The friend issue

Blondie86Star

I broke up with my long term boyfriend in the past few weeks, this has meant me spending more and more time with my friends...

Last night we were out and im actually doing great in the circumstances (he slept with my friend a few days after the split). but last night my friend (who actally introduced us) told me that he has been in love wit me since we've met (about 5 years). hes one of my best friends, and he wasnt drinking (on antibiotics) and he just broke down and told me all this.

I dont know how to handle this cos i've no romantic feelings at all for him and seeing him today in college was just awful. We were having lucnh with a group of people and when it was just the two of us it was so awkward. he said that he meant everyting he said and he wanted to be with me and didnt think he could be around me any more if we were just friends.

Hes a great guy, goodlooking etc but i feel nothing for him

what should i do???

WindSock

Don't lead him on. Gently tell him you have no feelings for him. Then consider your friendship finished. It's tough that a friendship can end so easily like that, but at least it will spare your friends feelings and he will get over you quicker.

Spyral

tell him that you value his firendship but that you are not interested. Do not say "not interested at the moment" as that may lead him to think that you may be in the future. Blunt and honest there is no other way

luckat

Hm. Maybe. Or maybe stand still a minute and think about things. Sometimes we always go for one kind of person because that's our pattern, and we'd actually like another kind of we gave it a try... just a thought. Up to yourself, really.

AnonoBoy

There's only one thing you can do. Tell him what you've said here. You think he's a great guy but you have no romantic feelings towards him. Believe me - he's going to be crushed and he's going to heartbroken. But you have to tell him and by this stage he probably already knows but you still need to say it.

After that - he'll need room. Plenty of room. Let him get over you but don't avoid him. If he suggests the two of you doing something together then get others to come along. But chances are he will be the one doing the avoiding for a while.

And if he gets angry or does stupid things when he's drunk, remember that it must have taken a lot of guts for him to say what he did. He's seen you with a guy for 5 years and has probably pined after you all that time. He's an admirable guy in that he waited until you were single before saying anything.

Adyx

Love will tear us apart - Ian Curtis

Cancer-chick

Ive had this happen after i ended with my ex who was also a friend of my mate

My buddy broke down one evening and basically said the same.. i would love to tell you that we recovered and are still mates but tbh after he called my fiancee a s*** on a nite out and told him he was'nt good enough for me i knew the friendship had hit the point of no return

I cant really see what you can do except stay away really until he gets some perspective .. The only way he will get that is with time and distance

I do sympathise.. I still miss this guy and have never had such a laugh with anyone .. It is hard when there are unrequited feelings in a friendship .. Dont think it gets to recover fully ever.

Kell

Blondie86Star wrote:

Hes a great guy, goodlooking etc but i feel nothing for him

what should i do???

Nothing. I dont understand the question. Its his issue not yours.

You can still be mates and you dont have to suffer guilt if he gets ideas, once you have explained you have no interest. The worst thing you can do is avoid him. He'll just resent you for it.

K-

Faith

I've been there, and it's a shít situation. I thought I was being kind by skirting around the issue and never saying straight out "I'm not attracted to you". Eventually, it became clear that I was doing him no favours and that he still thought he was in with a chance, so I just had to bluntly tell him that I wasn't interested. He said that he really appreciated my honesty, so I guess that's the best thing to do. Gotta be cruel to be kind etc.

Miss Fluff

Blondie86Star wrote:

Hes a great guy, goodlooking etc but i feel nothing for him

Maybe because you haven't considered it before. Lots of lasting relationships started out as friendships first. Have a think and dip your toe in methinks. Snog him and see how it feels.

Petey2006

OP, I was in a similar situation to yours recently, and it's not an easy position to be in. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but at the end of the day you have to do right by yourself first. The best thing to do if he's forcing the issue is to tell him you like the way things are now. You unfortunately don't share his feelings, and cant move into a relationship. Tell him you want to remain friends. Other than that, there is nothing you can do but hope he's able to remain friends with you. It was his decision to unburden himself to you, now he has to deal with the consequences of that decision.

Mighty_Mouse

Say "sorry I've always just wanted you as a friend".

Honesty best policy. Dont give him any other reason ie: "just out of relationship....not interested in anything serious....bla bla"
Cos then he'll just think his timing was wrong and wait.

jdivision

I was once the guy in that kind of situation. She told me she wasn't interested and things were awkward for a couple of weeks but after that it was okay. Still great mates now and we've both moved on.:)