Do we ever get back with an ex ????

joesoap1976 · 30-04-2007 12:35PM #1

I lost my ex a few weeks ago. I know she doesnt want to get back with me. I know i need to let go but should i lose all hope??? Are there any couples who have successfully got back together?

Marksie · 30-04-2007 12:39PM

Joesoap1976.

I am sorry to have to say this but if she doesnt want to get back with you she won't.

Asking here if anyone has successfully got back together is clinging to a false hope as it isn't pertinent or healthy for you

Miss Fluff · 30-04-2007 12:44PM

joesoap1976 wrote:

I know she doesnt want to get back with me.

Let her go then. I'm not being harsh but as marksuttonie said, it will be harder in the long run if you are clinging to false hope, it will stop you from picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and getting on with your own life. Of course it will be hard for you but try and occupy your time with friends and family and it will get easier with each day that passes.

joesoap1976 · 30-04-2007 12:44PM

I know i know its just very hard to take it. I dont have loads of mates who can help me through this, well certainly one who i can approach. Thoes who are there for me are great but i need more. I really need to build new friendships and join clubs etc to build up a new social life after her ..... any suggestions?

Hellm0 · 30-04-2007 12:47PM

I had the same problem not a year ago and let me tell you straight up, move on. You dont need to get into a relationship straight away, work on building up your confidence and self worth for a little while maybe. Take up a new hobby to soak up all that time the ex would of and maybe read "the game" by neil strauss. Did wonders for me.
Good luck and for the love of god dont make contact with her, it only sets you back.

joesoap1976 · 30-04-2007 12:52PM

hi yes i know spoke to her on saturday took me until today to get through that. I know 100% its over I just have to get through it.

meditraitor · 30-04-2007 01:11PM

Its hard to avoid contact initially, but the longer you leave it to cut her off the longer it will be before you start to feel yourself.

As for getting back with ex's

It never works, ever

CathyMoran · 30-04-2007 01:28PM

You are better to move on - if it is meant to be it will still happen. My then fiance and I broke up, we both dated other people but when we were both single again we got back together and are now happily married. I accept that we are the exception that proves the rule but you just need to get out there and meet new people.

joesoap1976 · 30-04-2007 01:37PM

yes i dont have a choice but to move on Cathy. Your words give some hope to me but I know deep down that there is no way back. She has moved on. Woman can do that so well. Men or perhaps i should speak for myself cant. I get stuck reflecting on the past. Been there before too. Cant move on until i fully deal with it.

Sparky · 30-04-2007 03:21PM

Best to move on Joe. Take less time thinking about it and more time occupying your time with something else. There will always be better out there for you.

If you're trying to force it, it will never happen. It has to be natural

melekalikimaka · 30-04-2007 04:02PM

meditraitor wrote:

As for getting back with ex's

It never works, ever

99% of the time it doesn't, i wouldnt reccommend it tho, its not a fun thing to do, itd not the same as before, so wishing you had it back is silly cos its gone for good

Wibbs · 30-04-2007 04:33PM

joesoap1976 wrote:

I lost my ex a few weeks ago. I know she doesnt want to get back with me. I know i need to let go but should i lose all hope??? Are there any couples who have successfully got back together?

Yes there are. I know plenty. The second time around, if the reasons for the first split have disappeared can be better than the initial relationship. The reasons for the split are a big factor though. If you were never true friends in the first place then forget it.

1st thing to do. break all contact with her. I mean all. No texts emails nothing. The main purpose of this is to get you back to who you were or who you want to be. As a secondary effect it can often have the ex wonder about the reasons for the split and may effect a reconciliation. You must put this hope out of your head though. Be assured they will be thinking of you, but only if you break contact.

Do not be friends with her. Many women want this as it can ease their guilt and they always have you in the background as a fall back. She's not your friend. She's your ex. If she wants friends point her to the nearest social club. Chances are she has her eye on others so let them take up the slack.

If you run after someone they will run away basically. If you go on about how much you love them the only emotions they may feel when they see you are guilt and possibly disgust. You stop being a strong man in their eyes. Not very attractive traits.

She has moved on. Woman can do that so well. Men or perhaps i should speak for myself cant.

I tend to agree with you here. Women when they make that decision move on far more easily in my experience. Some can be quite cold about it, sometimes out of the blue. I think the fact that too many men immediately start with the pleading helps them too much. It makes you look very unattractive. Men who fall into the "lets be friends" bull also help them. They get the best of both worlds at that point and you can look weak into the bargain.

Cant move on until i fully deal with it.

The second you do move on fully is probably the second she wants back too. It has happened to me nearly every time, especially when I was the one who was dumped. Weird altogether.

Put it this way if you make positive changes in your life you'll look a lot more attractive to women and will probably get a "better" one than the one that left you.

Caryatnid · 01-05-2007 04:33AM

meditraitor wrote:

As for getting back with ex's

It never works, ever

I think I agree with this.
I have tried it. And ultimately failed. All four times.
My latest plan is to not let go of the one I have now - he's super! (phew)

Wibbs · 01-05-2007 09:00AM

Being with an ex will only ever work in my experience, if you were very good friends as well as lovers. I suspect if not forget it. CathyMoran's example sounds exactly like one of those cases. It is rare though. Sadly the amount of couples I know that appear to be happy enough, but aren't basic friends is quite high. I know too many who "love" each other, but when push comes to shove may not actually like each other. I would always use the yardstick of asking myself if my partner was a bloke would I still want to know them as a mate. If not then I start asking questions. If I was gay I'm not sure how that would work out though...:D

joesoap1976 · 01-05-2007 10:25AM

well are very very good friends too so who knows but not now.

CathyMoran · 01-05-2007 10:45AM

Wibbs wrote:

Being with an ex will only ever work in my experience, if you were very good friends as well as lovers. I suspect if not forget it. CathyMoran's example sounds exactly like one of those cases. It is rare though. Sadly the amount of couples I know that appear to be happy enough, but aren't basic friends is quite high. I know too many who "love" each other, but when push comes to shove may not actually like each other. I would always use the yardstick of asking myself if my partner was a bloke would I still want to know them as a mate. If not then I start asking questions. If I was gay I'm not sure how that would work out though...:D

I agree about being very good friends making it easier to get back, it was the case with Shane and I.

joesoap1976 - I hope that the pain is easing for you now.

Do we ever get back with an ex ????

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