Does she love me anymore?

LegacyUser

Ok going out with my gf 3 and a half years. Basically she shows me affection at all.

We've just moved into a new house and its a lot of work but i've noticed for the last year she never smiles when she sees me (you know those big goofy smiles) Also she'll neve just come and give me a kiss on the cheek or hold my hand its always me doing those things and tbh i am getting might sick of it.

She sees sex as a chore now and because i want it more (2-3-4 times a week) im a sex mad lunatic with only one thing on his mind and being honest even that isnt that great it seems like she just wants to get it over with asap.

She's always narky and if i don't do things her way then its wrong i.e like putting the cap back on the tooth paste i think its fine to leave it off but she'll make a point of saying that she had to put it back on. Also when we do dishes i think its ok to leave them drying for an hour on the washboard but she throws a fit cos she wants them done right away.

She's really getting on my nerves and i find myself most weekends either going out with my friends or making a reason to be somewhere else so i dont have to listen to her.

And all this time she keeps hinting at wanting to get married and its the last thing i want to do!

I've tried to tell her she's moody and a bit cold (in a nice way) but she says i'm the moody one, what the ehll do i do considerign i've just bought a house with her.

Why did you just buy a house if you feel this way?
You need to sit down and discuss this with her properly, not just calling her moody. Don't just blurt it out, sit her down and chat with her seriously and explain how you feel. Tell HER all this.

Miss Fluff

doessheloveme wrote:

what the hell do i do considerign i've just bought a house with her.

Put it on the market.

LegacyUser

Holy crap. That post is so wierd. I am almost in the exact same position as you...
You have just made me realise that i need to get out of there asap before we move in and stuff.
Ladies, A simple 'nice to see you' and a kiss once and a while goes a long way.

Cheers for this post. An eye opener.

biko

You are in this together and both will have to make concessions for it to work.

Why don't you want to get married? Because she is moody now or do you ever want to marry her? She might not see a future with that final commitment.

It can also be the stress of the new turn in the relationship (house).

Somehow you need to find again what brought you together in the first place. Did you try a long weekend away and a bit of walks in the woods, wining and dining, etc...?

If you are away most weekends then that would probably add to the issue as she might feel left behind.

Beruthiel

OP
Have you actually sat down with her and had a serious discussion on this?
She needs to know how you feel as she may not even understand how much this is getting to you.

Marksie

The best thing you can do is communicate with her.

Break down what you have told us into the three sections you have here. Moodiness, lack of affection and differeing sex drives.

One approach is not to say that "you make me feel this way" or "You are moody". Which will trigger the defense mechanisms, but try along the lines of "I hurt or I feel".

I dont see the need to have a fit over toothpaste or dishes..I make sure my dishes are washed straight away, but i do them myself. Its nno big deal and not worth arguing about.

This continued sniping and snapping is getting more common isn't it? Everything you do irritates her and everything she does irritates you.
It then develops from there an gets worse.
Time to break that cycle and get all this out in the open.

Now having said that, we have only heard your side of the story and it is a lot of perception. So be prepared, if this is goint to open out into a full relationship discussion to hear things that you may not like about yourself.

Do NOT lose the head if you hear things you don't like. Note them and ask to be given time to think about them and come back to it later.
The both of you should avoid it falling into a slanging session.

If necessary, stop and reschedule rather than thinking on your feet and getting angry or very upset.

It applies to both of you.

Until you sort this out you should not have got the house together, were you living together before? were you living at home or were both sharing? did you juts go along with the house buying for a quiet life or was it something you wanted?.

It may be that the adjustment period with living with someone is taking longer. Or it may be something more serious, very much more serious.

Under these circumstances getting married is NOT an option.
As for the intimacy side, that does concern me, but leave it to one side for the moment. It may be too much to sort everything out at once. Go back and sort the irritation issues out, then come back and we will work on the intimacy issues

meditraitor

Tough one, but you have to consider that maybe the reason she is "moody" is nothing to do with you, she could have other issues(work, stress, her family etc) and is just bottling them up because she is afraid of loosing you, your post hints that you have been a tad moody yourself. She has said she wants to marry you! Generaly this is a good sign.
Take the initiative and get yourself into a position were she might open up, do something romantic, bring her out for a meal and gradually bring the conversation around to your doubts and fears for the future, dont just barge in with " Im not happy because I think your not happy".
As for the sex thing, woman go through fazes like that, if you think its an afront to yourself you will never survive a long term relationship because IT HAPPENS, and more often than not it goes away.
Talk to her man.

All the best, hope it works out for the two of you.

Kell

doessheloveme wrote:

because i want it more (2-3-4 times a week) im a sex mad lunatic with only one thing on his mind

Did ye have sex that often (?) before you moved in together?

doessheloveme wrote:

She's always narky and if i don't do things her way then its wrong i.e like putting the cap back on the tooth paste

Did she always do that? If not, it could be the nesting thingy that <sweeping generalisation alert> a lot of women do i.e. its MY house and everything in it should be done MY way. My ex was making suggestions as to how to decorate MY house less than two weeks into the relationship. You can imagine how I handled that one.;) but you get my point?

doessheloveme wrote:

She's really getting on my nerves and i find myself most weekends either going out with my friends or making a reason to be somewhere else so i dont have to listen to her.

Quite normal. Have you pointed out that she is grating on yer títs and also why? For ages people used to drive me up the wall. Now I tell them why they drive me up the wall and tell them how it makes me feel i.e. "I asked you not to ask me questions before 10.30. Its because my brain doesnt work before 12.00 and I will only offend you with my answers". They cant argue with that. They can argue with "you drive me fúcking nuts".

You have to get across to her that having an argument over the toothpaste lid is an entirely unconstructive waste of her and your time. Tell her that you love her and that you are not going to compromise that for the sake of some fúcking toothpaste.

Sorry to shít on your cereal, but have you considered if she has asked herself "what the fúck am I doing in this house with him"? She could be in this not knowing why she is. A lot of people wake up in relationships and houses which seemed like a good idea at the time until reality bites.

*Ask her if she is happy and find out if she wants to be in the relationship and the house or if she is finding it all a bit rushed.

You know it makes sense.

K-

*Normally I'd have told him to tell her to fúck right off and go get himself a new bird. Whats wrong with me today?!?!?!

~nop~

Do you love her op? Do you actually want to stay with her?

Maybe it would be good to get away from each other, just for a little while. Go visit your family, go away with your mates, etc

Sounds tough alright man.

SarahSassy

I alluded to an issue with women giving and men taking in another post and almost got my head bitten off....

I am curious - who was the most proactive person in getting you to move in together and buy the house? Who did most of the negotiations with regard getting the mortgage and decorating the house? It seems she resents you and I am curious why.

Mighty_Mouse

what the ehll do i do considerign i've just bought a house with her.

Ah yes, the trend of modern young Irish.
Buy the house first; then think about it.

The Sweeper

doessheloveme wrote:

Ok going out with my gf 3 and a half years. Basically she shows me affection at all.

We've just moved into a new house and its a lot of work but i've noticed for the last year she never smiles when she sees me (you know those big goofy smiles) Also she'll neve just come and give me a kiss on the cheek or hold my hand its always me doing those things and tbh i am getting might sick of it.

She sees sex as a chore now and because i want it more (2-3-4 times a week) im a sex mad lunatic with only one thing on his mind and being honest even that isnt that great it seems like she just wants to get it over with asap.

She's always narky and if i don't do things her way then its wrong i.e like putting the cap back on the tooth paste i think its fine to leave it off but she'll make a point of saying that she had to put it back on. Also when we do dishes i think its ok to leave them drying for an hour on the washboard but she throws a fit cos she wants them done right away.

She's really getting on my nerves and i find myself most weekends either going out with my friends or making a reason to be somewhere else so i dont have to listen to her.

And all this time she keeps hinting at wanting to get married and its the last thing i want to do!

I've tried to tell her she's moody and a bit cold (in a nice way) but she says i'm the moody one, what the ehll do i do considerign i've just bought a house with her.

What your missus is thinking:

"All he ever wants to do is get his hole away with me. He never does anything around the house. I have to ask him to do everything. He won't even put the cap back on the damned toothpaste. And every weekend he's out with his mates. All I want is a little respect. I'm not the bloody maid and he's treating me like one. He can't even finish the bloody dishes end to end! God I wonder if I should have entered into this house with him... If were to be married would things change? Maybe I'll broach it with him and see what he says..."

Pyjamarama

It is just so important ... things hadn't been as perfect as they had been in my relationship recently so we talked it through, it took about 3 attempts to get to the root cause of why things had gone a bit off kilter but eventually we got there - theres often underlying things in relationships that aren't talked about and worked through and if these build up they become a lot more serious and can lead to break ups and houses on the market!

You've bought a house - that's very stressful and has put pressure on both of you. This has been mentioned by other posters but if it is the first time you have lived together then you obviously have to work through some teething issues. And I'm sorry but i totally understand the lid off the toothpaste thing - you put two people together who do things in there own individual way and there has to be some compromise. Sharing a house, a room, a bed can get smothering sometimes and the snipping could just be a symptom of this.

Before you talk to her think about what you want from the relationship. She wants to get married. You have just bought a house together - she's hardly psycho girlfriend for broaching this subject. Do you love her, do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her - i assume you thought about these things before you bought a house - if so remind yourself why you are with her in the first place. We all forget to do this sometimes.

Talk to her about how you are feeling - she probably doesn't know you are feeling like this and she is likely to have her own grievances that you are not seeing at the moment. You probably both feel underappreciated at the moment so talk about it, spend some quality time together and you'll both rediscover why you are in the relationship in the first place.

Good luck and don't give up - these things can be resolved

HelterSkelter

doessheloveme wrote:

She's always narky and if i don't do things her way then its wrong

Sounds like all the women in my life!! It's do it their way, have the same point of view/opinion as them, or else a big argument.

Wibbs

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

What your missus is thinking:

"All he ever wants to do is get his hole away with me. He never does anything around the house. I have to ask him to do everything. He won't even put the cap back on the damned toothpaste. And every weekend he's out with his mates. All I want is a little respect. I'm not the bloody maid and he's treating me like one. He can't even finish the bloody dishes end to end! God I wonder if I should have entered into this house with him... If were to be married would things change? Maybe I'll broach it with him and see what he says..."

Not far wrong I suspect. The thing here as other have said and what you already must realise is that you must talk with her and she with you. If you can't communicate over this it's then I would start to worry about the relationship.

HelterSkelter wrote:

Sounds like all the women in my life!! It's do it their way, have the same point of view/opinion as them, or else a big argument.

Hmm I would say in my experience that a large amount of women are like that(I'm sure many men too). When that happened to me, I decided that it was a lack of communication at play, or one partner not setting boundaries. It could also be simply a lack of compatibility too of course. It can also be down to a lack of respect for the others opinion. I know I was the bad guy in that regard before. Mea culpa as it were. In the end we were too different people who happened to like making the beast with two backs. Not much beyond that and it's no basis fro a long termer. It didn't end too badly and now she's with someone who agrees with her and she with him most of the time. I was the learning experience...:D