A relationship without Sex. Possible ?

imonboards

How long can a relationship without sex actually last ?

I've been in a relationship for the last 6 years. First couple of years was great and then progressively things have got to the point where sex is seen by my partner as a chore.

My libido is racing - his practically nonexistent.

Whilst everything else in the relationship is in good condition, our sex life is becoming a major headache for me, and whilst I realise my partner is older than me (by over 24 years) and it may be natural for their libido to temper, the fact that it practically doesn't exist has to be wrong.

Sex now is maybe once every 3 - 6 months, and then it's so vanilla it's like were simply going through the motions. There is no passion from his side at all.

I really don't know what to do. Do I end the relationship, and thereby destroying the life, home, jobs we have created and shared for the last 6 years - leaving me starting from scratch literally - just so that I can finally feel sexually fulfilled with someone who is equally as passionate as me, or do I say in my current relationship with a person I love - but knowing there's a good chance I will never be fulfilled sexually ???

I have discussed this with my partner about why his libido is zero - and he say's it isn't - but actions speak louder than words and it's plain that it is.
He plain refused to see a doctor about it when I suggested so, and when he is stubborn he is really sticks to it and I know he will never seek help, even if I left.

So do I end the relationship. Find a new home, Find a new job etc...
Or do I continue in a relationship without sex ?

aghhh... it's killing me - it really is.

pikachucheeks

I'd say your best bet is to try and rekindle the romance and the passion you had at the start of your relationship,before you make any sort of brash decision.

Off the top of my head,you could experiement with new things(massage oils,sex toys .. the market caters for everything these days.),enjoy a nice meal out or do things you used to enjoy doing together.
Couples seem to go downhill once they create a comfort zone with each other;There's a tendency to get lazy with each other and not go to the effort to impress each other anymore.


Perhaps if you spoke to your partner about this,they might be willing to give it a try,if not,then you need to seriously consider where the relationship is going.
If you're not entirely satisfied in the relationship and you can't see things improving,then why settle for something less than happiness?

imonboards

pikachucheeks wrote:

Off the top of my head,you could experiement with new things(massage oils,sex toys .. the market caters for everything these days.),enjoy a nice meal out or do things you used to enjoy doing together.
Couples seem to go downhill once they create a comfort zone with each other;There's a tendency to get lazy with each other and not go to the effort to impress each other anymore.


Perhaps if you spoke to your partner about this,they might be willing to give it a try,if not,then you need to seriously consider where the relationship is going.
If you're not entirely satisfied in the relationship and you can't see things improving,then why settle for something less than happiness?

Nice idea's - but already tried them (meals, massage's etc..)
I often put in 250% to try and make them in the mood - and it's heart breaking when it fails 99% of the time.


Like I say i have discussed it with my partner. They dont see the problem. And even when they do acknowledge somthing, they just brisk over it and make an excuse.

BuffyBot

Anything is possible. Plenty of couples have relationships without sex or with limited. However, it generally works better if both parties feel that way...or one or both parties have the blessing of the other to go out and sort out their urges elsewhere. Otherwise it's going to be frustrating for at least one of the parties involved, and that's not going to help things.

It seems fairly obvious you're both at different stages in your lives and needs. That's a hard thing to reconcile. Pretty evident though that you both need to have a serious think about what you want out of the relationship, and whether or not it's truely workable in the longer term.

Boston

Sounds more like a loving friendship.

imonboards

Boston wrote:

Sounds more like a loving friendship.

Yeah I guess it does

azezil

Depending how old your partner is, yeah your partner could just be at that stage in their life when their sex drive just ain't what it used to be!

But throw away a relationship of 6 years and a life you've made together just because you don't feel sexually satisfied, you gotta ask yourself, is sex really that important to you? Does your partner know that this is how strongly you feel about it?

imonboards

azezil wrote:

you gotta ask yourself, is sex really that important to you? Does your partner know that this is how strongly you feel about it?

I'm 28 - and facing the possibility of sex half a dozen times a year, when my libido could do 2 times a day....

Am I so abnormal that I have a normal sexual appetite ?

Yes my partner knows how I feel, but as I already mentiond - they gloss over it, make an excuse or simply dont see anything wrong.

Boston

Well I'm not going to sit here on the internet without a clue as to your relationship and tell you to slip up but there are things within relationships that a deal breakers, usually it's something like having kids, moving away ect. In your case it seems to be Sex. Unless he's willing to admitt there a problem then it's hard to see what you can do...

Beruthiel

imonboards wrote:

I'm 28 - and facing the possibility of sex half a dozen times a year, when my libido could do 2 times a day....

Which makes your partner 52, by that time, on average, libido is going south to a degree. The closeness of the relationship and having someone you love live their lives with you becomes more important. I'm betting he loves you to bits but sex is just not important to him anymore.

Yes my partner knows how I feel, but as I already mentiond - they gloss over it, make an excuse or simply dont see anything wrong.

You've talked to him, but, have you actually told him it's serious to the point of actually finishing with him? I doubt he'd be glossing over it if you had got that point across. You need to sit down and have a serious discussion on it.

Marksie

I would say don't break up over that yet. Its an issue certainly, but there are plenty of ways around it and techniques for overcoming a poor libido... is that in terms of loss of erection or just general disinterest?
If you know my posts you know where i am coming from in this but is he willing to be open about exploring other avenues?

imonboards

Update.


I came to a serious realisation a week or two ago and I think my feelings about an unhappy sex life, are merely a symptom (a side attraction) of a much bigger problem.

I woke up with the realisation that it wasnt just my relationship that wasn't working, but... I'm just tired of my life as it is, and need change all round. Just don't seem to be getting a break achiveing it though.

I've applied for dozens of jobs lately and heard nothing. Catch 22 situation, either too qualified or not enough experience... It's a nightmare.

I cant go looking for a new home until I have a new job.

What's worse is that until I have these things put into place, I cant explain to my partner that I what I want out of life, and what he wants are now two different things entirely.

That I'm desperatly unhappy with my life, with my home, with my job, with the relationship.

I still love him, but it's just not enough. I need more out of life, and if I stay as I am it's not going to be healthy for me, or him.

But, unfortunetly at the end of the day this is his house, and have to tread carefully or find myself homeless.

But staying with someone just because I'm scared of losing the roof over my head, has me feeling so utterly down and crap it's untrue, and i'm perpetually walking around like a zombie.

He deserves me being honest, but honesty could land me out on the street.

I don't know how things will turn out, but I hope I catch a break soon.

Will keep ye posted.

Rock Climber

imonboards wrote:

Update.

I've applied for dozens of jobs lately and heard nothing. Catch 22 situation, either too qualified or not enough experience... It's a nightmare.

I cant go looking for a new home until I have a new job.

Lower your expectations and go out and get a job that will in the short term put yourself on your feet.
Then look for a room in a houseshare.

Partnership is a too way thing and if you are feeling like this and talking about it with him isn't changing it,you must end it and move on.

imonboards

My expectations aren't high.. I am applying for anything, I've applied for barjobs, supermarkets and stuff and yet still no luck. They look at my CV and think why is this person applying for this ?

I know it must end... But moving on is proving a slow process and it's killing me....

Rock Climber

Don't take this the wrong way but why not start with mcdonalds?
Dump the good bits out of your cv if needs be.
Your qualifications if you dont show them won't go away,you don't need them now.
Your urgent need is to get on your own two feet.
Think laterally.