how much is too much

LegacyUser

I am looking for some advice here. I am having an issue with the amount of football on tv my boyfriend watches. We dont live together and due to our working hours conflicting we only see each other at the weekend. Anyway even if I could see him during the week, I wouldnt be able to most nights as he watches all the football during the week and then when they are over he switches over to cable sports and watches that. At weekends now he's spending all saturday and sundays afternoons watching sports (and bank holiday mondays too). I am feeling left out here. I've tried watching it with him, but I fins it completely boring and he ignores me anyway and focuses on the tv. I've tried to suggest going away for the weekend, going for a drive, going somewhere other than the small town where we live, just to get out for the day, but he says he wants to sit at home and watch football. He doesnt support any team, he just likes to lie across the couch and watch tv. Hes put on about a stone in weight since the beginning of the premiership this year. So I am questioning, am I being irrational to think that watching between 7-10 matches a week (not including racing, cricket, GAA, winter sports etc - whatever happens to be on the sports channels)?

dudara

It is not unreasonable to want to do things other than watching sport. He is either unaware of what you want, or he is being selfish. Neither situation is good.

A clear discussion is overdue. In it, you can agree together on reasonable amounts of sport. But you need to make him aware of the need to do other things together as a couple.

Remember that the Premiership and Champions League will be over soon, so unless he starts watching other sports, you'll be able to see more of him soon.

seka

there's no incentive for him to change at the moment, he needs to do it himself not from telling him just what you want. he'll start copping on if he thinks you are enjoying things without him while he's sat watching the box. has he always been like this even before u met? there's more rats in the sewer????

Carrigart Exile

There are usually about 6 hours of soaps a day on TV, do you watch any of these? Maybe boyfriend is using that as his excuse to watch sport?

LegacyUser

I hate soaps and dont watch them at all. In fact I rarely watch tv. This started at the world cup last year. I honestly didnt care about him watching it as I know guys love it. He watched every single match that was on outside of his 8 hours at work. I understood that he enjoyed it, and left him alone for the period of the tournament. When the premier league started he continued watching all the matches both weekdays and weekends, and once he got cable installed this branched out to other sports. I cant meet with him this evening either as he wants to watch horse racing. Before someone suggests he's cheating and all that, I know he isnt. I've sat there beside him on the couch as he watches all this ridiculous sports.

dudara

This actually sounds more serious than in your earlier post. Do you think that he might have other issues in his life that would make him retreat into telly like this?

LegacyUser

His previous job meant he couldnt watch football matches during the week, but since he changed jobs he says he's now really keen on watching sports, seeing as he missed out on it for a few years. Its understandable that he's want to watch a few matches now and then, but I'm finding this a bit OTT. It doesnt help that his new flatmate (who moved in when the premiership started), is the exact same. He watches ALL and I mean ALL the football matches including spanish and Italian leagues.

dudara

My bf is a soccer nut. He could probably recite the starting 11 for every premiership match. But he doesn't watch every match and even if he wanted to, I wouldn't let him.

For someone to retreat so much into telly isn't a good sign. It's antisocial, and makes me wonder what he's hiding from. On the other hand, it could be that he's bone idle.

You mentioned that you've spoken about it. Have you asked him to leave the telly behind for some while and to go out with you? Does he ever come with you?

LegacyUser

He does go places with me. Yesterday we went into town but only when whatever football match was on, ended. We are going away for the weekend next month. We won a free weekend in a Dublin hotel, but if I hadnt won it, I doubt we'd be going away any weekend.

I have said it to him, and he just said that he loves to watch sport. I dont want to nag so I leave him alone. He's not too antisocial. He plays cards with his mates 1 night a wk (after the football ends of course), visits his mam and dad another (for his dinner on a sunday night) and plays football with workmates on friday and saturday nights. I'm just at a loss as to why football takes precedence over doing everything else.

ntlbell

I usually watch probably an unhealthy amount of football a week.

The key here is a bit of the aul give and take.

An example if there's a match on early saturday 12 o clock kick off say.

I make herself breakfast in bed and have all the house work done so she can lie in, if then there's another match on in the afternoon i'll watch it then take her for dinner after it then pub/club etc

if he's watching a lot of football and doing other things with you i don't see it as an issue, if he ignores your needs and just watches football/sports there's problems.

Carrigart Exile

tvwidow wrote:

I hate soaps and dont watch them at all. In fact I rarely watch tv. This started at the world cup last year. I honestly didnt care about him watching it as I know guys love it. He watched every single match that was on outside of his 8 hours at work. I understood that he enjoyed it, and left him alone for the period of the tournament. When the premier league started he continued watching all the matches both weekdays and weekends, and once he got cable installed this branched out to other sports. I cant meet with him this evening either as he wants to watch horse racing. Before someone suggests he's cheating and all that, I know he isnt. I've sat there beside him on the couch as he watches all this ridiculous sports.

Sorry TV that is way too much. He sounds almost depressed, get him to join the gym with you.

Peyton Manning

Keep in mind that he's probably followed football all his life so it means a lot to him. Add in the fact that the season is at its most crucial stage and will all be over in 2 weeks (unless he's a liverpool fan - queue endless years of him reminding you about the past).

Its not fair of you to walk into his life and demand that he change his past times to accomodate you. Im sure there are things you do that he doesnt like, yet still tolerates just for the sake of keeping you happy.

LegacyUser

He followed Chelsea as a kid, but hasnt supported a team since he was 12. I did not walk into his life and demand change. I'm with him 3 years, and its only since this years premier league started, that he's spending an ungodly amount of time in front of the tv - losing interest in doing anything other than watching sports. As I mentioned, we're going away in a few weeks time, for 2 nights, and I suggested another midweek break in July or August for him because he wont go on holidays (thats another story) but he says he wants to spend his work holidays "lying around the house" - his exact words. I feel that his tv obsession is a bit excessive. I know the season is as good as over with Man U having won it, but I dont want to go through this every football season.

@ntlbell, at least you make an effort to do something nice for your girlfriend and you 2 live together. We dont live together and my weekends are all I have with him, but now it seems that time for me only outside of football matches.

Blinder

tvwidow wrote:

He's not too antisocial. He plays cards with his mates 1 night a wk (after the football ends of course), visits his mam and dad another (for his dinner on a sunday night) and plays football with workmates on friday and saturday nights. I'm just at a loss as to why football takes precedence over doing everything else.

When does he make time for you?
Relationships need to be worked on. THey need time so that you can spend time together. Does he really want to be in a relationship at all if he is not making any time for you?

And more importantly , do you want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't appreciate you, that doesn't show you that they want to be with you? You deserve better.

Talliesin

I wouldn't say there was a "too much" level to any activity, but rather there could be too little time with you. It clearly seems as if there is.

More importantly, it seems like he doesn't want to do anything - even his sports-watching is lacking in enthusiasm.

He seems to be a bit of a coward really - sitting on the couch is zero risk; he can't really "fail" at it. It sounds like seeking easy comfort to a degree that is pathological.

If it was me, I'd see if there was anything I could do to get him to do anything even if it wasn't with me. If that failed I'd cut my losses.

/edit: missed the posts about the other social activities. You need a clear signal from him about where you rank in his feelings compared to football matches which don't even involve teams he doesn't support. Make that clear to him, and then give him about a week's grace before dumping him.

Pherekydes

Talliesin wrote:

I wouldn't say there was a "too much" level to any activity...

I disagree. Moderation in everything. (Old fashioned, I know)

Talliesin wrote:

You need a clear signal from him about where you rank in his feelings compared to football matches which don't even involve teams he doesn't support. Make that clear to him, and then give him about a week's grace before dumping him.

Agreed, here. But maybe not to dump him overtly. Maybe a cooling off period where you do your own thing and let him do what he wants to. See what happens when you're not chasing around after him.

To be honest, it sounds like there is no relationship on his side, but he hasn't realised what he is doing/not doing.

The Corinthian

Tell him that you need time with him that does not involve TV or sport. Simple as that. Either he will make that time or promise it in the near future or he won't. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

Alternatively next time you guys spend time together you can give him a clear choice; if he prefers to spend time with the TV he can shag that if he likes. Quid pro quo.

0ubliette

To be perfectly honest, if i were you, id dump him now. Hes obviously not too interested. I did the same with an ex of mine tbh...was pretty bored of her and didnt really want the sex anymore so id just be liek 'yeah i cant come over im really into this movie/game/show etc etc'. Hes got issues, and sounds like hes just not interested, just move on and find someone who'll treat you like you deserve. If footballs more important to himt han you, hes obviously not the one for ya. I wouldnt ever turn down an activity, sex or otherwise, with my current gf so i could watch bloody tv

Marksie

tvwidow wrote:

We dont live together and my weekends are all I have with him, but now it seems that time for me only outside of football matches.

The above lines are precisely what the issue is. What both he and you do when you aren't together is up to you. However, when you are together its a different issue.

The answer is what are you going to do... if he doesn't respond to your suggestions.Tell him the above, how you feel and what is the likely outcome. If he wants to sit in front of the telly, he can do it alone, you go and live your life

digitally-yours

The Corinthian wrote:

Tell him that you need time with him that does not involve TV or sport. Simple as that. Either he will make that time or promise it in the near future or he won't. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

Alternatively next time you guys spend time together you can give him a clear choice; if he prefers to spend time with the TV he can shag that if he likes. Quid pro quo.

I second that

cowzerp

if i was you i'd give him some space to watch more sports, boxing is good too,
then you'll have a happy boyfriend-stop nagging him or you will be dumped.