Boyfriend gone off sex

LegacyUser

I know theres other threads similar to this recently but I need some advice, my boyfriend (of two years) no longer feels interested or wants sex, I have spoken to him about it and he insists that he still finds me attractive etc but that he 'just doesn't feel like it', he tries he really does but its so hard knowning he is only doing it too please me.

I love him so much and fancy him so much so it hurts knowing he is feeling the way he is, he said he doesn't know why he's feeling like that just that its nothing to do with me. Immediately after speaking to him about it I feel reassured until the next time I feel 'up for it' and he doesn't, I know its not his fault, you can't help the way you feel, BUT I miss feeling close to him, sometimes he talks frankly about the issue but then other times (understandably) he shuts me out. I am trying my best to understand, I am hoping its just a phase he is going through but I am very worried. I feel so attracted to him, much more then with previous boyfriends so its difficult to suppress these feelings.

It is all I can think about and I don't know what more I can do about it.

axer

How often are ye having sex at the moment? How often do you want it?

Kell

axer wrote:

How often are ye having sex at the moment? How often do you want it?

And how long have things been a bit off?

In my mind, two years is still the honeymoon period and for me, even after going out with people longer than some that arent getting any, the idea of not having sex many times a week is just an obscure one to me.

The only time I wasnt up for it was when I was trying to figure out whether to dump my fiancée or not.

Hmmn. Wonder if thats the reason some peoples partners arent up for it too?

K-

randomname2005

Is there any serious 'stuff' going on in his/your lives? A long time before I broke up with my ex I was experiencing similar issues as your bf but it wasnt down to either of us, I was just under a lot of stress and when those things calmed down, libido started to rise - maybe something similar is happening with your bf?

When you say he doesnt want sex, what are the other aspects of the relationship like. Outside of this issue where you say he shuts you out, does he still talk about everything he normally would. Outside of sex, do you still kiss, cuddle etc or is all intimacy gone?
R

um7y1h83ge06nx

Might be nothing really.

I went through a patch where I didn't feel like it either (very unusual for me!). I ended up putting it down to work related stress. Soon as things eased off at work I was back to normal again.

Mike...

He might have gone off you......You might be c**p in the sack

ferdi

*mono* wrote:

He might have gone off you......You might be c**p in the sack

:rolleyes: doubtful

they are together 2 years, its unlikely she suddenly became crap in the sack over night.

i dont know what to tell you OP.

Beruthiel

*mono* wrote:

He might have gone off you......You might be c**p in the sack

You might be getting a ban from this forum if I see another comment like that one.
Read this forums charter.
B

Mr. Incognito

I'm afraid the only person that can help you on this one is your boyfriend love. Talk to him.

Kattyboy25

Sex is important in a relationship, but not necessarily the most important component of a great relationship. Keep in mind that relationships evolve, for most couples their relationship starts off with copious amounts of sex, but not relationship can really sustain this. In a relationship you get to know one another better and a strong bond forms between both of you, and you have fun doing other activities together and enjoying each others company in non-sexual ways. This can have a massive impact on the sex in a relationship, and if you both have the same sexual habits, i.e. bed->kissing->other stuff->sex->sex end, the sex can become boring after awhile now that you know each other alot better now.

You could try doing a few things to get your bf in the mood, go into Ann Summers and have fun in there using your imagination of what your bf might like.

Okay if it is more serious than this I would recommend couples counseling.

Miss Fluff

How odd. Has he just gone off it all of a sudden? How often used you have sex? How often do you have it these days?

Santa Claus

Just playing devils advocate here but have you noticed any other changes in his behaviour....could he better getting it somewhere else ?

kizzyr

I'd advocate talking to him. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now and there have been a couple of times when either one of us wasn't really in the mood for sex. It upset me a lot the first time this happened but I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he admitted that things at work were really bad and stressful and that the whole situation there was on his mind all of the time and that it was nothing to do with suddenly going off me. It was good to know because it stopped me going nuts wondering what was going on, it made me aware that things were bad for him and so more understanding about him being in a bad mood for example and I encouraged him to get a new and better job. It worked a treat and soon things were back to normal. At other stages when I'm under a lot of stress the situation may come about again but I talk to him about it, and we work through it.
Life intervenes in the worst way sometimes and can wreak havoc on your love life if you let it. I really think that talking about your problems or issues together makes things better.
Good lukc:)

uberwolf

whilst everyone is advocating speaking to your bf, make it on the topics which are stressing him and are resulting in reduced sleep levels.

BigCityBanker

He is most likely getting it elsewhere.

Rb

BigCityBanker wrote:

He is most likely getting it elsewhere.

Agreed.

TBH Op, unless things drastically changed over night (and therefore may change again), I'd consider your relationship getting near the end. He's either getting some on the side as hes no longer attracted to you, and therefore no longer feels the need to have sex with you, or hes totally gone off you but has not yet cheated on you...in which case I'd imagine he'll end things fairly quickly.

That said, it could just be stress, but it'd have to be something unbelievably stressful to put a guy whos attracted to his girlfriend off having sex with her.

Best of luck with it anyway.

Wibbs

BigCityBanker wrote:

He is most likely getting it elsewhere.

With respect, that's nonsense. He could be gone of sex due to stress as others have said. The relationship may be in trouble in other ways, but it doesn't mean he's playing away.

killeoin

Wibbs wrote:

With respect, that's nonsense. He could be gone of sex due to stress as others have said. The relationship may be in trouble in other ways, but it doesn't mean he's playing away.

Agreed...
Many factors could be involved in this. You just really need to talk to him. Without know any facts, maybe he's slightly depressed and that’s the reason? As long as he's still affectionate in other ways, cuddling, kissing, hugging etc...I really can't see a huge problem. Try to gauge it yourself, is it down to a problem in the relationship or is it a problem with him. If it’s with him then maybe you should try to help and sort the problem rather than nagging and making a huge issue out of it?

ollyk1

BigCityBanker wrote:

He is most likely getting it elsewhere.

lol fairly spectacularly unhelpful there! :rolleyes:

IF this is a gradual thing it could be stress related especially if you continue to be close in respect of the other aspects of your relationship. Have you noticed any signs of this?

Try and get away from your usual environment and take a relaxing break together. Throw in a nice message and maybe a bath/shower together. Then take things slowly and see what happens without putting any immediate sex pressure on.....

On the other hand you could listen to BCB.......

Talliesin

There are so many different factors that affect libido as to make it entirely impossible for people to come to opinions as to what is going on (except for the idiots who would suggest he's having sex with someone else no matter what other matters where going on).

The biggest factor is what stressors there are in his life. Any significant indications in that way?

LegacyUser

ask him:


has he started doing drugs/more drugs esp. cannabis

has he started **** more often.