pathetic i know

LegacyUser

Wow, I dunno where to start really, so I’ll start with the frivolous shallow stuff., I hate myself, I always have really, since I was a kid, I hate my body I hate my face, it really gets in the way of stuff, sometimes I’ll be ready to go out and something clicks where I’m like, no , I can’t get outside the door cause I feel so ****ing hideous so I stay in and read boards hahaha man its not funny really, its sad because I hate shallowness, I hate caring so much, I just feel as if people will laugh at me or something, I dunno, its hard to explain.In the past year I guess I’ve been feeling it more and more. You see I have a good life, a boyfriend who I love, a family who I love, friends who I love but its not about any of that stuff really. I work full time, my job is fine, not exactly a great career or anything but I’m also in college so it pays the bills. College, yeah I like college, I’m good at it yet I have absolutely no motivation to get my **** together and do my thing, I only have myself to blame for that really, but lately I’m feeling completely overwhelmed by everything. At work I am a ****ing ray of sunshine,but when I am on my own and have space to think I cry, I cry a lot. Then there are these times where everyday on the way home from work I say to myself ‘tonight is the night’ ‘tonights gonna be the last night’ I feel its really what I want and I think about what it would be like to die, is there an afterlife, how hard would it be to look down at the people I love and not be with them and then I think, what if there’s complete nothingness, but it kinda has to be better then feeling this way. I think the only reason I haven’t done anything before now is because of my family and friends, I say to myself, how could you do it to them, they’d all feel a bit guilty or something like they could’ve helped ya know, but then there comes a time when you have to ask yourself is it enough, is it enough to stay around for them even though its not what I want. I feel so ****ing guilty for having these thoughts because lets face it, my life is ****ing fine man, its fine its just me having a ****ing problem and being a dickhead

Victor

I think you might want to talk this over with someone, it sounds like you are suffering from stress.

If you want to talk to someone outside your own circle, ask your GP to recommend a councellor.

Suicide is a permanent action - you are suffering from a temporary problem.

McGinty

I can't offer a solution for you, i wish I could, I think victor sums it up, try to get help. I will say this you sound deeply unhappy regardless of the happyspeak

Kell

unreg111 wrote:

I’m good at it yet I have absolutely no motivation to get my **** together and do my thing,

SO what is your thing? Something similar came up a few weeks back where the OP didnt know what was up with them, but they didnt know what was going on and felt directionless.

If you want to effect change, you need to decide what it is you want and actually forming a plan. Its all too easy to get all melancholy and down over a bottle of wine and a joint when your on your todd and think "oh I wish I could do x, y and z" rather than do something about it.

It sounds like you are directionless and at odds with yourself as to what to do. Anything is better than being static. The small act of booking a holiday or planning something, anything, will *instomatically have a positive effect on your outlook on life. The more you do it, the more you will take faith in your self worth. and begin to come out of the groove you are in.

K-

*Patent pending. Definition quite self explanatory

karen3212

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I too think you should talk to someone, when I feel terrible I always tell my partner, once I get things out I feel a little better.
I hope you find help, as I know if any of my family felt so bad and couldn't tell me it would break my heart if they hurt themselves in anyway. I hope you manage to tell someone how you are feeling soon.