Getting Mixed Signals!!

LegacyUser

Hi all,
First time I've posted on this looking for advice, so bear with me.
About 2 weeks ago a new girl started working in my office...She's Estonian, and....yes you've guessed it...She's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen!

After a few days, we got talking...she sits about 6 feet away from me, so that's handy! ANYWAY we got on really well. By the end of that week, we had exchanged messenger ID's (how nerdy!) and phone numbers. We talked about music for ages and ages...and the more this was going on, the more I was liking her.

Then one day at work, she emailed me to ask me would I like to go to lunch with her...WWUHOOOOO!! So accepted the invitation - got on great and decided to go the cinema that evening - We met up later. Nothing more than 2 people sitting beside each other in a cinema watching a flick.

She suggested we go for a drink before she got the last bus home. We talked for an hour about loads of stuff including work stuff, love stuff, previous boyfriends/girlfriends and all that stuff...It turns out that she was engaged for 4 years back home. Ended about 2 years ago. She felt she was hurt and how painful it was after giving everything she had to a guy etc. She is slightly older than me at 27..I'm 25.

Anyway, I walked her to her bus, we hugged and that was that. So off I went home with a huge smile on my face! When I got home I text her to say I really enjoyed hanging out with her and good night etc. she replied...

We talked the next day on messenger and we again were talking about how much fun we had. I thought I'd throw a spanner in the works and tell her that I was going to kiss her, but didn't...i just wanted to see what she would say...She kinda ignored the question and said the film was good or something...Now this girl has excellent spoken English, but her reading/writing isn't as good, so I thought maybe she didn't understand it or something...well thats what I was hoping!!! So I then went back to the original conversation, say that I wanted to kiss her, but wasn't sure how she felt...I'm very conscious about making a girl feel comfortable..I don't want to force myself on anyone who doesn't want me,....I just thought about how much I liked her, and said what the hell!...AANYYWWAAYY (god this is taking longer than i thought!)......so she replied by saying "Keep your door open..mine is also open, just...umm....." - after that she changed conv. again..

Now I'm sorry I'm not a professor of English, but I didn't really understand her....Anyone one have any ideas???
My own thoughts are that she likes me, but is cautious a bit...maybe she's out of a recent relationship that went belly up or something, and it's very understandable if that in fact is the case, but I don't know...

After talking with my housemate...he suggested that I take the pedal off the gas a bit and play it cool...So, out of ideas myself, I took his advise on board.

The next day at work, I didn't email her or anything...i obviously didn't ignore her...just..mannerly i guess.....Within minutes she emailed me to say ask me how my night was or something, so that continued for the day...which led into the weekend - she works 2 jobs, so I didn't see her....i was reluctant to contact her...just cause...eh..i didn't want to plague her!

So here is today (Monday) - emails were very sparse, and we didn't talk much really...and I'm one confused motherf*&ker!!!

So my shout out really is to ask everyone....
Does this girl like me?
Does this girl "like me" like me!!??
Did she like me in the start and then go off me, or is it that she just wants to meet new people in a new country (which is cool of course!)...

Sorry about the ranting....well ur finished now so it doesn't really matter, right!?

Saintly

Unnamedartist wrote:

We talked the next day on messenger and we again were talking about how much fun we had. I thought I'd throw a spanner in the works and tell her that I was going to kiss her, but didn't...i just wanted to see what she would say...She kinda ignored the question and said the film was good or something...Now this girl has excellent spoken English, but her reading/writing isn't as good, so I thought maybe she didn't understand it or something...well thats what I was hoping!!! So I then went back to the original conversation, say that I wanted to kiss her, but wasn't sure how she felt...I'm very conscious about making a girl feel comfortable..I don't want to force myself on anyone who doesn't want me,....I just thought about how much I liked her, and said what the hell!...AANYYWWAAYY (god this is taking longer than i thought!)......so she replied by saying "Keep your door open..mine is also open, just...umm....." - after that she changed conv. again..Now I'm sorry I'm not a professor of English, but I didn't really understand her....Anyone one have any ideas???

You did throw a spanner in the works. Did you send this message in work?! This girl is 27, not 15 - I would imagine that she would appreciate a date or dinner or you at least speaking to her about how you feel rather than sending messages over a computer! From her perspective, it sounds like you guys were hanging out, she was having fun getting to know you and from what she messaged back, she is open to the idea of getting to know you better. She may however expect romance rather than declarations of your intentions to pash her! Chill out, get to know her a little better and then actually ask her out on a date.

Saintly.

Tusky

Moral of the story : Dont tell someone you are going to kiss them by e-mail.

biko

Well if you start off heavily (as you have) and then slow down (as you have) and then want chance your arm again - aren't you the one sending out mixed signals?

If you like this girl you should act like it, not accelerate, brake, accelerate... It was juvenile to suggest snogging by MSN but I guess you felt protected by the computer.
Tell your that you would enjoy doing more things together and suggest dinner. Pursue her a bit.
Don't get her drunk.

Marksie

My first thought on reading this was do you always over analyse so much and read into things, that may be one issue.

She is working 6 feet away from you and you use messenger and email?.. that confused me a little to be honest as i thought that it would be much easier to talk naturally.

My guess is that the door is open comment is saying, take it easy, i like you but just see what develops.

It is possible that she sees you as blowing hot and cold. Also don't forget she does originate from a different culture so just play it easy. I mean by thta not sparse texts trying to be cool. But just be natural.

try going out doing things that don't involve the pub or the cinema. At least suggest them. Hey I am sure she would love to see the sights of dublin/ireland.. so you can take her around and get to kow her that way.

Miss Fluff

Tusky wrote:

Moral of the story : Dont tell someone you are going to kiss them by e-mail.

Exactly!!! What were you thinking? What a strange thing to do :rolleyes:

She obviously likes you but just stop being so heavy, go out for drinks or whatever and kiss her if the mood takes you. Simple as really (and don't tell her your going to kiss her before you actually do :rolleyes: )

BeardyGit

Man, you need to relax. If you're going to kiss a girl, kiss her. If you wanted to, but didn't, kiss her next time. Talking about it like a 12 year old won't get your anywhere with a flippin' 27 year old, will it?

LegacyUser

'I think this will work out for you in the end, if you play along alittle slower. Avoid the questions about kissing etc, just let that sort of stuff happen!

You'll be together and laughing about how silly that question on msn was in no time!'

BaZmO*

You should change the title of the thread to "Giving Mixed Signals!!"

Stop playing games.
Take your time with her as you don't want to mess this one up and have to sit 6 feet away from her day in day out.
And never tell a girl you were gonna kiss her or ask her can you kiss, just go for it and if you get knocked back, no big deal, at least you tried.

yournamehere

Also she *JUST* started working with you....2 weeks is it?Maybe she doesn't want to rush into anything and have an awkward atmosphere in her new job.

Oh and yea the email kiss thing is also a factor I'd guess. Talk to her again, say you think she;s really cool, you like spending time with her etc etc.

Zombrex

Don't ask a girl if you can kiss her. Even if she likes you that is a bit weird and would make her uncomfortable. Something like a kiss should be natural thing, not something you plan.

If you want to find out if she likes you then just ask her out

Kell

OP- you are NOT getting mixed signals. You are getting signals that are consistent with things pro-gressing further should you choose to remove your head from your rear and do something about it.

Your pro-crastinating and questioning the obvious is what makes you THINK you are getting mixed signals.

Give her one. Simple.

K-

honru

Yea, doesn't seem like mixed signals at all. She seems to like you... the fact that she spent time with you is more than enough to go by. The problem is you seeked her approval for something that should have been spontaneous.

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Thank you one and all for your replied and opinions...some of them make total sense...and some of them don't..well...to me anyway..

I do agree though with those of you that were sayin that i need to get a bit of courage and get the finger out and just get to know her better....
i must apologise...i'm not long out of a long term relationship..well..about 2 months, so I admit I'm a bit out of practice..
It's in my nature NEVER to "chase" a girl....if she likes me enough it'll happen..but I think also that this girl is a bit different (plus the fact that she is from another country/culture)

I guess there is a bit of insecurity in me...i have this thought occasionally going round in my head that I will get a text off her of something to me to F*&K OFF and stop annoying her...thats the last thing I want in the world.

So I guess thne moral of the story is to cop the f*$k on and just take it easy..., right!??
As far as the job is concerned, I'll be changing jobs in the next couple of months, so that might make it all the better....or worse....we'll see i guess...

I do however disagree wit the person who said it was like a 12 year old using messenger or whatever...that's just crap......everyone is different...every girl is different too (i have personal experience!) . . . people like to deal with things differently...success...failure....death...stress...excitement...each to their own imo . No need to sit back and go "oh, ur doing it wrong"... just makes me laugh


anyway, we'll just have to see how it goes....it's just hard to take things slow, because she's ....she's just really really great!

A huge thank you again to you all.....wherever you are!

chump

ha using the msn thing is a bit ghey, particularly saying that kissing thing.

that's just ridiculous for a 25yr old to say to a 27yr old sitting 6m away.

You'd be much better off playing it kool - but she might be already over the novelty of you.

bbbbb

You say she started 2 weeks ago? How long is she in Ireland and how many people does she know here?

Could be that she's on her own in a new country, trying to settle in and make new friends. If that's the case, I wouldn't read too much into her friendliness, at least not initially.

blorg

In defence of the OP (on this one point) - we often use IM in our (open plan) office to communicate things we don't necessarily want to broadcast to the entire office. Other than that, I'd agree with the advice.

honru

Unnamedartist wrote:

anyway, we'll just have to see how it goes....it's just hard to take things slow, because she's ....she's just really really great!

Good luck man.

You're probably a good guy and all. Just get out of your head and learn to enjoy all of life's little obstacles.

DublinWriter

OP - one thing girlies hate is guys telling them what they felt they should have done and didn't after the fact.

Smells like cowardice to them.

In general, you need to cool it down a little. She sounds like she is into you from what you post, but don't rush in there like a bull in a china shop.

Let things naturally progress.

LegacyUser

'Hey,
Thank you for all the advice.
Had a chat with her earlier, and ..well..... things are gonna work out just fine..ill keep ye posted!!!'

Saintly

Unnamedartist wrote:

I do however disagree wit the person who said it was like a 12 year old using messenger or whatever...that's just crap......everyone is different...every girl is different too (i have personal experience!) . . . people like to deal with things differently...success...failure....death...stress...excitement...each to their own imo . No need to sit back and go "oh, ur doing it wrong"... just makes me laugh

I take your point and agree that ultimately you should do what you like. Every girl is different - this one clearly didn't want to respond to your message until you repeated it - that is a signal itself. Personally (I am 29), I can't think of many women who would read that message and consider it cute or romantic or anything other than slightly strange - I do think it is juvenile.You sound like a nice guy, get out from behind the computer screen and start wooing the old fashioned way!

Saintly

Kell

Unnamedartist wrote:

..ill keep ye posted!!!'

Oh please dont.

K-