Dont like my new life

LegacyUser

I've recently moved to Manchester for a job and left my girlfriend, friends and family behind.

Im only here 4 weeks and was home for the weekend but an back over now.

My problem is I dont think I like it that much over here, I dont like the job, the house im living in, the people in the house and I really miss my girlfriend. I also find myself completly bored out of my tree most of the time.Its not really what I expected and although its a good job and im earning plenty of money, i just dont like the job.

i know i have to give it more time but i really dont like it. I also feel that everyon e will see me as a failure if I move back home. I wont get as good a job back home either (and thats the reason i came over).

can anyone offer some advice to help me?

LegacyUser

'I would suggest giving it a few more weeks and see how it works out. If you still aren't enjoying it leave and do something else.

At the moment it seems like you've chosen money over happiness and we all know the saying. When you say you can't get as good a job back home, I assume you mean you'll be paid less? A "good" job is one that you look forward to when you wake up in the morning. Obviously money is important but it's only one of many things to consider when taking a job.

If people see you as failure for returning (although I doubt they will) ignore them. You tried something new, it didn't work out. So what?

The real failure would have been not trying at all.

Hope it all works out.'

jellie

4 weeks isnt really THAT long to get used to such a big change. I would give it another month at least, and if youre really miserable then maybe you should go home. money isnt worth unhappiness!

BoozyBabe

Did you post here a while back asking the question if you should move to the UK for your dream job & leave the gf behind cos she didn't want to go?

If so, I'm really sorry you're feeling that way, but please give it a bit more time, & if you still feel the same then, then at least you can say you gave it your all & you'll go home KNOWING it wasn't for you.

Money & status aren't everything & you won't be seen as a failure if you realise that happiness & loved ones are more important.

But do give it the chance.

BTW, I think it was a really brave move. I've fretted for months now over a WEEKEND language course that I want to attend. Why? Because I won't know anyone, I'm quite shy & I'm crap at the language. (I've just booked it though, cos I know if I don't put myself out there, I'll always wonder what if)

Atleast if you give it a litle more time, either way, you'll know the answer to the 'What if' question.

Good luck either way.

Senator

"You would not rightly call the man who has many possessions happy; he more rightly deserves to be called happy who knows how to use the gifts of the gods wisely, and can endure the hardship of poverty, and who fears dishonour more than death." - Horace, 'Odes' (65-8 BC)

Blinder

Invite friends or family ( or gf, if she's still a gf. can't figure out if she's an ex now from posts) for a weekend.
It will give you something to look forward to, and it will also make you have a look around you to see what is in the neighbourhodd and the city. You might be surprised.
4 weeks isn't really that long. This was obviously something that you wanted becuase you considered your ptions before you went. So now that you are there, give it a chance.

What are you doing differently now than what you were were doing at home in your free time?

chump

give it another month. Do your very best to make the most out of that month - in terms of asking people over, going out, being friendly (even if it is a struggle), and try to get to know more people in work.

At least if you make a solid effort for the month, and nothing comes of it - you'll be able to come home knowing you made a go of it...

good luck

CALI

Yeah I moved from Dublin to Cork six months ago and am still trying to settle in. It's probably even harder for you when you are in a different country and don't have a network of friends but even if you had that it would take time. People told me it would take 6-12 months and I didn't believe them but I do now! I suppose try and socialise with work people and maybe see if you can last another couple of months...

Faith

OP, when I moved to Scotland for Uni, I met another girl on the first day and we both hated it here so, so much. Nothing was going right for us, both of us had left boyfriends at home, we had loads of trouble with accommodation and flatmates, we missed our friends and family, everything. I had a countdown going on my phone until I could next go home. I didn't make friends very quickly and for the best part of the first semester, I seriously considered dropping out and going home. But, at some point, things changed. I started to really settle in and enjoy myself, as did the other girl. It took time, but we got used to it. Now I'm happy in Edinburgh, and the other girl can never imagine living somewhere else.

Give it more time. The first few months are always going to be hard, especially with no-one with you.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the relpies.

Ye i know its still early days over here but every week it just to be getting worse.

I love having fun and going out etc and i havent been out once since i came over here.I havent done one fun ting at all. I asked some people at work but there all a bit older and nobody was really intrested.

The people in the house see pubs/clubs a waste of money and crap. I suggested bowling/cinema and they werent intrested, so they went to bed at about 10 last night and i sat in and watched some crap on tv. meanwhile all my mates back home went out and had a great night out.
I asked one of the lads in the house to go to watch a premiership match somewhere cos he likes footie, but he cudnt be arsed.

SO now were just spenfin the weekend watching **** on tv like every night of the week and weekend.

My job is actually getting to the stage were i dread getting up in the morning to go in and spend every minute looking at my watch waiting for the day to be over.

Miss my girlfriend and mates loads to. Im going to give it till the start of June by which if it doesnt get better im outta here, that will be 2 months.I'll then go home and enjoy and appreciate what i had at home a lot more and find myself a job that i dont dread going into everyday.

Any other advice would be welcomed!'

gary the great

Im in a very simialr situation. Im not packing it in yet though, im gonna give it plently of time and then make a decsion on it. Im hoping i'll learn to like it over here even though i have yet to find one single english person who i would consider really sound and a good laugh, i think i just dont like english people! over here a month by the way.

biko

Welcome to adulthood.

JPA

Someone suggested it but get your girlfriend or friends or even your parents to come over for the weekend. Spread them out so you have something to look forward to.
They'll get you out of the house and out doing things. It'll make living there less of a chore.

dudara

You need to find activities in order to widen your social circle and make the best of your new location.

Give the place more time, but in that time, make an effort. If after that, you still aren't happy, then you can walk away confident that you gave it your best shot.

r3nu4l

I'm in England almost 3 years now and at first I really, really disliked it. I'm getting used to it now and luckily for me I moved here with my girlfriend so I was never really that lonely.

You should definitely give it more time. Also, once you have your NI number, bank accounts etc sorted out then if you don't like the job you can easily move to another job, anywhere in the UK

I'm very lucky because my gf works on a campus with thousands of people from all over the world so I have a very international range of friends. I do have one or two English friends here and one of those is a very good friend but most of my friends are French, Austrian, Swiss and Greek.

Give it time and if you want to PM me or post on boards.org.uk about this then do...you'll find a load of us over there

Saintly

Try and hang in there - give yourself a six month time frame. I lived in Manchester for a year - there are buckets of things to do and tonnes of Irish social clubs if you are missing the scene from home - just google and find one in your area.

What did you imagine your life would be like within four weeks in a new city? It takes time to build up a social network. Maybe you need to try a new houseshare, join a club etc. If you pull the plug too early, you might be reluctant to ever try something on your own in the future...

Saintly.

LegacyUser

'Don’t know what I expected, expected to get along with the English people a bit more though to be honest. Cant seem to make friends with them for some reason, although I never had a problem making friends with Irish peope!I also expected my job to be a lot better to, that’s been a massive disappointment. That’s what I moved over for but I’ve relaised I don’t like the work at all and want to do something completely different.

Didn’t expect the people I live with to be so boring and unfun to.

As for the suggestions about people coming over etc that’s what I do it’s the only thing keeping me san'