will have to spend years in therapy'

This post is a fine example of how some people remain completely oblivious and ignorant about the issue of suicide. There is a huge body of research on suicide, explaining how and why it happens. For the vast majority of people who attempt suicide, the primary goal is not to end their lives, but to end the constant pain they are experiencing. There is also a huge body of research on suicide and self harm prevention - I suggest you read it, if you want to contribute meaningfully to a thread like this, rather than throwing out your 1950's pearls of wisdom.

OP - feeling suicidal does not mean that you are suffering from clinical depression nor does it mean that you require medication. From your posts, it appears that you are stuck on a roundabout of pain and regret. Give yourself a chance, talk to a counsellor who can help you manage those feelings and memories in different ways. Should you actively feel suicidal, present at your local emergency department or seek the ASIST person in your local health board - these are people who have trained to work with someone who feel they are at high risk of suicide. You have nothing to lose - you might even feel a little better.

Good luck

Saintly.