Break up thread

firgrove

Hi all


I was hoping for some advice. I have been going out with my partner for 3 years and all I can say is we had a ball of a relationship. Everything from start to finish was brilliant. We recently went on our 1st long holiday and everything went smoothly. In 3 years we never ran out of anything to say. I can honestly say he was my lover and best friend. 3 weeks ago he dropped a bomb shell that I was just not expecting. He said everything was going great in the relationship, he loved me and every minute of it but he had never really been single. We are gay and it was both our 1st real relationship. He wants to try being single and see what its like. We met about a week later and I suppose he was honest and we agreed to a trial 3 month period. I have gone from being so happy to hell and back and this 3 month period is killing me as if I need to move on it is hard to do when I have this deadline. But I really want to give this 3 months my best. Friends have reckoned he is suffering from commitment phobia, but how can I move on if I cant speak to him. I have been strong and we haven’t texted even when drunk and I am proud of that

Can you offer any advice

biko

When are the 3 months up?
You want advice on what to do until they are up?
Why do you want to move on rather than wait for the break to be over?

Marksie

How long has it been OP?

Are you just sitting out the time waiting or filling the time doing things?

There is a saying, expect the best but prepare for the worst. It would be unfair to yourself to put your life on hold while he experiments with the single life.

It does seem that you are in a bit of a limbo, and may very well be waiting for someone to come back to you who may have no intention of doing so.
So the saying above holds true. i am not sure if enjoying the single life is your scene, but certainly enjoy life if you can.

firgrove

Hey 3 months is up in Mid July, so still starting really.

I know I have to go ahead and keep busy for that period and go and do stuff as I cant be in limbo and I am making myself do things.

Suppose am wondering is it best to just cut this relationship (although it would kill me) or give him this time

Wibbs

firgrove wrote:

Hi allI have been strong and we haven’t texted even when drunk and I am proud of that

You should be.

It's possible he just needs this party phase, but I think that you need to think of this relationship as over. Bear with me. As I said in another thread, your old relationship was over the second he walked up and said he wanted to see other people, regardless of reasons. You may start a new relationship with him in the future, but for now it's over. If a woman I loved pulled that line with me the door would hit her arse so fast her head would spin. Regardless of how much I may love another, I love and more importantly respect myself more.

Now you need to be with you for a while, maybe have a bit of fun yourself(don't rebound if you can help it though, easy trap to fall into).

Don't think about the 3 months thing. Be single and see where that takes you. If he comes back and you decide you actually want him back(you may not) make sure it's on your terms as you are the injured party here. He's in the driving seat if you don't. Time to take the wheel back.

Good luck with it.

Drummerboy2

I reckon you should make a fresh start, however difficult this may be. Even if you were to get back with your partner, the liklihood is that he would be tempted to “be single” again, in the knowledge that you are so in love with him, you wouldbe prepared to take him back again. Put your self first and find someone new.

Wibbs

firgrove wrote:

Suppose am wondering is it best to just cut this relationship (although it would kill me) or give him this time

Possibly, but be sure of one thing, it will not kill you. You do not need anyone but yourself. Wanting someone and them wanting you the way you want to be treated, is nice. Very nice indeed, but you don't need it, especially if it causes you hurt.

firgrove

Hi I know you are correct I need to take the driving seat although I have no desire to play the single game I will try it (Probably unsuccessfully ). I cant ever let that happen again and if we do get back together it would be a new relationship as I would never put myself in that situation again where I could be hurt so badly. I never thought he would hurt me.
My plan is to try and get on with things for the next few months without making any drastic changes (moving etc) and to see how I feel then. Its just you know just when you think you are happy life has a habit of pulling that rug from under you.
But I think the relationship we had it is worth that break, it is just hard to allow that.

LegacyUser

About this 3 month 'break' thing... (this is only my opinion, as I've never gone out with someone that long etc...)... when I went out with a guy before he said he needed to take a 'break' to think things over. So me, trying to be considerate, agreed. Some of my close friends were saying a 'break' is usually the prelude to a break up. I was saying 'no way' etc... + we got back together etc.. only to break up a month later. I felt so used and stupid for taking him back. I wish I put my foot down and told him where to go. In future, if someone wants a 'break', I'm going to just break up with them+ if they want me back badly enough, by going well out of their way to proove it.

The other person still 'has you', so to speak, but are just seeing if they can survive with out you. I think alot of the time, this is true. It's like a trial break up. I hope, for your sake, that your partner sees he can't live without you+ wants you back before the 3 months.
But one thing... after the 3 months, if he still wants you... don't just go 'ok' (like I did, as it made me look like a complete walkover). Make sure he makes it up to you..