Big pregnancy issue

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm going unregistered for this one. I'm a long time member of Boards but this is a little sensitive.
Basically, a good friend on mine was going out with a girl for around a year and they recently broke up. He got a very good job away from home and because he is very career orientated he decided to move away. Things were not going great with him and his girlfriend and he eventually decided to finish it after numerous splits. Anyway, she came back to him the other day and said she was pregnant. It all seems a bit odd to me and extremely well timed. She said that she was in hospital recently for tests and the hospital rang her afterwards to tell her that she was pregnant. Apparantly it showed up on scans... Also, she hasn't had a proper pregnancy test.
Can a hospital call you up to tell you that you are pregnant? Is this a fantasy?
I think she is playing him in a big way to try to get him back. What to fellow boarders think???

SuperSean11

It sounds dodgy When did he move away or stop seeing her

SarahSassy

I think its between them and while your concern is admirable it wont help them if you put in your 2c worth and mess with his head. Talk about it here all you want but let them make up their own minds.

kizzyr

Longtimeboarder wrote:

Hi, I'm going unregistered for this one. I'm a long time member of Boards but this is a little sensitive.
Basically, a good friend on mine was going out with a girl for around a year and they recently broke up. He got a very good job away from home and because he is very career orientated he decided to move away. Things were not going great with him and his girlfriend and he eventually decided to finish it after numerous splits. Anyway, she came back to him the other day and said she was pregnant. It all seems a bit odd to me and extremely well timed. She said that she was in hospital recently for tests and the hospital rang her afterwards to tell her that she was pregnant. Apparently it showed up on scans... Also, she hasn't had a proper pregnancy test.
Can a hospital call you up to tell you that you are pregnant? Is this a fantasy?
I think she is playing him in a big way to try to get him back. What to fellow boarders think???

I always find it suspicious when someone shows up after a split to announce they are pregnant. If her pregnancy is showing up on scans she would have had to have had a scan on her lower abdomen for some reason or other, I'd ask her what she was in hospital for and why she was having that done in the first place. Also she obviously is fairly well pregnant too so what happened to her missed periods? why weren't they noticed? Assuming that she was in for some kind of gynecological problem the staff in the hospital would have asked her the date of her last period and if she gave this as anything over the normal/average time for most women they would have carried out a pregnancy test using a urine sample there and then and would have told her the results there and then NOT waited for a scan to be carried out, for the technician doing the scan NOT to have noticed a baby's heart beat and NOT have said anything to her then and for some time later someone to have been going through her results and decided to ring her and tell her.
Personally it just doesn't add up for me.

dudara

Whatever your concerns may be, it is their business and I really fine that you shouldn't be getting involved.

AnonoBoy

Are you sure it was a scan that showed it up? That sounds dubious.

Could easily have shown up in a test - they won't let you go on the pill without doing a pregnancy test AFAIK - or even put you on that strong acne mediciation whatever it's called.

But yeah, pregnancy at a convenient time is always a bit suspicious. I've seen a few girls try to play that card to hold onto their man and it always backfired on them in the end as it makes them out to be scheming wenches (and unless it is a genuine mistake then that's what you'd have to be to fake a pregnancy).

BUT.... be very very careful about jumping into this with both feet and announcing that she's faking it. If she isn't then you've just made yourself out to be a huge untrusting prick and neither of the pair will appreciate it.

Maybe talk to your mate about it - don't say outright that you think she's faking but maybe drop a few hints. Like if she's claiming it showed up in a scan mention that it's weird that they'd be scanning her for something that would show up a pregnancy in such an early state.

Anyway - neither you or your mate should go accusing her of faking before you're sure. But if she is then it won't be too long before the truth comes out - unless she tries to fake a miscarriage or something. (Can't imagine that one would be easy to pull off).

metrovelvet

1. You dont know that they didnt give her a urine test in the hospital.
2. You dont know that it is that early in the pregnancy.
3. You dont know what the hospital will do especially if there has been staff shortages due to nurses strike.
4. You cant trust Irish hospitals to follow protocol.

If she were scheming why would she need to make up this? She could just say she took a test and shes pregnant.

kraggy

dudara wrote:

Whatever your concerns may be, it is their business and I really fine that you shouldn't be getting involved.

Ah, the OP hasn't said he's going to get involved. He simply asked "what do ye fellow boardsies think?

davyjose

kraggy wrote:

Ah, the OP hasn't said he's going to get involved. He simply asked "what do ye fellow boardsies think?

Exactly - it's something that's clearly bothering him on behalf of his friend.
OP, I don't imagine she would really think this would get him back - if it were a lie. Afterall, he'd find out eventually, she must know this.

kizzyr

davyjose wrote:

Exactly - it's something that's clearly bothering him on behalf of his friend.
OP, I don't imagine she would really think this would get him back - if it were a lie. Afterall, he'd find out eventually, she must know this.

I've heard of women saying they were pregnant in order to keep a guy when they weren't and then coming up with the miscarriage story. :mad:

Beruthiel

Longtimeboarder wrote:

I think she is playing him in a big way to try to get him back. What to fellow boarders think???

How exactly is this a PI for you OP?
You maybe concerned for your friend, but at the end of the day, this is between the two of them and I fail to see how you getting involved will help.

Higgsy

I guess a pregnancy test will show the truth, is it not that simple or am I missing something?

The Queen

AnonoBoy wrote:

Could easily have shown up in a test - they won't let you go on the pill without doing a pregnancy test AFAIK - or even put you on that strong acne mediciation whatever it's called.

Whatever about the acne medication, you don't have to a pregnancy test before you can go on the pill.. Maybe that's standard practice in some family planning clinics or with some GPs but it isn't an actual requirement. I didn't have to take one, and none of my friends did either...

OP, it's nice you are concerned for your friend... but be careful! If you say anything to your mate, and it turns out she's genuine, there's a chance you'll be in trouble! However, if I were him, I'd appreciate my friend looking out for me.

It does seem very fishy though! Girls who'd fake being pregnant/get pregnant during a "one last time for old times sake" on purpose sicken me. Not saying that's what she doing though!

r3nu4l

Higgsy wrote:

I guess a pregnancy test will show the truth, is it not that simple or am I missing something?

Yep, it's that simple.

OP, if you are concerned, tell your friend that he should make sure of it by buying a pregnacy test kit and asking her to take it. He can wait outside while she does it and go from there...

I assume they are both adults, so that's about all you can do I'm afraid.

Steyr

My Ex did that to me about 2 years ago ( Bitch ) she tried to keep freaking me out about it til i decided to mess with her head ( her mates told me she was lying ) so i told her i bought 2 tickets to the UK and we were going to go over and have an Abortion and that i was about to ring her parents to tell them about us going over, well i never heard the phone hang up so quick!!!:D

kraggy

Beruthiel wrote:

How exactly is this a PI for you OP?
You maybe concerned for your friend, but at the end of the day, this is between the two of them and I fail to see how you getting involved will help.

He hasn't said he's going to get involved but it is something that is clearly bothering him. That makes it a personal issue. Or does he have to be itching or have been deserted by his spouse who ran off with a buddhist monk for him to be able to post in here?

I think if someone is perturbed or worried about something, they should be able to turn to people here - especially if it is an issue that can't be discussed with their own friends because of it being a delicate issue.

davyjose

kraggy wrote:

He hasn't said he's going to get involved but it is something that is clearly bothering him. That makes it a personal issue. Or does he have to be itching or have been deserted by his spouse who ran off with a buddhist monk for him to be able to post in here?

I think if someone is perturbed or worried about something, they should be able to turn to people here - especially if it is an issue that can't be discussed with their own friends because of it being a delicate issue.

Exactly - I would have thought that judging what constitutes a problem would go against the very essence of what PI is here for.

metrovelvet

Steyr wrote:

My Ex did that to me about 2 years ago ( Bitch ) she tried to keep freaking me out about it til i decided to mess with her head ( her mates told me she was lying ) so i told her i bought 2 tickets to the UK and we were going to go over and have an Abortion and that i was about to ring her parents to tell them about us going over, well i never heard the phone hang up so quick!!!:D

If you threatened to ring my parents or harrass me into an abortion after telling you I was pregnant, I would **** off, make my choice, not tell you what it was and let you wonder until your death.

Love2love

metrovelvet wrote:

1. You dont know that they didnt give her a urine test in the hospital.
2. You dont know that it is that early in the pregnancy.

Exactly what I was thinking, As for missed periods, it is possible that you can still have a period while pregnant believe it or not. And I know for a fact that pregnancy can come when its least expected.
Unless she is giving him an ultimatum that if he wants to be apart of the child's life then he HAS to get back with her - I think that she could be telling the truth. He does have a choice to go back to her or not even though she is pregnant. She would have to realise this

Steyr

metrovelvet wrote:

If you threatened to ring my parents or harrass me into an abortion after telling you I was pregnant, I would **** off, make my choice, not tell you what it was and let you wonder until your death.

Did you read my post fully woman? She was NOT pregnant, so if a bitch like her is gonna put me at my wits end for two weeks and the constant worry of "is she? isnt she?" and feeling like ****e and make me feel sick to my stomach daily ( til her friends told me she was lying about being pregnant ) then feck that bitch im gonna play her just like she played me. God woman read the post. Its very sly to do that to a person so you can keep them its entrapment and its wrong.:mad:

simu

It sounds like a cock and bull story tbh. Well, don't say that outright to your friend but ask him if he's been given a due date, do the dates add up etc. Some proper info, like!

The Corinthian

She could well be pregnant and she could also well be saying she is to try to rope him back in. My advice is that your friend should keep his head and treat the ex-girlfriend with due care and respect but also at arms length. Get him to go out and buy a pregnancy kit in a chemists and then get her to take it. Have him check the results. Then he’ll know the truth.

If she is not, then he should walk away without another word. Anyone who is willing to use that kind of ploy in any relationship should be avoided at all costs.

On the other hand, if she is pregnant then he is pretty much screwed as his life will be subject to whatever decision she makes. Certainly I would strongly advise that he does not give into the temptation of getting back with her simply for “the good of the baby”. There’s a reason (possibly more) they broke up – a noble gesture on his part is not going to wash that fact away.

Beyond that, if she is pregnant then what it really comes down to is what she wants. If she chooses to terminate or put it up for adoption, there’s not a lot he can do about it. If she chooses to keep it, then he’s going to be paying for her choice for the next 18 – 23 years. The only choice legally he has in that scenario is whether to be an active part of that child’s life or not, and pay either way.

Carrigart Exile

Beyond that, if she is pregnant then what it really comes down to is what she wants. If she chooses to terminate or put it up for adoption, there’s not a lot he can do about it. If she chooses to keep it, then he’s going to be paying for her choice for the next 18 – 23 years. The only choice legally he has in that scenario is whether to be an active part of that child’s life or not, and pay either way.

Ahhhh the even handedness of the law in the West

Nevyn

I would say if he has no intrested in persuing a realtionship with her of any sort he should wait and see if she is pregnant or continues the pregnancy and then ask for a dna test when the child is born.

metrovelvet

^ If he does that he should also keep in mind that he has no rights to stake a claim in the destiny of a child he is not certain is his, that includes abortion,adoption, raising the child, names, what to in in the case of questionable amnio results. If she is pregnant and he doubts his fatherhood, so be it, but he cant ethically make decisions or even try to influence decisions about a child that he thinks is another man's.

What makes OP think that SHE wants a relationship, or does every man assume that a woman is soooooo lucky to be carrying his seed?

How far as he moved away?

Nevyn

In Ireland they do not do prebirth dna tests.
It is not an option offered and most of the hospital even if the mother isa private patient are loath to do it and won't leave themselves open to possible complications arising.

SarahSassy

kizzyr wrote:

I've heard of women saying they were pregnant in order to keep a guy when they weren't and then coming up with the miscarriage story. :mad:

and some get pregnant and have to go through the horror of telling their EX boyfriend.

The Corinthian

SarahSassy wrote:

and some get pregnant and have to go through the horror of telling their EX boyfriend.

That's very true. Whether she really is pregnant or not and whatever by design or accident, we really cannot say. Perhaps she's lying and just trying to hold on to the boyfriend, perhaps she's telling the truth for the same reasons and perhaps she's telling the truth and she's no more happy about it than he may be.

The OP's friend should try to ascertain whether or not she is actually pregnant and take things from there.

Nothingcompares

metrovelvet wrote:

^ If he does that he should also keep in mind that he has no rights to stake a claim in the destiny of a child he is not certain is his, that includes abortion,adoption, raising the child, names, what to in in the case of questionable amnio results. If she is pregnant and he doubts his fatherhood, so be it, but he cant ethically make decisions or even try to influence decisions about a child that he thinks is another man's.

What makes OP think that SHE wants a relationship, or does every man assume that a woman is soooooo lucky to be carrying his seed?

How far as he moved away?

you're obviously bringing your own emotional baggage into this thread and should butt out.

SarahSassy

Nothingcompares wrote:

you're obviously bringing your own emotional baggage into this thread and should butt out.

I disagree and its not your place to moderate this thread.

There is a slim chance that she is playing with him and a high chance that she got pregnant unexpectantly. If she is pregnant then he is 50% responsible for obvious reasons. She may not want this situation in her life and may not want him in her life either.

The girl should be given a fair chance and supported until its proven otherwise. If she is genuine then it must be a very traumatic time for her and she does not need her ex's friend dropping poisonous and suspicious thoughts into his head. I am not saying you are doing this but refrain from the temptation.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote:

In Ireland they do not do pre birth dna tests.
It is not an option offered and most of the hospital even if the mother isa private patient are loath to do it and won't leave themselves open to possible complications arising.

Right. So until he is certain

1. she is pregnant and 2. it is his child

he should stay out of any decision she makes until the birth of the child [if she continues with the pregnancy] when he can know for sure.

The Corinthian

SarahSassy wrote:

There is a slim chance that she is playing with him and a high chance that she got pregnant unexpectantly.

Conjecture. Just as others should not be assuming that she’s most likely playing with him, you really should not assume that the opposite is most likely either.

If she is pregnant then he is 50% responsible for obvious reasons.

Yes, but he may well not 50% responsible for what follows.

The girl should be given a fair chance and supported until its proven otherwise. If she is genuine then it must be a very traumatic time for her and she does not need her ex's friend dropping poisonous and suspicious thoughts into his head. I am not saying you are doing this but refrain from the temptation.

Yes, a fair chance and supported, however baring in mind that nothing – not even her pregnancy – is presently certain. He really should just find out that first before deciding what comes next, TBH.

SarahSassy

Of course he should first find out if she is pregnant, thats already been discussed....

I think we are all entitled to assume what we want and as long as it is on topic to post it here!!!

Of course its conjecture I am not the girl herself nor her Doctor!!!! I am merely saying that she is immediately been labelled a liar and accused of trapping him when in reality unwanted pregnancies happen everyday and are more likely usually accidents.

This kind of debate also leads onto a separate discussion with regard which of the partners has ultimate responsibility for contraception. Another day another time...

The Corinthian

SarahSassy wrote:

I think we are all entitled to assume what we want and as long as it is on topic to post it here!!!

Fair enough.

This kind of debate also leads onto a separate discussion with regard which of the partners has ultimate responsibility for contraception. Another day another time...

Both parties have responsibility for contraception equally. It’s what comes after that is often not so straightforward. But it is probably a separate discussion and pretty academic until he finds out if she’s pregnant in the first place.

SarahSassy

The Corinthian wrote:

Both parties have responsibility for contraception equally. It’s what comes after that is often not so straightforward.

I 100% agree and dont envy them whatever the scenario......

dudara

OK. I want a bit of sense to take effect on this thread, and for everyone to reign in their emotional opinions on this one.

I am sceptical as to the merits of this thread continuing as a PI thread as the original poster has not returned recently to validate this thread.

LegacyUser

'Hi all, Sorry for not getting back to this post but I was away. I am the OP and I am grateful for all the good advice. Many posters said I shouldn't get involved. I am not getting involved. I was asked for advice by a very close friend and I discussed the matter with him and I gave him my opinion on the matter in the most careful manner I could.
The whole thing seems very weird and it looks like the girl is playing serious mindgames with the guy. She has visited his mother, followed him around, contacted his friends and various other things I'd rather not go into. I've witnessed some of her performances and it's ridiculous.
It looks to me that she doesn't want him to go and she has put the whole pregnancy thing out there to try to get him back. I told him to get her to do a proper pregnancy test but she lost the rag with him and went on a big rant. She doesn't want him at the scan either. All seems very suspicious to me. The guy is being very sincere and understanding and he's not the kind of guy to treat anyone badly.
Maybe she is pregnant but I certainly think she going about it in a very strange manner.
Thanks again,
LTB'

bored and tired

having once been a pregnant woman, i can honestly say that my actions were rarely sane, did not make since, and if i was asked to do a pregnancy test after telling daddy i was pregnant then i poberably would have told him where to shove the stick. best advise i have is that men have difficulty understanding women at the best of times, never mind while pregnant, or depressed following a break up.

Tell your friend to be supportive of the pregnancy regardless of weither he beleives she is pregnant or not, time will tell quickly either way. If she is then he will feel better for being supportive rather than having behaved like a pig, and if she isnt he can walk away and still call himself a man.

In the mean time your friend would do well to stay away from the bedroom and anything more than platonic friendship, just incase she has an 8pound 2 month premature baby.