How to get over lost love

joesoap1976

Having reluctantly accepted my faith in the last few days I know for sure my ex will not want get back with me. People have been so supportive on the boards. I feel down and really want to get over this ASAP. I just want to be happy again.

Mighty_Mouse

You're gonna feel really crap for a couple of months but just rememeber millions of people around the world finish relationships in lots of worse circumstances. They get over them. Might take a while but you will too.Focus on the long-term when this is just a distant memory.

You need to make your life outside the relationship 10times better than it ever was when your were in one. Get out and about.
Get energised by the new found freedom.

1. Build up your own self-confidence again.
Often this is the thing that takes the biggest hit.ie. If she couldnt love me - maybe Im not good enough etc
Do this by looking great - get fit, buy new fashionable clothes, get a hair cut.etc. Aim to change anything and everything you dont like about yourself.

2. Build up your social circles. Get new friends. Much easier do as a single person.
Get to a position where you have a million options every weekend.
If possible start some extra sporting activities: gym, yoga, tag rugby etc etc whatever. This will get you fit, plus its a way of meeting people.

3. Do all the things you couldnt do in the relationship.
Enjoy your independance. The ability to stand up and walk out the door to go whereever. No 4 hours notice for your spontaneous mid-week boozin - so she can get ready. No home by 12 o'clock cos she wants you to. I dunno whatever gripes you had with her. Enjoy living without them.

Never having to do anything for anybody but yourself can be quite enjoyable.

4. Dont put her up on a pedastale.
She wasnt or isnt the "only one for you". Actually she could be quite annoying sometimes. She wanted things her own way. She wasnt very cool or understanding. She wrecked your head over watching football..............whatever it was. Remember the good & the bad and you'll eventually realise that: Hey, it was good while it lasted but it was a learning experience. I now know what to look for in the next chick I date.

Petey2006

How long's it been since you broke up mate? All I can really go on is a situation I was in similar to you a few years ago. It was very very difficult to get over a relationship I had with a girl that fell apart only because she had to go abroad. So we broke up during the height of our relationship. It took months for me just to snap out of the funk I plunged into. And then I began to heal. You will get over it. It's not going to be this painful forever, though I know you feel like it'll never get better. Believe me, it does. Persevere, mate. You'll be all right.

joesoap1976

Yes i know this is all true. I have been through this once before. All in its own good time. Its just very hard to take at the moment. I am sure we could have worked things out. 100% sure of this but its not to be. I keep posting out of desperation more than anything. The boards are a terrific medium which really helps in the heeling process. I know in a few months i will be ok. It happened before it will happen again. I am just not ready to let her go yet. I seem to be reluctant to do that. I dont want to NOT love her anymore.

Beetlebum

I understand that feeling of not wanting to let go yet but it's the only way to move on. I broke up with my ex back in June and it's only now, almost a year on, that I'm finally ready to let that last shred of hope go. it hurts so badly at first but the sting eases off given time. Take Mightymouses advice on board. He's said it all really. Chip up lad, you'll be fine.

Petey2006

Letting go is a huge step towards healing fully. It's also the hardest step. But once you do that, you'll find a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. But I'm sure you know all this all ready. I wish you the best of luck with it.

Wibbs

joesoap1976 wrote:

Having reluctantly accepted my faith in the last few days

Good start. Now try to see this as a good thing, not something to entered into reluctantly.

I know for sure my ex will not want get back with me.

Nor should you want to get back with her. Your old relationship is dead. It's over. You have hurt each other, so why pine after something that hurt you, regardless of "blame". Blame is for children. Growth in the face of mistakes is for adults.

You need to look to the future and getting yourself together. When that time comes you will start a new relationship. It may even be with the ex, but only when you are over the now dead relationship. You never know, but you will need to start a new relationship with yourself first.

People have been so supportive on the boards.

People are supportive full stop. If you look for support the right way.

I feel down and really want to get over this ASAP.

The latter will inform the former

I just want to be happy again.

There is no quick fix here. You will have to grieve. It's how you choose to grieve that marks out the men from the boys. Grow a pair, get out and about, get back in contact with your mates, get fit, learn something new. Even a bit of travel if you can do it, as so long as you're not trying to get away from yourself it's a good thing. Do all the things you couldn't do when you were in a couple.

I agree with others when they write not to put your ex on a pedestal. Everyone has both their faults and their good points. I'm sure your ex has been rejected by others in the past, no matter how great you think she was. Next time you see a gorgeous wonderful woman that you think is unattainable, just remember that at sometime in her past or even her present someone has gotten bored of seeing her, making love to her, listening to her etc.

The only one you should put on a pedestal is yourself. You have to earn that self confidence, but it's doable.

LegacyUser

'hi joe. I'm going through a similar situation at the moment after being dumped by the guy i thought i was going to marry... on my birthday! That stung! I have some thoughts you might find useful

like everyone else said making the decision to let go is the most important one. It doesn't mean you actually will let go (that takes longer than a few weeks) but everytime she pops into your head just get up and do something..anything... just don't yourself spend more than 30 seconds thinking about her. Push her out of your mind once you've had the initial memory. She'll be in your head for a while but don't let her take up permanent residence and drive you to distraction.

My second piece of advice is don't try and control the situation. I don't know if you're calling/texting/writing love letters. Whatever you do don't engage in "if i do this then maybe she'll do that" behaviour. You're only playing games with yourself. If you do decide you want to call/text/arrive on her doorstep just do it and don't worry about the consequences - as long as you can handle them! (e.g. don't send a text unless you're prepared to deal with a stony silence).

And finally.. be bigger than the event. Break-ups are always crap, you just have to work through it and (heres the hallmark card bit) hope that you come out of it a better person. I already know that when i come out of the other end of my tunnel i won't be the same person... i'm still not sure if i'll be better or worse but hey i'm in the tunnel now so its wait and see time!

Sorry i know this is long. Good luck with moving on. I'll keep my fingers crossed for both of us.'

joesoap1976

Hey thanks for that. I am starting to feel much better now. I am getting through the tunnell quicker than i expected. I can only put this down to prior experience in dealing with the situation. I know there is no turning back. She will not go out with me again so I have accepted that and moved on. I refuse to allow these feelings to consume me like it did previously. Thats my motivation.

Tar.Aldarion

Good luck, it's not a nice place to be in, but you will be fine.