relationship probs

seka

new to this, need advice.
situ is that relationship of 3 yrs has hit a snag, feel like an afterthought for him and a part time gf even tho living together for 2 yrs. i know he loves me and wants to be with me but there is something standing in the way and we can't communicate. he says prob lies with him and doesn't know what it is, my feeling is that we should both talk together to make things better for both but he is type who prefers to let things lie and see if they sort themselves out, obvious contradiction there. feel like it's me putting in all the work and effort and really had enough of it. will develop rest with responses

Carrigart Exile

seka wrote:

new to this, need advice.
situ is that relationship of 3 yrs has hit a snag, feel like an afterthought for him and a part time gf even tho living together for 2 yrs. i know he loves me and wants to be with me but there is something standing in the way and we can't communicate. he says prob lies with him and doesn't know what it is, my feeling is that we should both talk together to make things better for both but he is type who prefers to let things lie and see if they sort themselves out, obvious contradiction there. feel like it's me putting in all the work and effort and really had enough of it. will develop rest with responses

Its Mars and Venus. Men are too laid back and women too proactive. If you know he loves you and wants to be with you then what is he holding back?

seka

i think he's holding back based on fact he's terrified, he's a lot older than me and this is the most serious relationship he's ever been in. Also I think this stems back 2 yrs, was having probs with the folks round the time he got keys for his first ever home and basically I landed at his doorstep. He said he never really got to enjoy his apt by himself although he misses me when I'm not there, it feels like he wants his cake and eat at same time. He's not had to 'want' me as i was always there. I've moved out now and we're barely speaking though he doesn't seem to want to call a day to it at all.

Carrigart Exile

seka wrote:

i think he's holding back based on fact he's terrified, he's a lot older than me and this is the most serious relationship he's ever been in. Also I think this stems back 2 yrs, was having probs with the folks round the time he got keys for his first ever home and basically I landed at his doorstep. He said he never really got to enjoy his apt by himself although he misses me when I'm not there, it feels like he wants his cake and eat at same time. He's not had to 'want' me as i was always there. I've moved out now and we're barely speaking though he doesn't seem to want to call a day to it at all.

Okay sweeping generalisation time and I do apologise up front, but if he is in the his 30s and this is his first serious relationship you may find he is too set in his ways and just wants his own company with you wanted on a 'as and when' basis. Move on with your own life and maybe not contact him and see if he contacts you. Don't jump when he asks and if I were you I would genuinely consider myself single and available for a man who would love and appreciate me.

metrovelvet

Stop making excuses for him. It's not working. Fix it or move on.

Miss Fluff

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Okay sweeping generalisation time and I do apologise up front, but if he is in the his 30s and this is his first serious relationship you may find he is too set in his ways and just wants his own company with you wanted on a 'as and when' basis. Move on with your own life and maybe not contact him and see if he contacts you. Don't jump when he asks and if I were you I would genuinely consider myself single and available for a man who would love and appreciate me.

Sound advice CE.

Get on with your life girl, and if he wants you let him fight for you. Of course he's phoning you, he's testing the water as a single man now and has to have a contingency plan, i.e. you.

SarahSassy

If he let it go as far as letting you move out after 2 years living together it doesnt look good. He may come round and may miss you but surely he would have made you stay if he truly loved you? Who suggested you move out and what did he say when you were leaving???

Resist the urge to contact him and he either will or he wont be in touch. If he does want you back he will come to you... Try to get on with your life. Good luck.

seka

all sound advice, plenty of people pretty much saying same thing on and off boards. still haven't heard anything but with this guy that actually is a good thing. tho not hanging around waiting, doing my own thing but to be brutally honest don't want the hassle of another bloke on the scene, too much energy needed for that!! Basically with this guy like most others if he doesn't want to be with you he won't and isn't afraid to let you know, so cos i haven't heard anything i'm taking that as a good sign at this stage. bottom line if he wants to be with me he will or not!

little miss

Seems like you're handling it right to me! Hope it all works out the best way for you.