So i have nothing left

LegacyUser

So i basically caused a break up with my partner of nearly 5 years. Completely my fault, i was an utter idiot. Thought i wanted to check out the single life again, couldn't have being more wrong.

So now i've got nothing left, this was only 4 months ago but partner is well over it and has moved on fine with herself. Won't even give me the time of day anymore.

well i don't really know why i'm posting here. Sorta wondering did she get over things too quickly or is that a pretty normal time frame.

Have being asking her for months to work on things with me, you know a long term relationship generally deserves that. She has no interest in doing that.

So now i've gotta live with knowing i ****ed up everything with the girl i know now i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It'd be one thing if she ****ed it up, it'd be one thing if we had worked on things and then decided it was over but it just seemed to end like a full stop and that was it.

I can't move on from that, its driving me demented. I never really understood how much she meant to me until she was gone. I'd had several offers the last few months and i couldn't be less interested if i tried.

Don't know what i'm asking or saying, just thought i'd whine on PI.

King of Kings

give it a few more months and you'll be fine.
I was in a similar situation. with a girl 6 years (married for 1 ) and it ended . for a few months I was sad and down and now things are sweet.
I'm really enjoying life.
You need to get out there - do a sport, join a club, go on the piss. Start living again.

The choice of your heading is interesting "so I have nothing left" that mean you start with a total blank canvas and build the life you want.
Is she is not interested then stop contacting her and move on. Stop looking for closure or things to be wrapped up neatly - sometimes that doesn't happen. And it not really any of your business what she feels or gets up to now.

SarahSassy

Do you want her because you cant have her and you see she is doing fine without you?

It seems unlikely you will get her back so start getting your new life sorted and move on. No need to rush into another relationship either. Sounds cliched but after 5 years in a relationship you need to get to know yourself again.

axer

She is moving on just like you should move on. It is hard for someone to move on and still being in contact with their ex. I hate to say it but if she wants to move on then she is doing the right thing.

Just draw a line and start your new life and decide you will never make the same mistake again.

cathald

Hi,

Yes, stop contacting her and just move on....

All the best!!:)

LegacyUser

Well lads, i know this probably sounds like the same thread you've read a thousand times. But...

I know shes the one, i've always known it. I asked her for a break, i'm not even sure why i did. As soon as i got it its like a brick hit me in the side of the head, i didn't want it, i knew i didn't and i knew i'd ****ed up. I hurt her though, i had cheated on her once not too many months before that and i did something else, not cheat but nearly as bad before that again. Also some bull**** was thrown in out of niceness by one of her "friends" who doesn't like me, i.e > Said i cheated on her with someone when i hadn't. Problem is its like the boy who cried wolf, she believes it even though its a lie.

Now when i say cheat i don't mean sleep with anyone because i haven't. Just a kiss.

Now when this brick hit my head (a few hours after getting my break) i decided i'd tell her the truth about everything and be honest, u know, get our relationship off to a proper start again. Big ****ing mistake.

So i asked her to work on things with me, she asked for time. This repeated for a few months and we spent a lot of time together but always at arms length if you know what i mean.

Anyways now i'm left in the situation where after nearly 5 years togeather and marraige practically on the table and assumed, we're finished completely.

You all know 1 person who just can't leave things, i'm sure u do. Well i'm one of them, i can't leave things. I never can, never have being able to, never will. I don't mean just relationships, i mean anything. Maybe i'm sick in the up stairs department or something but thats just the way i am. If theres only so far u can take something i'll take it 10 times further, its not a conscious choice. I think obsessive is the right word, i get obsessive about the weirdest things and until they're finished i just can't stop. e.g > Gambling.

So here i am, a beaten broken shell of a man. I think for everyones best interest i'm going to go pack a bag and head abroad because i know if i stay here i'm going to go crazy.

SarahSassy

unrequidiot wrote:

I know shes the one, i've always known it. I asked her for a break, i'm not even sure why i did. As soon as i got it its like a brick hit me in the side of the head, i didn't want it, i knew i didn't and i knew i'd ****ed up.

I hurt her though, i had cheated on her once not too many months before that and i did something else, not cheat but nearly as bad before that again.

And now we get to the crux of the problem. You were with her 4 years when you cheated on her twice. You sound so selfish and egotistical. Its all 'I', 'I', 'I' - look at your first paragraph. You dont mention her at all....


Also some bull**** was thrown in out of niceness by one of her "friends" who doesn't like me, i.e > Said i cheated on her with someone when i hadn't. Problem is its like the boy who cried wolf, she believes it even though its a lie.

Now when i say cheat i don't mean sleep with anyone because i haven't. Just a kiss.

If you love her so much do you not think she deserves better and that maybe someone who can keep their kisses to themselves would suit her better in future???? Maybe her friends see through you and feel she needs to see the reality of the relationship.

Anyways now i'm left in the situation where after nearly 5 years togeather and marraige practically on the table and assumed, we're finished completely.

You are still not saying what you miss about her... You sound like it does not suit you to be single after all this time and how the tell was marraige on the table when you were out snogging other people. If I were her and as you say marraige were on the table and you went and snogged someone else it would be the end for me.

You all know 1 person who just can't leave things, i'm sure u do. Well i'm one of them, i can't leave things. I never can, never have being able to, never will. I don't mean just relationships, i mean anything. Maybe i'm sick in the up stairs department or something but thats just the way i am. If theres only so far u can take something i'll take it 10 times further, its not a conscious choice. I think obsessive is the right word, i get obsessive about the weirdest things and until they're finished i just can't stop. e.g > Gambling.

So here i am, a beaten broken shell of a man. I think for everyones best interest i'm going to go pack a bag and head abroad because i know if i stay here i'm going to go crazy.

You sound to me like a selfish man and it seems in all aspects of your life. You cant have her so you are obsessing about her and you know what I guess if you get her back you will dump her again. You are like a child of 2 roaring 'I want, I want' - will you pesterbher until you get her back and get what YOU want even though she deserves someone who wont dump her for no good reason and wont cheat on her.

In this case, if you do love her, let her find someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated not the way you have done. Leave her alone for both your sakes.

bug

That's awful sad.
I feel for you, I really do.
I know people will say you made your bed etc. but its terrible to see someone in pain about these things regardless..

Its a hard cold fact to learn but the thing is...you or people who have been and are in the same situation as yourself, have to get over it.

Its been four months now, you're getting by.
Leave her be. She's obviously made a decision that this isn't for her, and somehow in your head you have to accept it.

You don't have a choice.

If you are meant to be together it will come back around one day.
But you can't think like that really.

The only thing you can do is take note that you should never let anything go on a whim.
By the way, there is no such thing really as "the one", not in my opinion anyway. You get on and bond with people for different reasons and different aspects of their character.

joesoap1976

Thats terrible. I feel for you. I am no suggesting for one minute that what your did was right but the pain you are suffering now is more than making up for that. The sense of loss is unbearable. I too am going through something similar although i didnt cheat on her she just wasnt happy with me. Nevertheless the pain is the same. You had someone wonderful now they are gone. What do you do about it? Let her go. If you dont you will prolong the agony for yourself. I am trying to do this at the moment. Its very hard but the only way out. Running away is not going to help you. Face up to your feelings and deal with it. Thats what i am doing its the only way to get through it.

starbaby

SarahSassy wrote:

Do you want her because you cant have her and you see she is doing fine without you?

yeah I have to ask the same thing.
Is it just a case of wanting what you can't have?
Also, 4 months is not a long time to get over a 5 year relationship, so either she kinda knew it was on the way out and prepared herself for it and was able to deal, or is just very, very angry at you and is pretending to be okay with it and putting on a brave face.

Finally, maybe she's waiting for you to prove yourself to her. You hurt her, how does she know you're not going to do it again? You can call her, text her, try to talk, but how can she be sure that you still care? for all she knows, maybe you miss the security, or having a steady girlfriend.

You're going to have to think of something big and meaningful, like some big gesture to really prove yourself to her. and yes, we could be talking embarrassingly chick-flick like scenes.

Beruthiel

Starbaby
Can you stop dragging up old threads please.
If the OP was interested in the thread continuing, I'm sure he would have replied by now.
B